Captain America Review

Note; I spell like a 40s american. 1840s!!
Captain America
This is my review on Captaoin America from 1990
It stars Matt Salinger (The son of J D Salinger), ronny cox from robocop,total recall and deliverence,, scott paulin who was Professor Cory Randall in 902210, Ned Beatty who was also in deliverence and Bill Mumy from twilight zone 1
its directed by Albert Pyun who did Cyborg with Van Damme, Kickboxer 2 without him, and kickboxer 4 also without him.
huh, this film was shot in slovenia
thats where my grandpatents came from after the war
reviews say this film s-cked
lets see if if do?
i havent seen it all the way through but here we go
so it starts in 1936 italy and we get credits as kids watch a guy playing piano at a family thing
then soldiers come in and take the smart kid they have
then waste em
later at a base they show the axis guys a rat made into a rubber puppet that looks better than cg
it was experimented on by axis magic science
to be fair; they did a lot of meth and did black arts
like j fk and lady gaga respectively
so they hook the kid to this machine like blanka in stteet fighter the movie with jean claude van damme and this chick scientist escapes
7 years later she made it to america under commie F DR's rule and has perfected the axis magic science to turn cripples into athletes
they used it to turn an italiano boy into the red skull and now america is gonna use it to make an army of super soldiers
the 1st; steve rogers, who lives in soviet california
btw, why doesn't captain america have more video games?
i got the genesis one captain america and the avengers
and the other one is captain america super soldier
both i liked
i mean batman games work well and captain america is like him
a man with more power and speed and skill than others but no ultra powers like flyin or lazer eyez
it would work better than superman
so steve's mom says bye to him and they have a party to see him off
b4 a photographe he goes to get his gf
so he sez bye and has a smoke (which soviet disney would never allow their good guys to do in this candya55 era) and they go to a cafe at night
the army guy with him sez a code and go into a secret door in da coat room to a lab in the basement
so the chick scientist prepares to gives him the treatment that the army guys say will heal his polio
his name is a secret and is only known as captain america to protect his loved ones
1 guy; he may not be superman but he'll be a living symbol of hat this country stands for
for captain america 2 i want him to fight super man and use a suit that uses magic to counter his sci fi cr-p
and only the chick dr and the general know the secret of the super soldier thing
so they microwave him or w/e and he asplodes into sloppy chunks
jk he is stronger
so a guy congradulates the dr, does a heil and caps her, b4 opening fire on everyone and the machines
steve-o takes him out by throwing him into the machines and cooking him but the italiano chick scientist bites it
so stevio is in the hospital for some reason and hears the army guys outside talking about a mission
he gets up and goes on it in fuill captian america outfit
the italiano dr made it for him cuz she loves america
and made the shield and uniforme outta some italiano magic science only she knew
what is this? the oxygen destroyer from godzilla 0001?
so cap lands in day and gets to his location at night
they spot him but his magic s.h.i.e.l.d. takes out the guard tower
wait, the red skullis italiano now?
at least they didnt turn him black and make his sister adopted
so cap fights through the nazies or w/e and faces zee red skull
red catches his shield (which can break down a guard tower) and throws it back into the concrete
so red foreman beats on cap and straps him to a rocket headed for F DR
btw red skull looks pretty good in here
cap grabs red's arm and tells him to stop the launch but they cant
red buttons trys to slice himself free but cap pulls him and he cuts off his own hand (ike aquaman did once)
btw, interesting idea to make the red skull an innocent kid turned bad
nowadays they either have them redeemed or have em bad from the start
so in washington, this little blone boy is out at night taking photographes and sees cap headed for he houe
cap kicks the rocket and it moves at the last second
he had all the time from italy to america to do that
so he winds up in alaska somhow
blonde kid has a photographe of him and tells his blonder friend who looks like the kid from a christmas story
also the parents from that are in this
so eventualy its the 90s and president kimball played by ronnie cox is elected and is a hippie who is gay for the envoronment
dick jones cares about nature
i knew he was the bad guy
he wants to cut solid waste 90% in 06 months
thats not possible
unless you just F over america and all its people
sounds pretty commie to me
also he's going to soviet rome for a hippie thing
also the red skull in italy is around somehow and is against the hippie kimball
oh and he's got a human face thats kinda f'd up
and he dont wanna assassinate dick jones kimball as it takes too long
as he took out j fk and r fk
well... they did have marilin monroe iced...
plus if they bite it they becomre martyrs
so he wants to mind control him with a brain thing
like in earthworm jim with santa
meanwhile in alaska some guys find cap and cut an ice block out with him in it to take to a base
but he busts out to inspirational music and walks out
later its in da news and kimblla recognizes him from that photography he took as a kid decades ago and for a split second
how'd they take dat photography of cap?
also red recognizes him from a paper photo and he has a daughter he wants to ice him
then in soviet canada he meets wolverine and they have a fight with no clear winner
jk thats something else
red jr is after him in a chopper and they somehow found him and send bikers after him
i think the bikers are ninja and ride their bikes through the woods
also for northern canada its pretty green
where's all the igloos and wooly rhinoes?!
so the bikers are chicks and fight cap and shoot at him bu this gov guy saves him by being there at the right time
cap isnt sure its true as it could be faked
gov guy gets a tape recorder made in japan and sez red is still around and got surgery to fix his face and is rich and has dark dealings and cartels and uses his pre war name (not johan schmit)
and kimball is his next target
and his car is a volkeswagon made in west germany
cap sez he's carsick and has gov guy pull over but runs back to the car and ditches him
captain america just carjacked a guy
and the guy knows red iced j fk r jk and m lk
better stop him before he gets diana
wait thats the brits
after getting in a truck after his car runs outta gas he thinks of his gf from the 40s
i think captain america might've known slave owners
or slaves
so hes in soviet california and sees 80s punks and a bikini blonde before going back to his 40s home
this blonde comes by and he thinks its his gf but she smacks him with a 6 pack
then his gf comes out with her husband and she's a geezer but don't look it
must be polish
we age slow
they hug and its kinda heart moving
she knew he was alive and kept the house
she waited for 16 years but married so she could have kids
later red jr goes all the way back to italy and wants some reporter to lead em to cap
btw does she have any powers from being red's kid?
did it give him magic j-zz??
meanwhile gov guy who i think is the reporter and i f'd up, gets caps info
he calls da prez and red gx is tapping that so she hears and goes to soviet california
just like austin powers, gf kid shows him vhs tapes of history to fuill him in on his frozen time
so repoerter goes to the home and gets capped by red jr as does gf's new man
cap realizes if he iced red green then none of the bad of history would happen
better get a time machine
then gf kid gets a call and she and cap go to gf's home and her dad bites it saying they kept asking where cap was
wait hes gonna be ok
and reporter is ok too
they just survived being gunned down like kanye west i mean  50 cent
but i think he bites it
then gf kid sees gf's bod in a bag
this just went mel gibson
hes gonna go braveheart
but good twist
you'd think her man would bite it and cap would get her back
at the hosptial they find the prez is captured by bad guys
probably dragon ninja
is captain america a bad enuff dude to rescue the president?
so cap goes back to where the diner was in the 40s and busts through the lady's room wall to get to the secret area
he finds the notes from the italiano scientist magician and the bad guys come in after em but cap and new gf hide
they sneak around but a bad guy gets the diary from the girl but dont waste her for some reason
cap takes em out with a metal led cover fighting in a dark room
its actually pretty cool
and dont need cgi
so cap gets back the diary and get away
new gf can read italy as she vacationed there and reads the item
italino magician sicntics never knew the kids name but knew his village and its location
so red foxx has president cohaigan and gave him drugs that need 0024 hours to work before the brain can have the implant
also red has took out predsident kirk douglas's transmitter from his tooth without him knowing somehow
so now cap and new gf are in soviet italy and he does the carsick thing again to keep her outta danger
btw thats a dinky little cr-pmobile
andre the giant could throw it in through the wall
oh and presidncit kimble took some acid and is using it on his bars
so cap goes to the place red grew up and new gf comes by and translates for him
at there they find a 30s recorder and they get it fixed to have sounds from the start of the movie
they get his name from it and at a cafe some chicks go by and open fire on em
cap saves new gf and they outrun a ferarri mustang as it busts a fruit stand
the car gets stuck in a arch and cap takes the guy out
then cap stops a biker and they escape on a bicycle and fall in the sea
no seinior! No italiano!!
si senior! El... I TA LI A NO!!
so new gf goes back and gets red 2's bag and uses her cr-p to find out about red 1
so they drive to reds place but are followed and stop on a hill
they gets out and she drives off to lure em away but is caught and i think they all b0ned her
so they put her in a cage in the castle and leave her alive for some reason
and red II gets the audio tape gf 2 made of the start of the movie
red the 1st talks to da prez and sez he has 20 mins b4 he puts it in him
then goes away
cap puts on his super suit he had in a bag the whole time as prez kicks open the acide damagede doore and escapes
the guards notice hes gone and search as cap climbs in da castle
so on da roof of the castle like in yugioh red and the boys catch prez
but he tries suicide to stop red from using him by jumping
but cap catches him and prez reveals he knew him and cap remembers him
capo gives prez this medal or something that should mean something but i dont recall as i've been watching this on youtube over several nights
cap tells him to hide but prez wont ditch captain america and they fight together
after cap crushes 2 men under a castle ceiling he hit with his shield, prez calls for help on a walkie talkie
also he meets the general whos played by the dad from a christmas story i think and sees hes a traitor and slugs him out
nowadays the media would bash him for slugging out a traitor
so cap faces the skull and skyull sez he's not a fit for this era and they will see who is better
well skull is like 70 and cap is like 30
b4 they fight prez seez a guy gonna cap cap and takes a hit in the arm from him
cap and prez take out his gun and new gf and new skull fight
then cap and skull fight and prez fights some no name gunman who he kills with caps shield to the head
probably split his skull and his goo spilled out
new gf slugs out new slull and cap beats down skull
skull crawls to a machine gun as cap just stands there and preaz throws caps shield to him to block
cap goes after skull and new gf is gonna cap new skull to avenge her mom
skull gets a deton8r and is gonna nuke europe somehow
well... maybe its for the best
new skull gets away when red 1's gunfire spooks new gf and goes to show red the audio
new skull caps cap's arm and new gf taclkes her and she's done
skull opens fire on new gf but every shot misses
cap plays the audio and skull can hear it from so far away and has viet nam flashbacks
so he sez both him and cap are f'd and tortured and is gonna send em both to h-ll
which is a good way to look at ww2
my grandpa served in the slovenian homeguard fighting the commies
after fleeing slovenia for half a century he returned and met a guy from the commies
they said both were decieved into thinking they were fighting for justice and hope and against evil
see Joyeux Noel the WW1 Christmas Truce movie for more about that
this movie got deep
and not just cuz my ancestors were in ww1 and ww2
so cap throws his shield and it nocks red off a cliff
then returns and takes out red jr
it dont show the impact so i think off went her head
cap killed a woman
won't see disney doing that
then the troops come in and we get a voice over saying the environment thing went on and he prez got his way
then credits to good 80s music thats sorta  moving and inspirational in a pro america way
the end
man theres a lot of eastern europeans in here
but i thought that was pretty good
kinda cheesy but it works
its not dark and gritty and mean and low color
its bright and sunny and fun
its enjoyable and positive
even the bummer moments arent as dark as its got color and light
yeah the new marvel movies have better effects and acting
but this is just a good time
its got an 80s feel
and yeah its got flaws
but they don't ruin the film
plus it had stuff disney didnt have the chutzpa to put in
although they did have people shredded into mush by propellers
its got heart and good feels
like movies we had when I was a 90s kid
for captain amaerica 2 i want president kimballs environment plan to have ruined the economy. with all conventional ways of making things banned, things got too expensive to make and 90% of companies went. with no jobs and production stopped, most of the world has devolved into a wasteland of cannibals and degenerates. captain america knows he has to get people to the soviet union who didn't sign the thing and fight off prez kimballs troops and eco commies who grind up and eat people to stop them from making carbon dioxide by breathing. also the red skull survived the fall and turned good from the brain damage undoing the effects and is now working with cap to save america by stopping kimball before he ruins the whole world. its also a 2 player beat em up on sega genesis, snes, atari jaguar, tg16 and gba where you fight across the rotting cities and cannibals and mech's made of the bones of people sacrificed to save the planet.