Wednesday, January 1, 2020

The Fly Review

Note: I like spiders. I spell spideriffic.
The Fly
This is my review on Da Fli from da 1986
its directed by david cronenberg who did videodrome and the dead zone and other f'd up sh-t
it staras jeff goldblum, geena davis and les carlson from the berenstain bears
its based on a storry by some englishman and was filmed b4 with vincent proce and that was a good 50s horrpr (or was it 60s?)
i never saw this but heard its good
huh, it won the oscar for best make up
back b4 they cheaped out with cg
wtf mel brooks produced this
i thought this was some grotesque body horror
then again, charles r aber (neighbor aber) from mr rogers was in silence of the lambs and creepshow
so affter a bit of opening credits, jeff is at a party and trying to seduce geena
they go to his place and he's kind of a wiener
but he plays good piano
dana from robotech; but bowie! you always wanted to play jazz piaono!
also he has 2 telepods to warp matter between them and teleports an item of hers from 1 to the other
he eplains it cuz she dont get it
i guess she never saw star trek
he also reveals he's not the only designer and he's a helper of it
she records their talk and he tells her to keep it in the closet
shes a journalist so i assume she's the bad guy as they are the enemy of the people
she leaves and the next day she shows the tape to her boss who dont buy it
then jeffy dahmer goes to her work and takes her out for a cheeseburger
but its not kosher!!
he sez he cant teleport living things and to hold off on da story until he's ready
but she can document his jounrey and will end the book with him going through the machine
welcome to the machine! the 2nd worst level in ecco the dolphin 01
the worst is the battle with the asterite
later hes in her shower. wait, its her boss and later he talks about goldbloom with her and how j g was a prodigy who is a super nerd
later goldbloom teleports a monkey and its insideout and moving
is this where fullmetal achelmist got it from?
also; to quote freeza; he was just... a monkey!!
jeff realizes the computer dont know enuff about life and biology as he never programmed it in it
later its revealed goldmon wears the same kind of outfit every day and has copies
must be easier to animate with only 1 outfit like pokemon
even sailor moon had the chicks in different fashion
this makes him sound like he's got autism like that teen in degrassi
then they b0ne and she finds a computer part stuck to his back
he never noticed this metal thing jammed in there?!
later he teleports steak and cooks iand eats it after dat
wait, he feeds it to geena and has her guess which one was tleeported
it tastes synthetic
later geena gos shopping and boss follows her and confronts her about b0ning goldmbolm
geena; i'm into something big huge!
boss; what?! his c-ck?!
me; jokes on him. its missing a piece!
btw that steak  idea was clever
later they runa  monkey through it and it comes out normal
he plans to send the monkey for tests and she wants to go on vacation
but the boss has run the story of the tleeporter in a mag or something that she fiinds in this envolope and goes off to confornt him
wait; its just a preview and he sez he dug deep and foudn out jeff is rwroking on thsi for 6 years
he sez to keep him informed and he''s still gay for her cuz its implied they were b0ning b4
also he offers to b0ne her
nowadyas she'd go mental over him askking a yes/no question and try sueing him and destorying his career
later jeff talks to the monkey like it understands him and theres a bug in there
b4 testing the ape to make sure its not fd up in da guts, he goes through the pod and the fly gets in
he comes out in one piece and is naked but hwe dont see his footlong
also he's recording this so the camera saw his man parts
so when he shows the scientists, they will see!! and behold!!
next day he tells her he was drunk and went through the pod
wouldn't the food in his system f with the teleporter?
what if it reconfigured his body as a permanent alcohol?
so they b0ne again offscreen and his back is getting hairs
after that he catches a fly with 1 hand while eyes closed
hes a ninja
btw this is how superhero movies start
then does a handstand in a chair and is now suoer skiller and strong
time to put on a mask and fight crime
he thinks the copmputer makde him better and puts a lot of suger in his coffee and is more livley
stronger, daster, braver, harder, and more alive than ever b4
then hes b0ning her again and she sez its been going for hours
she notices hes got backhair and she cliops some off with garden sheers as he eats ice cream
he treis to make her go through the machin btu she dont consent and he gets p-ssed
btw, if the machine breaks you down to atoms and rebuilds tou, sdoesnt that mean it kills you and makes a copy?
what about a soul?
i mean animals dont got em so its ok
but a human would be open to being an empty shell which daemons could enter and control
make that ina  sequel
so goldfeld goes to a bar and bets these truckers 100$ that he can bet em in armwrestlign and if he wins he hgets their bar5kank
he snaps the guys arm like he's kenshiro and goes off with the 5kank who wants to go to more bars
also goldbloom looks more decroded than usual now
they go to his place and he carrys her up stairs as shes not some kinda ubermench
he goes through the machine again to show her and she's in a jacket w/o a top so we see the middle of her t-ts
then they b0ne and later wants her to go through the machine
his skin is sensitive and geena comes in and 5kank books it
the geena sez she lab worked his hairs and the lab sed they weren't human but bug hairs
she tells him to get help and he gets b-chy over her not accepting his new identity and punches the wood off the window and tells her to not retutn
golden trys shaving his face hairs but it wont work
also some of his tongue coems off and his fingers squirt homo milk when squeezed
then he pulls a nail off his phalllic finger
he runs the deta and finds there was a fly in the telepod
this is why you don;t f with human bddies
tattoos and piercings are bad too but this is the next step
also; the splicers from batman beyond
so 4 weeks later he calls the geena and she comes over to find hes all f'd out
btw what about microbes  in the air and on our skin and in our tract?
he tells her of the fly and he looks liem mmichael jackson with aids
he dont wanna trust science anymore and barfs j-zz on food
also his ear fallls off
is this where braindead/dead alive got it ffrom?
her boss tells him to stay away from him incase it spreads
so is this a thing on aids??
also he wants to see him and later she goes to see him and he's climbing the cieling lie spidrrman
she wants to ditch him and he;s devolving into some kinda caveeman or invid
he stars seeing this as a good thing and ants to chronical his mutation
this is going x men
so he cant digest anynor and barfs on food 1st b4 eating it
also; shouldnt he be eating poop?
boss sees the tape and the geena tells him she's pregnant
thats what happens when you b0ne too much
boss gets her to kill her kid and she poops out a phalllic maggot
its a boy!!
also; its a dream
later jeffblum runs a computer and finds he needs to fuse with more humans to decrease the fly dna
what is this?! dbz?!
the computer dont recognize his voice anynore and his teel=th and other parts fall off
does he still have a ding d0ng?!
i mean he already lost a piece at a week old.
its just the rest joining it
she comes back and hes devolving more and looks likee a star wars guy
btw; if he uses with more people, then wont he he bigger and like 12 feet tall and have multiple limbs?
he now identifies as a bug and wants her to stop coming over
just like to point out that creation scientists dont destroy peoples dna or do human experiments
she goes out and wants to kill her unborn kid as it might he a mutant
but goldblat hears
btw hes looking like the toxic avenger
they go to a dr and tell him the kid might be deformed and his dad was deformed
its still their child and has done nothing wrong
its just different
and we dont know if its different
it might've een made whenhe was still human
so jelfbusts in like da coolaid guy and takes her away to save their child
goldbloom sez hsi kid is all thats left of the real him and she dont care
btw so far no one died in this film
kind odd for horror
so boss retruns to bold glooms lab with a shotgun and its all f;d
killing a man for being disabled? thats a hate crime!!
then again they were gonna do it to his son
he finds the coomputer saying theres a 3rd pod and they end 2 things into it
goldenboy sneak attacks him and barfs spurm on his hand til it meldts int a blood stump
now ur disabled too!!
dos he wanna be put to sleep now?
then he barfs on his lef and burns off his foot
the geena saves her amputee boss and goldfly goes to her and wants to fuse him her and their kid into 1 body
3 way fusion?!
like yugioh?
btw; there was a 3rd telepod the whole time?!
also; 3 people in 1 body and part bug?
liem the human centipede?!
she pulls off his jaw and he starts crumblimg away into a bugman and throws her into da pod
btw; goood effects on goldfly
boss uses his shotgun to blow the tubes on goldflys capsule and he starts getting out as it warps him
wait, he blasted geenas pod cables
goldfly emerges from the pod f;d more and he wants her to blow him out foor being disabled
she she executes him
what a good message for humanity
if ut f;d up, suicide
the end
that was well made
i was kinda oping geena woould get fused withhim at the end into 1 gross mess
but great effects
good 80s feel
good music
good acting ans writing
dark and gritty and gooey and smily
only 1 guy gets it too
just like da 50s film (i think, i hasnt seem it in years)
its like the 80s the thing and the 80s the blob
a good modern remake of a 50s classic
for the fly 2 i want her to have changed her mind about her unborn kid after not being able to deal with having iced goldbloomlfy. but her pregnancy is weird and she poops out an egg. also the 5kank goldbloom b0ned has also pooped ou an egg and they eventually meet and become friends. their kids hatch and become humans with fly powers. then its 15 years later and the late 90s and they are teens and get into fights with drug dealer gangs and begin their careers as super heroes; the flyboyz! its also a 16 bit 2d beat em up game on sega ganesis, snes, gba, tg16 and atari jaguar where you play as the halfbros and fight through drug gangs.

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