Labyrinth Review

 Note: I spell mazed

Labyrinth

This is my review on Labyrinth from the distant future year of 1986(40 years before Transformers Zone)

Its directal by Jim Henson who did The Dark Crystal

It stars back door David Bowie from The Last Temptation of Christ/The Hunger/Zoolander, openly he broo Jennifer Connelly from A Beautiful Mind/Hulk/Blood Diamond/The Day the Earth Stood Still reboot/9/Alita: Battle Angel, openly brittish Toby Froud from 00s King Kong/ParaNorman/Kubo and the Two Strings, opebly Canadian Christopher Malcolm from star wars episode 5 The Empire Strikes Back/The Dogs of War/Superman III/Highlander, Mia Sara's man Brian Henson from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1/The Witches/The Adventures of Elmo in Grouchland/Dinosaurs/Dog City/Bear in the Big Blue House/Farscape/Sid the Science Kid/Dinosaur Train, David Shaughnessy from Big Hero 6/Peter Pan and the Pirates/Robot Chicken/Star Wars Rebels/Star Wars Resistance, Christian Timothy Bateson from The Evil of Frankenstein/Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Michael Hordern from 1951 Scrooge/1963 Cleopatra/1965 Genghis Khan/The Taming of the Shrew/Watership Down/Gandhi, Anthony Jackson from 2001: A Space Odyssey/The World of Peter Rabbit and Friends/Watership Down the cartoon, Douglas Blackwell from the gay a55 uk dub ofv Wicked City, David Healy(like big be healy from problem child?) from Patton/Phase IV/The Ninth Configuration, Robert Beatty from Captain Horatio Hornblower R.N./2001: A Space Odyssey/Superman III/Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, ex hetero Kevin Clash from Captain Kangaroo/Sesame Street/The Cosby Show/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze/Dinosaurs/Dog City/Elmo's World/The Adventures of Elmo in Grouchland/The West Wing, Danny John-Jules from Blade II/Red Dwarf/Chop Socky Chooks(is that a slurr?)/Bob the Builder, Percy Edwards from The Plague Dogs/The Dark Crystal, Seán Barrett from the dark crystal and cyber cuty oedo 808, John Bluthal from Superman III/The Fifth Element, Enn Reitel from Corpse Bride/The Adventures of Tintin/The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause/American Dad!/Barney/Batman: The Brave and the Bold/Boston Legal/Family Guy/Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H./Mr. Bean: The Animated Series/Phineas and Ferb/2006 The Da Vinci Code/2010 Clash of the Titans, Kerry Shale from Superman IV: The Quest for Peace/The Jacket/Universal Soldier: Regeneration/Thomas & Friends and a bunch not on back door, candy a55, aids bag, banana crammer, frooty booty, quewr as a deer with a steer in its rear, sodom bottom, cripple nipple, gender offender hippie vegan stoner peta tree kung fu based on plants Wikipedia that lies and wants your money,

I saw this b4 years ago but dont recall much

ew its super widescreen but the tristar logo is cool

Lucasfilm and geoege lucandid stuff with it and in the opening we see a cg owl and credits thatlooks cool to 80s musi andthe title

and the screenplay was with tery jones from monty python

so the owl lands in a park and msin chicsays things of fighting to get to the goblin cityto rclaim the child and her will is as srong and kingdom is as great

shes preparing fr a play or somethingbut its time to go and she with her dog runs to 80s music as it rains

she gets hme butthe dog cant come in as its a lower life fornme and mom b--ches at her for being late and her rents got cr-p to do

se gets b--chy and storms to er room andrecites the oblin city lines and pts on make up as dad wants tp talk but shes b==chy an se finds someone took her dool and finds it in her kid brothers room

she gets b==chy and whines and tells a story to her haf brotheraboyt the goblin king loving thing oppressed chick with a wicked step mom and se recites a thing offering the half brother to be devolved into a goblin but stops

her kid half bro crys nd thesepuppetslisten and she offers the kid to the goblin ig butdoesnt say it right but the goblins say it andshe almost sez it but leaves and se he wishes the goblins would get hm

you offered your family to daemons? hat a b==ch! I hope the hulk b0nes her til she blows apart in a spray of pale green goo

the crying stops and she looks in and fnds the id is gone and a owl spazzes at the windowtil it busts in(is this where harry potter got it?)  and David bowie is there and hes the gblin king

she sez she difnt mean it and wants him backb bowire sez fugget abot it and offeroffers her a glass sphere that shows her dreams and does ninja moves with it

she cant ditch her fam, and the ball turns into a snake he throws at her but its a cloth and he sez the baby is in his castle beyond goblin city

they are in a mad max thing and she has 13 hours to solve the labrynth and its a big a55 maze she goes into hinking its not so bad

its ne ver as hard as it seem

she comes across a midet spraying faeries with bug spray but she thinks its bad and picks it up only to be bit

he shows her the ay in the labrynth's a55 and in there it goes on forever as midet sez he wont go either way and if she gets in she'd never get out and she takrs things forgranted

i love how the effects aremade out of matter and on camera instead of green screened on

she gets nowhere and ses hes taking i for granted andgoes on for a bitand see fungus or mss with eyes and a caterpillar she talks towho se shes not looking at it right

its a wall and shes told to walk through it and its an illusion as theres a pathahead a bit and shes tild not to go that way so she goes the other way but it would've lead to the castle

in giblin cty which sounds like a yugoh card theres all thesedevolved puppet peopleand bowiesings as the kidsmiles

i love this, its fun and 80s and takes be backto when movies were good

chic draws on a tile with lipstick not her dipstick and a midetturns it over

bowi sez in 9 hurs the kid is his and sings.

hur ry up go ku, time is run ning out

she reahes a dead end and goe back but sees her mark she just made changed and looks around and finds 2 gate keepers thathave 2 heads each like cards

1 tells lies and 1 tells truth and 1 door is the astle 1 is deathsaurus she does the thing where she asks"what would the other one say" that i never understoopd and goes in and is in a dark room

she mees the faeire killer wo sez shes in a place they put people to forget of em and sez to gie up but she offers him a bracelet to bring her as far as he can and he consents

he puts a door on a wall, pens it andits got a hole then moves it and its light all in 1 take and looks great and impressive

these huge a55 headsin the wall say not to go on and midet sez stfu

bowie comes in and accuses him of helping her but he sez he was leading her to the start and sees the bracelet and might put him in the bog of etrnal stench

bowie advances the time and sez if she thinks its so easy, he summons  drill thingthat chaws emad hey eventually escape through a wallas it goes by with midets on paals to move it

se dont trust him but he sez he sed that to thro bowie off andwhat choice does she got so she goes up a ladders a55 with him

they cme out a vase off the ground and midget is gonna ditch her butshe takes his jewels to have him tell the way but midget sez its not air and she sees thats how she said too much

they meet a geezer with a bird on his head wo sez i seems like they aint getting anywhere but are

sh gives him qa ring and the midgt/chick go off through a hdge maze like te shuning i mean sgining i mean shining

they hear a soubnd andmidget books it butshe has b--lls andsees a big sasquatch thing tortured by midgets and a rock comes by her

sh throws it at em and they bump each other til they run away like frenchies

lets him downand he looks like something outta the misadventures of flink on sega genesis

like dogs, the small ones are c=c suckers and the big ones are friendly and he likes her and  they see 2 doors wi door knockers on em that talk like in mickey's Christmas carol

she takes the ring out of the muth of 1 and the other has a ring through the ears and can't hear

the faces move fluid and well and liek lesh but loom bronze

she tricks the door to open its mouth by pinching its nose lik some amputee thing and knocks to open it

they go i this woods and sasquatch is scard like the wizard of oz and theres other refs like the 1st guy saying dont go that way and the caterpillar is like alice in wonderland

midget hears chick talking an goes to her but meets bowie who thinks hes gonna help her and he sez hes gonnatake her to the start

bowie gives her an item to give her and sez she wouldn't like a devolved thing like him and he might send him to the stinklands(the third world??!!)

chick looks for sasqusth gu and these bird gremlins come out and dance in front of a green screen to a son

man we're an hour in, taT felt like nthing

they fall apart and reassemble with eyes falling out and heads coming off and a leg hops off

thy wanna remove her head like shes a rabid dog andshe throws their heads and runs off but they chase her like a colored king kong in 33

she gets away czmidget throw a rope to her and she climbsa wall but they fall through a trap dustchute and nearly fall in the bo of eternal stench that poots

he denies liking her or being a friend and they fall onto sasquathwo sits on midget and this went princess bride with a small guy, big guy and human sized one

they try to cross on a bridge as if you step in it you stunk forever but meet a furry who is noseblind to it and might like befouled thinfs

he hits the guys with a stick but sasqyatch fgts him with a log and impresses furry with his power and earns his respect

robotech/vlron: rated R forall the shower scenes! Claudia: lisa! Do you HAVVE to take so many shows? Lisa: I HA VE to! I gt the alien stink on me! midet: If you touch it, you stink forever!

she crosses abride but it f==ks out like its maede in china andis on these rocks but therocks rose u from the swamp and let em pass

wont the srynk from it be on the rcks as its still wet?

frry ridrs a dog over the rocks and midet is gonna throw the item in te swamp but bowie sez no and he don't wanna give it to the chick

bowie watches em on a glass sphere and sez she'd forget when she gets the item

midet gives her an appleor pea and she bites it andnot ces it tastes strange and he sez the D word at bowie and himself

oh he ave her drugs!!

bowie plays with glass spheres ad sends some out that have mage of her as a princess in em

the furry and sasqutch find the caslte and in a bibble see a masqued ball and chik ina dress with big hair like austia andmasked guys in phaIIic makss and its like yokai

bowie dances with heras 80s music plays but things get weird and she throws a chair in a wall and breaks out o the phantasy like its cutey honey with sister jills magic illusion

she winds up in a dump and midget is bummed he f'd up his only friend

he pulls ou a knife and holds it t his belly and says"Nippon Ichi!" and cuts himself ipen

jk really she meets a hag and dont recall what shes looking for and she wakes up in her room thinking its a dream

she opens the door and hag omes in and she reads the labrunth book and remembers she needs to save the kid and sez her toys are junka nd busts the dimension like the boory boyn in that Disney chow they blocked the ep of

furry and sasquatch are there and they are outside the goblic city and they go in yt there s ahge metal monster with an ax and the doors close and spikes come out

they evae its slo blade and midet comes in and kicks oits head off so theres midgets in it piloting it like getter robo

he beats em out and commandeers it and f's with the controls and it busts

he jumps and falls andsez sorry for tricking her and she forgives him and furry sez hes brave and chick returns his things

a midget looking like date masamun sez the chick is back and bowi hides the baby

in the goblinton these soliers attak and fire a cannon that blows their homes andrun around aimlessly ad the heroes get by

furrythinks hes hot sh-t and aces a bucnha goblins then jousts 1 riding a reptile bird and wins but falls after and the dog runs off

the trio gets in a house by sasqyatch pulling the wall off and goin in and coming out the roof  as the chick fights off enemies attacking in the hosu like its birth of a nation

furry si caught by gaurds and offers them a chane to surrentder and sasquatch roars and ll these rocks roll in andf up the goblics

is this a thing on the ussr and soviets with the chick beign an Ameican and the yokai being slavs an other oppressed teaming up to stop em?

plus the rocks could be like the church as Jesus said "This is the Rock to build it on"

they get in the castle and its almost 13 hour and she ants to go on her own buteasts time thanking em and goes up the stairs lie ro9nhood men in tights

she getsto an m c escher area of various upside dowb and up stairs and doors and bowie sows up at various angles and throws a sphere as he sings

its distortion world with gitatina in Pokémon Platinum!

she wanders around afte the kidand theres grea camera work and as hesgonna fall in a hole she jumps and the area comes apart

bowiesez he was generous but can be cruel andsez he only did what she asked and f'd space and time for her

se sez the line she keeps aying about fighting to the goblin city and he shuts her up and offer her a sphere andanything she wants btshe goes on about the lines but forgets

he offers tobe her slave bt she sez he has no power on her and he throws the sphere and itturns back to her home as the owl flies out and it turns miknight

she chex her bro and hes ok and lets him have her doll in his room

but then he pulsats and ruptures and all this red goey mush is there as she screams

jk reall she goes to her room and her rents come hme and she seethe muppets in the mirrir who helped herand say if she needs em they'd hep her

then she sez she needs em and the are in her room an all the puppets from b4 are there an they dance and party as the owl outside flies off to the moon

then credits to that 80s song

the end

that was grand

wonfrful effects and puypets

grwat story

nice 80s music

the colors were duller but alive

its a great 80s film

it draws from the wizard of oz, and alice in wonderland and while it didn't nail the box office, its got countless fans who grew up with it

it looks more real and good than mot movies tha greenscreen or high def it

jim Henson did great on this and its like his last movie he directed but it holds up

It has good flow and don't dra and goes by at a nice pace and don't feel over 100 mins

For Labyrinth 2 I want bowie to come after another teen and the chick from the 1st movie senses bowie and faces him. Also the Labyrinth is different and is an arena of chaos so it assumes new forms and the goblins have devolved into bugoblins ith extra limbs and wings and stingers and there's a new crew of puppets that have different abilities. And its a 16 bit beat em up on sega genesis, sns, tg16, Atari aguar and gba with 6 playable characters, 2 chicks, and 4 monsters and they hve different abilities and fight the various gopblis and bugoblins.