Monday, January 20, 2020

Sleepy Hollow Review

Note: My spelling isnt as inaccurate to the true words as this movie is to the original story
sleepy hollow
this is my revuew on sleepy hollow from 1999(the year the dreamcasrt came out in america and the SDF-1 landed on Macross Island)
its got johnny depp, chrisatnia riccci, michael gogh, casper van dien, the emperor from star wars, chrisstopher lee, martin landau, the bad guy in ferris bueler and chrisatipher walken
its by tim burton and was made FTER he almost did superman 05 with nicholas cage
so it starts with a guy sending a letter and loses his head
then its soviet new york in the distant future year of 1799(the slavery days) and depp wants to examine a body found in the river
but his superiors dont like his modern day meth...ods
his boss christopher lee dont like his maverick ways and sends him to sleepy hollow to look into murders by head loss
depp is ichabod crane and is nothing like him in da book
btw; washington irving wrote this and came up with the name Gotham for new york
and tim burton did batman
its connected!!
so depp gets there and i gotta say; theres like no real color
its got a blue tint but its got that light look to it that 90s films have
its not dark and dingy like the later harry potter films
its got life
depp goes to a place and the guy hes looking for's daughter kartina kisses him and her bf brom dont like it
depp goes over the evidence with dad and i think mr rooney from ferris bueler and its revealed the headless horseman took their heads to h-ll
when alive, the horseman was sent from german princes to fight for soviet england in 1776 but was  a nut played by walken who sharpened his teeth to fangs and went there to chop people up for fun
in 79 he fought soldiers and chopped up em but they took his head wiith his own blade and 20 years later; the woods are haunted
depp thinks its just a real man and not a phantom and is gonna prove it
dat night horseman takes aother head
huh, ichabod crane was a real guy washington irving knew who fought against the brits in 1812
put this on the history channel
nah they are more into kkings of pain and ancient aliens now
in other words; dale gribble from king of the hill
depp figures heads are removed to stop them from IDing the bod but everyone knows who it is
he figures out how the attack went and uses a powder on the neck to fizz and say it was taken in 1 hit
also the blade burned the neck closed but there was no burn damage
h-llfire sword
later the last vic's son wants to help depp avenge his dad but depp dont consent
a guy tells depp there eas anoth guy iced and theres 5 vics 4 graves
depp and vic son  dig up the graves and depp autopsy's one and finds she was pregnant
back in the 1700s we knew the unbon were people
now the commies would say that kid in her wasnt
oh and i saw this b4 but nnot all in 1 start to finish look and its in fullscreen wiht no black bars
then its night and the horseman busts a flaming jack o lantern into depps head and runs off
but its just brom playing a prank
while ko'ed he dreams of his mom in a low cut dress and its like a silent film
later depp chats with katrina "kat" liek in casper and all the fams are connected by blood or marriage
she gives him a book on the spirits (which is not good as you DONT wanna f wiith the supernatural! you wouldn't give an ape a nuke. some things are not meant for man!!) and it was her moms
they walk by her old place and see a bird that egts depp to use this spinny trick otem with a bird on 1 side and a cage on the other to spin it like both images are 1
later depp chats with fata55 who told of the unborn kid and he sez he was worried for the kid when mom told him something but wont tell the babys daddy
then horseman comes in, offs his head, it rolls to depps crotch, horseman sticks it with the blade, and books it
this is aweosme!!
depp now believes and the rest are like; yeah. we told you
then depp recalls his mom floating in air as its like winona rider in edward scissorhands and then depps dad punishes her for using black magic
so depp decides to fight the horseman and chats with vis con about how son heard a dad and boy arguing or something
i wasnt paying attentipn
they find a lair like in a 20s movie and a chick in there who takes depp and sends son out
she chains herself up and mixes potions with headless bat blood and the other her takes over with eyes falling otu and tencalce tounge
also shes a rotted hag
its pretty f'd up and sorta like wiith large marge in pee wees big adventure
after she bits it or w/e (bw the chains and other self was pretty yugioh) depp goes out and finds katrina who he sez uses white magic like naga from slayers
vis co finds this big f'd tree that bleeds when chopped snd is full of heads
its a gate between the realms like in dante's inferno or urotsukidoji
also theres the horsemans bones minus da head there
then horseman poops outta the trees a55 and goes off as depp follows
he gooes to somewoes place and the guys kid hides under da floor as horseman ices the rents, b4 wacking the kid too
this movie is bada55
even the kids get it
brom fights horseman but horseman isnt inro him
depp and brom team up like goku and piccolo but he sneak attackds and shanks dep and throws him with the blade
then cleaves brom in 2 like in freddy vs jason
afer katrina treats depp with her witchcraft, he has a flashback of finding his mom in the iron maiden (bill/ted: excellent) gushing blood
once i saw this on the fench channel and it said G for age rating
argentina rated it 13, japan was 12, spain rated it 13 (like the yugioh movie) and candy a55 france rated it 13
he tells kTRINA his deal and he gave up on the supernatural after his dad iced his mom for practicing the black arts and she's over brom her bf now
so depp decides to look through everyone in sleepy hollow stating with katrinas dad
then rrealizes siomething and goes to see michael gogh who's afraid of something
then they find this fams fortune was gonna go to the unborn kid and the eklers of the town were plotting to do cr-p
now the elders got iced
he reasons it was katrinas dad behind it all to get the guys fortune and jacked the horsemans skull to get it to ice everyone
depp checks with katrina who sez her dad thinks he otta go home and depp freaks out over a spider
vic son checls under da bed and finds an inscription under it meaning someone was casting spells on depp
is this paranormal activity?!
then depp gpoes out and sees a guy b0nig a girl as she cuts her hand and smears blood on him
katrina burtns depps books to protect her dad and she's mad at him fotr something
later the b0ning girl, katrinas step mom, tells depp to not tell her husband
later katrinas dad tells depp to get out b4 everyone turns on him or w/e
latewr the horseman comes and everyone hides in da church as its holy and hes from h e double new york
thr townsfolk use muskets on him but they didnt bless em and they do jack sh-t(jack left town)
katrinas dad spazzes out and caps mr rooney and das horseman throws a spike on a rope to harpoon him and dag him out like a whaler, b4 taking his head
so i think katrina bit it and depp found his faith thinking shes posessed or w/e and behind the horseman and burns her book of spells
so depp leaves tow but chex thr spirit book and finds the spell under his bed was to protect against spirits and goes back
he finds 1 body isnt who he thought it was and step mom was still alive and captures katrina and uses black magic on walkens skull to summon the horseman
she b--ces about being hated for her fam using black magic (GOOD! daenon worshipper!!) and she was a kid who saw walken iced 20 years ago and offred her soul in exchange for bringing back the horseman for her revenge
shr iced katrinas mom, seduced her dad, and wormed her way into into power to get her way, then iced her sister who told depp of the cr-p in the large marge scene
she gets all the family cash when katrina bites it and this was all just about mmoney and revenge by a witchcrafter
depp gets to her base, a windmill, and they lock the horseman out(oh and boy vic son is there)  and they escape the windmill as it blows with the horseman in it
horseman walks off the withmill blowing and looks kinda like batman andv depp and friends book it in a cart  as horseman chases
depp caps horseman but he clings to the cart and falls off, gets dragged and climbs on b4 fighting him
depp unlinks the hprses as cart crashes and is ddrahged by wyld stallions!!!
they get to da tree and stepmom is there and caps depp b4 catching katrina by da hair
depp survives and tackles stepmom and fight her as boy headsmashes her with wood
depp saves katrina by giving him back his head which regrows skin into walken who picks up stepmom and drags her to h-ll through the tree as she splatters like going in a lawnmower
btw her talking to the other world to have a bad guy come back for her was done in dbz with goku, buu and uub
so its a new century and depp, katrina and boy go to soviet new york for more adventures
the end
that was good
good music, feels, acting, style and art
it works and has good charm and gore but not too awful
its bada55 and cool and fun but has good 90s creep
yeah its not like the real story but its not awful
its like a weird remake instaed of a direct adaptation
like sailor moon the anime vs the manga
there's not much swearing outside of H and D words in a literal context
and the witch is the bad guy, which would have her as a victim or hero if made today
i liked it
for sleepy hollow 2 i want ichabod to invensigate slaves mutating into slug like creatures and it turns out the owner is using them for rituals to create the ultimate life form. its also an 8 bit platform game on gameboy, nes, master system, game gear, atari lynx and 7800 and tg16

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