Monday, November 26, 2018

Atanarjuat The Fast Runner Review

note; I gotta read the subs on this so so forgive any spelling cr-p
Atanarjuat: The Fast Runner
this is my review on Atanarjuat: The Fast Runner
I cant even remember how to say that name so hes ata now
I saw this b4 and thought it was a doc
its based on northern legends
so I assume its their version of die Nibelungen or something
btw this is like a 4 hour film with commercials
is made in 2001 which is when riki-oh and apocalypse zero start
it starts with a female telling a story to her clan
then title to running sounds
btw the camera work feels raw
like shot as a doc
so then we see some guys lubing up their sled
its the frozen wastelands of the artic
they go off on dog sled
narrator lady sez we never knew why it happened or what he was
but evil came
then theres this tied up guy in an igloo lit by whale oil
this guy gets a necklace but is said he iced his dad
but someone else who's name starts with a T is who they go after
its hard to tell who's who when they dress the same and the lighting and camera are weird
later necklace guy is walking across the wasteland
T is with em
they get frozen seals
later 1 guy sez things s-ck for him and he talks to his fam
its T
n we see em eating in an oil lit dark place and belch
later they say how hunting will improve soon and share food
I think its a famine
btw I read this is set in the 1st millennium
2 millenniums b4 judge dredd
later 2 guys chat and 1 sez if u lift a heavy rock, think of it as a womans butt
sounds like he's into fat chix
some guys come by and take their dogsled
so they chase
this just turned into mad max
then we see Atanarjuat and T with T's fam playing
Atanarjuat (which I gotta c/p each time I do it) plays with his bro's gf and bro T fights him
or it may just be a feats of strength like festivus
later this girl goes with someone but im not sure who
im not paying too much attention too
later a chick chats with her mom or gramma who warns of these bros having evil like the one who iced her husband
so its like how j fk and r fk wacked marulin monroiw
later this dude oki kicks his dog for being a worthless piece of sh-t
he otta b0ne it dead
with whale bones
or knife it dead with a walrus tusk knife
later Atanarjuat and T comes back with a sled full of meat
then they build a big a55 igloo
later T I think tells Atanarjuat oki said he could easily ice T and Atanarjuat worried oki might ice Atanarjuat
later someone enters da igloo and bumps T or Atanarjuat into a guy who gets p-ssed
then they sing
I p-ssed but don't think I missed much
then a guy sings about b0ners and j-zzing
then Atanarjuat and oki play a game
they take turns punching eachother in the side of the head
that's the most idiotic thing I've ever seen a real human being do
ur gonna get brain damage
and its right in the temple
when I 1st saw this I thought it was a doc and actual people
this isn't even a game
its just skull crunching
is this like Russian roulette w/o a gun?
as punched, Atanarjuat sees a guy and hears a voice saying the evil guy is there and they need help and the 1st guy runs
oh they were fighting over a girl
Atanarjuat wins and gets the girl oki was gonna get
oh and I just checked wikepecia and it wasn't T and Atanarjuat who brought the meat
it was another guy
and oki's dad iced Atanarjuat and T's dad
later Atanarjuat's woman is preggers
later as the tribe is hunting caribou Atanarjuat's woman tries to j-rk him off but her hands are cold
so he carries her around on his shoulders and runs as she sez she's cold and wants to warm up
when did this become a p0rn0?
later Atanarjuat b0nes a chick who wikipefia sez is oki's sister
and it was oki's sister who tried to j-rk him off
what a 5kank
later oki wonders where his sister is and someone sez f--king with spirits
sounds like how yokai and sasquatch would b0ne women
later Atanarjuat and his chicks are together in their tent asleep after a night of b0ning
he starts b0ning a chick and the others in the tent wake up and squabble
and his toddler son wakes up
this just turned into springer
later a chick whines about her husband trying to ice her
later theres a tribal council about it
oh I think it was Atanarjuat's wife
later a chick tells the wife okis sister is a witch and made him do it
then the sister I think comes in crying saying its her fault and saying she'll never do that again
she offers to do all the work until they forgive her if they let her come home
and she wants to be let back in the home
they forgive her and let her back as part of the family
so its polygamy?
poly meaning many and gami or kami meaning god in Japanese
k I checked wiki article and sister b0ned his brother an beat the bro
and sister lied about nearly being iced
later Atanarjuat and T get back and I think make up and p-ss together on the same rock
the family that pees together, steeys together
they then get undressed to pants  and go into the tent and remember their childhood
T wishes he was a fast runner like Atanarjuat
later guy with spears come and shank the tent
then someone yells at em that Atanarjuat bro is running
then Atanarjuat busts outta the tent in the nude and we see his small thing and runs barefoot across the ice
the chix return and find the tent f'd out
oh according to wikipoida it was oki who did it
ane guy was oki's grampa in a vision
and sister set a boot on their tent to show oki which one to ice
and T and Atanarjuat's bro are 2 different guys
T hasn't been in most of the film
after long a55 chase Atanarjuat gets away and is lead by the voice of oki's grand uncle
grand uncle and his tribe treat him and his f'd feet from running on ice and protect him from oki by hiding him in cr-p
btw oki's dad was the kid in the start who got the necklance and the one who gave it was a black magic user or something according to wikipisea
also oki dad is the head of their tribe
oki busts grand uncle for asking if hes dads soin and grand uncle invites him to eat eggs
grand uncle was grampas bro in law and left b4 the magic user fought a shadow duel with grampa and iced him according to wikipeda
after oki and friends chck and leave camp wife reveals she knows sister set Atanarjuat up
oki thinks Atanarjuat bit it but dad sez his soul lives
later oki's men hold down Atanarjuats wife and oki b0nes her
later the ice is almost solid enough for Atanarjuat to get back
and grand uncle sez oki has some black force behind him
later oki shanks his dad and sez he tripped and fell on it
he did it cuz dad didnt want oki to have Atanarjuat's woman
btw, remember in pee wees playhouse how he had a Japanese pen pal oki doki
is this where he got it?
so oki gets made leader and gets the matrix of leadership necklace
so oki runs the camo into the ground like hes Trudeau or something
maybe scar fror the lion king
one more thing Disney ripped off for that film
grand uncles sister send him a psychic message and he and Atanarjuat return to the place the clan
later oki wacks a rabbit to eat
everyone sez it s-cked but he loved the taste of it
later Atanarjuat returns home and everyone is glad to see him
he tears off his wifes coat and gives her a new one
oh and grand uncle previously used a ritual to turn rabbit feet into the white rabbit oki caught and it cured him of his bad feelings
Atanarjuat tears open oki's sisters coat and tells her to get f'd
everyone is sick of dat 5kank
also oki's homies wanna ice Atanarjuat I think
oh and grand ucle is there too
I just realized that people often accept a king Arthur film having magic but a film like this by natives is dismissed as "unrealistic"
same with bible films
oki's homies try to get him to hate Atanarjuat but he sez his 5kanky sister got wat she deiserved
oki's hear is cleared of hate and he wants to be a good leader and get food
after catching some big red meat thing, oh a caribou, he brings it to an igloo and they eat
da igloo was made by Atanarjuat and has an ice floor
Atanarjuat come in with cleats and beats on em with a bone
then sez; the killing stops here
they have a ritual at night and summon the black magic guy with walrus tusks in his mouth
its also badly lit
they drive him out and grandma sez its time to forgive and stop being c-ck suckers
so they were turned bad by a black arts user?
what is this? bibleman?!
also oki and his lusty sister are exiled for some reason
it ends with them singing
then an "in memory" thing of those from this film who bit it right after it was made
then credits to a naïve song and footage of them making the film
the end
that was pretty good
I had to check wikepiaea often to get it but its an interesting film
sorta like an inuit fusion of the 70s texas chainsaw massacre and the 10 commandments
its weird and its got cultural things i'm not familiar with but was well made
also I like things based on ancient legends
theres not much else out there like this
and it filmed entirely in the native tongue
sorta like mel gibsons the passion
also i read that the original story was about a revenge killing where they iced oki his homies but the director wanted to make it less awful
also they iced real animals and used them the native way in this film
its their tradition.
like slovenians making blood sausage
or japanese eating octupus
for Atanarjuat the fast runner 2 I want oki and his sister to be living out in the wastelands and have made it to close to the north pole. they find a mammoth herd and follow it and come across a race of woooly rhino people who have psychic powers and horns that can extend with ki. they are welcomed into their society but are actually being studied and te people want them to breed them a race of new subjects to experiment on(which they do). its also a 64 bit party game where you play as either oki, his sister o a male and female wooly rhino person and you play various games on a game board based on various native legends and culture.

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