The Holdovers Review

 Note: I spell like I hold parts in my mouth

The Holdovers

This is my review on The Holdovers from the ditant fuure year of 2023 (the year of Robotech II The Sentinels)

Its directed by Alexander Payne who did Downsizing 

It stars Paul Giamatti from The Truman Show, Dr. Dolittle, Saving Private Ryan, Big Momma's House, Planet of the Apes, Cinderella Man, The Ides of March, Turbo, 12 Years a Slave, The Amazing Spider-Man 2/San Andreas/King of the Hill, Da'Vine Joy Randolph from The Mr. Peabody & Sherman Show/Only Murders in the Building, Carrie Preston from Mercury Rising/Law & Order: Criminal Intent/The Good Wife/Law & Order: Special Victims Unit/The Good Fight, Gillian Vigman from Mad TV, Tate Donovan from disneys Hercules/The Pacifier/Rocketman/Godzilla: The Series/House of Mouse/Law & Order: Criminal Intent/The Cleaner/Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Kelly AuCoin from Julie & Julia/The Sopranos/Law & Order/The Good Wife/Law & Order: Criminal Intent/Blue Bloods/Turn: Washington's Spies/Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, and a number of people not on candy a55 back door, beta male, soy boy, aids ag, cripple nipple, sodom bottom, gender offender, hippie commie peta stoner venag seoviet ikipediea

I never saw it but people say its goof

Afte 70s logos even for miramax we get this this chior singing and the credits appearing on screen are done 70s style

paul giamatti is smoking a pipe and b--ching of what hes reading and this chick brings him Christmas Cookies

in the dorm these malcontent teensae bickering with 1 guy having james bond undies and 1 wanting chronic and p0rn0

this huge blackasaur chick is working in the kitchen and later in the dining area these boys in unifrme eat like harry potter and the teachers at the head table where 1 claimed his mom was sick andgot paul stck with an assignment

paul wants to do things traditional but his boss wantshim to go easy on this kid whos dad was a senator but was a dumba55 and fai;ed him, so now he has to look after teens

then we see teens talking of how 1 j=rked off in the salad and many of these teens got bad grades and he told 1 who whined that he's supposed to go to cornel, but he gives em a make up exam with new cr-p and their grade is the average of the 2 after the break

1 j=rkoff whines that they got 40 mins til bread and getting new material, so he sez they can f da exam, but they can blame the j=rkoff, but still got new material to read

in church the tees hate the j=rkoff and its revealed that blackasaurs son curtis got t in nam, ten after the church thingthe j=rkoff called angus ir anus by his droogs, got a call from his mom whos going on another honeymoon with her new butt buddy and gotta stay there for Xmas break

these teens gotta stay too and paul leads em and sez they gotta study and gotta sleep in the infermiry and get limited breaks and outside the teens meet including a mormon and a jock and a korea

paul talks with blackasaur the cook and have a drink then laterthe blnde guy is accused of stealing anus's photo and anus tells him his rents hate him and hes a sociopath and blonde snaps and atacks but joxk breaks em up

paul wats to know what happened and sez each min they dnt talk they get a detention and as he describes the library cleaning of cockroach butt holes, mormon kid snaps and out blonde

for dinner the food is a55 so he sez the carthiges had to eat sand and drink whizz and after blonde sez blackasaurs cooking s=ked and they can't fire her now and paul yells at him fr being entitled like queers do today

at night paul fnds blackasaur watching tv and oins her where she reveals her baby daddy wadnt married to her and got his head busted at the shipyard but her son wanted to go to college on a g i bill (gastro intestinal?) but got sent to h-ll in nam

she sed her son thought he was an a55 hole and heard everything from the kitchen even blondes comment of she should do her job right

in the day the guys go in the woods and blonde throws the mormons glove away cuz mormon outed him and he cant find it so he throws the other one in the river

also anus is gonna go to military school if he gets kicked outta another school. also jock i think sez hisdad i think has a private chopper and delivers presents

in the night he korea had a nightmare and either whizzed or cr-pped the ed like a frenchie who got b0ned by Johnny Depp and anus helps him

in the da jock dad sent a chopper and they can go skiing or w/e but now i think anus cant go cuz his rents cant be reched and the other youth go off, but blonde wrote f wad on it

at night the paul talks with the blackasaur over what the paul hopes and he wanted to go to europe and write a book

later paul is drunk ans snoring and anus javks his eys and has liquor and ice sceam and smokes

later anus tris to get a hotel room and paul gets p-ssed and anus rebells and runs as paul attemps to follow him aqnd sez hes getting detentions

hhe goes to the gu and does a flip on a thing and f;d his arm and blames paul and they go to the hospital and anus lies aboutbeing pauls son and his rents being divorced and he dont wanna bring em into court so hey skip insurance and pop his dislocated arm in

they go get drugs and anus sez his rents wont ask and paul owes him andthey g to a restaurant and the cookies lady comes by working there and knows em

paul wants a beer but cant now that she lnows em and chixk flirts with paul and ans riws to play pinball but the pnks friend is next and hes got a hook for an arm from nam and is dsgruntled and wants to f him up

paul buys em beers to eep em satisfied and ts been revealed that his boss was his student who rised above him

in a car the paul reveals he smell like fish cuz his body cant brwak down somerhing and the next day this big black janitor sez someone barfed in da gym

so blackasar wants to bring anus to a party but paul dont wanna him or anus yto go but he relents and sprays himself with glad air freshener

at the party aus looks at a snowglobe of Santa and The Baby Savior andhes introduced tothis teen chick whosjows him to the basement and shown the kids making arts and crafts

janiror brings blackasaur somepresent andthey get along and teen and anus do fngerpanting but nt with poop andhe looks down her shirt abd they smooch

paul sez he left home at 15 for scholorship and has no 1 anmd chic feels for him and hasa space style tree like for the allrged moon landing

blackasaur plays old jazz her dead black son liked and gets kinda b--chy

after paul is told to be nice to the kids, the chick makes out with a guy in front of him and blackasaur gets bummed over cr-p and they take her home but ans wantsto go back to make out

paul gets b--chy and anus reveals his dad is in h-ll and mom remaiired and blackasaur whines that paul told a boy whos alone on xmas hes nt waned

the next day the paul goes to get a tree but when he gets back he ant find anus and looks around

he finds him with his guts ot on te floor anda garden trown in his hand saing in blood

jk really he finds hin the church room playing musicon piany and he sjow him the xmas tree he got anda book on medicatons w/o mentioning The Lord as like most college porffesiors, hes a deniar andwill probanbly eat his gunafter 1 bad day

nus got money from mom and her butt buddy and they have a good xmas dinnr that lits the spirits of anus as he nevr had a real xmas

anus wanys to go to boston but pail sez no but is won over and sez its a field trip and they go and getblackasaur to her sitr who's pregnant and anus helps her up rhe stairs

in an ourside bookstore a fath00ker comes by and he turns her down but anus sez he can but paul sez he b0ned b4 and wil tell him when hes 18

in a museum they look at greek art including men b0ning and paul sez each genertion thinks it invented filth but to understand the presenthe needs to know the past

the seeds of the futurte lie berried in the past

so anus sez he otta be l=more fun as in class no one likes him and they go skating with a romantic song and it seems a bit boku no pico

they meet a guy paul knows and paul lies saying hes being well and is writing a book and anus is is nephew leonard like anatole leonard in robotech

after that anus rags on him over lying and he reveals he was kicked out of harvard for running over a guy who copied his work and accused him of dong it and his dad was a donor

so the past university professor took pty on him and gave him a teaching job and  paul tells anus not to tell anyone

this thing of guys in a winter thing is like the shining

so the next day he discovers the anus takes pills for depression and so does the paul

they go around and go bowling and paul has an f'd eye that looks off to the side and anus askswhich eye to look at

at a bar he talks with a Santa about how he otta dress like the real Saint Nick andits kinda big nbang theory and the duo watch little big man with paul saying its accurate to the times

the anus goes out and eventually paul catches him and its revealed he wanted to see his dad and paul sez he could have asked him

they drive off and to the nut house and he's spaced out and the anus sez things are good and claims to be doing well but dad thinks THEY are putting things in his food

anus goes over his dads devlution and how the meds made him worse and he got kinda violent and was locked up and divorced and send to school to avoid having to be reminde of him

anus sees little good and te paul comforts him to say we are not our dads and his dad tried beating it into him and they go to eat with blackasuar

the waitor sez theres a desert but they cant give e it cuz its got booze and hes underaged, so they get ice cream and cherried and burn it in a bo in the parking lot

they go back to wher eever they started and anus has a fireworks and they cleebrate new years then light off the fireworks in the kitcken

later school is back and jock wh's dad wantd him to cut his hair has it cut andits bsiness at normal and blonde got a sunburn from the light off the snow and paul calls hm icarus for going too close to the sun

cookie lady chick gets paul and brings him to the leader and his rents are confronting them for bringing anus to boston and they have proof form it from his dad having a snow globe anus brought

his om b--ched at him for giving her real husband hope  and he got upset hen the staff treied to take it from hm and he wanted to come home

mom thinks anus tricked him butpaul sez it was his idea and he dont give a sh-t as they werent there for him and sending him to miitary school is a bad thing for him cuz hes smart

aul gets fired and tells his booss hes p-n-s c-nc-r in human forme and tells blackasaur hich eye to look at

so blckaaur gives paul a book to weite his boom nd sez shes not going and saving up for her sisters baby whos middle name will be curtis if a boy

the student s think paul was caught eating human waste and anus hes not leaving but paul got canned and offers to skip PE and have a burger and beer like that X Men Game and the paul sez no and they encourage each other

paul drives off and swigs booze, spits it out and drives off ss the credits play

the end

that was quite good

rally captures the 70s style like films of the era

good music and feel and the story is goo how it graually blooms like a flower in Sailor Moon

its got good acting and story and some accusations of the story being ripped off of another screenplay

its a bit bummer but nowt depressing with guys going cr-ppy but it dont make u feel low

the characters have their own feel and my dad was laughing loud at this as it amused him somehow

i liked it and it was like a new movie from the era, like Tanglewood on Sega Genesis

paul seeing anus as his past self and aking the hit for the kid so his life would nt be f'd was honorable and showed he had soe hope for another left, like Fiore giving his Life Ki to save Serena in Sailor Moon

For The Holdovers 2 I want it to be of paul in greece and finding an anciebt relic that is too advanced for the time peroid and when he takres it to the museum, hes told to escape to a key pointto reveal it to a live news thing, turns out, its proof that amcient civilizations are more advanced than THEY ant us to know to promote evolution and hide evidence THEY dont want us to see. Turns out angus's dad was locked up as he had proof and they slippe crazy pills in his food to keep him from revealing it and locked up. But Angus got a psychic message from his dad who sensed it and they team up and get to the D Point hich is where the Creationist network planned a news thing to happen live and it turns out its a sports thing where when paul goes on the field, the announcer will reveal the reics truth and disprove evolution, but psul dont wanna as hes a creation deniar but when evolutionist agents try to ice him, he goes to spite them. Also its an 8 bit game like the Game Boy Bill And Ted on Nes, GameBoy, Master System, Game Gear, TG16, Atari 7800 and Lynx where you play as Paul and/or Angus and collect items to open a door in puzzle platform levels and unlock the exits to the path to the final stadium.