Far Cry Review

 Notwe; I spell far

Far Cry

This is my review on Far Cry from the distant future year of 2008(1 year before the 1st Robotech War)

Its based on a popular game series I never did as my newest condosole is a Gamecube

Itsa directed by Uwe Boll who did House of the Dead/Alone in the Dark//Postal and 2 of those were good and 1 was cr--p

Noll got the rights to this before the game was released so they didn't know it would be a big hit, so tyhey let this be made by him, which would NEVER happen today!

It stars Emmanuelle Vaugier from Wishmaster 3/Saw 2/Breaker High/Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation/Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction/Two and a Half Men, Michael Pare from The Viregin Suicides/Postal/The Lincoln Lawyer, Clint Howard from the 60s The Jungle Book/Winnie the Pooh and the Honey Tree\Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day\The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh\Cocoon\Gung Ho/Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation\Carnosaur\Backdraft\Leprechaun 2\the live action Fist of the North Star\Apollo 13\Santa with Muscles\Austin Powers 1 2 and 3/The Waterboy/My Dog Skip\How the Grinch Stole Christmas\House of the Dead\The Cat in the Hat\Cinderella Man\rob zombies Halloween\The Andy Griffith Show\The 60s Star Trek\Star Trek: Discovery\Seinfeld\Happy Days, Craig Fairbrass from Cliffhanger\Netfliux One Piece, Udo Kier from Ace Ventura: Pet Detective\Johnny Mnemonic\Armageddon\Blade/End of Days\FeardotCom\rob zpombies Halloween\the DDCAU Justice League\ The Batman\Beware the Batman(That one was good)\Axe Cop\Golan the Insatiable, Mike Dopud froim Maxiumum Overdrive/Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever\XAloner in the Dark\Spider Man 3\Rise of the Planet of the Apes\Tasmanian Devils\X-Men: Days of Future Past\the 2014 godzilla\The Predator\Arctic Air\Spider-Man: Mysterio's Menacethr n64 Spider-Man, Chris Coppola from Spawn/Ringmaster\Spider-Man 01/Postal\Beowulf\the 2009 Friday the 13th\Judging Amy\The Westr Wing, Ralf Moeller from Batman Ands Robin/Gladiuator/Postal, Don S. Davis from Look Who's Talking\the omen 04\Hook/A League of Their Own\Cliffhangart\The 6th Day\The WQest Wing\the 00s Twilight Zone, Jay Brazeau crpom littl;er women 90s/Slam Dunk Ernest\Air Bud 001\MVP: Most Valuable Primate\House of the Dead\Hulk Vs.\Watchmen\Bucky O'Hare and the Toad Wars\Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog\Party of Five\Mega Man\The New Adventures of Madeline\\Extreme Dinosaurs\The Adventures of Shirley Holmes\Pocket Dragon Adventures\My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic\The West Wing\Dead Like Me\the 2000s He-Man and the Masters of the Universe\The Cramp Twins\Generation O! Anthony Bourdain from Anthony Black Guy parts IN MY A55 where he iunterviewed Toshoo Maeda about his VIOLENT P0RN0, ASMD A BUNCHA GERMANS Anbs frenchies i never saw in sh-t

I never sAW thixz but sometyimes like Uwe Boll so maybe this could be good?

everyone seems to hate it althoughg video game fans typically dont like video game movies

so it starts with a guy at night in some kinda special forced armor andthisa is colored but suiper widescreen

hes at a burning car and theres other so;liers there who are attacked by somerthing and this truck blows

something with a kinda pixely view gets another soldier and 1 guy goes to a fence and calls for help as the thing gets him

scientists watch and we see the soldier with his head busted into a metal fence

then title and then its day and these guys are whale watching and thisd b--cvhy couple wants to see em even though main guy sez theres no guarentee

the b--chy couple dumps on him for being a bit german and wants to stay there until they see whales

main guy lets b--chy husband drive the boat and husband relents as the wife bickers with him

the scierntist lead lisatens to music qamnd paiunts something and these soldiers wqhine about not being told of stuff happening on da island

scientist sez he tedsted a genitically modded soldier who took out 10 armed men, isd this M D Geist?!

SO ARMY GUY Sez the gm soldiers were human once and head nerd dont care and goes back to his pasinting

army guy goes and nerd sez to have army guy and his dudes clean up da mess if they wanna get involved

army guy talks with a big guy  wo wants to do good and stays here as army guy has his orders

in this city a jourtnaliust has a story on gm soldiers her boss thinks is cr-p  but she has survbasilence photos

boss sez snooping on military  places is risky and she sez according to the OFFICIAL stats, theres no base there

the nerd dr had human gm things and niow shows up on this island and this is sdeeming like both ninja turtles and street sharks

boss dont want her working on it so she usews her vacation time to do it herself as sahe has a personal interwst

at this factory or w/e army guy meets general wirth army guy thwere and shows him what generals money was for; hairless musdcle guys wwith no souls!

so nwerd has gen shoot 1 but not in da eyes or mouth and hes bulletproof

his skin is 20x kevblar and his muscles protect his organs from blows

he cant let the guy out of restraints asa he'd go mental and ice everyone there

gen is p-ssed he made a rampaging monster but nerd sez he dont need sleep and can fight harder than humansd

sounds like lisa as president where the good brakfast prograsm made a race of supercriminasls, and night basketball tauight em to function w/o sleep

also i think jurassic world ripped this off wioth the indominus

the monster breaks 1 arm out aND throws a guy across the room but is stopped with a sedation thing

general gets p-ssed andsez "no fnding until you get us something we can use" which means they can't pay researchers orbuy new materials

big guy sends the data of the cr-p going on but its stopped andthe goons and woman wjho woprks for him appear behind him

big guys neice the reporter then calls him and sez she aiunt heard from him al;so shes comming and something about meeting a guy

then these geezers are b--ching aboiytr main guy not being in his boat and might come in unshaven and hung over and husband calls but gets no reply

nerd i think operates on someone and i think installs sometjing and its big guy hes putting somwething in his brains

nerd shines a lights in uncles euyes and he replies wiuth the right color and they sew him up

the geezers bicker about msainm guy and how he was special foprces and husband is scared of himn and wife dont know enought to not f with him

mainm chick the reporter neice arrives and wifde uses a bb gunon a special forces vet to ring a bell on the boat to wake him up

mainm chick comes by and does psaperwork with wife and later main guy and giurl is on da boat and making bbq

chick asaks him if he knew her uncle and he denies it but eventually admits it

he sez the island shes going is offdlimits to da piublic and he wont go and if uncle is in trouble he can handle it

she sez he found the guys he worxc 4 are doing bad stuff and she asked him to stay on and tell her

she gives him money and he sez it will buy her a ride to and from the island and thats it and the food they made burned

later its night and she isa gonna meet him at this place and he notices something i think

in the base uncle wakes up and looks out the bars in his cell and outside main guy beings chick to the siuland and she sez he betteer be hwere when she gets back

after some walking the forces catch her and 1 guy goes with a bazooka to blow the boat

he sees the shell comming and jumps out as it asplodes and swims as bad chick sez to chick for bodiues and brings her in

the forces go to the place and bad chick calls boss nerd and one by one main guy takes out the forces and escapes into the woods

he throws a rock and the forces go to it and sneakls around, showing the main chick hes ok, then slugs out bad chick anbd a gunfirhgt breaks out

this van bloes and the main guy and chick esacape in a big van with main guy having a habndcuff key eh keeps with him

therwes a car chase and runfight and he drives backwards and fires on them liks its the last action here, but the car is backwards

the main guys van takers dfdamage and bruns and chick fires a net gun at the other car and stops his fire like its technocop

she tries grnaades but dont know how toi uze am as she never saw a movie and did nt pull tht pin but later gets it

then a chopper comes after em and hitsd em with something and they come to a cliff and stiop but the chopper pulls em along with the thing they grappled em with

the wire breaks and drops the van in the sea and the chiopper gets busted by its own wire, gcatches fire, and down to the sea and blows

bad chick sez she wants cto confirm their ends an dthe hero duo escape and swims to shore

after a walk in the woods they make it to a canbin and sghe sees he took a shot but is ok

he tells her to get outta the wet clothes and she has him turn around and she undresses as he tends his wounds

shes in her undioesd and sez its her fault uncle is in danger as she sed she could take the story publkic

shes not leaving w/o unckle and he sez this wasnt part of the deal, only boating

her sez hes getting cold and needs to take off ghis wet pantys and has her tuen around despite being german and ok with nudityu and gets into bed wityh her

its still cold and they share body heat and get close and totally not b0ning

then they smooch and i think they b0ne

the next day they are walking in the light and heading to a mill to get a boat on the otherside of the island but she donbty wanna go

also her hair is perfect afetr b0ning and being soaked in water

they talk on how good he is, 1-10, and she sez 2

she is then alone on the road and waves doiiwn a military truck adn this big black guy arrests her but main guy has beat lkut the driver and has black guy at ghunpoint

he puts the gun in the guys butt and says "here is a supposiotory" and blows him apart in a huge spray

jk he really has him undress and takes his unimform and truck and has the army guys bound ands gagged in ther woods

he should have had themn tierd together like hes bumming the other guy

army guy clashes with bad chick and another soldier sez being canon fodder for mutants wasnt part of the deal but she sez she pays them enouth to do what she wants

he sez they wont be paid if they are dead and he can take what he knows with him, but chiock beats him out and puts 1 in the eye

shges got knd of a megatromn thing but not as top dog

so main guy drives the truck into the base and cuz hes a john everyman, they let him in  like for dreath spares not the tiger

after parking in the back, he brings chick who was in the back of the truck and hides her and sez to stay until he gets a boat but she dont wanna leave w/i uncle

she sees some guys with a big a55 mnetal case and 1 secutity cam sees the chick hiding and nerd finds out

bad chick sez shes gonna ice her but nerd tells her to bring her in alive as nerd wants to speak to her

goons bring her in and bad chick b--chslaps her and on this dock, this larda55 is unloading a boat and f';d out his back and b--ches about things

main guy comes in and sees larda55 eating a long sandwich and is pribably j-zzing from it and gonna spray his goo on the bread and eat it

larda55 choaks and main guy heimlichs him but it f'd his back and lardA55 IS HAPPY AND HUGS HIM

ARMY GUY COMES IN AND ASKS good ff-k, can you die capslock, im sick of you, ja c-ck uckin sunnova b00ch! go to societ englandf and get b09ned dead by a devolved irtish!

so army guy asks who main guy is and he sez hes here for a friend and sezuncle name and amry gusy sez hes a good man guy mis as good as dead

as larda65 reaches for his food, army guy thnks its a guna dn main guy beats hi ,out, then mrtoe soldiers come in and open fire and main guy drives the boAT OFF

THEN ITS A BOAD CHASE AND HGUNFIGHT AND 1 BOAT Bumps somethinb and blowes and die capslock die! 

in otta rip the caps lock key outta the keybnoard

so larda55 falls outta the boad and hangs on a rope and is pulled in and the army guys fire on the boxes in the boat

thgey head for a dad end but hit a ramp and get away but reach a bridge with netting of metal under it and gusy aiming gusn at em

they are arrested and meet nerd who asks who sent him

he sez hesa driver and nerd sez he has the girl and will use maiun guy for experiments and leaves

larda44 sits on the floor as he has done sh-t like this in dance camp

this one time, at dance camp, i stuck  my shoes in my...

so main chick is brought to see boss nerd listening to classical msuic and painting to show hsi high protoculture and she sez the papers will aleart thgeww authorities and her bodyguiard is heaing for the mainland in a boat

he sez the boat accident will be called lost at sea and he se sthe guy told him he was only the driver

also she owes him a chopper and she dont look like her uncle and she shatrnds up btu he orders her to sit down

main guy chained to larda55 play eye sp[yy andboss shows her his ara and her cucnle in a glass cage

he cant hear them as hes comming outta sedation and she calls him evil but nwerd sez hes greedy and is paid by da gov to do thius

they bring her to main guy and he smooches him and sez they devolved her uncle but nerd sez main guy is gonna be turned too

larda55 sez he was caught up by main guy and dont know them and shoulders main guy in the back

nerd sez he wont waste the process on him and is gonna have him iced

main guy spazzes out and barfs out the handcuff key  and when lardA44 PCIKS IT UP THERES NO GOO ON IT AND THEY EVANTUALLY UNLOCK THEMSELVES

SO DR HAS THE DOOR TO the glass cage of uncle and the main guy and lardsa55 opened and larda55 makes an a55 of himself

larda55; i know this guy? good thing he dont know ur b=ngin his neice@!

main guy trys talking him outta it and larda455 walks by as hes no danger

uncle grabs main guy and larda55 tackles him and falls off as he's sh-t

main guy shows uncvle the nweice and the doors open for some reason as dr sez on da radio to kill the main guys

more sm soldiers come out AND UNCLE BEATS THEM AROUND BNUT 1 COMES FOR main guy who evades him by jumping oin furniture as l;arda55 spazzes out

uncle slams 1 gm soldier against the wall like hes jason and 1 gm soldiel opens fire on them with a chaingun

a buncha gm soldiers egt out and main guy and larda55 gert through a bnroken window, with larda55 spazzing over his hand being cut

main guy beats ouyt the regular soodiooers and army guy has his troops arih das 1 gm soldier comes out and looks like an albino vi diesal and beats em around

main guy anbd larda55 go around outside and a gm guy comes for him and bullets do jack sh-t

why not use pressure pounts and get him there? i mean he still uses ki right? hes not dead

main guy runs and goes through a factory as its gotta b in a factory and has soem bada55 skilled ninja moves going around this place

you know, these guys look liek thge engineers from prometheus the aliens prequel

he eassxapes ansd as the guy chasing him come she uses a machine saw to cut through him and its kinda bada55 but looks like main guy lost his letgs from the filming

main guy i mean army guy gets an eye shot on one and ends him and dr sez to mr masaki (masaaki endo?!) hes selling him the stuffg and will meet him in shanghghai soon

army guy calls him and sez hes gonna retreat and dr sez to hold the postiion but army guy sez to shove the civilian orders up hsi civilian a55

he calls bad chick to esacort him to the pier and army guy sez to his dudes to fall back and take drs boat and gtfo

also they treat a wounded soldier

main guy takes a shotguyn to a gm guy and knows him doiown with enough shots but when hes on the gorund puts 1 in the head offsacreen

kinda thoought it would show his head asplode

main guy and army guys meet and learns dr is leaving with main chick and isnt gonna go w/o her

army guy sez once dr goes on the boatr hes no longer their conscern and amry gug tells him where to go and gives him an fully loaded gun and sez to aim for the eyes and mouth

wouldnt the a55 wortk too? the inside of the a55 is made of the same stuff as the inside of the mouth, thats why s[picy food burns both ends, but theres no tastebuds so sugar wont taste sweet in the a55

so candy for ur a66 uncless ur brittish

bad chick finds army guy is leaving with the group and shanks him and thers a lot of blood

she caps thre black guy and finishes him and as main guy goes out, he takes otu a huamna nd a sm soldier

some soldiers ahve vests and other dont and the vested are the good guys 

bad chick gets the way clear with the vestless and dr and main chick and some goons come out and main guy gets dr at gunpoint

bad chick gets main guirl at gunpoint and after a standoff lets dr go to em

dr sez kill him and main guy takes some gusy out but takes some hhgunfire

then uncle comes in and the enemy bullens dont harm huim and hes pretty much the juggernaught and beats through the troops and runs faster than huamsn can

bad chick gets him in the eye and he grabs her and snaps her neck then falls

main guy is walking and goes on and yhe whole "white hairless monster fight with a good guy getting killed but haviogn enought strength to finish the bad guy" was done in house of the dead

dr and hsi breif cases are gettign away and calls for hewlp on the walkie talkie as hsi creations come for him and main guy and chick escape ion a boat drivesd by larda55

later main chick sez the gov agentes told her not to tlel the sotry as this is the ussr and main guy has lartda55 as a deck hand and cook and main chick is a couple with main guy

he thinks on if she'd see him if he was 2//10 and main guy meets the b--chy couple from b4 wanting to see whales and ewalks off and has larda55 handle it

the end

that weasnt so bad

i never played the games and know nothing of the series but trhis was kinda cool

its an actiuon film and gives us actyion and wortkss well

yeah some guys have accents,m but no one whines of ian mckellen or patrick stewart having brittish accents

I may be Polish but I like the Germans, They got good Silent Films and Art, Like Eric Carle of The Veryu Hungry Caterpillar

This wadsm't bolls best film I've seen but its cool and has good stunts and fights and effects

much of it is action and fighyts and chases aND  gore and its sorta like a douglas fairbanks film with some of thee moves

its an entertaiining ride and has good fun

oh and the tm soldies reminds me of universal soldier with jean claUDE VAN  damme and not only cuz of the main guy hAVING an accent and being a muscley europeany dude

For FaR cry 2 I want it to be about the dr andf his escapew to shanghai to sell his cr-p and how he got off the isl;and by using his hidden implant to control the zombies with his mind and use them toforme a boat outta theior bodies holding togerther. also he couldn't show it as he didnt want anytone tro know, also he hass thegm soldiers bring him across the sea to shanghai as a body boat and fight a mosasaur as the final enemy, its alsdo an 8 bit point anmd click DVENTURE LIKE THAT pHANTASY sTAR gAME gEA4R gAme on NES, GB, Segas Master System and Game Gear, TG16, Atari 7800 and Lynx and you play as the dr amnd send the gmo guysd after other  enemies.