Rampage Review

 Note: I spell mutated

Rampage

This is my review on Rampage rom the distant future year of 2018(the year of the malcontent uprisings in Robotech)

Its directed by Brad Peyton who did San Andreas

it stars candya55 Dwayne Johnson who all the j=rk off grade schoolers i hated kept quoting, from 2004 Walking Tall/2014 Hercules(In greek face)/San Andreas/That '70s Show/Family Guy/Transformers: Prime, openly brittish Naomie Harris from 28 Days Later/Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest/Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, openly buddhist Malin Akerman from The Skulls/Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle/Watchmen/Robot Chicken/Drunk History, Jeffrey Dean Morgan from Watchmen/Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice/Sliders/The Good Wife/Robot Chicken, Jake Lacy The Office, Croatian italiano Manganiello fron Spider-Man 1/Spider-Man 3/Justice League/How I Met Your Mother/Scrubs/Two and a Half Men/The Big Bang Theory/Star Wars Resistance, Marley Shelton frp Hercules in the Underworld/Pleasantville/Never Been Kissed/Sin City/W./Scream 4/American Dad!, P. J. Byrne from Bruce Almighty/Evan Almighty/Crossing Jordan/The West Wing/The New Adventures of Old Christine/Boston Legal/Desperate Housewives(ew!)Castle(ew! )/Justice League Action, blicketee black Demetrius Grosse from Numb3rs/Law & Order, Jack Quaid from The Hunger Games/Oppenheimer, Breanne Hill fro Sa Andraes, Matt Gerald from Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines/Avatar/Escape Plan 1/San Andreas, openly Korean Will Yun Lee from The King of Fighters/2012 Total Recall/San Andreas/Law & Order/The Good Doctor and Urijah Faber from nothing i saw.

Its based on the Arcade game I beat on Master Sustem and Game Boy Color and Uwe Boll whined the movie is gonna make people not like his Rampage series, even though the games came before his career.

POeople said tis one s-cked but imma give it a chance despie having the rock sh-tting it up

after logoes with vieo game eels we get text saying in 93 we got dna editing and in 2016 it was made illegal or w/e

then on a space station everyones dead but 1 blonde and this is how horror movies end

the test subect is loose and she wants to escape but the door wont be opeled til she secures a saple and they wont let her back until she gets the esearch

she goes back and egts samples and the ship f'd out with some creature after her but she gets t the escape thing and gets out as the station blows

normally id say space is fa and the earth is flat, but this is a vido gam thing so dont apply real logic

as she flies off the pod f's out and she burns up in h-llfire

what is this? robotech season III?

then we see Jumanji with a group inthe jungle with 1 girl, a nerd and the rock and rock sezdont moce cuz theres moneky sh-t with makde up stories

they are in the soviet sandiego wil life thing wth gorillas and this is how haambe happened

they watch the apes liek the evil iannie fossey who cheeted on hr man, ided her kid and was f ing racist

rock comes outn and not like ba rock and calms this apeith talking even though animals dont understand wods, they understand fists

then a white gorilla lie the white buffalo comes inand the white guy spazzes out running despite rocks aaying no

the dark ape is gonna beat he black offa him but so white ape saves him and rock sez white ape was jokin and uses sign language

spoiler; apes cant really do sign language as tey dont comprehend the words and only know if i d this i get this

rock sez poaches iced the ark apes fam so welcome him to the gorilla klan

white ap gives the finger and the guys laugh and rock sez protect the innocent, but not uphold the lawm serve the public trust or directive 4 classified

later the blonde on earth as the space blone got it talks with the nerd and rock and ner wants to make kale bread cuz hes a beta

nrd sez its weird rock prefers the company fo animals than people which maybe he identifies with them and will get species transition suegery likethat tiger furry who suicided

later a thing falls from the ight sky and 1 hits the apr are 1 by a woldf or w/e and 1 in somehwerre and its the amles from the station

white ape opens it and is sprayed and we cut to daybreak androck comes to fin white ap is in the grizzley placewhee they find dead bears

nrd has a gun and rock sez put it own as white ape fears em like a beta male and rok talks to white ape with sin language with ape being sad and hurt and scared

then he comes out and he's like sasquatch sized and has claw marks on his chestand they didn't notice his height gain as he was in a shay cave they could clearly see him in a few feet away

rock andner find th sample and bag it and we cut to a ceo in a building beating a save i mean model with a stick as he lost billions in research and the station blew

his woman maid or secretary like ms bellum in powerpuff girls sez thesamples survived as they were made to take reentry and sends his goons in tofind 1 in soviet wyonming

once i was at my grandpa's farm and it was the zoo and i taught the apes gang sighs and these black guys watching laughed as they found i funny

but that was a dream

this openly black womangets up and watching the news of the ceo saying hes helping peope and africanized woman doubts him and hears of the gorilla thing

so the army goons find the sample but its damaged a bit and theres wolfes slaughtered and 1 was devolved by it so not ms bellum sez they need the wolf dead or alive xtreme 4

roc sees the stats on white ape ae lethal levels and hesnapped a bear neck so they isplated him for agteession but rock sez thed put it to sleep if reported so nerd dont

that toally wnt come back to haunt em

we need an ape version of the simpsons, the chimpons, where bart sez aye harambe

black lady comes by saying its her sample andshe nees it backbut se sez she cant tell what its doing to the ape

she sez is making him bigger-/faster/tronger/madder and i think he's on roids and drugs

rock shoes her da ape and sez hes albino and the oly of his kind and beat a grizley the baddest predator, which is wrong as thers polar nbears

she sez they took stats of several animals like beetle power, cheetah spee todevolve it like batman beyond or mau sensen which all that dna f's it up

se sez shes the omly 1 to help an did a dna thing to do more than 1 cell at a time but ape escapes 2 andbusts the area

the cops come and pull guns like harambe 2 electric boogaloo but rok talks em offtil a chopper comes by and fires on him

hewigs ot but i guess itsnock out poion so he blacks out

another chopper finds the devolved wolf and caps but we dont see it propler and they send guys in but deer come by and a huge a55 wolf comes in andgets em

not bellum sez the pathogen does what its meant to and 1 marine or w/e runs and escaps  a massive wolf

it jumps a chopper and sends it down and eats the last guy looking like a mix o jurassic park and alien

rock sees ceo i think and is in cuffs and is loaded in withthe ape in a flying airship vehicle lane

on there they see ape is regenerating fast and ceo i think sez rock was army special forces and was on the anti poaching forces(is that real?)

roc sez hes gonna wake up but they calculated his expansion and its not ceo its a gov guylike not tommy lee jones

its reveal;ed afriaized chik ued to work for the company butwas fired by em and did time in ail for trying to steal files

its revaled she can't cure the ape and ceo who wasn't the other 2 guys finds they saw the africanized chick and he dont care about money as he dont wanna go to jail and get b0ned by homies

secretaty sez theres a counter thing that stops it and uses a radio towwr to broadcast it so when the military wacks the wolf they get its dna

ait its a radio thing to make the animals go nuts and lure em in

wolf comes andape wakes up angoes ape sh-t in the jet tossing guys around but rock gets free and calms him til the guys open fire and hits a thing that blows a hole in th plane

they all somehow survive and rock eventually gets off with a parachute and saves africanized chick and i think army guy as the plane blows on da ground

on the ground the ape isn't there and burned up and credits roll

jk really it sruveived and the Korean guy from the good dr is an agent who came in to the ceo place with a warrent so they blane the africanized chick

rock sez he hates people from dealing with poachers and hates human for icing animals and hoe ape saw his fam chopped up by poachers so he ice the poachers claiming they fired on him

you now zee Fuhrer liked animals and was said to ice people, as are animal rights nuts who want humans extinct

also tis ape seeing his fam get it is like lynn from Hokuto no ken

she goes on a thing about trying to save a brother with bad da but the company she worked for also used her dna editing for weapons

they pay the bills, its their right

like the prince putting his friends in the new fatal fury game, if hes spending his money, why cant he do what he wants?

so they work with the army or w/e as they are the ex perts and see the 2 animals are heading or soviet Chicago as the company is calling em

the colonel has em sent off so rick sez hold off, imma bada55, dont make be meat u out

then he beats em out and they tell army guy the company wont make a weapon it cant control so they got a cuire and army guy lets em go for saving him and roc flys a chopper

after the army cant sytop the wolf i thnk, they evacuate Chicago but rock sez they cant get em all oit in time

maybe only evacuate the civilized areas and leave the slums to cook?

so ape and wolf are in da city andcoppers cant stop wm esp afer wolf gets tail spikes it slings

the they see theres a hird monster and the calls are coming from inside da house

its a bg a55 gater monstrosity and the army attacks but does idly d0ng to it as the other 2 come in and bust the city

rock sees the army is doing as well as in a Godzilla movir and they need the cure

the army wants to nuke the area but army guy seez to help the chopper with da rick as if they nuke the place theres no evidence or antidonte but angry black army guy dont like t

rok and africabized chick ger in andarmy guy calls to say the place ight be nuked so rovk kicks in the door cuz they didn't let him in

she hacks in the sever and not bellum sees them on camera feed

the files are erased and afrcabized chickfinds the sample but nt bellum sez it dont shrink em but stops the aggression ans sorry of ur brother

ceo has a gun and not bellum caps rock with it and leaves with Africanized chick and ceo butthe monsters get to the building

the humans get to a copper but aope towares over em and usts da chopper

rovk saves chick as the bullet misses his rgans and ape beats on the tower but not bellum gets  em at gunpoit and sez lure em away

rock draws her viw and calls to ape as chick slps the cure on her and pe eats her

they iced a woman, who was the main bad guy, bada55

ceo merts army guy who ez if you give me da laptop u can go and he sez it was all his sisters idea and as he goes a monster crushes him

wolf gets to the top and roc who walked off a bullet like teddy Roosevelt or Rasputin flys a chopper w/o a tail and the bulding falls o the side like a real damaged building and not into itself lke cotrolled demolition

rock lands and they survived but its a cloudt duty area of rubble like a wste land warrior thing

ap survived and is ok an non vilent but the other monsters survives ans the military is gonna bloe the area like aliens vs predators requiem

rock seznd chick to tell army guy to stop it and theres ibilins on da ground and he goes to fight the monsters with ape

ape beats out lizard with a metal thing and fights wold that can fly smehow like dbaf

roc nails wolf witha bazooka and gets it to fight croc but ot the n64 croc

chick gets tomilitary ad sezthe antidote worked so call off the nuke and he goes with her to hekp

dino gater eats wlold i thi and goes after rock but ape saves him and beats on reptilewith metal like jax

ape fight in vin againt gater but rovk throws a thing of weapons at it and blows it

it survives and swings a mace tail but ape takes it and saves him

ape is getting beat and rok uses the coppe guns on gater as it tioally worked when the amy dud it but whn it gets close, he fires missils

it still dont die and this is getting like the buu ard and gatwr crshs the chopper and tries eatingrock bt ape comes down like link in Zelda 2 and skewers its head with a metal pole

why not use the antidote on em? it worked on ape a saur,, they didn't know what rthey were doing they were confused

we get a dearh scene of trying to be sad b4 the movie ends and ape fit bumps rocl

ape; i widh, we could have maed love, just once

wait thats ninja scroll

maybe dbgt with gohan and piccolo*

rock bummed as ape aved im and is dead and as animas dot got soulds it didn't go to h-ll with the criminals

rock cant take it, pulls out a gu, puts it in his mouth and says "here i cme" and blows his head off

k really the ape was faking being dead as a joke and gives rck da finger

rik se chick is his friend and ape makes a b0ning gesture which rock sez have some class

rock sez hey need a new hme for gworge and it zooms out at the busted city and says the title

the end

that was pretty good

yeah it changed things like the monsters being devolved animals instead of people, but it told a good story

good effects and action and the acting wasn't bad

i like how the woman was the bad guy and manipulating rthings

the music was good and i like how wasting animals was shown as good

its based on a game where you play as a kaiju and bust cities and eat people and it had that

its not a bad movie and has some fun

Glad I saw it

For Rapage 2 I want the gov to get the research and experiment on captured sasquatch that devolve and break out, then bust the town by a base they had. also the riovk and the ape have fallen in love and he crawls into him and crawls out and they combine their ki and love to have a burning ape mode where  the rock drves him like a bio mech and fights with his miliry training. Also its a 32/64 bit 2d fighting game on sega saturn, ps1, n64 and 3do where you play as the rock in the ape called George like the curious guy or a bunch of othr monsters and battle in a semi 3d thingwith building to bust like king of the monsters on Sega.