Along Came Jones Review

Note: I spel long like a d0ng

Along Came Jones

This is my review on Along Came Jones from the distant future year to openly bada55 Andrew Jackson of 1945(60 years before Transformers The Movie)

Its directed by Stuart Heisler who did Tulsa

It stars Gary Cooper from The Eagle/the 20s Ben-Hur/Wings/The Texan/A Farewell to Arms/Alice in Wonderland/Mr. Deeds Goes to Town/Sergeant York/For Whom the Bell Tolls/The Westerner, The Good Catholic Loretta Young from The Sheik/augh, Clown, Laugh/he Hatchet Man, William Demarest from The Jazz Singer/Mr. Smith Goes to Washington/It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World/60s The Twilight Zone,Dan Duryea from Scarlet Street, Sal Mineo from Rebel Without a Cause/Giant/Exodus/The Greatest Story Ever Told/Escape from the Planet of the Apes/Stranger On The Run/Tagart, Frank Sully frm Fury/Captains Courageous/The Grapes of Wrath/Yankee Doodle Dandy/The Red Badge of Courage/The Rifleman, Don Costello from nothing I saw, Walter Sande from Mr. Smith Goes to Washington/Citizen Kane/Sergeant York/Tortilla Flat/Dark City/Warpath/Red Mountain/Apache/Bad Day at Black Rock, Russell Simpson from The Trail of '98/Abraham Lincoln/San Francisco/Valley of the Giants/The Grapes of Wrath/the 40s A Boy and His Dog/Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, Arthur Loft from Scarlet Street, Willard Robertson from Doctor X/I Am a Fugitive from a Chain Gang/The Last of the Mohicans/Jesse James/The Ox-Bow Incident/My Favorite Brunette, Ray Teal from Sergeant York/The North Star/Captain Kidd/My Favorite Brunette/The Snake Pit/Samson and Delilah/the 1950 No Way Out/Along the Great Divide/Ace in the Hole/The Indian Fighter/The Guns of Fort Petticoat/Inherit the Wind/One-Eyed Jacks/Judgment at Nuremberg/Chisum/Taggart, Lane Chandler fro m the 39 The Man in the Iron Mask, Erville Alderson from America/39 Jesse James/Santa Fe Trail/The Grapes of Wrath/Sergeant York and Hsnk Bell from Abraham Lincoln/the 35 Call of the Wild/Mr. Deeds Goes to Town/The Ox-Bow Incident/Duel in the Sun

i nevr saw this but its based on a book i never rwadUseless Cowboy by Alan Le May ho did unforgiven and the searchers

also its produced by gary cooper

afte title and credits to fullscreen b/w of a cart puled by horses, these guys cap em, the cart breaks away and he caps a guy on the cart, only to be capped by a survivor and drop an itenm saying monte jarrad

they put out a wanted posted for him and then we see cooper and a geezer on horseback andthey come to realize they went the wrong way

they stop by a town and 1 guys intials are mj and they think its monte and fear him

loretta young is there and the chick of this movie and cooperfollorws her to a saloon cuz he wants to b0ne her and guys comment on her looking hot so cooper slugs him for being hetero

the hetero is gonna kick his candy a55 but sees the mj on his thing and backs off and cooper sez dont remark other mens girls

he goes inthe saloon and the Mexico in there is afraid of him and gives hi canned peaches or w/e as his geezer drinks booze

he goes around and everyone steers lear as a deer withn a queer in its read and gives advice to a guy to be more strong and bada55 and when he goes in they fear him and the guy he helped tells him off for something and sez hes not a gunfghyer

a guysgonna j fk him like harambe but young pretends to be his gf to block the gun and get him out of the way and save him and rides out with him on a cart with wheels and guys on horses a55es

she explains outof town hes mistaken for monte jarrad and hes melody jones (melody is a girls name ie michelle and alexis and Justine and Nicole and evelyn)

they get to a shack with some guys and she tells him to skip town as they wanna lynch him and he sez he did nothing wrong but she has her cousin i mean brother and he goes on his way

she and brother are with the real monte and he's wounded and sez the other guy shot the guy and it wasn't supposed to be a shooting and th other guy was leo and wants to know about the cooper but she sez hes only a cowhand and got the town to thnk he was monte and now they'd hunt cooper and monte is free

monte dont think its real and th guy cant be so stoopid and he is a bit jealous of cooper and sez if she cheets on him he'd blow her belly open with his shot gun

weird as gary cooper wanted to ice his unborn kid and loretta protected hers and went out of her way to be with her

copper on the trail with geezer thinks somethigns up and wants to catch the real monte but s-cked at draing his firearm

his name is melody so i assume hes a hermaphrodite like in Devilman or Mazinger Z or Yugioh GX

in a cool shot of the camer moving around the shed or w/e, we see geezer and cooper snooping as usual around at night and go in for breaking and enterin

young complains to brother about monte changing and used to be fun as a y=kid but is mean no that he go capped and is a wanted man

she goes in her bedroom and sees cooper in there saying the mattress is full of skuls like ortal kimbat and he sez his horse ran off

she offers t get him a new one but he can't leave his horse and sez his partner is in the brush

the yongs dog grouwls at something andn stops and she sez he cn stay in her room in her bed til daylight and dont want him going out at night

woe, we're half an hour in woth adds, that felt like nothing

in daylight copper takes the geezers gun but he knew it was him for 5 mns of hi chmping around and sez to shoot a guy in the right eye to f their aim

geezer goes over the 5 groups that are hunting for monte and will stroing him up

also the real monte wasn't around for a while and cooper didn't trick anyone who knows the real monte and the chick is bad news

he has a letter for monte and wants cooper to use it but chick comes by and whines over being called a skunk as they didn't have 5kank back then and she sez sorry for involving him but he wants to help her

she sez she knew monte since they were kids and helped him when hut and needs help to lead the posse away but don't wanna drag main guy in but cooper sees montes saddle is in the cart with a blanket on it

he agrees to take monte's saddle and ride out for her and sooches her on the mouth with his mouth and he gives her a scarf he won for getting 17th place in gromp stomping w/e that is

she tells the real monte but hes b-=chy over cooper staying in here and suspects she was with him and is jalous

today on springer!!

so cooper goes to town andkicks down a poker table and goes to meet this guy who i think is leo the other shooter wo knowcooper isn't monte butonly III men can equal hm nd 1 is monte

leo i think wants his share and aims his gun under the table and clicks it anfcooper dont know but fakes it  an tries to get him to turn around to look at the glass door behind him

gunmN KNOWS the door is ainted over andthe real leo comes in, i was wrong on whos who, and takes cooper outside as cooper has motes saddle andthinks cooper iced monte

he smokes a faeg and sez when he's done he'd ice the cooper and thinks coopper sho monte in the ack but he explains the girl game him the saddle an monte lives

leos gonna ice him but young gets him at gunpoint and srnds him out in the desert with a guy to dite=ch him there to probably die

cooper goes with young who sez monte would kill if someone did what she did to cooper to monte and cooper sez monte dont get women

they grow closer andshe wants him to give ack monte's stolen money  bit they gotta wait til monte is gone

he wants to giove back the money now, she sez he cant cuz he promised, he sez he didn't promise, so she has him promise

they go to get the mney ut a guy in the shadows gets him at gunpoint and wants to gibe cooper to him but cooper sez hesnot monte

shadow gy sez this is monte's hideout and girl and he looks lie him

the cooper and young talk in a closet and not play 7 intes in heaven andhe wants to give the money

they coe out and he sez he dont now where it is but she sez where it is an he gets it and gets capped by someone ouyside

his parter comes in and the one who capped him and wai it wasn't and they argie a bit and think its del monte

they are in a cabin with maniacs after em? its birth of a nation

chick and geezer berry the body as cooper goes oyt but these guys in a posse go in and catch em

cooper returns and they take his gun and heoffers to gie em te money and geezer maes sounds til he gets beat out

he changes his ind and knocks out the calde z dhides behind the door so the guys shoot each other and run out thinking hes out there

he dint get away and staye as he didn't grab her in time and these guys come back to beat the info outta him and he holds out til they 2 on 1 him

head of the posse looks around for the money but finds the body and when the guys look, chick/cooper escape and lock em in the place

cooper gets to this place and monte is around arriving neart and gets him at unpojt where hes too far from a gun and its too lat to throw a can of soup or w/e

monte makes cooper undress and gets his cloth4s nd is gonna blow his head off to fake his death as cooper dont got a scar

cooper shows some smarts and screws with his head aboutn if he b0ned the chick and or not and if hes dead then he cant tell

he mokcs monte about being a loser and chick comes in and monte lets him go out and she asks why he iced the shado guy and monte sez he got in my way

she horrified monte as gonna ice cooper and fake hs death and partner is shot somehow and did i miss a scene? andhe givs cooper a gun

these groups come for monte and chick ditches hi for cooper and geezer is wounded and monte cant ride a horse with the side wound anda gunfight breaks out

coopr shoots to make a guy nervous to not shoot straight and hides geezer beind a wall of bags of items and we get a death scene where geezer talks about wanting to be someone and cooper talks of how she likes monte

1 guy is capped in the right eye like he mentioned but i think he bites it and got to h e double soviet england and ggeezer bites it

thn monte and cooper have a stand off and monte puts a few bullets in cooper but b4 he finished him, chici gets a headshot on monte and ens him thrn crys and geezer isn't dead 

in the real version his head blew apart like a water mellow ful of fireworks

so later cooper is coming out of jail with bandages and gives whats left of his reward for icing monte to geezer after paying for medical and room and board and other thing

cooper knows she capped monte and thinks she aimed at him and accidentally hit monte and leaves so she shoots accurately at a thing in his hand and the top of his hat and shows she has perfect aim like lilian gish or sheena etranzi

he decides hes not gonna b a sherrif and is gonna work for her on the ranch and goes back in and smooches her and they smooch

the end

that was petty good

pretty lite and fun but cool

cooper plays a nice guy who gets through but can be pretty bada55

the chick is a good woman by the wonderful Loretta Young

the bad guy mnte was well done and Dan Duyra did well as a cranky crotchety dude

the music and filming is good and a lot is guys on fake horses with rear projection of background going on

its a decent filma nd has some light and charm but isn't too harsh, though theres a little darkness

and cooper isn't a dumba55, only a nice guy, like gomer pyle

glad i saw this one, it holds up

For Along Came Jones 2 I want them to be living o the ranch and ufos come and start mutilating cattle, so he gets a priest to bless armor and guns and bullets to take on the sky daemons who come for em. also its a 16 bit beat em up ike alien storm but with 1800s guys on sega genesis, snes, tg16, Atari jaguar and gba where you play as the guy or the chick and fight sky darmons and their flesh based bio armor and mechs that rupture in orange an blue slime.