Monday, December 30, 2019

Escape From New York Review

Note: i spell better than new york is at doing anything good
escape from new york
this is my review on escape from nnew york from 1981
its got kurt russel, the guy who vioced mermaid man in zspongebobb, dr loomis from halloween 1 2 4 5 and 6, issac hayes from south park, harry dean stanton, Adrienne Barbeau who was Catwoman in the 90s batman series, tim atkins from halloween 3 and the sherrif from halloween 1 and 2.
its directed by john carpenter whp's super skilled
i saw this b4 and its good
after crediyts to cool music we get text telling da backstory
its set in the distant future year of 1997 and after a 400% increase in crime in 88, america turned mahattan into a prison island for the whole country and is walled off
they built a wall!!
theres no escape if ur in and no gusards
its like the brits did by sending criminals too evil for soviet england to sovirt australia
well if they dont wanna be an american citizen they can get out of america and go back to new york
some convicts try to escape in the water and a chopper takes em out
already off to a good start
then a bus brig in new meat, and 1 of em is kurt russel
as hes brought in, a voice sez he can choose to be put to sleep so he wont go to jail (which many people do in real life as they dont wanna drop da soap)
then, commies have taken over tthe presidents plane and are gonna j fk jr it
donald plesence is the president which is weird as hes a brit and only americans can be president
except barocvk
so he ejects in a pod and the plane goes into a builting
just like with clintin doing n|nE ||
a rescue squad comes in but the convicts have him and make the squad book it or theyd ice him
so they get kurt as snake plissken whos a war vet who fought the soviets b4 and now lost an eye
thhey need him to save the president as he's the only dude bad enough
he agrees as he'd get a pardon if he wins and they need him to do it in 22 hours as theres a summet with the soviets and chinese and they need plesence for it
they give him a vaccine but as usual, its a trap and they put small capsules in his neck to pop his neck
like cyber city oedo 808 with the collers where they have 23 hours to win or his dead files a divorce against his body
they even have the digital red numbers counting til he pops
so he flies to the trade senter and theres cool fake 3d done with blacklight and neon tape that looks like cgi but its good
after landing and going down he sneaks aroundthe ruiins of new sodom
he chex out a msuical while there as new york turns people queer and meets ernest brougenine who recgognizes him
he goes deeper in and fights hobos who probably wanna b0ne him and finds a nut holding the presidents tracking device
snake thinks his target was eaten but the army guy wont let him leave
ater wandering around he meeets a chick who recognizes him
b4 they can b0ne the convicts attack em and they book it
i think she bites it as snake later meets ernest in a cab who gives him a lift
ernest sez hes driving the same cap for 30 years and the duke of new york has the prez
and no one meets da duke and lives
btw, the prez named donald is hated by violent commies and is connected to new york while dealing with china and the soviets
its like they knew the future
only 20 years too soon
so they go to meet meet catwomans voice who kneows duke
like, il duce? mussolini??
they meet brain (not the pinky one or the one from arthur)and he has history with snake
snake offers em a ride out on his glider if they give him da prez
bain makes gas for duke and they leave and hear dukes engines
they hide as his cars with chandeilers like something liberace wold do go by
duke wants brain cuz he jewed him or something on a map and prez is on da other side of town
so snake carjacks a guy and they go by avoiding broadway as theres heads on poles there
after going through an assembly line of convicts with sticks, and capping sone, they  leave da busted car and chat with the guards
snake sneaksin and saves da prez but on da way back they got jumped and prez gor caught
them too
duke is ther and is chef from south park and knows of snake
meanwhile, the rescue forces use an infared body scan to search but find jack and sh-t. jack left town
later they have loomis tied to a wall and take shots at him  as snake is shirtless and wakes up elsewhere
eventually they cap open the suitcasewhich makes you wonder why they chained it to his arm if they could just open it
later its daytime and they give thr breifcase to the rescue guys
btain figgers out where snake got da glider in and the breicase had a note saying to give in or they ice him
also is snakes tracker or w/e
so snake is took to a wwfthing and fights a shaved guy with a beard w/o shirts
is this p0rn0??
well... it is a prison
they fight with wood sticks like the censored version of that dbz game
brain goes to see prez to check for suicide capsules but its a trick t shank the guards and save him
so snake wins his fight and activates the signal thing for america
a guard comes in revealing brain saved da prez and snake reunites wirh him cuz duke is out b0ning some guys or something and aint watching the fight
prez wants the tape and brain knows where it is
then dukecomes in with his homiex and i think ernie saves em or something
i wasnt paying attentiin
so they drive by a bridge with bsted cars on the side like a video game level and are trying to beat duke there
oh and the tape duke i mean brain has is a thing on a new element or something that makes nucular power easier
so they drive too high speed and crash and ernest bites it
halloween 1 girl; speed kills!!
brain gets iced next somehow
catwomans voice stays behind and fires on duke as he drives at em
i think she bites it
so snake gets prez to the wall and hes lifted out but duke gets there and fights skake
snake gets on the line and prez shreds duke wih gunfire as they save snake
they give snake x rays to the capsules to negate em and hes alve
prez sez thnx for snake saving him and appreciates the guys who bit its sacrifice
hes a bit not emotional after getting his finger bit off, shot at and probably f'd
army guy offers snake a job but snake dont consent
prez gives a speech and plsays the tape to help the nations ligve in peace in a broadcast or something but its ernests music
snake busts the tape with the nucular secrets and walks away
the end
also dick warlock was in stunts as credits play tio sega genesis music
that was cool
good music, action, setting, feel, acting, writing, sci fi ish and effects
i liked it
simple plot, good style, its mostly at night and has good feel
it works
and it influenced sci fi and 80s/90s/00s stuff years later
plus it got the future right in many ways
for escape from new york 2 i want the new york guys to manufacture soe kinda power thing and know open da prison wall. they spill out and take over the areas around new york and turn em into new sodom. so president gets hias hidden projrct out: expert soldiers with high tech ccyber suits that are equal to dozens of people each. then sends em out to take em on with 80s style future tech and chop through em with arm blades and booster rockets to hover and super jump. Its also an 8 bit nes, gb, master ystem game gar, atari 7800 and linx and tgq6 game where you play as this super elite warrior and clear out each level of convicts with various abilities kinda like Metroid or Blaster Master but less backtracking.

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