The Blackbird Review

Note: I spell blacula homie

The Blackbird

This is my review on The Blackbird from the distant future year to John Wilkes Booth of 1926(100 years before Transormers Zone)

Its directed by Tod Browning who did The Wicked Darling/Outside the Law 1920/White Tiger/The Unholy Three 1925/The Show 1927/The Unknown 1927/West of Zanzibar 1928/Dracula 1931/Freaks/Mark of the Vampire/The Devil-Doll

It stars Lon Chaney from The Unholy Three (both versions)/West of Zanzibar/Laugh, Clown, Laugh/The Phantom Of The Opera/The Unknown/Mr. Wu/The Monster/Mockery/The Hunchback of Notre Dame/The Shock/Oliver Twist/Flesh and Blood/The Ace of Hearts/The Penalty/The Wicked Darling/Outside The Law\The False Faces/He Who Gets Slapped, Owen Moore from Intolerance/The Red Mill 1927/A Star Is Born 1937, Renee Adoree from 1922 Monte Cristo/The Big Parade/1926 La Boheme/Mr. Wu//The Show 1928/The Cossacks/Show People, Doris Lloyd from The Trail of '98/Disraeli 1929/A Farewell to Arms 1932/Mutiny on the Bounty 1935/Mary of Scotland 1936/The Black Doll/They Made Me a Criminal/Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde 1941/The Wolf Man 1941/The Ghost of Frankenstein/Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man/Adam's Rib/Alice in Wonderland 1951/The Time Machine 1960/Mary Poppins/The Sound of Music, Sidney Bracey from The Cameraman 1928/The Cossacks 1928/Show People 1928/Anna Karenina 1935, Ernie Adams from My Man Godfrey/It's a Wonderful Life, Charles Avery from Father Gets In The Game, Lionel Belmore(NOT Berrymore) from Oliver Twist 1922/The Sea Hawk 1924/Bardelys the Magnificent/The King of Kings 1927/Frankenstein 1931/Berkeley Square/The Count of Monte Cristo 1934/Jane Eyre 1934/The Affairs of Cellini/Cleopatra 1934/David Copperfield 1935/The Three Musketeers 1935/Mutiny on the Bounty 1935/Mark of the Vampire/Mary of Scotland 1936/The Adventures of Robin Hood/Son of Frankenstein/The Hunchback of Notre Dame 1939/The Son of Monte Cristo/The Ghost of Frankenstein, Margaret Bert from stuf not listed on candy a55 Wikipedia, Louise Emmons from Judith of Bethulia/True Heart Susie 1919/The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse 1921/The Conquering Power/Scaramouche 1923/The Ten Commandments 1923/The King of Kings 1927/The Unknown 1927/The Man Who Laughs/West of Zanzibar/Evangeline 1929/King Kong 1933/The Return of Chandu/Mark of the Vampire, Willie Fung from The Iron Horse/The Hatchet Man/Red Dust/The Mask of Fu Manchu/1937 Lost Horizon, Fred Gamble from The Red Mill 1927, Eric Mayne from The Conquering Power/The Prisoner of Zenda 20s ver, Polly Moran from The Scarlet Letter 1926/Flesh and the Devil 1926/The Show 1927/The Trail of '98/Show People 1928/Alice in Wonderland 1933/Adam's Rib, Eddie Sturgis from King Kong 1933 and a buncha guys not on back door, aids bag, candy a55, frooty booty, gender offender, banana crammer, Creator hater, Sodom bottom, beta male, soy boy, queer as a deer with a steer in its rear, hippie stoner vegan peta tree kung fu based on plants wikipedia who thinks Yasuke was a Samurai not a Retainer.

I saw this b4 and thought it was ok

after title and credits we see text saying is soviet lonons limehouse district which is a corrupt cesspool like many slums and slum counties

it sez theres a sea of fog and human faces but now its more like human feces

then we see gross brits and i thin 1 is a crossdresser and man are uggmoes

England, when evolution fails

so a guy sneaks around and goes in a trap door from the floor to get  a room and this lon chaney as dan tate the blackbird like the xmen jet but openly brittish like sterilized male littlekuriboh

his brother is doing good work in the slum and we see these devolutionized sub humans befouling England but not as bad as the gain of the 21st century

the good brother is the bishop like the X men guy and his a cripple and loved

lon plays him too and cripples around on crutches who has positive views like Tommy Wiseau encouraging peace

this baby touches his ugly mug and the cockney mom sez its cuz of him the kid lives

the cops come by to chec on the blackbiurd cuz of a robbery and bishop sez the law is always accusing the man

cops say they dont accuse him but bishop sez he was asleep for hours and he goes up to get him

baby mama sez blackbird undoes the good bishop does and lon upstairs gets out and b--ches of being blames for everything there then comes down in a cap like hes a scot and wals off with cops after him

hes in a theatre or pub or w/e with guys doing a show of a spiderweb snowflake  and vera he nightingale sings the earl bowed down

shes kinda thick but not thicc and wait i think its a guy

in comes west end bertie or betram p glayde looking like a fusuon of Patrick strewart and elon musk

he's here for slumming and is a top hat guy like a circus or demon worshipper

limehouse polly coms on and years ago was blackbirds wife

bertie has a fashionable woman and a slum bum tries selling a plant and steps on this 20s bimbos foot

polly pushes a baby cart in a cape and cr-p like that boss in Contra Hard Corps in the battel arena 

then come on a frencie fifi like the snunk in tiny toons and we see her head on a doll body by a black background and moving around on a puppet like a weird Team America

polly meets blackbird or blacky like grendizer and fifi le French does a dance in a dress as blacky is practilly j-zzing with applause

he sent fifi a present and blocs a maruta and possible White woman with his leg so the maruta goes and he hates her with the maruta and her with me up

polly likes the good in blacy he dont now of and she still loves him

Frenchie got a pistol as a present from blackbird wich is pretty cool as soviet england fears guns as they are manly and cool, unlike sissy Englishmen who can't even have nunchaku in movies

to quote Chiron of Greece, Attack the archer, not the arrow

they banned guns, people used blades, so they had "sensible knife control"

what next? banning hammers? icicles in winter?

you don't need weapons to hurt others. in jail people et beat or b0ned dead often

they gonna amputate the limbs like The Slum King in Violence Jack?

Some people use limbs to harm, so no one should have limbs, gotta be equal.

this big guy sez thank him to keep him going f'd

she goes to him and he sez shes pretty and otta have protection like a gun or a man

pretty cool and sensible, esp in the 21st century with the gaijin b0ning and knifing people and the gov defending the animals from criticism

polly watched p-ssed off and Frenchie sees the bimbos necklace and likes it so blacky offers to get one but she asks of what money

bimbo invites Frenchie to sit with em and blacky is disgruntled then bored til a guy comes to sit with him

frenche looks at the necklace and bertie gives her a note sayng she likes pretty things and otta see him sometime

she asks if hes married and he acts kinda off

2 guys come in 1 looking like pee wee herman meet colin ferrel and bertie offers to go to plum alley to see maruta smoking

lons seatmate goes off and polly sits with him and sez she was away a while but he ignores her and leaves

bertie gets him and has a smoke, or sucks a faeg in brittch and has necklaces and jewleryand looks at em under the light

blacky is there and they see each other and blacy sez he sees bertie has his men rob his slumming party and himself but has blacky take the blame.

bertie offers to go halfzees with him and gives hm the necklace then flips or winner gets diamondneclace loser gets pears and blacky wins saying "ur clever but no one fools da blackbird"

me; and no one f==ks the black butt!

fifi le French does more of the show as blacky watches and bertie comes in

she gets i think flowers from blacky and bertie wants to buy something from blacky

she sits with em as blacy lon chaney smokes which is part of what killed him like freddy mercury and being b0ned

sheflirts with bertie and blacys disgruntled and she gives him dead flowers blaclannd gave him so he throws em away and gets new ones for her from the flower chic who stepped on the bimbos foot

blacluka gets a lower and puts some in berties coat and bertie bring her to a nightclub

they had nightclubs in the 20-s?

be my love er want to be my love er

blackys disgruntled and smacs away his black drink, beer or coke

text sez bertie had brains and actually had a heart and he comes in with flowers all smiles as fifi is behind a curtain head out of it

blackys in bed all disgruntled as polly i think sez shes not after him but wants to save him from himself

he puts his head under a pillow and she leaves as bertie and fifi have a non b0ning good time to being happy and sitting next to each other

he gives her rings like the sega game jewel master and sez he collects em and she wears both then he gives a 3rd joking they're married and the smooch on the mouth not hot dog

they see blacky who he sez since he said he;d marry her he learned  he learned berties a crook

wait its bishop and bertie sez his brother blackbird talked and he admits it and sez whats it matter?

bishop sez he admits his crook and wants a nice dame to wed him and she leaves but he sez he din't thin she'd mind and he' stop it for her

she hugs him on his torso not hot dog and sishop looks sneering at em about to spazz out

bishop pulls a gun and says "say hi to lincon" and blows away bertie, then carrys the fainted ifi on the roof like the cabinet of dr Caligari

jk really they say its cuz of blacky telling him they got happy but he sez 1st he must return all he stole then return and he' always be berties homie

sounds like if this were a game, it would be going around returning items on quests

the cops get a note saying bertie lives a 17 bagby lane and go there to find a cop was capped in there and sez he came for bertie who capped him and escaped in the window

bertie sez to Frenchie he idnt shoot him and someone told da cops to come and as he left a shot fired

blacly comes home with a small black gun and cleans it but fii i mean fifi, fii sounds like mii from jungle de ikou or fuu from samurai champloo, come and blacy turns into bishop by bending his body all cripply

the 2 are the same guy

she tells bishop the cops think berite capped a guy but he's in her room hiding and sent everything he took back and she loves him so needs lons help

lon, who talks cockney lie the lesser evolved brits and not the inbred ones, sez get him here as i got a secret hiding room

3 nights later the whale barfs out Jonah i mean bertie is in the safe zone like gradius but lon bishop sez if he trys to escape tonight he's caught and 1 guy told the cops there he's in the lime house

lemon lime and hiv

lon asks if he can trust Frenchie fifi and claims she and his brother were close

lon leaves and closes the shudder and Frenchie comes by with lon faking bein crippled being like 4'8 and he tells frecnhie bertis leavin on a boat tonight alone and bishop cant let him trick her

true love between man and wife is the greatest bond. to try to damage it is unforgivable. now sailor moon!

moon scepter elimination

lon chaney; hidebuuuu

lon being all twisted up and that expression looks like the elephant man

he brings her to the safe room and she offers to get away on a boat tonight but he sez he cant risk it with the cops told off and he thinks she told em

she sez he's afraid 2 go tonight and he sez she dont care if hes caught

lon opens the door acting as blackbird loud talking or Frenchie and choaking himself as shes the only one blackbird loved

the couple bickers as lon listens in and sez she'd tell the cops on him too

the couple suspects each other and she wis oit as lon evily listens in and comes in as blacky nd he thins they're b0ning

she leaves and lon seals his a55 in there but not like sewing his butt shut

Frenchie is bummed and might as well eat her gun as those frencies are the bad guys

lon blackie sez he wishes he could potect her in this sad fantastical scheme to b0ne dat chick

a guy tells i think polly that blacky shot the cop and a witness outed him like joan rivers and bac door barrys butt buddy or Candice and that frenchies alleged woman

blackie lon sez he nows hes bad but she makes him better and hes into her

polly comes and lon smiles like boris Karloff meets bryan Cranston an lets her in asking if she wants more money

she wants to tell his bro but he keeps her from the safe room and sz se and his bro wont turn him on fifi

fifi gets p-ssed and so does polly who leaves saying she hopes the cops get him for capping dat cop

fifi gets b--chy and polly sees the mom i mean mob is there for him and tells him so he locks the door and changes in his room to his bishop cosplay

fifi sez get out they're coming and wait its polly and fuii is freeing bertie

the cops get in and lon busts uo the place and opens the window claiming blacie is killing him as he spazzes around to his cripple persona

on the bed he sees he left his blackie clothes out and cripples over to hide em but as he gets back, the door opens and he's knocked on his a55

the cops lift him into bed and his back is broken so he's f'd but he sez no dr to the cops

polly asks if blacie did this and cop sez blacie will never harm him again

lon sez he cant have a dr and is in extreme pain from a broke back chaney

he sends the cops out and has polly burn the clothes and she sees blackbird and sishop are da same guy

darien is tuxedo mask?

alice is maskerade?

so if the dr sees him they'll see hes not really a cripple b4 but he'd trick em all 

after suffering for a while she sez to fake being asleep and the dr comes in and goes ut she sees he's dead

and he probably went to h-ll for his crimes

the people say they'll miss him not knowing how he's really a bad guy, lie many celebs and guys history claims was heroic

bertie and fifi reconcile and kiss and i guess they get away with, wait, they didn't really do the crime, it was the black bird

the end

that was pretty good

tod and lon do it again

when you look back, it seems like it shouldn't be 71 mins but it paces it well

there's a simple story told in a cool way and lon has great acting

as ususal he's a remorseless crook who gets it but loves a woman or 2

hes not in a lot of make up but plays both roles different

the other actors do well and bertie does a good work playin a stick in the mud at 1t then opening up with love

the chicks do well and got that 20s thing

seems off that falling like 3 feet broke his back but maybe he fell in th wrong way in a million to 1 shot like 1000 ways to di and f'd it right

here are more interesting films he's done but tis one is good as is

i liked it and didn't recall much other than the end where he f;d his back an faked being iced by his fake self

glad i saw tis one

its got cool ideas and seems like a 1 episode of something story like Seinfeld but dark

an the 2 sides guy dying good to cover his bad was done by The DarK Knight with to face

For The Blackbird 2 I want a man with no memory to be accused of being the blackbird and polly has to try to decide if she outs the blackbirds secret to save him, or keep quiet and protect his legacy. Also she's falling in lov with the guy and sees it as a 2nd chance with the black bird. Its also a 32/64 bit dating sim game on playstation, sga saturn, n64 and 3D0 where you play as the guy and have several women you gotta deal with who like you as chicks like serial killers and gotta use the relationship to find your past and get free.