Cannibal Farm Review

 Note; i spell farmer style

Cannibal Farm

This is my review on Cannibal Farm from the distant future year to lgtbqia2+map icon ed gein of 199 28 aka 2018 (the year after the malcontent uprisings in Robotech)

Its directed by Charlie Steeds who i never heard of

it stars no one i know and in' on back door, candy a55, frooty booty, banana crammer, aids bag, sodom ottom, cipl=pple nipple, hippie vegan stoner peta tree kung fu based on plants wikipedia who is probably run by soviets for hating on Freedom

so after logos we get widescreen image of an animal head on a wall and a warning of not going to afarm or theres a boy with a melted face

then we see some seemingly 1950s or before kids and 1 is dragged off then we see 2 boys smoking by the creek and bad with something in it

they throw the bg in the river as it caught fire and this lady runs in to it and  saves the kid in the bag whos not smart enough to rollover and get in the water

his face is cooked and blackened but not like cadnya55 trudeau and his cosume partys in the late 90s and then we see the mom or sister or w/e soaking herself in lighter fluid and lighting up to cook herself like the buddhists in the 60s

so the boy has bandages on his fce and i think the mom or sister or w/e is preseerved in a chair then title

then its like modern times and a brit seeming fam is b--ching of a phone being used for emergancies and it causes brain issues and he wants to be in the country for fresh air

some teens come by and 1 is like 40 and they were late and the brits have nerds as brothers of the chick here and i think the guy is her butt buddy

1 nerd gets carsick and the rents dont like saying the s word and not sodomite but sh-t and not sucker of d0ngs

so they drive through the country and credits play to ominous horror music like in the 80s and the tall nerd is watching sewage baby massacre and chick makes em stop and takes the laptop and tall nerd calls him a p===y little b==ch and brit mom b--ches like a c=ckl sucker over language

mom and tall nerd b-=-ch more and they say dad swers and dad sez hes an adult and can say what da f he likes and tall nerd sez hes 18

he's only enough to b0ne, join the army, vote, and be executed, but not swear? is this a candya55 discord with a censor bot that blocks things that sounds close to swearing? like "i was thining oF Kirby" and f is next to K so it blocks it

dad b--ches of them bringing a laptp and sez nerd jr is gonna be like tall nerd, socially ret-rded and mom b--ches over his words she don like cuz shes a brit and they fear words like gender offenders fear their own names

mom thinks they are lost and the place they on aint on the map and the youth bicker more and they drive n the wron side so its soviet candy a5 englanf

they come by a devolved looking guy who has apple joice and wait its cider and dad sez he smells like p-ss

he tells em where the farm is and asks if its his fam and he sez his wife her fam and his stepson and dad drives off as devolved guy has deliverance vibes but brittlish

so dad stops and smells the air and the kids come out and b--ch and 1 goes to p-ss and mom comforts him

he sez to pitch the tent and b--ch the teapot but not the last part and tall nerd is p-ssing on the car

nerd jr finds a teddybear and tall nerd bugs him over the exorcism he made jr watch when jr was 4 and jr leaves it but tall nerd gets it

mom and chick bicker over money and mom can hardly make rent and chick sezmom has several cars/homes but not like john holmes or jon waters or elton jon or john travolta

so the chicks put up this tent and dad wants the tent he had as a kid and spazzes out nd daughter is taller than mom

at night they cook on a fire and make meat and butt budy and chcik dont eat meat and are vegan as they are faegs and dad rides their a55es as he should but they claim dad would get diabetus and heart and fat issues, but meat is protein and good for body building so if you work out you dont get fat

so dad goes in the rv and getsa phone and wigs out at tall nerd over it andfwhen tall nerd mouths off to him, he tells him off for paying for his university and being a spoiled brat but tall nerd wiggs out and sweas at him and storms off like a c=ck sucker as he is one

i think dad chicked i mean chucked the phone and tall nerd storms off to the rv but chick trys comforeting him and say how they are lucky to have rents bit tall nerd is all b==chy and chick sez to enjoy things while they are good

son goes to watch a movie and tells chcik to not depend on mom and her bf but outside th rv is a hand on the window

chick and butt buddy are in bed and talk of the fam and i think this pases the feminist test of 2 chicks talking of a thing besides the main guy, as her butt buddy is a candya55 girly man who the only mean in his mouth is a dudes big black b0nar

so they are getting lusty and her brothers can hear but they say to put a pillow over the head and butt buddy beta boy wants to have her talk to mom about getting a place

nerd jr not garlic jr whos an alhpa male and buff, sees a face in the window and thinks thinks someones thereand tall nerd f--ks with him  but chick se he can sleep with her but not in a b0ning way

later outsdie butt buddy is out having a faeg as they saye in gaye olde englande and sees feet on the other side of the rv and gets a stick and is gonna cream him but its dad and he's having a cigar

b4 ww1 cigarrettes were for sissies and reall men smoked ppes, but in the trenches faegs were easier to use so they did that

so the tents caught fire and mom is partly cooked and dad sez butt buddy was smoking and the gas caught fire and they needed a phone to call for help but cant find the emergency one and dad takes command like an alpha male and tells em how to treat the wound

later its daylight and they come by a farm and look for helpor a phone and they see a f'd out guy dragging a chainsaw on a chain come by

dads name is wesley wallace like bruce banner, peter parker, scott summers, minerva mink, chelsea charms, maxi mounds, pandora peaks, lexi luxxxe, jenna jameson, ect and he tells em he neees help for his woman and behind em is a guy with a shotgun who blows out dad, whos a cop, and chainsaw man comes at em as gunman opens fire and they scatter like cockroaches  when you turn on the lights

butt buddy gets his a55 poked y a pitchfork as he climbs a thing and its right in da hole and chainsaw guy and gunman get girl and she begs not to cap her but gunman sez 'You'll wish i had" like its batman beyond and when the bad guys dont get it, they wish they did

she wakes ip tied in a cage with her fam and gets 1 hand free and trys helping nerd jr but gets a branding thing on her arm and banding guy is gonna brand jr but gun guy sez not the bo and to let their hands free but the bars are electrified and he hoooks a clamp that sparks to the bars

gun guy tells em a horror story of hanson farm like taylor hanson but more b0ning i'd assume

gun guy sez his woman bit it and he made the ones responsible pay and we see a flashback of him coming to this place with a shotgun and blowing off a guys toes and a hole in the wifes gut and taking a machette to the boys who i think cooked the kid in the start

a boy runs and he j fk's him at a distanc and has em in a cage and now he's gona mad max or frank castle on em then brings in the cooked boy on a chain and wait i think its one of that moms boys who got his face skinned and wrapped

gun guy in the present pulls out nerd jr and the fam cries out butit does nothing and dad is still alove and chick sez he might know what to do in a hostage thing but he sez chainsaw guy which is probably gonna be sued by ed geins successors and the texas chainsaw guys, wears a mask of humanface

after bickering more 1 guy i think butt buddy gets his hands shocked and ets out of the cage but then chainsaw guy comes in and beast him with a sledge hammer

so we got like an hour left. i wonder whats gonna happen. how will they fill it? is it gonna be him mutilating em for it? or they try to escape? i'm curious like yurious

so gun guy dumps ice or something from a bucket in a crevvasse and cleans this skeleton that looks c=ck suckin fake like global waming or evolution when you have ALL the facts, and thinks its the chick who cooked herself at the start and talks to her like she's still alive and dont know whats real now and wants her back

so he's norman bates and leather face? this is relly taking all the ed gein

so he wants to break free and the more he wakcs guys the further away he feels and wants to break free to ride his biccyle and not dont stop him now cuz hes not having a good time, no good time at all

so later a guy wait its chainsaw masked guy, lets dad out andhe sez "about f==kin time" and nerd tall sees ad tells his mom and tinks hes in on it

mom refusses to think its real like  my mom hearing president hussein auing "if you think a billionare should pay as much as a yuu, as a janitor" and thinking its fake and son gives her reasons like he took em there and took the phones

mom goes on about her good memories of him and chick sez to listen to him and she b--ches about their real dad ditching em or w/e and mom refuses to use logic as shes a chick and dont think using real thoughts

dad beats on gun man and sez hes not part of that family and whines of being branded andbeats on skin guy

this guy hawksworth like hawks eye sez  hes the reverend andis paying him for bringing the fam for the meat eater but he's b--chy over getting mutilated by the shotgun of rock salt and brand and wants more money and f's the shirt offgun guy

he whines of how he brought em White Meat and a middle class fam and not gaijin and gets paid and is happy and goes off to have hawaii fun but then mask guy puts a shopping bag on his head and puts him back in the cage as he begs for money and how they had a deal

then he realizshis woman is there and he covers it by saying he acted in the heat of the moment and its like saying something u reget and she swears at him and dont care and wants him skinned alive and rolled in salt like that Earth Worm Jim Joke and vows to ice him

he sez he soaked his tent in gas and he sold em to be eaten an she sez good thi g ur eaten too, then nerd tal snaps his neck with a chain through the cage holes and he goes to heaven as he's an alpha male andnot a queer a55 vegan

a guy comes and gives him a collar through the bar and he puts it on like the puppets who chose the vacine to go to the movies and is lead out and bound and gagged in a chair as gun man i mean chainsaw man cleans his face and gets a saw ad cuts into him

he gets his hand free and grabs a metal thig and jams it through the face guys neck and face guy trus pulling it out ad tall nerd wastes him with a few good pickaxe chops

he drags the body and as gunma comes up sees face guy chainsaw mans body in bed and tells him sleep well cuz we're get outta here, and tall nerd is hiding under the bed

moms wigging out and chick notices they have a metal bowl and tells mom to get william wallice's blood and se berried him undef hay

she bites open his leg and wigs out and moves the blood bowl to chick after filling it offscreen

tall nerd swaps clothes with face guy and takes his fake face and gets his chainsaw and chick throws the blood at the power thing ans spazzes it out to get out

sister bangs the door with a hammer and when tall nerd comes in she beats him out eith a hammer andsthrows him in the oven then takes the chainsaw and  it dont start

gunman comes in and she hides in a barre of human blood like its fear factor with less eatng g0n=ds and gnman asks where the kids are

mom sez masko too em and he thinks they might have broke out so he checks the blood barrels and chick hides undr the blood but gmnam seals the cae and this big blonde guy carries it out

gunman goes to face chainsaw guy and finds him dead and beaks down as despite doing great evil, he cares for his kid, like that irish president after the GOOD one

So he wigs out on mom then goes on about how face guy chainsaw dude had it rough and its better hes iced now and mom asks to be let go but he sez he could've let her go a deacade ago bt now cant as if he lets her go hes done

1 gy escaped that farm everet blackheart, then we see a flashback where he has the fam of the guys who cooked his son in cages ad when he gives food to the mom, he nails her arm to the ground by the hand and saws off her arm with a knive, whih I'm surprised cut bone

a car horn beeps and he goes to check it and that dad gets the machette and trys cutting his chain but it wont cut so mom sez to cut off his feet and find the keays but he sez he dont wanna sacrifie his ability for his fam as they s-ck and then we see him walking with chains on his feet and his fams feet in the chains

pesent mom sez nt yo ice her fam but he sez they iced his son and he goes for her nerd jr whos in a cage as 2 shadowed over guys come to his cage

in a trck chck gets outta the blood but isnt as stained as you'd think and has the chainsaw soaked in blood and somehow works

she goes out and goes into a strangers kitchen asking for help and tells of the farm they eat people butthe woman sezsome farmers play trix and its a misunderstanding

woman offers her a drink but chick wants a shower and to get the blood off her and in the bathroom, brewaks a mirror and sneaks around before beating down woman and holdng her at broken glass point

the husband or bf or w/e sez they have a special taste for ceryain food and were told to call the supplier aka meat eate in case of an emergency and hes coming

chick has him call meat eater and in the farm ta;l nerd comes in i mean to and is in te oveb and begs for help but mom wigs outas she cant watch him due and sings a song like bulma suggested they do in the trunks arc and vegea called her stoopid

so he eventually bites it in the microeave or w/e like people do to pets who act up and have coming and gunman comes in the strangers home and she sez she escaped eyeless bill and wait its not gunman its the dad whocut off his fams feet and she wastes him with the chaisaw or w/e

in daylight she gets back andputs a chain and hook n the cage and mom stoopidly tries to throw it on the oven doors and eventually gets it cuz chicks sck ayt sports

the truck drives and pulls the door off as gunman comes in and  gets the hook pulled into his arm and he drops the gun

her son comes outta the over all crispy like the reboot fantastic 4 human torch and spstically crawlsto gunman and bites him then strangles him but chick comes in and blows his head open

mom finally gets into a55 and sez it was her brother but she dont believe it and makes gunman come with him to see everet blackhart, not blackKLheart who does emale muscle art that gets me in the mood, to work out and get buff, is still alive and on his farm

she reveals everet is meat eater and owns the farm use him as his vengeance and they inult each others fams and accuse each other of wasting their fams but gunman reveals he didnt ice em as they bled out from foot removal and the boys lived

everett wants to see his boys but chick makes him write his clients names and details but he writes f==k yoo and she ties his head back, puts a funnel in his mouth and dumps boiling liquid in it

she sez give the names and she'd take em to his sons and then we see dad in a cave and these skinless guys shadoweeover come and eat him offscreen probbly

so nerd jr comes bak ok as this movie dont got the g0n=ds to ice kids and chick sez to go with jr and shes staying o end the farm as mom sez to find em and evetually leaves

then she charges her ki and glows white and overloads and consumesthe area in a White burst

jk really she taks over hanson farms and catches people wait its those who were responsible on the list everet college coop wrote

she puts gunman in the oven and tells the rest the one wo eats 1st will live and the rest suffer and she gos outside wit a hotgun and bullet and loads it

the end

that was pretty cool

good twists and surprises

nice 2010s filming kinda like a direct to video thing

nice dialogue and despite them being britlers, you get used to it, or the accents humanize after a while

nice good but not too much but a good bit, i mean gore not good

good acting and effects and the sotry was well done

the music was cool and the best part was em going through the countryside and that 80s style stuff in the opening credits

i liked this one and its not the best but its not trying to be, its a solid movie hitting the mark

plus the elites eating people is pretty accurate for what THEY do

for Cannibal Farm 2 I want her to be hunting the cannibal elites and going around all bada55 like a ninja assassin and taking em out like Arnold or JEan Claude and putting them into traps that they get skinned or deboned in and her doing various tortures to em. Also its a 128 bit game on Dreamcast, GameCube, xbox and ps2 where you play as her and sneak around and tak out enemie guards and fight the bosses who use black magic as they work with daemons and you use a holy weapon to counter em. With mini games whee you interrogate em with various parts removals and use of power tools.