The Big Land Review

 Note I spekll big but not bird

The Big Land

This is my review on The Big Land from the distant fiture year to the great Thomas Dixon Jr of 1957 (40 years befor the global civil wewar in robotech)

it sttars Alan Ladd from Citizen Kane\My Favorite Brunette\Shane/The proud rebel, Virginia Mayo from White Heat\Captain Horatio Hornblower/along the great divide, Edmond O'Brien from he 30s The Hunchback of Notre Dame\White Heat\D.O.A.\The Admiral Was a Lady\Julius Caesar\The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance\Birdman of Alcatraz, Anthony Caruso from The Phantom (1943, Serial)\Blackbeard the Pirate\Santa Fe Passage\Joe Dakota\60s Star Trek, Julie Bishop from thge 33 Alice in Wonderland\the 34 The Black Cat, John Qualen from the 30s The Three Musketeers\His Girl Friday\The Grapes of Wrath\the 40s Jungle Book\Casablanca\Captain Kidd\The Searchers\The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance\7 Faces of Dr. Lao\A Patch of Blue(Loved that one, it moved me to tears)\Firecreek\Mister Ed\The Andy Griffith Show\The Partridge Family, David Ladd fdrom Shane\The Proud Rebel\The Wild Geese, George J. Lewis from Casablanca\Shane\The First Texan\7 Faces of Dr. Lao\60s Batman, nd some guys i never saw in anythging

itys dricerced by Gordon Douglas whgo did Them! (which ws pretty cool)

i nevber saw this b4 byuyr its baewecv on a book i never read: Buffalo Grass by Frank Gruber

after logo and title abnd credits including jaguar which might be the car company, we get text saying afterthe vivil war, there was tension between the confederatrs and unionites and the north needed beef and the south had issue bring it up from Antio Soviet Texas

these 2 cowboys talk of babes and girlks with thicxc curves and what they gonna dfo with thew money they make from driving cattle

they lost 300 but at 1-0$ a cow they got 2000 cowz

also this is widescreen and colored but kinda faded coilor but not muchg faded

so these guys are texas guys who are usaually cool, niuce and like fat women, andthe next day, meet a cattle buyer who sez the cows are skinny and wiull byuy each cow for 1.5$ instead opf 10$

they dont like being jyuud and the yankee clashes with em over their southerness abnd shoots 1

seeing its the lessewr of 2 evils, main guy sez 100 cows for 1.5$ each and his men turtn on him\

maimn guy sold his cows and goes off from texas and wanders the rainy towns  as he's not welcome over his southern ancestry

and its the uniuon hotel that turns him down, like soviet union or euiropean union or film actors guild

so this barn lets him stay as the bard headsez to let him in and being a confederate is seen as bad here like siding with George Washington weas seen as bad in sovier back door banacna cramma england

in there the barn head wants some of main guyts whgiskey but main guy dont got any

at night, barn guy whos the town drunk stralas booze while guys sleepbut was cauhgt and beat

hes goty an addiction and needs help

like those gjys into meth or chronic

holy cr-p jamma p! they gonna string him up!

but then main guy puills a gun and frees him as In America, WE The People have Good guys with gunsa

so driunk and main guy go on and drink finlty water from a ponmd and drunk prefers liquor

also drunk stole a horse and can be strung uo agaun

drunk calls him a reb and main guy kicks his a55 in the pond wherte turtles might bite off his parts and b0ne him weith it

after a while, drunk needs a drink and can';t take it as he;'s jones'in as its addictive and your system rebalances itself to need it to function when you get used to it

this is why i never drink, its bad for you

i also dont smoke chronic or do meth or suck b0ners

at night drunk can't take it and is spazzing out and goes off to find booze and slams down main guy with a saddle swing

so main guy kicks his candy a55 and the next day he wakes up remoesewful

drunk wonders why he helped him and main guy sez he should have iced a guy the other day and goes on about his tike in the war

so they go on and see a train and finds it goes to kansas sity withb the fdaeggets

xo later drunk eats so much rabbit he dreams of carrots and thats not kosher

they go on and the film color keeps f--kin gout and goiung sepia and they come to a ranch

this kid golds em at gunpopint and its 2 kids and main guys name is chad and is probably  a virgidn too

the kidslive with a grandpa and their pa isnt there and grandpa is eurotrash

so they eat dinner with grandpa and mom and the kid drinks milk with what they think is chicken but is really rabbit

drunk tells of socviet boston with bathrooms in houses so you can sh-t w/o gfoing outside

he draws em images of it and grandpa sez her husband was iced coming over

drunbk stopped drinking and turned down loquir as he dont wanna fall off the wagon

a guy named ben like benito mussolini or ben kei the samurai comes by and sez he deals with buffalo grass

grandad sez to sell it but ti'll take too long to travel and main guy sez to use the railroad but they wont come if theres not steady work and sales

so they go to some city and main guy is taking a bath and drunk goes to meet at a bar for a railway thing like anna kozuki in yugioh zexal with her big heavy trains and b00bs

drunk drinks sasparilla and later main guy goes to the meeting and sees the guy who shot his himie thge yankee and yankee sees him

main guy goes up and saees this blonde with ex drunk and helping her into her corset like she just b0ned him and wait shes his sister and they probably didnt b0ne

main guy is teaming up with ex drunk to get into cattle and has none but main guy has good ideas and i thinkblonde is gonna marry the yankee and make deals with him and dont wanna help her f'd up bro and his p-ss in the a55 ideas

then a song by blonde in the bar about dealing with suin and finding The Lord

main guy ex drunbk blonde and yankee talk over driunks and main guy sez he wants to bring texas cattle yp to kansas and feed em

he also wants to run the rauilroad with wheat like that book a corener of wheat for the other 6 months not using cattle

the texas guys wont go to musoiyri and kanssas is 200 miles closer

alkso ex drunk wants to build school and churches and hotels and yankee sez he'd do it if they can bring the town

blonde; theres something u otta know of my brother

main guy; theres very little i dint know of him

me; sounds x rated

wait the guy they bargans with wantys the yankee from b4 its a different guy and main guy goes to real yankee whgo jyuude him  and beats out one of his goons with 1 punch

so the good guys blonde and bf go out in the wild and coyotes howl like a  butt virgin's 1st night in jail and blonde talks with main guy about cr--p

later theres a meeeting and the town iss gonna team up to harvest and sell wheat and they'd  pool the money to make a town w/ a railroad

its gonna cost 8000$ and these nordic dudes thiunk its a lot but they all team up after grandad encourages em

so the people work on da town and blonde wants to stay ands help da town grow and main guy goes to get the cattle asa the town wont make it with only wheat

blonde sez thnx for helping the drunk bro get off the sauce

but yqnkee wants to ruuin things so he can have ownership of the casttle bunsiness

like unions owning all acting and writing in commie states

so at night they torch the place and the people are bummed but blonde sez not to let the masin guy down and to finidsh what he started anbd they gio back to it

in thee confederacy, the southerers are diisgruntled over getting jyuude by yankeees and 1 guy wants to ice main guy tthinking he turned yellow b0ner like tommy lee

main guy comes iN AND OFFERES HIM 10$ a head for it but the guy who was shot wants revenge on main guyt for some reason and tries to brand him

main guy dodges and they fist fight cuz its a western aand main guy beats his maslcontent zentraedi a55

he tellsd em theres a town being made and they can do it and they consent

then the antenna f;'d out aND I MISSED SOMe

so the railroad comes in and these cattle buyers come over on it and grandad gives a speech but the steam engine steams it out as i guess it was fullo f obsenitites

ai weeel tel dees muther f--jer, weeth uh muss tash dat hees a55 ees myne tu b0ne hahh?

so blonde is losing interest in her butt buddy and ex drunk shows the cattle buyers the hotel but yankee comes in and wants a room but drunk sez he's not selkling him cattle at his price

drun gives em a room for 4$ in avance and later the other cattle guys dont wanna be freezed out by yankee and dont like him cuiz he jyuuze people like tht guy at yugioh who sez a card is 2$ when he wants it but 10 when you want it and its the same card

the next dayits breakfast and guy is found dead in the hotel

they think it was the yankee and its a new tyown so they aint gotta shewrrif and the buyers are gonna go b4 they get iced

they gon book it unless drunk takes outyabnkee

drunk tells yankee to gtfo pony faeg and get f;'d gdead by a horse, wait thats what they say to mlp fans and what happened to that guy in DC who got b0ned dead by a horse and it was filmd

drunk is beat out by yannkee and is given a gun in a trick to get him to draw so he coiuld cap him and its legal

yankjee splashes booze in drunks face and gives him a bottle and like a f--kin dumnba55, he takes it and does what the bad guy says

like if galvaytron told untra magnus to give him the matrix and he did

gradnson goes to get blonbde to help and and is out of breath despite it being tyhwe horse doing the running

unless they linked their servoes together to incdrease power

so ex drunk goes ex ex drunk and is gonna drink but throws it away ber siping the sin sauce

blonde gets there and is gonna shoot up the place but blonde tells him not to cuz he s-cked at gunfightiong

main guy dont wanna i mean drunk dont care and goes to confront yankee and tells him to take off his gun

yankees draws 1st and after a few seconds caps him

at least eh didnt give in to temptation and return to drunkeness, thats one of the many things that keeps you out of Heaven, like stealing, drugs and sodomy

so main guy returns and finds ex drunk is in h e double ireland and goesd to see blonde whoo we get the token sad moment where the movie tries to make us feel bad around 3/4ths in the movie

blonde had enough of this cr--p and is gonna skip townb and main guy admits he only thought of her when he was in Texas and the town and she foes on about how wehen he was drunk he was aliovbe

yeah but that live damage and throat cancer and bladder cancer and such would be worse than a quick bullet

so she sez it would be better if he never met them (and drunk would be strung up in the barn?) and main guiy drives thrtough town rollin in his 5.0 horse

he stops by the hotel and meets the cattle buyers and is told the guys partner was murdered but he ez, mine too

the cattle buyers wanna wack the yankee and dont wanna do it themselves as "this aint outr fight" even though they would not have cattle to buy

main guy gives a speech and how the east needs beef, ehich wouild be seen as "bad" by soy boys and girly men who eatb vegan and die of malnutrition

thinks look f--kin lost and the only way out is a 45 calibur supossitory

so main guy pays respests to his droogs corpse and i'm thinking, why not just do a j f k and sniper the yankee? worked for that irishman who b0ned those chicks and jhoppefully no dudes but with those drugs he was on, he was pretty lusty

at night but really its day and tinted, a guarx of the cattle is beat out and another shanked with a tyhrowing knife in the back like ninja

then gunfire to spazz out the cattle and fire thrown into the cattle area

noio, the cows nmighth be bruned! before being made into burgers!

the cows rampage through the town and this kid in a cart is flipped and a guy i think grandad helps hkm hut is hiding behind the cart

main guy saves em abd the cart is crushed

those cows otta be executed for their crimes and fed to humNS

You mess with the Poles, you wind up in bowls!

so main guy had enought of this cr-p and goes to confront yankee in a bar

he asks yankee to make his bid and and its a draw and cap

main guy drwas 1st and takes out both yankee and the other minion b4 they can get him and blonde hugs main guy and is his woman now

ex bf is bummed his woman left him and grandad comforts him saying making something new can make you lose something

ex b4 goes off to wander the wastelands and prey on bandits or w/e and it cleses out with main guy and blonde

the end

that was prettyg ood

goes by at a good pace and doesnt drag

its not a millin miles a second but goes steady and has nice acting and action

its got a good occacsialnal bursts of action instead of constand things blowing

nice story and the msuic was well done

i liked it, it gholfs up and tells a good story and shows how the Soputh was oppressed by the yanbkees

for The Big Land 2 I want it to be about the ex bf going around the wastelands as a hired gun and aiding people in need, also he;'s devolved a bit and is now all ragged clothed and and muscles and a bit caremanish and has wilfd hair and uses a pitchfork to fight bad guys. also its a 32 biut game thats like shantae but on Sega Saturn, 3D0, Ps1 and N64 where you play as him and fight various bandits and go into undergorund temples from before noahs flood and save people caught by undergroudn people in some hidden areas below the surface.