Saturday, July 27, 2019

Hyena Road Review

note; im still getting used to this comp. but im yyryong to spell better
hyena road
tgis is my review opn hyena road
its from the soviet republic of canada and is about soldiers or something
i never saw this b4 but it was either this or passchendaele which i already did
its giving on canadas state broadcaster the cbc which is a commie channel
so after a narrator gives backgorund on the 3rd world country they are in, we get credits
theres a road the soldiers go on
then some soldiers see a guy putting something by a road and report it
they take him out j fk style (a gov ordered sniper)
then ssend in a team to check it out
my bets are he's innocent and the army iced him for no reason
thats how these movies go
its like making the soviets look evolved and america look evil in da cold war
they sniper a few bodies and 1 blows in a massive burst
then natives attack
they flee but the road is rigged so they gotta go another way
they are outmanned and outgunned
if they had mustard gas they could take em all out in one item
the kaiser would use it
mussolini used it
but the U N only cares about the bad guys so good guys can't use it now
they escape into a village and meet a geezer who helps em by throwing back a grenade
they report on radio intercom and describe geezer who has 2 different colored eyes like yubel in yugioh gx or dartz in yugioh
they go in geezers place and his daughter/syiters/wifes/neices or w/e come in
the natives blow open the wall and geezer goes out then comes back and its safe
they go back and return to their base the narrator describes as dumping a lot of cr-p into a lake where it gets in the air and they breathe their own waste
makes sense
now explain the smells of the wrest of the world
later this moustache army guy meets a guy he needs to help build the road
a chick describes the road guy as caligula
so he's in a p0rn0e played by malcom mcdowel?
narrator sez alexander the great tries to conquer this country years ago but it was long and hard to do
alexander delarge?!
more malcome mcdowel p0rn0e!!
so alex sent dirt to his mom and she spread it around and when she told 2 slaves to clean it up they went mental and killed eachother
sounds like the place is cursed
we need a lot of priests to bless it
its like violence jack's presence driving people to lust for blood
later this army guy talks to a soldier about cr-p like family and gf's
thats the end of them
also they talk about the geezer who helped em
at night a human male and human female soldier chat and i think they are a couple
but they slipt
the next day they go to find the geezer to learn more about him
but the village isnt there and the geezer there dont' know odd eyes geezer
but most peole like him live in the base
wait, i think its the city
army guy chats with a guy about it and this guy sez there may be an attack by natives
later they hear some army guys got captured by natives and 1 guy freaks out
aparently they do awful thing to living people
i assume its something awful like pulling the skin off their b0ners
something disturbing or uncivilized like that
maybe they bite the skin off?
you\d have too be pretty f'd up to do somethign liek that to a human
so this squad goes out on a mission and are lout all night
then they dance to the song "play that funky music white boy"
then they go to da city and its kinda cr-ppy
1 guy sez they know an inside guy who sleeps in a different place each night and cant be seen with them and is on the run for 2 years
they meet da guy and its odd eyes
they mention a warrior who fought the soviets and is now back
hes called the lion and odd syes sez he dont know but might be lying
main army guy sez oodd eyes is the lion
and lion survived a lot of soviet attacks getting blown apart and revived
is he rasputin?
rasputin survived being killed a lot by sorviets
although recent reports say it was the brits who did it
so army guy gives lions backstory
when the soviets left, lion retired to avoid the civil war
thern the cionvoy blows and they gotta book it
they execute the car rather than let the natives get it
they'd b0ne it dead!!
they escape through da streets but heres enemy fire
this just turned into call of duty 1-500
they eventually get picked up in a dtruck by a friendly native and escape
later the human male and human female talk AND male sez he loves female
well thats the end of him!!
main aarmy guy does research on stuff
a chick gets can ultra dsound but i wasnt paying much attention so i;m not sure if shes pregnant or has gut issues
then this guy cams his gf
later its revealed lion (also called ghost) is back for family honor
huh, this is directed by paul gross
so a squad goes oout at the part the movie started at and these guys working with them are double agents for the natives
and they have captured little girls
this just got woody allen
but due to regulations, as the bad guys dont have weapons, they cant attack
as no one can harm anyone unarmed
thats why no one is ever beat dead in prisons where weapons are banned
one soldier is disgruntled by having to let those little girls be sold to degenerates
so due to their culture, and honor rules, if you bring dishonor then you gotta leave forever
because the double agent butt b0ned a soviet years ago and lion outed him, only lion can take out double agent
thats f'd
and no i didnt make that up
this is like a bad prison movie
later, human female shows the ultra sound of her kid with humabn male and they are happy
they b0ned on leave and it should be ok as there is no office romance allowed in the millirtary
until president hussein ended dont ask dont tewll and now everyones b0ning everyone w/o consent
so another offscreen attack took out civilians and they need to stop that to finish hyena road
in m d geist, vaiya is called a hyena and ws in a mad max wasteland like this
also main army guy sez ghost/lion is back and can be an ally
so later main army guy meets some dude and asks about the captured kids
dude wants to help to take down double agent
later human male and human female b0ne and wanna marry
btw human male is the other main guy who translates everything for main guy
so later they go on a mission and listen to 2 guys talking including dude and double agent
i think dude might be odd eye
dude gives double agent cash and wants the girls back
but double sez his son is missing
so dude pulls out son's head from under his coat
double pulls a gun and main army guy wants them to spare double
bit as double has a gun, they dont need persmission and they empty his head
btw doubkle just stood there for like 45 seconds with his gun at dude and did nothing
main guy complains about how dude (who it turns out is odd eye) wanted an honorable end and thats gone now
odd eye takes off 1 soldiers face and natives attack
it shows his faceless head with a bloddeed hole
they drag faceless out and book it and we see the gunfights blowing off parts of guys
wait, i think odd eye is helping em
oop, hes dead
oh and 1 guy steps on a trap card and his legs get blown off
they hide in a home and worry about being caught and skinned
i guess my b9ner joke is canon
human male wants to suicide attacvk to take out all the natives but human fenale dont want it
he tells odd eyes hes gonna be a father
bit, he IS a father
the baby is alive in his woman
its not like it only exists onvce the mom poops it out
unless they saved j-zz from his corpse and made the baby in a lab
then he'd be a father after biting it
so the army launches aan attack and blows the area with long range cannons
btw i think he's played by paul gross
he b0ned a chick and bit it on enemy turf
just like in passchendaele
oh and the army saves the kid slaves b4 they get b0ned
main army guy looks kinda like the bad guy in the 2010s wonder woman www1 movie but might be related to kiefer sutherland
he sounds like him
jack boston from 2004
then theres a ceremony with the human male and they load his body in a plane
kinda like passchendaele
and his woman is there
just like passchendaele
main army guy sez alenxander the great fought for 3 years in that country
he got drunk and killed his movmie with a spear
then went nuts and bit it 5 years later
i already reviewed that movie
the end
that was pretty well made
yeah it takes things from other films
but its not awful
its got some good parts
the acting is ok
good effects
good gore
decebnt story
i didnt hate it
that gross guy did another ok war film
didnt expect a few twists in here
i mean mel gibson would probably do it better but this is ok for soviret canada
showing unfair war thgings and hoew people try to get through
i never wanna fight in war, but i respect those who defended us
for hyena road 2 i want the main guy from the 1st one to have been helping the pregnant chick with her kid and sees how his dad would've loved him. so he has enough with army regulations and goes rogue. he gets a suit of kevlar and makes illegal weapons to take on the natives any way he can and begins wasting em like a ninja. also its an 8 bit nes, sega master system, tg16 and atari 7800 game where you play as him and its like the nes batman or ninja gaiden and some of the natives are daemon powered and turn into abominatuons.

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