Mackenna's Gold Review

 Note: i may spell bad, but at least i'm not an IRISG!!!!!

Mackenna's Gold

tHIS ISD MY REVIERW ON Mackenna's Gold FROM THE DISTENT FUITURE YEAR TO BUSTER KEATON OF f--k off amnd die caps lock you suybhuman amnimal, 1969 (40 years begore robvotech season 01)

its based on a book by Henry Wilson Allen thAT I NEVER  hewaRD OD

ITS DIRESCTAL BY J. Lee Thompson Who did Cape Fear\Country Dance (1970)Conquest of the Planet of the Apes\Battle for the Planet of the Apes\Death Wish 4: The Crackdown

it stasrs Gregory Peck from The Yearling/Duel in the Sun/Captain Horatio Hornblower/David and Bathsheba/The Snows of Kilimanjaro/Roman Holiday/Moby Dick/Cape Fear/How the West Was Won/To Kill a Mockingbird/The Omen/The Boys from Brazil/ the 90s Cape Fear/Ther Big country/yellow sky/The Stalking Moon, Omar Sharif from Lawrence of Arabia\the 65 Genghis Khan\Doctor Zhivago\Rambo III\and f--king 10,000 BC, Telly Savalas from the 1st Cape Fear\Birdman of Alcatraz\The Greatest Story Ever Told\1965 Genghis Khan\The Dirty Dozen\GoBots: Battle of the Rock Lords\The Twilight Zone, Keenan Wynn from the 40s The Three Musketeers\Royal Wedding\Angels in the Outfield\Touch of Evil\Dr. Strangelove\The Americanization of Emily\Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town\The Last Unicorn\The Twilight Zone\Highway to Heaven, Julie Newmar from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes\Seven Brides for Seven Brothers\Return to the Batcave: The Misadventures of Adam and Burt\Batman: Return of the Caped Crusaders\ da 60z twilight zone and batman and lil abner and star trek/The Beverly Hillbillies\Batman: The Brave and the Bold, Ted Cassidy from 60s The Addams Family\60s Batman\Star Trek\The Beverly Hillbillies\I Dream of Jeannie\Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Lee J. Cobb from Anna and the King of Siam\On the Waterfront\12 Angry Men\Exodus\the bad version of Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse\How the West Was Won\The Exorcist, Raymond Massey from The Old Dark House\The Scarlet Pimpernel\Santa Fe Trail\Arsenic and Old Lace\David and Bathsheba\East of Eden\How the West Was Won, Burgess Meredith froim Of 30s Mice and Men\Rocky\Magic\Rocky II\Clash of the Titans\Rocky III\Rocky IV\G.I. Joe: The Movie\Rocky V\Grumpy Old Men\Grumpier Old Men\Rocky Balboa\The Twilight Zone\60-s Batman, Anthony Quayle from Pygmalion\Hamlet\Lawrence of Arabia\The Eagle Has Landed, Edward G. Robinson from Tiger Shark\The Amazing Dr. Clitterhouse\Double Indemnity\Scarlet Street\Key Largo\The Violent Men\The Ten Commandments\60s Batman\Soylent Green, Eli Wallach from Baby Doll\the 60s Genghis Khan\The Good, the Bad and the Ugly\The Godfather Part III\60s Batman\Highway to Heaven\Law & Order, Eduardo Ciannelli from Gunga Din\For Whom the Bell Tolls\I Love Lucy, Robert Phillips from The Dirty Dozen, from Shelley Morrison Shark Tale anfd f---kin Foodfight!, Trevor Bardette from Marie Antoinette\Valley of the \Gone with the Wind\The Grapes of Wrath\Santa Fe Trail\The Big Sleep\T-Men\The Texas Rangers\Thunder Over the Plains\Destry, Victor Jory from A Midsummer Night's Dream\Gone with the Wind\The Miracle Worker\The Rockford Files, and some dudes i never saw in anything or aint in soviet back door candy a55 gender offender girly man uso suki, jigoku no okama wikipedia

i never saw this b4 but hear its good

AFDTER credits and tile in colored widfescreen, this guy talks of a guy talking to a turkey vulture and the vilture sez "i was coming here to wait for you" and we see tyhe burd, but not the go nagai manga Ther Bird

then we getta song of this bird flying and camrea angels of flight

turkey vultures can projectile vomit and go pretty far

blaaaaa

therna  legend of a canyon guarded by apache gods and full of gold and if you dont touch the gold you'd be strong

when the spaniards came they looked for the gold canyon and didnt find it

then the americans looked for the canyon of lost addams as addams lookin for it and the apache cooked out his eyes as they did some evil things

they'd torture you for days slow before yo bit it asnd would evecute you with hot coals but 1 coal at a time

also do things to your parts and owned slaves of all available races

so now the place is called mckennas goild or somethi g an d mnioore aerial looks at the mad max wasteland and this wagon looking around and this indian on a horse going by

eventually peck comes in and the indian firsds on him but he survives and he returtns fire

so i guess he hit him in a pressure poiunt and knowcked the guy out and the indian is not dead and peck asks why did atttacked and indian said its cuz peck looked for gold

peck sez he quit gold hunting long ago and finds a map on the indian and sez theres no gold ther

peck offers to help him but the idnain dont want it and chooses to bit it in the mad max h-ll hes in

indian sez the p[spirits will end him if he looks for the addams area and peck sez theres no such thing and he looked

indian bites it and peck leaves him and takes the map on some kind of skin, probably human and leaves the body for the birds to eat the eyes out of

peck burns the map and in some chicks place these mecixans and indians are there and eating their food and will take his woman and give her back if they come by the same way

her husband or father or grandad tries to stop them from b0ning her but they ice him

so the mexicans come by pweck digging a grave for the indian and the mezicans come by and are gonna berry him alive with the dinaen

they shoot the weapon outta his handn and catch him and say they chased the indan for a fortnight and want the map

peck denies knowing of the map and they beat him up and i  the real version probably b0ned him

1 guy knows peck and that hes got a good memory for cards so he'df know the m,ap and they'd use him to find the gold

so the indians with the meixcans wanna bring the dead indian whos a chief with em but the mexicans ironically say "he'd stink bad"

so they go on and peck is on the horses a55 with the dead guy and they gotta cross a cr-ppy a55 bridge and peck's hoprse spazzes out a bit

so they go to a hidepoout peck used and peck is meckenna but i call him mcafrica after the burger and they go to pecks ex hide out and its a hose i mean hole in a rocks a55

in there they eat and peck sez the judge burgerman put a price on his head and mexico by omar sharif which im not sure they/them =mkght think is racist as they/themn think egtyptyians arent white but not surte abotu turks, greeks, italianos, spaniars, portugaloes and slovenians, but they/them made cleopatra black on netflix and she;'s slavic like me

so omeximar is gonna get the judges head and thsi indian chick whos might be catwopman from batman is there and omar thinks peck iced the dead guy and took his map

omar sez the apache are thinking like a White a weant the gold and omar got em to think the spirits they worshiup and probablyu sacrigice to like the aztec ort global warming nuts, say its ok for him to have

omar wants tyo work with peck but 1st you know hes the bad guy and 2nd you know beforte this wars over peck will kill him

omar offers peck the woman and an indian he calls monkey sez no but omar sez with da gold they can buy a=s many women as they want which i assume means h00kers or slaves or both

peck agrees to bring em there and he'd leave as he dont wanna be butt f--ked by the indian spirits anmd he wants his cr-p they took back

peck sez theres no gold or canyon and the indian chick with a face scar puts a knuife by pecks face but ont cut and omr sez he gave her to monkey

later its night but really tinted day and these indians find the spot the guy bit it and ride on

so the badds strick peck in this cave wiuth some blonde who was caught and he comforts her and sez her dad made him marshall but she sez they iced her pop and he sez not to let em know her dad was the judge

they'd b0ne her dead all over

so she sez she recalled peck playting cards and dad didnt like gambling and peck sez he tries to be better now that hes a mardhall

so monkey fights pweck and omar stiops em and the next daythis guy in a bowler hat comes by with a white flag to the badds

they shoot him in the legs and as he cralws away they open fire and shred him with a maelstom of bullets and blood splatters and he screams

jk really the hat guy comes up and omar sees its his homie ben baker like peter parker, susan stormn, reed richards, minerva mink, chelsea charms, maxi mounds, lexi luxxxe, pandora peaks ect

ben sez he got one of omars men to tell him of the gold plan after getting him drunk and as hes mexican ti was either tequla or big butt babes to lure him in

ben wants in and after a talk they team up but hes not trustworthy

as they get up together, omar caps the guy who outed his plan as he was a traiter and unlike megatron, omar wont let him continue after f--kin up

man we're an hour in with adds, thats come by pretty fast, but it feels like not much happens, but it isnt boring

so the whites and the mexicans/reds drink what should be pop but they didnt have it in whenever the h-ll this is and is probably something gay like coffee

2 civilized non bandits who are a bit brittish ae i the group and omar recognizes 1 as a storekeeper from some place

1 guy is a newspaper editor and 1 is a preist weho wants gold for himself to use for the Lord and make a Tabernackle

thwe road to h-ll is ppaved with ood intentions

peck tells preist its dangerous and priest miugth gotta ice guys and the gold is the apache's but priest wants to use it to save them

1 guy is blide and has a kid and its addams who sez there is gold there

like john quuincy addams and samuel addams and john addams and the addams family?

so addams tells of how he got to the gold with an apache guide with horses and the apache made em wear blindfolds and they found the valley or gold

1000 years ago, the indians lived there and this is seeming like indiana jones with them searching the the Arc

but the apache came and iced everyone and popped his eyes and left him to die as they totally aren't eviul

he kept a nugget and it was worth 190$ and they guys dance and sing and spazz out

1 guy sez he dont know if this blonde is a guy or girl and kisses him as i guess he turned queer and the blonde guy beats his frooty booty

in the real version he probably tried to b0ne him like shingo hoibiki in violence jack witht eh tiger and ther jungle and supermodels and nude scenes and shingo j-zzing seeing aila mu taking a nude bath

peck trues sending the paper boy back to get help but they think hes trying to hyuu em outta the gold but peck sez there is none

oma sez peck killed the dad guy named prarie dog like fox in hokuto no ken or spider monkey in the crow 2 and burned the map and the paperboy sez he didnt trust peck as marchall

omar sez they were going to meet peck but stopped o eat and when they went to pay the guy treid to ice em and they had no chocie but to ice him and bting his daughter

the paperboy is confused and dont know what to do and englishman sez to forget the past and wortk together

peck sez they are gold craxy and got gold fever and dont care that the best man in town got iced and theres no gold and ihe';d bring em but most wont return

indian chick gets hammered and they go on and try to evade the calvary by getting the indian chick too drunk to talk and tell em apache were after em and theyed have the indaisn fake attacking whiule the rest go anothe rway and meet up later

in the calvary camp its learly day but film tinted to look like night and the indians attack and ride offand the indian chick laughs while drunk

as the rest go on peck and the chick break off and try to escape but the omar chazes affetr em and reclaimed em

so the team goes on through some neutral turf and getm ambushed by soldiers who shred em with gunfire

while he didnt did it, we see addams  with his f--ked out eyes

so peck is dragged on rope by horse and the dauhgter is whipped by i think monkey

so aftrewr escaping the ambush they wander the desert in the sun like The Hebrews looking for ther promised land

the blonde is f--king out in the heat and omar wants to end her but peck stands in front of her and sez he'd handle it

so peck leads em to a watch hole in the deserts a55 and omar sez he'd give peck monkeys share as i guess hes in h-ll

catewoman indianess swims nude and grit blurred out her a55 and daughter asks whatats his deal weith her

peck sez he arrewsted her bro and he got hanged and asks why shes not married but she sez she never dfound a guy better than her dad

underwatcer, naked catwoman indianess makes out with peck and when they get to the air he shoves her bare a55 off

naken numar tries drowning daughter and they have an underwater catfight but peck saved her

at what the film makes us think is night by tinting it, the neuman tries to shank the daughter but peck saves her and throiws numan in itne water

so they go on in openly day and see tyhe rest of the crew they had being iced by idians

so there was the calvary attacking the idnians or somethign but i missed some watchign a vid on Mel Gibson outing oprah and peck sent daughter to the calvary to bring her home

after she asks the main calvary guy from kojak to help mcafrica, he guns down his 2 soldiers

so hairless military guy like anatole elobnardcomes in with 2 horses and joins with omar and sez daughter told him of the gold

not anatole leonard reavals the daughter's dad was the judge and peck beats the black offa him and omar finds out and is displeased that mcafrica kept xecrets from him

i like how the mexcan guy is the bad guy, they;d notn have that today

i had some bad encounters with spaniards, 1 i knew from the islands of spain blocked me after i suggested not getting a tattoo as theres thing sin the bible against it,

1 i thought was my friend, but i screwed up a proofreading of his p0rn0 dbz comic and he stopped talking to me,

1 mexico friend is loyal but shes part italiano so shes higher evolved

as italiano is the one true race, besides polish, and japanese is good too, and i kinda like the portugaloes

so the gang goes on and the apache took over the yellow river area and its like mad max with horses a55es instead of motorcycle a55es

they race across the burning f--karea and get to a floating square and cut it loose and ride off as the apache come to enslave or torture em dead

also they are in a slow boat to china and the indians got ridfles and bows so they';re sitting ducks and ducking sh-ts

1 horse gets an arrow through the neck and its kinda bada55

then after dodging all enemy fire liek the f--kin autobots they come to prapids and the indias are jst done or someething and not there

they ride horses across the water and the raft busts on the rocks

UPDATE aparently, omar sharif is greek/lebanese, so he s white, i thought he was egyptian, which is also white, as white isnt;' just blonde and blue eyes, like sailor venus, rangiku matsumoto, mizuki tachibana and angel blade's shaia hishizaki

so the pirate crew going through do anythign to be king of the pirates and eat a man thing, gets to a tall rock like an obelisk probably made by daemon worphippers in the past before the white Man came and they goptta wait til sunrise

its tinted day as night and kojack anatole leonard shaves his head and talks with peck of teaming up but peck saw him ice his men or knew of it and dont trust himn like with veegta wakkin nappa in front of goku

peck talks with omar about how if  theres no gold, he still gets his guns back and the girl but omar pulls a knife on him but peck sez "you ice me you get none"

they talk about what omar wants the gold for and he reveals he really wanted it to go off and go to soviet paris to live with  frencuhies who totally aint racisst against non whites in the 1800s

then again,m the frenchies are kinda sissy so he'd be like godzilla or a mad max guy beusiin up the town and they'd be too candya66 to stop him

and even the french women the manliest of frecnhies, coulkdnt stop him cuz women ain as strong as men

beta male; Really?!?!! uggg! what about female athletes?!

alpha male: and by that logic, youi can't say "birds eat spiders" cuz 1 kind of spider sometimes eats birds

beta male: uggg! thats hate! i;m triggered! one eay out!(jumps in fromnt of a bus and splatters as his sissy bones were too brittle from hormone blockers and not driunking milk)

so duiahgter wants to get the gold and her farm LKIFE S-CKED AND she wants to use it and offers the peck er to use it for gambling

theyu make out and the indian catwoman watches and un the real version it was a guy and he's j-rkin off his lonmg uncut b0nar and making loud devolved ape like sounds

so the sub comes up and out of f--kin nowhere the sun blasts colors and lights like f--kin star trek and the obelisk moves its shadow and they say its a quartz deposuit

this is ancient tech, like pre noahs flood with the fallen angel machinery

so the shaodw moves to the wAL AND ITS GHOT A CRACK IN ITSD A55 AND they go through it and to the golden valley that actually exists

to quote akira fudo: what the f--k?! what the h-ll is this?! some sh-t for brains joke?!

so they race banyon onward and catwoman and blonde have a horseback catfight in front of a rear projection and numar falls off and splatters or w/e

so they get to da gold and we see the guysy spazzing out in the gold and a drumbeat and the river is full of gold so you might bite it if you drink

mcafrica senses something and sees the area is cursed or w/e and gets out with the daughter

monkey sez the spirits told him to kill eveyone cuz its apache gold and tomohwaks kojak but omar throws saa dagger in his back when he goes down

cuz when spirits tell you to kill eveyone, thats a sign they are good spirits!

also; the tresure being death is like in the life actrion jungle book movie from 1994 by back door disney and the main guy trying to save the girl from it was used by it too

peck and blonde chick daughter crimb up the wall of the cliff and not bACK THE WAY THEY CAME FOR SOME REASON AND SHE'S F--KING OUT CUZ WOMEN AINT AS STRONG AS MEN

they go up to an area dn omar gets there and attacks with a tomohawkhe didnt use his gun as monkey took his bukllets

chick interpeferes and he thtows her off and shoves peck off the cliff

he stomps pecks hand and duahggrer whips him with her belt and peck gets up and they fight

so the fight goes on and peck beats on omar as omar left his God for another but the apache come ina ndopen fire and peck and blonde chick takes cover

not sure 1800s bullets can go that far

so as the apache ride in this rock falls as if moives by unseen hands and then theres an earethquake but not the guy from samurai shodown and its freakin power rangers where the zords come out

the gold was eaten by the earths a55 and the guys try to climnb down and the apache leave

then a f---kin sasquatch breaks out fo the water i mean wall and its a stop motion thing like ray harryhausen or willis obriwen and is some kinc of apelike creatiure meets a caveman but is 30 feet tall and grabs omar with one hand and bites him h=in half art the ribcage as he screams as peck and the blonde hick look on in horror

jk i made that up, but with all the batsh-t goinmg on, it might aw well happen!

so the f-kin ground cracks iop as the guys race off on horse a55 and this is like 2012 but less cr-ppy a55 cg and they get to the tunnel and out its a55 as it caves in

the walls of the area cave in and we see an image of prarie dogs face on the caves in f--k hole

so omar and the 2 surviuving guys get out and omaer sez to stay aay from him but peck sez im commin after you

omar goes off to come back with a new plan in the next episode and blonde has gold dust in her outfit and its somehow dry now even though and she was sqimming in gold water a few mins ago

peck has nuggets in his bag from kpojack putting it in there

the end

that was pretty good

kinda nuts with the supernatural effect and kinda bada55 with the action and scenes

kinda thought omar would get it but the film was well made

goood effects and music and style and the charcaters were all different enough to tell apart

some didn't last but it had good stuff to it

omar was good as the bad guy and peck did his classic good guy role with bada55

overall i enbjoyred it, its got flow and dont drag and goes by at a good pace

numar did well and had some bada55 moments and it was tough and gritty but only pg wihtough much swearing or gore

yeah theres julie numars butt, but the simpsons and spondebob has butts

its not like we see pecks 13 inch uncut man thing flopping around

swinging it like Guts from Bwerserk swings his Dragon slayer and busting a guy in the face with it!

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeegaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

splap!

for McAfrica i mean Mackenna's Gold 2 i want it to be about Julie Numan's indian character having surviuuved the fall and being crippled and lusting for revenge and when the ground opened up, she fell to the inner world of the hollor earth and the snake people inside rebuild her as a cyborb and use her as a slave, her desire to get revenge on peck and the blonde enboostens her will to overide the implants and she breaks free of their control and goes on a rampage and busts up their inner city below the ground and they attack her with biowarriors and various cryptids that were made by gene slamming but her implants make her too tough and she beats through em and wants revenge on them for making her this mechanical freak with various vio tech build into her and living fungus and flesh grafted into her and granting her abilities and shes a biocyborg of feesh tech and really thicc and busty as thats how the snake people like her. also its a 16 bit metroidvania game on sega genesis, snes, tg16, atari gajuar, and gba where you play as her and go thrtough areas of the underland and fight various abominatuons to wipe em out and win your freedomn.