Prehistoric Women Review

 Note: I spell better than a woman

Prehistoric Women

This is my review on Prehistoric Women from the distant future year (to Shiro Ishii Sama) of 1967 (40 years before American TYransfroemrs Season 4)

Its driected bnyMichael Carreras who did nothing I saw

It stars Martine Beswick from One Million Years B.C., and criootters 4(x=which i never zaw), Carol White from the 50s Moby Dick/Around the World in 80 Days, Steven Berkoff from A Clockwork Orange, Sydney Bromley from An American Werewolf in London(Wait, did I ssee that?)/The NeverEnding Story, Louis Mahoney from Omen III: The Final Conflict/Captain Phillips, Danny Daniels from Naked Gun 33+1⁄3: The Final Insult/Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls, and tauught Christopher Walken. to dance, and some guys ore samma never saw or aint on candya55 wikipedia

I never saw this b4 but its public domain I think and was made with leftovers from,  One Million Years B.C. by Hammer Films and also called Slave Girls

so it starts withg title and credits in faded color and proper fullscreen then a narrator saaying how theres not much info on prehistory beforte man wrote thiong s down, even though Creation Science has proved the Earth to be around 6000 and its all known

so a while ago this j8ngle explorer had this story that goes back maybe 10 000 or 100 000 years ago(or you could go full scientologyu and say it was trillionsof years ago)

so this 1 man and 1 woman have a romance and the women in the caveman tribe dance for a ritual in animal fur bikinis and i gotta say, the video quality is f--kin awful! its A DARK MESS AND A FEW SHAPES MOVING

i'M WATCHING THIS ON SOVIET YOUTUBE AS ITS PUBLIC DOMAIN I THINBK AND ITS REALLY CR-PPY

f off caps lock, gets b0ned dead buy a moose, canadaian style!

hang oin, this is the 1950 version of Prehistoric women!

so this one starrz Laurette Luez from Anna and the King of Siam/D.O.A.,Allan Nixon from Road to Bali, Joan Shawlee from From Here to Eternity/the 50s A Star Is Born/Some Like It Hot/The Rifleman/The Dick Van Dyke Show/Willard/Judy Landon from An American in Paris/Singin' in the Rain/The Band Wagon/Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, and a few i never saw in anything or werent on sissy commie pinko beta male wikipedia

its directed by Gregg G. Tallas who worked for Fritz Lang in 1933, as the associate film editor for The Testament of Dr. Mabuse

k so here we go

so the caveman women dance for a while in theuir fur bikinis as guys in 50s drive ins and theatres are j=rkin off to it as they dont got the internet and aint used to babes

they fall on da floor and the elder calms em and we see their names but the video quality is bad and its not easy to see whos what and none have normal names

elder sez long ago their tribe was founded by the main chicks mom and women were subservient to the men

they lived in the junbgle AND WE GERT A FGLASHBACK AND SEEMOM WITH THE KIDS carrying a fresh kill and takking a rest but the men make em move their thicc a55es

so the chicks take a break as women have less muscle and bone than meen and the head man tells em off for not working as hard

mom sez men otta carry the meat and he thows her down so she nails him in the skull with a rock and runs off with the kids so the men dont punish her

the men go after em but the chick escaped with the kids and learned how to hunt and fish and manage

1 kid wanders off and this 9 foot tall caveman is around and i think that was a ref to the bible

kid retutrns and tyells the elder but gianto has caught 2 chjicks and 1 escapes but is wopounded and tell em of the giant and bites it

then its 15 years later and the giant is still around as i guess he's part fallen angel like in the Book of Enoch

elder sez they gotta stop beign hateful at men and need to catch husbnands to breed and the next day, go out on a man hunt with a panther

this seems like something go nagai would like

then theries some cavemen out there whos names i wont remember and catching a tiger which makes me think this is before Noah's Floor as there are no tigers in eutope ort afrtica

you know, with a narratior tellign everything and the peopel just acting andf saying caveman tyalk, this could have been a silent film

so they get the tiger in a trap hole of spikes and it dies and theyu bring it back

but tiger isnt kosher!

so with the chicks the panther smells tiger blood and its charlie sheen and runs tio it and attacks a caveman but he wrestles the panther and the cavmen chicks come

eventuALLY HE BEATS tyhe panther dead with a stone hammer and the caveman chicks watch as the caveman bros bring the wounded guy off

as the cavemen treat his wounds with tree sap the caveman chicks attack with slings and stoes and i think this is where robotech got the zentraedi thing from

after beating em with rocks they whip em as this is some knda SM thing

is this beat em and eat em?

so the guys are k o ed and the ccavemen women tie the dudes up but 1escapes as i think main chick goes around

shouldnt she be in heels?

so she misses him and goes back to the group and the chicks manke the consuiopus cavemen carry the panther back to the camp like inndentured servants

main caveman goes back to his tribe anmd the cavemabn chicks bring the captured men to the elder who looks m, over like its a slave  auction in the 1800s

i'm surprized they dont check out the mens man parts

1 caveman chick amkles a caveman go up a stick ladder to a tree nest and climbs up to it with him and checks him out

the other caveman chicks play around with theuir men and 1 ties his hand to the tree but he granbps her

the blonde caveman chicks nail him with rocks and main caveman gets back to his tribe of mmountain cavemen, like my slovenian ancestors

wait he didnt come back its just the trive and they go after where they saw a vulture to find a wounded animal but itsd main caveman they find

they cafry him back and thery treat his wounds, inclusding his mommy

like a month later the cavemen drew cave mainting on the wall of the chicks

shoul;dnt they have big b00bz?

main caveman is healed and wants revenge and his mommy tells him where o fiund the women and it'll take 2 days and 2 mountains to get there

btw the narrator sounds like the machine people in that fallout game with the science nerds

so main caveman is chased by an elephant and its africanized and he drops his club escaping it in a fall

he hid behind rocks and goes to make a new club wityh rocks and sticks and slams em on each other to sharpen em but it starts a fire

he touches it and it burns him and stomps it out

what next? he invents the wheel? soomething many primitive cultures were unable to do

so he makes another fire and makes a torch with sticks and leaves on the end and scares off a snake with it

thats a long snake, imagine it going intpo ur a55? it would go all the way in!

so he jabs it in the water after the snake but the fire goes out and he tries putting it back in ther water to get the fire back but it dont work

like in degrassi how darcy thought b0ning a guy with consent would make up for being b0ned woc with out consent

also he leaves the fire burning as smokey wasnt created yet

then narrator sez the swan dive was made b4 the swan, which makes this somehow before the day of creation with birds but after the one with man

the chicks  swim in a water thing and i think they're nude but we dont see their b00bz or a55es

they come vack and siomething grabs  oen of em and runs or something, i dont know its too dark to make anything out

so later main caveman goes on and eventually finds the giant who he hides from in a tree until he passes over

main guy goes on and btw the giant looks the same as he did 15 years ago

so the caveman chicks see main guuy comming and main caveman chick goes out and he sees her and they lurk around until the chicks eventually jumpo and beat him out then tie him up and bring him back to their base with a panther on a leash

the chicks find him hot and the slaveman cavemen weave hi to him

hi dude! we're slaver! join us! its cool!

main chick shoves off a sandy blonde caveman chick and wants main guy as her manand unties him  with the panther keeping him from rebelling

he climbs a rope ladder to a tree area and main chick follows

at night he tries to escape but the panther (liek panther claw in cutey honey? Manybe dante's inferno!) sounds and he dont

main chick goes down and its too dark to see sh-t and they go back up to the cave i mean tree nest

the next day the caveman babes are eating and main chick tells them to feed their men AND SANDY BLONDE WANTS TO FEED MAIN GUY and this is going degrassi

main chick b--ches out and argues with sandy blonde and then it devolves into a catfight

this kinda goes on for a while and evantually main chick wins and sandy blonde yeilds when main chick gets a stick and main chick goes to feed main guy

hes eating and she poses on the ground and he dont notice as hes havign a meal and later main chick makes 

later she has him mover a huge a55 rock and he cant do it and she sees him as a dumba55

so she shows him how to move it with a lever, which she never told him he could doio!

imagiue if i'm playing street fighter with a guy and dont tell him about the special moves?

so then he sorta kisses her and they say their names to ewaCH OTHER AND ITS LIKE TARZAN AND JANE BUT WITH 2 TARZANS(which is proibably the next reboot where he b0nes his clone)

then its the full moon and they have their devolved dance as the men watch and in the real verison, j-rked of all over the floor! hnnnnnnnnnnnng! pssssssssssssssssst!

main guy somehow knows the full moon means either escape or indentured sefvitude and the chick use their clubs to show themselves as masters pover the men like how feminazies want

except these dont have half shaves heads of dyes blue hair and piercings and aids

later 1 guy is shaving with a sharp stone on hjis cheeks and i mean face cheeks not a55 cheeks as they dont show a55 hair in the 50s

So main guy tries starting a fire with twapping rocks ands this bleach blonde cave man chick walks by but then  this flying dragion comes by and I thibnk its some kind of demon bird

main guy starts a fire and saves main chick with it by using a fire stick to light the bird\

he uses his fiire to show sdupremacy andthe men tie down the women who fear mans inbventions like fire or guns

panthier ghets out but cant deal with fire andf the men return to their dominance

now the women work for the men and get a taste of their own medicine but main gguy is getting along with main chick

later the men cook with fire and the cave bimboos want summa dat hot meat

wait i dont think he cooked it but was eating by da fire and throws it in the fire whenthey wanted some

1 caveman haS makes his woman chop a tree anfcmain guy has his woman get fruit but wont lket her eat it

tshe collects some animal cubs but a tiger comes by and they return

main guy notices the fire meat smells good and eats it and likes it and shares with both man and his wioman, which shows hes a good guy whjo wants to spread good feelings to those he knows

later masin guy misses his home and people and ortders them to return to his cave and brinfs the chicks wioth em

so they go on and the giant comes by looking like cain from the bible probably did and the cavemen and cavewman chgicks book it to a cave to escape

the giant sees em and they go in da cave even though theres more of em and a sswarm of ants can take out an elephant

they dont show the giant witrh the people in the same shot aas they couldn't getr a 9 foot tall guy there, although they could go to the solomon isklands annd get a giant from there

he tryes toi get in but is hit with cr-p so he gets a stick and i think shanmks the bleach blonde in the cave through the hole ion the caves a55

giant triews to brreak da cave and crush em with the ceiling rockby lifting kt sio main guy has em make torches

eventually tthey gt a fiire as the cave rock roof raises and main guy burns the giants leg

hay, they had both in the same shot and he looks huge

how'd they do dat??

so he'ds crippled and they torch the area to cook him as main guy keeps him downn with huis torcxhg

as main guy walks off, giant gets up but masin guy cooks his beard a bit and both were in the same shot and he looked huge

giant nearly stomps main guy weith a huge foot witch means hes got a huge footlong and main guy gets away as the giant spaazzes out from da fire

wait hes still in it and gets to the top of the cave and swings ouut on a vine

so giant cooks dead andmain chick gets main guy to return to her home and not tell his fam where he went

they sit by the campfire and have chicks with em and eat cooked meat  that is probably the giant

elldfer chick is glad the tribes get along and can breed as you need both genders to make a kid

elder does some trhing they think is marriage i think a blood mixing thing off pricking their hands and hand holding (which is how u get asids)

the others get married anmdf the chicks dance for the men

narrator sez the battle of woman and men was solved with ove

the  bend

I mean

the end

That was nice

good msuic like a disney movie b4 it went devolved and nice acting and action and story

goodf message of instead of fighting each other we otta fight the enemies after us

nice bible refs and good effects aND FILMING

ITS NOT LONG AND IS WELL MADE FOR A MOVIE WHERE NONE ONF THER CHARACTERS USE REAL WORDS

get f'd and dier caPS LOCK, get f;'sd and die

the narrator has that 50s style and feel and it shows both sides of the gender balance being good and bad

itsa  a nice lite film and is mostly clean and fun

For Prehistoric Women 2  I want the giant to come back having survived and with chunks of it burnwed to the bone and wiuht the nerves dead, adrenelyn races through the body making him stronger and resistant to pain, he searches for the village and fights the cavemen and caveman chicks and they have developed some giligans iosland like tech of armor made of plants and home alone like traps to try to end him. alos its a 16 bit game on Sega Genesis, Snes, TG16, GBA and Atari Jaguar where tyouy play as either the humans and fight the giant with traps and armor or the giant and bust through the traps and fight the guys before you  run outta life