Sunday, January 5, 2020

Oblivion Review

note; i spell poast apolalyptic
this is my review on oblivion from 2013, the year of the malcontent uprisings i robotech and birth year of bowie grant from season 2
its directed by Joseph Kosinski who does the top gun 2 movie and is el polen zakkin like me
its got tom cruise (F--K NO!!) th soviet chick from the htman movie morgan freeman from a few good ones, 1 of the girls from birdman (batman 3), the dane from black hawk down and kingdom of heaven, laura from the 2005 hide and seek and xena's stunt double
i never saw this and heard people say it s-cked
so its 2077 and tom cuise had his  mind wiped yearsaho but has remnants of his life in soviet new york
also aliens f'd the earth and humans nuked em but f'd the planet
so they migrated to titan (the outer planet moon) and are in this colony ship that runs on water
also the space daemons are still attacking
this is ripping off both robotech and titan ae
he has an assined gf or w/e and wants to go to earth
who will rule new urth?
primal rage!!
wtf toms name is jack harper
like jack reacher??
did they get lazy?
everything looks bland and sterile
just white and dark and no color
and everything is cg
so i guess they're on earth cuz its sunny out and they're getting sea wayter for nuclar fusion
why not just use protoculture?
tms in a weird a55 dragon fly jet and goes to inven=stigate cr-p but a storm or somethinh f'd his jet
he lanfs on da surface and its an empty wasteland like mad max
aw gay its a sports thing
people  mock sumo for destroying themselfs to be 600lb fighters and biting it at 40
but sports guys do the same with joint snnaps ad brain damage
why not just do russian roulette?
get a million people in an arena and watch guys  pass the pistol
so tim finds a dog and fires in da air to scare it off and this pod scanss him and books it
wtf was that?
so 2 drones got iced and their fuel cells jacked and theres scavengers
and in 2 weeks tom and crew go to soviet titan
wtf tim unfolds a motorcycle and drives around
like the cyclones in robotech??
this was based on acomic that they didnt finish btw
probably harmony gold sued em for copyrugght infringemeent
toom finds a hole in da earths a55 and has 15 mins til the whater goes offline
he goes in it to find da drone but its a trap and he fghts traps  b4 trying yo escape and his ropew cuts and hes f'd
the drone revves and blows da place and books it
so ghe gets out with a book and rturns to base and chats with a chick who wants to leave this dead planet
but toom thinks the scavengers werent trying to ice him
knowing movies, they are the goof guys and humans he works for are bad
later chick is swimming nude and pulls tim in the water
in the real version they were b0ning
wait, i think they are
wait, i think its a dream
so then another base blows and they think the scavengers got the theing they jacked  to a weapon
tom investigates and finds its a fake beacon luring him in
later i was reading about freeman and his malcontentary and talking to my fat gf and when i turned back, tom was in the woods on a green urth and having flashbacks of some cr-p
some cr-p falls ffrom sky and he gets back in his space suit and jet and goes after it
is this solaris, the 60s soviet movie that was remade by that commie george clooney in 2000s?
chick tells tommy the scavengers brought it down but he sez it looks pre war and aint sure its tyhe scavengcers
he finds theres humans in pods and the drones are blowin em
tom fights drone off which would be a boss batle in the game and brings the chick  in the pod over
she wakes up, barfs, and blacks out
when she wakes up again they tell her she's the last survivir(O RLY?! THE LAST SURVIVOR OF A F'D MISISON?! LIKE EVERY SCI FI THING?! freekin urotsukidoji ii had that used!!) and she wants to get back to her ship
so at dinner tom tells her the scavs nuked  da moon and half da planet and humans won but f'd the planet and the survivors are in titan
he's part of the clean up crew and pod chick was in hypersleep for 60 years
btw humans leaving an alien ruined earth and returning and earth being f'd is used in robotech
later chick tells tom the scavenger beacon brought pod chick down and they know nothing of her
we knoe  nothing of tommy wiseau and he's good
lter pod chick goes to planet to see crash site and tom gets her after she finds this item
but someone ko's him and its like the sand people in star wars ep 004
right down to the raising a weapon over his head and slamming him
later its daytime and the svavengers brought tommy to a dark room with 1 light and freeman is talking to him looking sorta like larry fishburn in the matrix
tom sez his mind was wiped to protect the mission and freeman comments on how he never saw a scavenger uup close and the man is kkepping him from asking too many questins
he tells tom they are humans and has stelth shields and tech to keep the drones off
the chick has a drone find tom and morgin sez they ar losing and needed help so they got the thing that crashed to get the fuel cells to make a nuke
and they want tom to make the drone follow hsi orders to nuke it
dane actor dont like tim and caps him but his suit is billit proof and hes gonna cap the soviet pod chick
but the alarm goes  off and the drone looking 4 tom is there
it scanes the area a laser blasets while spazzing out but the scavengers take it out
so freeman lets tom and pod chick go into a radiation zone and tell him he;d  find the truth
so planet of the apes?
pod chick tells tom she's his wife and tom has been having memories of her
tom remembers and they are in soviet new yok at the the emmmpire state building and a jet brings em back to the base
chick is jealous of toms pod wife and tells the computer tom is unfit and tom tellls her there is no titan and trys to give her thr truth
she dont care and drone caps tom but his spacectuiy is invicnoble
pod wife flies a jet and caps drone
the boss of the thing shows up on screen ans sez she gonna reassign tom and pod wife and bring em home
i think chick got iced somehow and tom and pod wife escape and fight drones in a jet
he does fancy flying and takes em out
so thats why this guy is doing tom gun gx
they go to the radiation zone and the plane f;s out and they crash in sand
then tom meets a copy of him and the toms fight
tom kills tom and gets pod wife to a cave
then ties up tom and goes to another base using clone tomes number tech 52
at this base, chick who got iced is there and they smooch
i assume clones
he nicely trys to get her to go down and she nicely donest consent
so thers copys of em and he has a spare gf
just like the one with jeet li
tom gos back, treats pod wifs wounds and brings her  to his green hill zone
btw this guy fighting a clone for his wife and probably wacking it is done in the 6th  day wth arnold schwartznegger
tom tells  pod wife hes  not  her real man but still loves her
like with that guy in the futurama movie where bender f;s time?
she goes on her dreams of a livfe together and he has real memories and theya re his and i think they b0ne
they meet freedoma and join him
surprize surprize; the guy was working for the bad guy the whole time and joins the rebelion
just like avatar and like 60 other better movies
morgin sez the aliens is a computer that f's planets and used cloned tom crises to fight himans
freeman sez when he saw this tom reading te book and standing up for pod chick, he knew there was something human of him they could briing back
just like alex in robocop how he regained his humanity after getting cyberized
oh and the things are stealing water like that calvin and hobbes comic about aliens jacking eatrh
so tom gets the drone to work for them
they open da doors and the drones get in and f the base up with sci fi action violence
totally not like any other movie ever
and its pretty muuch all cg
oh look, tom crewes running from a freblast from a tunnel
so after da battle theres just tom and pod wife and they go in the drone nuke and wife is back in a pod
tom hears a a recording and gets his memory back of being an astronaught heading for titan and found the space daemon thing and launched the pods of his crew into orbit too save them
oh and chick was his copilot
he goes in and theres many clones of him and chick in the walls or something
he brings pods to the core which looks like the haydonite thing in robotech the shadow chroniclesand reveals in the pod is freeman and spse wife is on earth
tom quotes some greekmo and nukes the space thing saying f u sally like in mission to mars or red planet where the guy sez f this planet
see you in h-ll tom cruise!
thenis 3 yeas later and pod wife has a kid cuz i guess she b0ned tiom cruise and lives in his green hill zone cabim
the survivors of the thing that freeman was in come back and tom 52 goes thwere and sez he's home
so just like the one wth jet li
the end
that was pretty cr-ppy
it goes on for akost 3 hours and just rips off better things
oh and when tom nuked the space thing, it stopped da drones that were about to waste the survvors like  in the matrix 03
its not very interrsting, too long, not original and the acting isnnt great
the music wasnt memoravble and the effects were ok but i saw better
its not so bad its good its just not good
its bland, sterile, inorganic, dull and  just not interesting
I knew nothing about this and gave it a fair shot.
i dont hate it but there's not much to really like
for oblivion 2 i want it to be 15 years later and the surviviors of the space cr-p have rebuilt a cyberpunk-like wasteland warrior society with reverse engeneered alien tech and there are rival tribes raiding each other for parts. Also the daghter is a teen now and has cyber implants that allow her to link to tech and equip to it for battles. Also its a 16 bit action rpg like shadowrun and you choose a tribe and class and go on missions to bring down the other tribes on sega genesis, snes, tg16, atari jaguar and gba.

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