nopte; i spell out of this world
this is my review on roxima from 2019(the year of sh-t from robvoptech and transformers)
its got eva green and matt dillion and no one else i know
its directed by some frenchy and i never saw it b4 but people say its good
so after credits we get some gaijin speaking french and i closed the reviewe thinking i was in frtench but had to retype this after seeing they also sperak human
so this chick is training for a space thing and hasd a kid she bathes
a frenchie takling a bath?! what next?> her shaving her sweatry pits??
then title and she's in a place and theres a mneeting and guys talk human
she speaks unsubtitled french with some guy as i guess they dont want us to know whats going on
at least silent films have title cards
so later its a get together and this human is going to mars or soemthing and the soviet guy can't make it as i guessed his body f--ked out from years of smoking, drinking, fighting, drugs and b0ning
french chick is gonna goon the mission and can speak english like a real human, which means she was just being an a55 speaking in akumna gajin for the 1st part and not letting us understand
then she speaks the daemonic tongue of french to her daughter to devolve her wit its evil words
matt damon i meen dillin is at a bbq and his woman comes by and chats with freenchie about how frenchie is gonna leave her kid with her ex husband and dillin female is gonna raise her sons
then we see french going through a museum about space and mom gets her
later frenchie is with her daughter at a school and they meet a blonde who speaks in unsubbed french
urusai! yamero! jigoku eochiro! shine kuso jin! omae tachi wa gaeru gaijin!
later frenchie and her kid are out in da wild and by a pond
they go back and mom puts on her space uniforme, which isn't as good as the robotech oens
she talks with another frenchie isnt thier gaeru no go and mom brings kid to dads place
dad and mom chat in their gaijin talk and leave the kid unsupervised
she wanders into the road and an 18 sheeler creams her
jk thats pet semetary
Later they are at a restaurant and dad speaks german and they eat chicnese
its like the movie doesn';t want us to like it
well, it IS french!
kid takes a photo of her rents with chopsticks in their mouthes and later its night and mom talks french to her kid
mom leaves and sez bye to dad and unlike silent films where theres movement that shows what the characters say withg actions, they are kinda limp here
so frewnchie goes to this soviet base and chats with ther teacher i think who is a is soviet
she looks around the apartment with a camerra and later gets blood drained for rituals or tests
so she gets a psysical and later calls her butt buddy at night
later its day and she meets more soiets and her understudy who will replace her if she gets aids or w/e
they meet dillon and soviet goes to get some booze, whisch shouldnt be allowed, and frenchie and dillin talk
dillon sez she otta not take on too much repsonsiblity and she gets triggered and leaves after a drink
imagine if the soviets put parasites in her drink?
later she watches a video of dsillio talking of the mission and then she goes into a spinning thing for g forces
its too much for her and her eyes pop!!
jk she makes it but later barfs
later shes getting dressed and talks on da fone with her kid
so she gets i the space suit, which isn'rt as cool as the God Masters in Transformers, and later does a VR simulation of beimng outside the station and crawling around like spider man
as we see the vr, she comforts her f'd up kid
then we see her in the power armor space suit and goes in a pool to train
when are they gonna get to space?!
Even Robotech II The Sentinels had actual cr-=p happen while they prepared to go to Tirol
so the music gets dramatic and she gets this guy in the fake space thing in da pool
later they're changinmg nd i think we see her nips and matt dammon seems into her
later she narrates but i dont speak french or ape screams so i dont know what she sez
but it shows her training and other weired space prep and then its kid reading her blog or w/e
she dont know a wordand dad helps her but in German
later chick french is in the woods with a parachute and flair and walking and matt daemon f'd his ankle
later the trio is in the woods and talking about their fams and it looks like star wars in 1 shot
did they already do the mission and it was all offscreen?
later back in the base kid comes by andf wait I think shes just at camp and watches the landing pod boated across the lake
so the astromen go by and kid reunites with mom
later mom and kid r in pool and later the trio are told what to doin the ocean after the mission
kid was under the table but vanishes and mom searches
sher finds her inside out with dogs eating her gutsas she says mommmm meeeeeee!!
jk she was foundin the park andf mom yels a bit and kid maes french sounds
they're both kinda b--chy and later dallis tells her this aint da plsce 4 a kid
she sez F u and he replies in kind
later she goes to her room and da next day id and soviet get up b4 her and leave a note and go
so frenchie goes back to trtaining on a treadmill in an air mask
her leg has rott and a dr treats it
later shes bummed and calls her baby daddy and he comforts her in english
later kid skates on ice and mom trains more and narrates in soviet french
dad sends a vid ofkid onn a bike and later kid uses a telescope to watch kids in da park
dA KIDS GO TO HERR ROOR AND SHE LAUGHs
in a training thing shee spazzes out dies or something
they pull her a55 out and later we see a 1st person view of a playground
later chick and matt go to da store and he promotes gloobal warming
at da store they see magnets of them and buys a big a55 teddy bear for kid
later shes out in the rain by a swamp and dogsa spazz out in the wild
se carrys a ladybug and narrates some french cr-p and puts items in a box and mails it
but what if the mail doesn't identify as male?
so she goes to a party with cake and daughter cant come for some reason
she fakes a smile and does press and matt dillin is caled sean paul like the Jamaican dancehall recording artist
kid does a vid of her fiming items and talking in frenchie talk
later they play ping pong and dad brings kid over and theres a glass wall between em
kid talks french to mom and they do the star trek 2/midnight express thing of hands touching on either side of glass
later mom is crying and covers it by running the sink and wasting water
at night sahe sneaks out like a cr-ppy ninja and sees her butt buddy and daughter
they drivve and getsa to the launch base zone and sneak under a fence that dont even tougch the f--kin ground, which makes it useless!!
they see the rocket whjich isn't as cool as robotech or omega supreme
she goes back and daughter likes mom again
so she lubes up withblack slime and we see her t-ts and my mom whined about "do they have to show that? why not show matt duillon naked?"
so we should see matt damons 4 incher hanging out of his breifs
but its a european film! europe is ok with naked scenes!
rwennosaunce art of paintings of naked men!
greek starues of naked men!
european models doing nude work!
its not purverted! its europeaN!
so they get ready to go to cybertron or w/e and have talk and tech prep
eventually the rocket shakes and little kid daughtewr girl says wat the P A sez b4 they say it
liquid oxygen? thats like negative absolute zero!
so the rocket then blows apoart in a forey burst and the hidden fuision reactor goes off and the whole area is nuked as we see the flesh burn off their bones
jk really they launch and the next day kid reads a thinbg from her mom and puyts it in her coat
they see horses in the soviet wasteland
then credits of what i think are real astro people who went up to the stars
but the text is blurry and theres wierd 80s music
that wasn't so great
i ddin't hate it but i couldn't get most of the story
maybe if there were subs i'd like it but theres not much happening and uits all prep work and ends with them lweaving and we dont see what they were going to
its like if lord of the rings was just themn getting ready to go off to bring the ring and ends when thery leave
the acting was kinda bland and the characters weren't very engaging
at least with silent films we can see whhat they mean with their gestures
here its just nothing
its not as bad as 2001 a space odyssey and its not hateable
but its not great
for proxima 2 i want they to be on mars and find an anciuent temple. inside are ancient robots from space daemons and other alien tech that was not meant for man. the soviet get is revealed to be send there to get them and bring them back to revive the ussr and he activates the daemon robots to take out the human and french astromen! But they rebuke the daemon robots with Holy Words and the daemon robots take damage from Holy Words being spoken at them! Also its a 16 bit beat em up on snes, sega genesis, gba, tg16 and atari jaguar where you play as the hguman or the frenchie and fight weith holy words instead of fists and take on the daemon robots with increasing power formes as the soviet guy activatesd them deeper in the temple.