Friday, June 28, 2019

My Favorite Brunette Review

note; i spell like a bloncde. cuz i is! homie!!
my favorite brunette
this is my review on my favorite brunette from the distant futee year (to the confederates) of 1947
its has bob hope, Dorothy Lamour from creepshow 2 (and she b0ned j edgar hoover), peter lorre, lon chaney jr, john hoyt from flesh gordon,
its directed by Elliott Nugent who did the 49 great gatsby
it starts in san quenton where a guy is gonna get the needle
its bob hope
imagine if it was a vaccine and gave him autism?
so he gets a chance to tell his story and some chick gives im a cigarette
nowadays, that lighting and smoking it would give this film an automatic R rating like if they said "Imma f--k you dead" once
so he tells is story about how he was a baby photographer who was trying to make a chinese baby smile
maybe they gave him a flu shot and it turned him?
the kid bites his finger
i think hes gonna row up cannibal
he has the taste for men!
aso he's a private dick
40s slang fore detective
he wants to be one
but this bada55 across the hall of his studio wont have him as a partner (that sounded wrong)
so bada55 is going to soviet chicago for a few days and wants bob to answer his phone
so this chick comes in and needs his help and he fakes being a private dick(that too sounds wrong)
her husband is a cripplino but vanished
if she trys the cops they'll ice him
and she ants him to find out who they is
king of the hill clip; sir, we are they
dale freaks out
oh and she's a baroness
what is this? the 1800s?
so peter lorre hears them saying hes a dtictive and sneaks off w/o being seen
he pulls a gun on a lady getting off the elevator
she goes to a car and drives off
so bob goes to this address the chick game gave him and theres a guy there who goes n
peeder lorry is there too and lets him in and slips off his gun and holster
the chick is there playing piano and singing like dana in robotech with minmei or janice or lancer
she tells him her husband is really her uncle and this major her uncle trusted is up to something
then major comes in and is kind of a texas
so chick goes to answer the phone and major sez he knows his real name
a;lso uncle is there and faking being caught
also the guy out there is a shrink
they tell him chick is mental and they cant show her the baron as it would shock her
she thinks shes in danger and baron is captured
also shes really his wife
major wants a map she gave him but chick comes back
she sez she got a call from uncle who sed he was safe and holds a knife around as she chats
he sez he's got a date with j edgar hoover (who her actress b0ned) and she figures out they told him something
he bends to her after a kiss (which sounds wrong) and tells him to guard da map
he leaves and realizes he dont got his firearm
he looks in a wndow and uncle is walkintg and he knows the dame aint bugs
he snaps a photography and eascapes
they go after him in a car chase and its night eventually
they were driving for hours and didnt run outta gas
eventually they shoot out his tire and he hoofs it
he gets into a building by ringing all the bells saying "hi honey! this is joe!" and all the dames in the hood ring him up
joe was b0ning everyone there
huh, the director of this wrote the talkie remake of the unholy three (which sounds like a p0rn0(and not just cuz its got a midget and an ape))
he gets out the back and gets away
at his place he develops the photographies and calls da cops
but peeder lorrie knocks him out and burns the photographies
he wakes up and the asian chick from b4 and he gves her the negatives and tells her to get em done elseware
he goes to the mansion with da cops but peeder is da gardener who dont know anything
the place is unlived in and the cops are gonna put cagny i mean hope away
cops to peter lorre; ur not bad for a foreigner
nowadays that would give people episodes
so bob goes up this tree to sneak around after da cops left and sneaks in a window
peeder keeps truying to have bob find a ring but bob keeps missing it
eventually he finds it and theres a note that sez where he thinks she is
he burns the note(well, lorre does it as his lighter is a cr-pmobile) and goes there
he thinks its a resort but its really a nuthouse
he layz golf with some crazies who use imaginary balls
a workjer grabs him and takes him to the dr
he trys to prove hes not crazy by patting his tummy and rubbing his head at the same time
only he's not good at it
so the dr is really peter lore and friends and major comes out in a towel
bob didnt have the map on him and they interrogate him with blackjack blows to the skull
chick tells em the map is hidden in a water cooler in some place and they ock em in and go to check it out
her uncle gave her a cig with a message in it to find someone
she knew as uncle dont smoke
so he the guy wjo took him to the dr (a big dumb nice guy probanly played by lon chaney II) brings bob food
bob gets him to bend the window bars open but he bends em back b4 leaving to be neat
holy cr-p the baron is played by the guy from orphans of the storm, the man who laughs, captain blood and casablance(Frank Puglia )
so a fat chick who's not hot comes in to get chick her food (to turn her fat like her?) and gets knocked out and clothes swapped by chick
they sneak out but peeder lorry and lon chaney gx are cramming for a citixzenship test
he sees bob and throws knifes at him as bob hides behind the golf guy
backdoor bob gets away and chick and him go off in a car
but it makes a lot of noise and the goons see em
they get away but bob want out
he shows her he's really a baby photographer and was faking being a private dick
he gives her the map and tells her bye
but she's wet from being out in da rain and he lets her stay the night
huh, the warden was Willard Robertson who was in dr x, I Am a Fugitive from a Chain Gang, and the 35 dante';s inferno
so they make out and the asian mom comes by saying she got the wrong negative
but he leaves b4 seeing it and its the baron outta his chaire
so they go to a high end restaurant as mcdonalds wasnt invented yet and show a guy a map
he sez da real baron has an appointment with washington and i think they have a fake baron going
the msconalds guy sez he made the map as he's a geologist and made the map and its the location of a huge deposit of a thing that makes uranium
then i think peeder caps the mcdonalds guy from behind in the backseeat and takes the map while bob checks the tires thinking its a blow out
he's at the police station and the cops think he did it as he books it
so he and chick sell a ring and go to washington in disguise as gagny i mean bob is wanted for the icing of the mcdonalds guy
at the hotel he hears the agent is gonna see the baron on the 14th floor
he tries to get a room on it but its a detective convention and he fakes being a brit to escape being fingered
he goes in disguices as a harlod lloyud like bellboy but has to carry bags for the bad guys
he covers his face and avoids being seen
so the real baron hasnt told them the code and bob chats with lon chaney jr
he trys to tell em he saw bob but the bad guys dont wanna hear as they are busy with code
in his room with chick he finds a voice recording machine and she brings in a recording machine dressed as a maid
the major sez if she gives him the code to the map he'd let her go
she asks lorry if he iced mcdonalds guy but he admits it
then bob comes up and pulls a piece on them (that sounds wrong)
they kick the gun outta his hand and he tries to escape with the tape i mean record
then the cops come in and the bad guys out bob for wacking the mcdonalds guy
but they switched the record on him and its a song
also the chick vanished
they take bob away and now we back at the start and he's getting the gas
so they are gonna put him to sleep but baron is there and so is the chick
the photo of the fake baron walking saved him and caught the bad guys
the guillotine is called off and bing crosby is the guy who was gonna do it
the end
that was fun
nice twist of noir films
good gags good acting and writing and good entertainment
i liked it and its just a fun clean 40s comedy
clean, wholesome and lite
good fun
for my favorite brunette 2 i want bob and the chick to be married and have some kids who are teens and bob is getting into the detective business. but its the 60s now and the hippies are inhjecting people with drugs to turn them into junkies. realizing that there's more to this than it seems as hippies arn';t smart enough to come up with a plan like this, bob and boys go to investigate. turns out; its the commies who are trying to destroy america from within with evil. also its an 8 bit game on sega master system, nes, gameboy, sega game gear, turbo grafx 16 and atari 7800 and you play as bo but can change control to your teen sons to fit into smaller areas or send one to swim  as he and the other one never did.

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