Tuesday, July 20, 2021

Red River Review

 Note better bad spelled thabn red

Red River

This is my review on Red River from 1948

Its goit the mondo cool John Wayne, Montgomery Clift, Walter Brennan, Coleen Gray the wife of Rod Amateau (The garbage pail kids director), Harry Carey from Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, John Ireland from Spartacus, Noah Beery GX,  Harry Carey  GX from Billy the Kid Versus Dracula, Chief Yowlachie from The Scarletr Letter, Paul Fix from  Scar Face 1 and Hitler – Dead or Alive, Hank Worden from Angel and The Badman, Shelley Winters from Cleopatra Jones, Dan White from Beyond Tomorrow and Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter, Tomn Tyler from the 20s Ben Hur, and a bunxcha other 1800s homies

I never saw this but its directted by howard hawks who did scarface, sergeant york, the ooutlaw and gentlkemen prefer blondes so i assumer its gonna be good

its in b/w and proper full screen

so after scrolling credits with Dimitri Tiomkin music, we get text saying the chisolm trail is being done in Texas

its 1851 and jowhn wayne breasks off from this group  to start his own thing and walter brennon dont want him to gp

john waynes woman wants to go with him and they smooch but jogn wayne says its no place for a wo man and sez he's gonna send for her and gives her his moms brascelet

john wayne and his homie go off in a wagon with cows  and thery find the red river with Unsoviet Texas on the other side

they see smoke from indian attacks on wagons

later its nightand the indians attack and jogn waybe takes em out

on 1 he sees the wristyband he gave his woman, implying thwey iced amnd probably b0ned her

later its day and they go off but find a kid who survived the inbdian attack and is kinda mental

john wayne s;aps him but teen pulls a gun and jown takex it and backhands him

teen got away chasing a cow in da brush and wayne and waler bring him

this is turning into hokuto no ken

bada55 ken/john with a youth with ptsd and a sidekick after his woman bites it

they come to some area and waybne wants to grow his beef and have a red river brand with 2 lines

he brands em and teen wants his name on it but jogn sez he willl when he earns it

some mexicoes come over and sez it belongs to don d a go but wayne sez hes taking this land like how don took it from its past owners

1 mexico tries to stop him but waynbe wacks him b4 he can fiore on him

wayne reads his Bib;le over the mexico and makes a Cross for him

jogn wayne vows to grow his farm and now its 14 years later and kid digivolved to, mobnty clift

waybne has the cows he needs and is gonna sell em but walter isnt able to go as his legs f'd

monty sez draw and just edges out waynbe in a test and monty aparently is back from a training arc like in bleach

walter fills in monty on the offscreen cr-p that happened and after the wart, the South was f'd and wayne dont know what to do now

later they aRE BRANDING COWS AND plan to go to Soviet misuorui but hear a guy went there abnd got jumped!

his men wacked and cows jacked

then cherry valkkence comes by saying some of his cows got mixzed in with john waynes

wayne dont got time to sort em out so he offers him a cut if they get to market

cherry accepts and asks to see montys gun

tyhey swap guns and try out eachothers guns and cherry recognizes him as a skillerd gunman

walter sez to wayne that cherry and monty are gonnas go at it

later a geezewr is playing cards with an indian who bets a silver doller, which is 3 days pay

he bets his fake teetrhg and loses

imagine if the winner put the teeth on his parts so its like the guy is suckin his parts?

geezer; gum summ it! Now Imma been turned queer!

waynbe comes to da bar asaking for help in the big cattle drive and most go

i just realized that geezer was probably around in the fevolutionary war (as he's like 80 and its the 1860s)

so later its gray and oominous and has music that matchs

so they leave and theres epic music

at night the indian take back geezers teeth until he needs em to eat again

at the fire cherry suggets suggests going elsewhere to sell em as he's got connections but wayne sez they going to misouri

so they go onward and its like lord of the rings the movies as they are always going from A to B

a few horses are getting burned out

later monty wants tyo stop for water but john wayne sez they can get water in a few miles

At nght they guys talk about how 1 guy taLKs about gettinmg his wife red shoes

well, thats the end of him!

1 guy sez how easy it is to styampede and a guy drops pots and they stampede

after calming em they find dead cows and whats left of the guy who wanted those shoes

They go back and say what happened kinda and that his wife will get full pay for da hole drive

in the daty, John reads from The Bible and wayne calls out the guy who dropped the pans

waynes gopnna give him the whip but pot dropper pulls a gun and monty wastes him with a hewead shot like in Contra

wtf he just winged him and didnt finish him

cherry sez monty is too sofdt and that'll end him

later they go on in da rain, which is like A SPRINKLER and brennonb walter, whos the teeth guy, makes em beef and coffee, which will back up heir butt pipes, as theyt are low on rations

man, we're half way in, feels like niot much happened, but allso like its taking a ewhile

later 1 guy comes by who was nearly lynched and jown wauyne gives him coffee

despiutye beingf half dead, he hold the cxoffee healthily

he sez he was on a cattle thing and they got jumped and chisolm had a trail

wen they striung him up the rope brke and he got away

but theres a path by abileen where cherry sed b4

a few guysstand up to jown and are gonna cap him

jowhn says they agreed to hewlp him when they signed it and walter throws him a shotgun and he and monty waste the dissenters

later monty sez john was wroing to ice em and walter treats johns capped legh with a new hole through it

da next dae 2 guys ditched and took some supplies

john weayne sends some guys after em and the drive advances

later they come to a river and even though it'll take mnost of the day, john has em cross

it'll wear em out but jogn sez tired men dont run

also i think cherry went after the guys

later its night and rthey lost over 40 cows in the crossing

john aynes leg is getting f;d and he's not getting enough sleep as he worries about losing men

no sleep for days? that f's your mind and lowewrs ur stats

i tried staying ypo all night to play sega the next day, but the laxk of sleep f'd my coordination

like sailor m,oon says: like a car w/oi gas ur dody needs food for fuel

this counts for sleep

so later cherry comes back with the 2 survvors

john sez they're desertyers and thieves and they say he's nuts and he;'s not the man they signed on with

johnnys gonna strong em up and monty stands up to him

joihn pulls his gun but monty shoots it outta his hand

and he's too f'd drom drinking aND NO SLEEP TO USE HIS OTNER ONE

the deserters are gonna cap john but monty stands up to him



f u caps lock

stop f--king my tytpes

as they go later, john vows to ice monty later whenb he catches him

at night monty wonders if there  is a railway in abilene and the next day finmd something abouit arrows

i dont know i was readsing about the book A Strange Discovery, which waS a sequel to the poe story The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket

at night monty sez st start an hour sooner the next day and he's getting more dark and gritty

later some guys from a wagon train come by and i think they connected to cherry as he';s not there and is impplied too be b0ning his gf

later they are in a field wasteland like its dbz or hokuto no ken and they go off to a commotion

they see indians attacking a group ands monty organizes a rescue thing

then rides in and open fire

its sorta like Robotech with the veritechs diving in to battle the enemy

also there's a chick there who's cr-ppy at guns so monty has her reload

Ready! Set! B Da Fire!

she gets it in the area betweet shouldfder and neck and is probably gonna be his butt buddy

after threy drive out the indians, montana max cuts aWAY HER DRESS AND SUCKS OUT THE POISON FROM THE WOULD

I THINK SHE KNOWS cherryu and she slaps him

at night threy party with what i think are h00kers and monty burns sez cherrys with the cows

she sez cherry looked at her and left and waitm, i think its cherry shes talking to abnout monty

walter, whos called groot like the marvel super hero, comes in and tells her of him

in da fog montGOMERy pyle meets buster like from tiny toons, arthur and transformers super god masterforce

so chick is gay for monty and walter groot sezmontys gonna book it in a few houesa

on guard duty monty python is met by chick and sez groot told her of johgn wayne

she sez shes scared too and talks to herself but now they can talk to eachother

monty tellls chick abnout how john worked hard to make his cows but after the war f'd things, he got obcessed and tried to get r dun even if no one thought he could

its raining i think and they make out

in the real version they were b0ning

the c o w boys worry the rain will overfill the river and they gotta drive the cows aCROSS IT TONIGHT

so later john wayne comes by the place with the chjicvk asnd she knows him and they say monty came by8 days ago

also she has his moms arm thing

she talks with him about john wanting to kill him and she sez she wanted to go but monty duidn't think she was strong enough to go

john says how monty betrrayed him and he wanted to give his property to inherit

wayne sees how siumilar this is to his story

john offers her half of what he has if shje has his son

she figures he had a girl who left and asks about her and sez she wants to go with john

he sez no but then consents

later monty wonders if they are gonna wind up in soviet canada and fight icebergs but then they finmd the rauilroads

the trainman sez they;'ve been needing cattle and theres 2 patrhes to alinene; a cut through the woods and the tracks

they take the cut and make it to abilene

monty meets an illinois guy who wants his hot beef

they started with OVER 9000!!! and lost a few hundred

they agree to top price and monty has the check signed to john wayne

so montty goes to his totel room and finds chick whosez john weayner s gonna attack at sun up

so later its sun up and john waynbe rides in to town to kick his candy a55

so eventually wayubne walks through town and cherry troes to stop him

they fire on each other and john wastes him but takes a hit

john wants him to draw but monty dont so wayne fires around him

then stasrts beating on him but monty fights back and thery go World Heroes

chick fires and sez they shouldnt fight as thety love each other and gotta stop being c-ckj suckers

she runs off and john says they'll add an M to the brand as now monty earned it and manned up

the end

thgat was pretty good

kinda like in akira how tetsuo starts out as the main characvter but becomes the antasgoniost

great b/w and its john wayne acting deep aND varied

good story of the characters digivolving and turning from what they were

its good good music and the story is long but deep

sorta like an epic

its manly and cool and has heart and style

sorta like robotech

for Red River 2 i want d a go to bite it and his son c a go to want to get john wayne off his land and sends mercenaries after him to purge it. but john wayne and milton bradley (i forgot montgomery clifts name for a sec) team up and shoot their way through the area and head for c a go's base. its also a 2 player run n gun gam,,e like sunset riders on sega genesis, snes, tg16, gba anbd atari jaguar.

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