Where East Is East Review

Note: I spell east big dipper light fight

Where East Is East

This is my review on Where East Is East from the istant future year to Oda Nobunaga of 1929(The year o he 2nd Robotech War)

Its directed by Tod Browning who did The Wicked Darling/Outside the Law 1920/White Tiger/The Unholy Three 1925/The Show 1927/The Unknown 1927/West of Zanzibar 1928/Dracula 1931/Freaks/Mark of the Vampire/The Devil-Doll/The Blackbird

It sars Lon Chaney from The Unholy Three (both versions)/West of Zanzibar/Laugh, Clown, Laugh/The Phantom Of The Opera/The Unknown/Mr. Wu/The Monster/Mockery/The Hunchback of Notre Dame/The Shock/Oliver Twist/Flesh and Blood/The Ace of Hearts/The Penalty/The Wicked Darling/Outside The Law\The False Faces/He Who Gets Slapped/The Blackbird, Lupe Velez from nothin i saw, animal supremacist Estelle Taylor from The Southerner, Lloyd Hughes from The Sea Hawk 1924/The Lost World 1925/The Mysterious Island 1929/Moby Dick 1930, Willie Fung from The Iron Horse/The Hatchet Man/Red Dust/The Mask of Fu Manchu/1937 Lost Horizon/The Blackburd, demon worhipper Duke Kahanamoku from nothin I've seen, Richard Neill from nothing I've seen, and a buncha guya not on back door, aids bag, soy boy, gender offender, wiener cleaner, beta male, banana crammer, Creator hater, frooty booty, Sodom bottom, hippe vegan stoner peta tree kung fu based on plants, qyeer as a deer with a steer in its rear wiipedia wo says robyn hood ONLY got low ratings from people giving bad riviews cuz of its gayness ad color, not cuz the show rtotally s-cked.

i never saw this b4 but its one of Lon Caney's final films and his final with Tod Browning

they usually do things well so imma watch this

after title and creits to music we see text saying its in Laos by siam meets indo china

a real tiger goes around and its not cg or a furry

lon chaney is in a tree looing ugly and has his gaijin drop a net on it as it spazzes out and lon pulls a rope up so it dont get the eer or w/e in a cage

title card sez its by viet nam in the Mekong under soviet French rule

thres a building nd stayue of buddha thats pointe out to body by this exotic woman who wants her a comming bac from the jungle to like him

they are a couple and he wants to marry her and ses toyo and they smooch

in the real verson they were b0ning

theres audio of yells and chatter as we see a town and for the 20s, this was big

a guy sez the master returne from ungle and for Toyo to meet him

good music and an exotic imperial Asian feel

lon returns on an elephant and toyos his dauhtr and clims on saying she'd getta present for biddga for him returnin safe

the elephants head looks like a butt

toyo has bf not come out and lon/her o on to the home whee she gets the slaves or w/e to greet lon

she brings him to the yard and tickles him and he goes cat like as the birds in cages wig out

shes flailing he arms and bf thinks its a signal and lon asks whats up but she sits on his lap and asks her whats the secret

he sez she fell in loveand scar face lon chaney seems shoceked but looks concerned and loving

he was a great actor, a true master

he wants her to be happy but is worried and she sez the bf is nice like him

bf calle bobby i think comes in and shakes lons hand and gives a letter saying he's ned bailey's kid wo he sells circus animals to

lon dont like ned but ne comes in wait i thin its a priest

lon cats with him and toyo brings bf off

they wach a play and a maruta chic has interest in him but toyo his something and flips her chair

se sez something in i think Kanji and smacks her so maruta backs off after bf returns

priest i think sez lon dont need to have his life f up- toyos

lon is sore from years ago and dont want toyo to suffer

days later toyos happy with bf but lon worrys

toyo feeds birds and a tiger comes for er so bf gets a chair

lon umps down and gets the chair and gets it bac in the cage

its done with a split screen but is well done

lon shaes bf's hand and later bf has to deliver the tigers to his dad in soviet Singapore

he maes out with yoyo as lon gets em and has him go to the boat an he goes with him

on the boat done with  screen behin em playin film on it a maruta speaks in what looks like Kanji and this foreign chic helps him then reveals he spea enlist

she wants to tal English with him and he sez the country gets under his sin and is told its the way of the east

later they get to a place to deliver the tigers and he sez hes going to formoa an se sez shes going tere too

lon has a smoke and is introduced to madame e sylva who he seems to now and wals off to dramatic music

he sez sorry for lon and sez hes marrying her daughter

she wants to now more of his woman and a gaijin chic dressed like a caveman babe sez White Boy is like Sheep with Tiger

bf is interested in de sylva an likes her exotic eyes

later its night an they're the last 2 up with him saying its like a kipling poem

she sez her east is his east and i thin that code for armpit stuff

they mae out as caveman chic watches ut he sez he don't kno why he did that but sorry

he sez go and tells caveman chic to not come to her capbin

she oes to a room and lons there both saying they both re the same a b4

he wans her to not seduce his daughters bf  an uses heathan trics on men

she likes bf and probably uses blac magic and secks craft

bf comes outside the or and lon sez end it wile i;m here and hides behind the door in the shadow as bf comes in

he closes the door but dont see lon behind him and sez he sees stars in her eyes

she asks if its only hers and he maes out with her but lon reveals himself and things devolve to him slugging bf out then saying its more than fear of the law that keeps him from ending her

he carrys bf back and ten we see bf and lon in the ungle with tigers and a campfire

bfs worried as lon took em off the boat to the jungle but lon'd rather have a tiger get him than de sylva

bf thinks lon fears her and he admits it that he didn';t want to, deylcas toyo mom who ran off when she was a baby

bf is shoced he was with an older mature version of his gf and sez toyo must never know

de sylva hears from caveman girl the guys left and later some guys come by lon

bf has a guy get a letter to his dad ells long he's sailin bac with lon

a chic i tin one of the slaves prays to a graven iol for the ancesors to protect the house from evil in it

lon/bf retrn andtoyo dandes in a cape and dress then playfully reets lon then bf and brings in de sylvia  who sez cant be away from her ids wedding

lon wants her out and shes probably got plague from all the men she b0ned

toyo dont like lon not liking de sylvawhos checking out bfs a55

toyo sez de sylva cred each niht and missed em but i think thats a crock of sh-t

she acts like she wants to forgive and be happy bt as a demo worshipper she is probably lying

lon has toyo leave and tells e sylva shes full of IT and otta go

se gets b--chy and sez if she goes she might ring the bf

lon sez toyo eing happy is all he lived for and she better not f it up

there a sasquatch or gorilla rangho who remembers her as she hurt him and i think b0ned it

is this gonna be like The Unholy Three?

ait, that sound like man, woman an ape will do things

bf hus toyo an caveman chic sez de sylva wont gibe up the White Boy

lon, called tiger but nit a furry, invites his neihbors cuz totos getting marrie

some anna see her mom as they hear shes hot

she comes down and commands the ape wit ha movements like sign labguage mages

toyo sez shes pretty nd is dressed is toyos outfit from b4

they eat wit chopstcs and some with knifes and forks ad otos crushing on bf like a school girl as mom looks at em

after differ she sez to mom bf blushe when she kissed him/u c mom?

mom sez she likes him and kisses both toto and bf who toyo sez his eyes loo funny

se teases he bluses cuz mom kissed him anddits le The Room wit him almos finding out with his How Is Your Secks Life comment

later bf stays away from toyo and she talks to priest

hes in a restaurant and wigging out thinking of 2 women

this is a lot like Flesh And The Devil wit Greta Garbo

cavemn woman tells lon she brings another message to boy from mom

bf asks why lon wont mae her go and is told ne nows when she goes shes bringing bf

she seduces him and they smooch and probably b0ne and theres things in the bible of being wih your womans mom

but svu dont care, that drunk teens mom b0ned the guy she liked

toyo has pret lesve as she dont want lon to now shes unhappy and walks by faking cheer and smoking

he chases her and they do the tiger thing but shes covering hr eyes and eventually crys admitting shes sad

mom wants to go to saigon then candy a55 paris to b0ne tonight

at the boat bf has te captain wait a few mins and lon hears the boat horn as mo comes in his place

he sez the boats one with bf and when bfs safe with his dad, shes out an wont tell toyo who she came

she pulls a gun andfight him over it but he overpowers herand ets it from her

mom b--ches out and ont are what toyo nor lon thin and is getting what she wants

lon nearly pistol whips her but toyo stoops em after listeningin for a bit

lon ept her evil from toyo for years but no shes gonna tell toyo-

tyo breas down laughing at lon carrys her to bed as sh spazzes out over how her mom and bf were b0ning

then its day ad bf returns so too sez she wants him to be happy as shes pure and ind unlike he wh-re mother

like a woderful flower growing out of a pile of fecal matter

they inda reconcile and lon sees mom coming out

he asks to e orgiven and they kiss as lon sneas around

mom sez she was waitin for him and goes to her room to have him b0ne

this is like jerry springer

lon has enuf of hr and releases the ape, and not j-rkin off but the sasquatch

bf an toyo leave and he resists temptation like you should

the ape comes in her room and0nes her dead offscreen as she dies screaming

lon sez et toto out the gorillas loose an runs in

then we see lon in bed after an aping and toy marries bf whos not a virin and maybe butt viein

they go off on a honeymoon as lon seems to be dying saying he'd be with em alwaysan she don't now

priest does the sign of the Cross and the couple goes off on a new adventure

the end

that was quite good

her freeing her bf from an older womas spell is like Sailor Moon wit Darien and queen beryl

good acting and writing an a nice love story with heart

lon is great as always and the bf is well done

the daughter toyo has an innocence and life to her thats nice

and the mom is good at being a seductress

its only like an hour long an a solid 20s film

Todd an Lon did it again

and lons not the bad guy for once

good swirc up

For Where East Is East 2 I want lon to be rebuilt wtith niola teslas tech to prove edison can't cut it but the ech goes wron fro it being based on ancient tech and he devolves into a Kangaroo yokai and needs his daughter to return him to his senses wit love. Also its a 128 bit Zelda like game on Dreamcast, GameCube, xbox and p2 where you are the daughter and track him across ancient temples to get to him and save him wit a friendship speech