The Lucky Texan Review

 Note: I spell like Texans like fat women

The Lucky Texan

This is my revirew o The Lucky Texan froiom the distant future year (to lon chaney 1) of 1934 (50 years before Transformers Season 1)

Its directed by Robert N. Bradbury who did Blue Steel

It stars the Elite Alpha Male John Wayne from Bardelys the Magnificent\the 28 Noah's Ark\the 30s The Three Musketeers\Blue Steel\Stagecoach\Angel and the Badman\Red River\Fort Apache\The Quiet Man\\Hondo\The Searchers\The Alamo\The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance\How the West Was Won\McLintock!\The Greatest Story Ever Told\The Green Berets\Chisum\Big Jake\Cahill U.S. Marshal\Star Wars the 77 one, Lloyd Whitlock from Sparrows, George "Gabby" Hayes from Blue Steel\Mr. Deeds Goes to Town, Yakima Canutt from Stagecoach\Gone With the Wind\Ivanhoe\Old Yeller\50s Ben-Hur\Swiss Family Robinson, Eddie Parker from The Ghost Rider from 35 which is NOT the marvel character/Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man\Rear Window\Tarantula!, Gordon De Main from When Fate Leads Trump which sounds like something you'd head a century later, Earl Dwire from King Kong\Blue Steel\His Girl Friday, and a few guys i never saw in aything

the movie is public domain and according to soviet candy a55 back door wikipedia, WNBC-TV has used a continuous loop of this from the transmitter site during testing or as emergency filler when the feed from the station has been cut off

I never saw this b4 but hay, john wayne

after a mnodern logo we get a coloreds fulllscreen star wuith credits and star wipes to the next guys to seemingly added in later stock musiuc

so this guy comes  by a farm and its jogn watmyeand he kneew the old guy from when he was a kid

hes done college andis here for the rance for cattle but russlers and selling got rid of em,

old guy wanted to do a black smith thing and they have a chicken and then they got the black smityh shop shoeing horses

this looks colorized as in it was b/w beforte but got added colors later

i dont mind and think its got some charm

so geezer gets a letter from betty who might be betty spasghetti and its his grand daughter even though hes only like 50

well, if he had a kid at 15 and so did his kid, she might be 20

he's her last relatiuve and schools ending and she wants to live with him

then the dog comes in and his name is friday like his girl friday andthis movie  is in proper fiullscreen

upon looking at the rock the toook out of the horses foot, the find its a gold chiunk and geezer knows where it is from somehow

so john wayne and geezer go on and pan for gold but not pan ffrom gt getting gold hair by going ss3 or platinum hair by going ss5

some say Pan inherited Gohans Mystic power forme and is stronger than  the other z warriors

which is kinda made canon in the super super hero movie where piccolo jr says she has greater potential than gohan

so they go to ttheexperts and sjhow em and its pure and high quality

they'd get over 800 $ at 16% an ounce but take it in currency and wont give them the location and wanna keep it on the down low but nt the down low with guys b0ning each other and thinking its not gay

the gold guys wanna find the gold mine and the heroes spend a while getting gold and taking the other way outta town while not filing the claim so the town dont know it despite trying and getting lost on the way

later geezer named benson like the minion of t r edwards in robotech ii the sentinels and the b--chy soviet loving chick from lsaw and order svu and he gets his gold solf for 2000$

HE IS GIVVEWN A THING TO SIGN CLAIMING DA GOV NEEDS A RECIPTAND THE GUYS GIVE HIM A PAPER WITH A CARDBORD OVER IT TOCOVER WHAT IT REALLY SEZ

ITS THE DEED TO THE RANCH AND THEY PLAN TO MAKE HIM DISSAPPEAR LIKE WITH holy cr-p was caps lockl on? die you subnn human fiulth! your kind sghould be purged from my blue and pure workd, get f'd in the butt til you die like that guy who was b0ned dead by a horse you monkey!

so benson wants to put money into the black smith sjhop or somethjing and they send money to betty banner and tthis guy who's dad is high up has legal issues and gold guy gets him to get money or he'd cost his dad his job

benson goes to da bank andis gonna pay off his debt on the blacksmith shop

as he leaves he sez they'd work trheclaim next spring and as enson books itsomeone knocked out back guy and other find him and blame benson

benson sez someone came in the back dooor and no one saw him and john wayne goes on his White Non Klan Hore abnd meets Betty Rubblewith really 200s blonde curls and is a bit bimboy

man, john wayne is like over a foot taller than her

so joghn wayne stops by da bank and the sherfrifs malcxontent son has a lot of dough and bucks but not the male and female animals and wayne confronts hum but son fiights him

you cant beat john wayne! its like taking on Optimus Prime!

And when low on energon, optiu,mus beat megatron crippled, but megatron survived a  ship full of energon blowing in spoace with enough force to move cybertron from eartyh

thats some DBGT strong!

so of cource, john weayne kicked his candy a55 and makes him confess and dont need an SM Rope like wonder woman

wabne then rides off south andthe town watchesand wait, ther b--chy son is the guy he'sd chasing

he gets a tree branch and ridesit like a broonm or a55 water sklii and slides down this watyer thing to get ahead of him like that battletoads level with the rat

whenm b--chy son comes in, jhohn slugs his candya55 out cuz hes a Real Man and not some girly man injecting soy into whggats left of his parts!

so waynbe beings him back and dad wont help his evil kjid cuz hes a criminal; and scum, unlike the chief head irish man president

so benson is freed and waybe retunrs the backs money he took off son and john waybe tells hhim betty is home

they come home and bettt freets him and she's cooked dinner like a good woman

after dfinner benson is gonna stake otu 3 claims and file em the next day and waybne sahows her around

so the banker is gonna be ok as he needed srest and there was a hospital planet nearby and gold guy hears frombetty that benson is out and gold guy goes out to do evil

in the claim, benson has something that jowhn wayne and berty doknt know fo and he shows the dog and the music gets ominous as the gold guy and his minion go off on their horses a55es

so the bads catch nbenson comes back and he wont give em the location so they cap him and try to catch his muel

the muel cant be caught and is stubborn like trying to explains to a blue pilled guy that the news only tells you wqhsat IT wants us tyo hear and they move on

benson isnt dead somehow and his dog goes back and bensons horse retunrs w/o him

the dog comers back and leads jogn waybe as he sends the blonde betty bimbo to stay home and be safe as shes not a fighter and is like 4'11 like sailor moon

in the wastelands, the benson finds the box of things he kept and waybe found him and he tells hown eaweyne abouty who nicked his head on thwe way home

they get home w/i being seen somehow and tell betty the bimbo not to tell anyone she saw him

benson gets out his make up and its revealed he was a performer biut not like the gay a55 performa pal yuigoh cards in candy a66 arc v

the gold guysn come by and say theytook posession of the ranch days ago and had the rights to it and john waybne sez they'll talk in the am

benson says he signed 1 paper a while ago and they scammed him like gaijin with their calls and mails askijng for cr-p from their 3rd world cessp[ools with raepe and murder and aids

now the gold guys think benson is dead and cant deny it so the benson sends the jown wayne out to check the claims

the gold guys see bensions canteen on joghn waynes saddle and while john wayne is in they check it out

the sherrif comes byand the gold guys say benson vanished and now jowh wayne named jake like big jake has his canteen of gold nuggetds

so the sherrif has john wayne helf until tey locsate benson and hsi hearing is the next day

betty bimbo blonde stops by and talks with john wayne and comes home to tell benson to be thewre w/o being seen

so they go to the hearing and benson is cross dressing but knows hes not a chick and is doing it as part of a plan and not for lusts

like lancer in robotech how he only put on woimens clothing and hung about in bars as if he didnt disguise himself, he'df be vivisencted

and as he's a wanted man, no one would think he's a female singer

like if madonna was really the zodiac killer, no one expects a wanted man to be out in the open, but hiding in the shadows

so benson goes up to give his statement and tells em he saw the guys who shot benson and were in the court and as he goes up, his drress is caught on a chair and rips off

he reveals hes the real benson and not only his closes living relative and names the guys who tried to ice him

they run out the window and the guards fire on em and all h-ll brekas loose

so the bnaddz go off in horses and benson goes off in a 30s cr-=pmobile and i guess tyhis is the modern era of 1934 and they just happen to live like its the 1800s

jogn waybe goes off on em on his white a55 horse and the badds get on a railway cart thing

is this where back to the future got it?

so benson goes by em on his cr-pmobile and we get fast action like a dsilent film

this is liek a silent film but not as much as blue steele

so john waybne rides by the xcART AND jups on and fights a guy and both fall off

the main gold guy runs into the cr-pmobile aND FIST FIGHTS BENSON AND JOWHN WAYNE FIST FIGHTS the other guy

benson finishd gold guy with a stick to the head and gives him a second blow to end it as joghn wayne beats out the other guy

then we getta photographer takes a weddign picturte peach pof jogn wayne, benson and blonde betty and john waybne makes out with betty and the camera guy walks off with his camera

the end

that was pretty goofd

not too long, only like 50ish mins plus on grit its got an extra 35 mins of adds to get it to 90 mins

good filming, kind of m,ore advanced than blue steele but still has remnants of the silent era

good twists and story and no filler

acting was fine for the mid 30s

good action and charcaters

its not a bad film

its simple but holds up

but I thoguht it was like an 1800s placed film until i saw that car and think "wait, this is modern?!"

its like watchign a longplay of Spiritual Warfare on Sega and seeing a jumbo jet and thinking "wait, i thgouth this was in bible times!"

for The Lucky Texan 2 I want it to be 20 years later and John Wayne is a big time mining ceo and benson is a head in a gjar on cybernetics and its a sci fi futuist 1950s thing, the gold mine he runs has employees going to forme a union and shut it down cuz a rival comnpany don't like him disagreeing with THEM and sent commies to ruin his mines, So his daughter who's blonde and really buff and goes around in a gold bikini and helmet goes to take on the unionites and beat the commie outta em, also John Waybe comes with her and is buff too and they fist fight the commies, also its a 16 bit beat em up on sega gebnesis, snes, tg16, arati jaguar and gba wghere 1 player is John Waybne and the other is his beefy daughter and the final level is the rival company revealed to be owned by the soviets and planning to take down America from within and using surviving members of The boxer rebellion who are kept alive by daemons they fuseed with and John Waybe and his beefy daughter are wearing blerssed gold armor to help e, fight em.