Tuesday, July 30, 2019

The Stuff Review

Note; i spell bad but its delicious
The Stuff
This is my revirw of The stuff from 85
Its by Larry Cohen who did good films like Bone, God told me to, Its Alive and A return to Salems Lot
its got michael moriarty from law and order, paukl sorvino from law and order and Danny Aiello from do the right thing (where mooky doesnt do the right thing)
so it starts with a guy finding this white goop oozing from the ground and he eats it
sounds like a normal idea.
could be j-zz
his homie trys it and likes it
later this kid in bed cant sleep and goes to the fridge and sees goop in it
someone j-rked off in the fridge!!
but when dad confronts him over it the goop is gone
so dad eats it
then we see an add for the goop called the stuff
like in yugioh zexal  how that politician was having a shipment of "the stuff" coming in?
other companies want to get the scoop on the stuff
after the stuff was approved by the fda, the members who approved it resigned
the companies hire a guy to figure out the story behind the stuff
i think hes a spy or private dick
is that michael mroiarty?!
so da next day the kid comes down late and he sez he feels sick
but dad sez he's missed 3 days ofn school and wants him to go
also kid dont want the fam to eat the stuff
like from highway to heaven?
he saw the stuff moving and refuses to eat it
private dick looks into the stuff and wants to seteal the info
then an 80s photoshoot with 80s music of 80s chicks modeling the stuff in furs
p d looks shows up and wants to buy her agency
model owning chick has a minion look him up
at the store the kid trys stoppong people from having the stuff by slamming itr on da ground
imagine if i burned down a beer store to stop drunk driving?
p d goes to a guy with a big black dog's place and asks him about being in the FDA
F--k Duck A55??
F--k Dog A55?
he wants to find out whats in the stuff
btw i never saw this movie b4 so i dont know hoq its gonna go
dog guy isnt a chemist (like dolph lundgren but not bill nye) and offers to get him more names
also he fed his dog he atuff and fears it
feed dogs aids
at night p dd goes to an ice cream stand selling da stuff as the dog wastyes its master
i think it barfed foam into his mouth
idea for a movie scene; fat guy moons fit guy. fit guy spits at fat guy. it goes in his butt hole. he starts screaming as it reacts with his body and white thick foam comes out of his butt. then his face twists and his mouth, nose, ears and eyes start leaking foam, then it gets more violent and he gushes foam out while making barfing sounds.
so p d goes to a gas station and gasman is the omnly one left in town
another car come by and gasman runs
when p d checks it out a black guy attacks but p d beats him
black guy is chocolate chip charklie who wants his company back adftyer it was stole
pd and ccc check the poast office and fins the people there went to midland georgia
postal woker sez "leave us alone" but theres no one ellse there
ccc considers kidnapping postal but postal is dead with a grotesque open mouth and white fluids oozinf out of it n out da window
its a symbiote!!
then they escape after fighting guys who squirt white goo when hit
its like fist of the north star
also postal is alive
they go too a diner but the dinber dont have the stuff
they split up and p d goes to da city
but a stuff vendor uses an 80s brick cellphone to signal a bus to try to run over p d
p d talks to a guy who funds the stuff production or w/e and guy trys to hire him
then talks to a chick who started the campaign that made da stuff popular
also p d sees an newspaper story on the kid
then an 80s add for the stuff on tv and kid is watching in his room as he''s in terouble for trashing a store
he goes down and his fam is playing some video game and eating the stuff
kid sez the stuff was moving but dad sez its probiotic and good for em
then the big bro grabs kid and tries to make him eat the stuff
why not give him an enema of it?
dad sez to stay in his room til he finishes the tub of stuff they gave him
so he dumps it in the toilet and it moves around
then replaces it with shaving cream
is this turning into eegah!?!?\
then he runs into the night as the fam chases him and p d saves him as he's driving by right then
kid barfs in the car as he just ate shaving cream and they take a private jet to georgia
chick pd and 2 guys go in a limo to the stuff plant
in da plane te kid astays beind and the pilot starts barfing white goo that fills the plane b4 he escapes
he probably got b0ned at the airmport bathroom
kid wanders to the mines and avoids detection bby workers and sneaks in an empty trunk that carrys fluids
at nigfht p d and chick return to a hotel and p d sez if u eat too much it controls ur mind
and some resist better than others
then an add for the stuff like the wheres the beef adds and cheesy 80s cgi
while leeping a pillow turns into moving goop and grabs p d's face
chick sets it on fire and it jumps on the ceiling
thern they fights a guy and the bed j-zzes on him to pin him to tyhe wall and move him on it
the foamy white goop moves around and it looks really good
far better than cgi
they escape the buurning hotel and jack a pickup truck to go back to the factory
they fiollow the truck with kid it it and the pickup truck f's out near the mines
in the mine they find this huge pool of foamy white goo and the truck guys are pumping it into the trucks
p d wants to jack a truck to proove what the stuff is
but that wont proove anything
all it'll show is he stove a truck of the stuff
no evidence of where its from
its like carbon dating
they know how much carbon is in the bones and calculate its date by counting back
but they don't know how much carbon it originally had
its like you have a glass of pop thats 2/5ths full and you guesstimate how much evaporated to tell how long it was out
but never knew how much it started with
so p d puts on a hazmat suit and tells chick to go somewhere to wait for him
the truck the kid is in is getting filled with goo and p d hears him
p d slugs out a guy and drives off with the truck
then sets off charges he planted that berry the pit
a guy attacks the chick but she pops his eyes and p d runs him over
good gore
they get kiod out and the cops chase em
cop pulls him over for having a hanging out hose (from the truck. not his weener)
chick and kid get cops attention by getting him to eat the stuff off the floor and p d breaks his neck with a judo chop
if you eat a guy who eats the stuff, is it like you ate the stuff?
its day and p d gets to a castle to give the colonel info
col dont trust p d but he tells him the stuff is worse than commies putting floride in the water to turn us queer
col implies he wants to b0ne the chick after the mission
later the army sends a redneck looking guy (my name is earl??) to bring back the truck asaking for a reward.
guard opens gates but shoots redneck
then army comes in and shreds him and attacks the factory
the workers all suicided and col wanted to ice em himserlf
chick and kid leave but are chased by a flow of goop
nowadays they'd use cgi
they escape but itt starts busting outta the walls and spilling out
col. owns 2 radio stations and is gonna out the stuff
on a private jet col. trys to get chick to change his image as he was always an alpha male and all the wieners wanted someone sissy like them
sounds like kids shows today
the bada55 is a 3rd tier character and the candya55 is the main guy who saves bada55
like if hokuto no ken was made today, bart and lynn wiould be the main characters and kenshiro would be their digimon who comes out to save em (but often needs their help)
col goes to his radio station and tells em to stop the adds for da stuff
chick wants to take responsibility for her add thing but p d tells her not to so her career will survive
then ccc comes in and wants a piece of the action of outing the stuff
col dont trust ccc as he maty be a commie or something
ccc sez he saw what happens after the stuff is done with em
then starts spazzing out and mutating as foam comes outta him and he devolves into foam
and kid is caught iin da room with em
p d cooks the foam with electrical cabels and saves em
col tells the radio about the dangers of the stuff
then people start burning piles of the stuff and blow the places that store it
but lotsa guys bit it
its sorta like something that happened to me
in college i saw adds for the birth comntrol pill called Yaz or YaZmin.
2 years later i was watching tv and saw an add
if you took yaz or yazmine and had uterus problems, death, disability, ect, call us and we can get you money
this happens all the time
they approve a wundecure and market it
the add has like 40% of it telling of dangers it causes
years later after it killed and crippled us, they say we can get money for our ruined bodies
i'd rather have a healthy body than a lot of cash
otherwise its just ritual sacrifice
cutting off parts as offerings for wealth
this is why scientists sshouldn't be seen as always right just cuz they got a degree
they are not gods among men who do no wrong
they are just people who can and do make mistakes
btw; black guy bit it in a horror movie
so p d talks to a guy from b4 who tried to hire him and othe guy who ran the ice cream company who sent him shows up
they were working together!!
and are making "the taste" which is only 112% stuff and tested on an illinois county
and the kid comes in with a thing of the stuff
p d pulls a gun on the and is gonna make em eat it
they eat and cant stop
later some guys are running an undersground stuff ring
the end
and the creits music sounds like a fun 80s movie like back to the future or superman 4 the quest for peace
wtf abe vigoda was in an add for the struff
so that was quite good
sorta like halloween III seasin of the witch
it had a good message we can still relate to and still fits in todays century
good acting and the effects looks real
good twists too
its mote of a satire than a horror movie
sorta like how freakazoid is a comedy with superhero thenes
larry cohen did it again
put this on the history channel
for the stuff 2 i want people to still be biting it from overdosing of the stuff and its causing problems with people erupting foam on others to infect them with the stuff. soon the gun decides to stop j-rkin off and do something about these junkies. So they decide to just take out everyone addicted to it and cook the bodies as the bodies get turned into more stuff after they erupt. also its a 16 bit run aand gun game on sega genesis, snes, atari jaguar, tg16 and gba where you play as the colonel but he's on roids so hes super beefy and his crew including other bodybuilders (and a few beefy chicks) who go around with flamethrowers in the slums of soviet new york riasting junkies and the infected.

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