Tuesday, December 24, 2019

Howard The Duck Review

Note: I spell this bad. I hear this bad. It fits
Howard the duck
this is my review on howard the duck from 1986 (the hear the hokuto no ken movie came out)
it stars no one i know of except the school guy from ferris buelar
i never saw this but saw reviews and they say it s-cked
its from the guys who did star wars and was based on a marvel comic
it was intended to be animated but they were forced by contracts to do it live
nowadays it would all just be cg
so it starts with howard comming home and little duck things sowing ducks
but we dont see his face for a bit
he dont look so bad
he lives in totally not ducktales a duck world with humanoid ducks and smokes and reads playboy
then gets launched through the bulding into this portal in space
we see a duck bathing with nips
then narrator sez theres endless realities and we get da title
he crasjes on urth through stuff in a chair and 80s punks surround him and carry him off
a bar owner thinks hes a kid in costum and throws him out as an 80s band plays
aftyer getting f'around the 80ssingge is attacked by 2 fas and she fightds back
how jumps out to help and they get freaked and how beats em up with her
this is seeming like the ninja turtles movie
shes thankful and creeped out by him and tells him hes on urth in clevelaND
shes gonna leave him in the sudden rain as an 80s aong plays but invites him over
she lives in a dump cuz of her band contract(a pun on how this movieturned out?) znd gives him a beer
if disney remakes this, its gonna censor all the cool stuff
he gets ptsd from a chair shaking and hesez his rents wanted him to be a dr but he did construction work and songs b4 getting a rwal job
shhe sez theres no accidents and everything happens for a reason and he wants to go home
that line and the music kinda lifts me up from having a cr-ppy week (and its tuesday at 2 am)
the next day they go to a scientist (NERRRRRRRD!!) and how is in a bag she drags
nerd trus talking like donald duck (which is creepy as disney owns this now) and treaks him like an xman
he wants to use how to get famous and promotes evolution as his theory that howards species founder was a duck not a monkey and digivolved into howards kind
spoiler; evolution is non canon
turns out nerd is a lab assistant at this museyum or something and they book it
some kids see him and he scars em off, then leaves the 80s chick as he's tired of things going f'd
he meets this loud black woman to find work and wears shades and a hat to look normal
she thinks hes looking weird to avoid getting work to stay on unemployment and gives him work in some place people b0ne
he quits as the job s-cked and later at night sees that people eat duck on tv
he goes back where he landed and goes to see 80s chick singing in the bar
he hears her sleazy maNAGER taling trash about her and after confronting him, gets busted up
so he beats a55 and uses a knife to pin his ear to the table to get him to let 80s chick outta her contract
also he tells em he shas space rabies (aids???)
later he meets da band and reconsiles with her as nerd comes by and is dating one of the band
he sez how was here millions of years ago and was frozen in ice as aztecs were from mars
what is he? dale from king of the hill??
btwthis was pg in america, 12+ in soviet england and 15 plus in commie sweden
so how got the band the ash their manager owed em and nrd takes 1 od hows feathers
at home he plays electric keyboard and chick wants him to help da band as she is in her undies and he lusts for her
like april o'neil being b0ned by the ninja turtles!
she goes with it and seduces him but heturns queer or something and gets freaked out
but she was just kidding
just like in prom night 4 with the 5kank and main chick
so then nerd shjows up with rooney from ferris bueler who knows how howard got here
they were testing a lazsr and it got pulled out of aim and hit hows planet
so its star trek? a counter earth where annother species rules?
how wants to reverse the lazer to go home but they gotta do it tonight or the allignment is f'd
also they can set up a link between worlds like the space bridge in g1 transformers
theres a moment of how and chick thats kinda nice and when they get to da lab its all blowing apart and spazzing out
so the cops get howard and think hes in a duck suit but realize its not
he gets out by throwing a cigar in a ttrash can and kicking da cop in and 80s chick takes cops gun
they try to get out and hear da cops say hes dangerous and to shoot to kill
mr rooney gets em out in his car after he was affected by the lazser blowing and spazzes out
something is mutating him from inside
monster transformation fetish?
they crash lightly and he does a bad anime dub vice (like beni in the funi dub of dbgt)  saying hes someone else
at therestaraunt he talks about the end of the world in a groany voice and that happened in ghost busters
he mentions dark lords or daemons or sometging he's trying to bring over and has the code key
some truckers come by and he fights em with food and the crowd catches him and are gonna eat him
rooney goes urotsukidoji withh an 80s neon glow to get bakc the code key and  blasts em with ki while spinning a cleaver with his ki
the  blows the bbq like firestarter 1 as everyone clears out
pretty good effects
so rooney seals the place and lifts howard up like freeza in dbz to krillen or that guy who burst in angel cop and smashes him around to get back the key
then leaves with the 80s chick in a truck as he needs human bodies to grow inside of on earth
he runs low on ki and a tentacle comes outta his mouth and into the lighter in the truck like urotsukidoji
man this inspired a lot of anime
so at the resrauatnt nerd gets arrested and howard was hiding as a duck statue in a display and fills him in
nerd crawls out the front window and they get a cr-ppy plane
the next day ropney is drcroding and goes to a nucular plant and howard and nerd take off in this small plane like in mad max 2 the road warrior
is this ripping off ET??
at da plant rooney ues his ki to bust into the reactor to charge up like gigabyte wanted in reboot in the mid 90s
he coomes back looking like beetlejuice and howard is havign issues flying a plane as his modern ducks can't gfly like donald in those master system games
they go through a duck hunters thing and scare em outta their boats
imagine a modern howard the duck with duck dynasty cameos
so rooney gets caught in a traffic jam and wastes cops with his ki blasts kile dbz, then bloews that cars away
manwhile, the cops fire on the cr-plane and it spazzes out, but nerd fixes it
btw, why did nerd have howard drive it?
dont he know or have more exp with our worlds things?
later nerd sez to da cops chasing em he's a hostage of howard
they plow through a train and get broked wings and drive on the road
they crash in a lake and howard cant swim like sonic
they get to da lab and 80s chick is strapped in to be posessed by the space daemons
btw is the real rooney dead?
i mean he got taken over by that daemon so i guess its like batman beyond where that hrandpa program was gonna go into grandson and gson would be where deleted programs go
btw many say that aliens are actually daemons and are from other diemnsions on the plank scale
so they could put this on the history channel or discovery channel with their cr-ppy alien shows
so nerd and howard bring in a death ray or somethig to fight rooney who looks like heihachi from tekken but it f'd out
rooney ki beams nerd but he deflex it with a metal thing like captain america
howard gets it to start by wearign a eatbelt and eventually uses the beam cannon to blast rooney dead
howard intentionally killed someone
imagine if they had a crossover with howard the duck and the garbage pail kids?
so rooney is normal again but the bad thing is out and loose breaks outta the ground in stop motion
now it would be bad cg
it looks pretty bada66
like doomsday in superman or nightmare before christmas
it reaches i=a tentacle out and grabs howard and activayes the lazer with the other to bring more of em in a few mins
then stun blasts nerd and 80s chick
why not ice em?
howard saws off a tentacle and uses the beam cannon on wheels to blast him dead
i just realised this is kinda like in shining force how woldol turns into a scorpion thing
they got 30 seconds to stop it but doing so ill keep howard from going to his planet
so he blows it
btw didnt they need human bodyes to live on earth?
just gonna ignore its own canon huh?
so howard looks dead but gets better and talks in a groany voice
but its a joke and then we see her in some fighting game girl/space p0rn0 outfit giving a packed consert singing about howard the duck
i like this
also howard and nerd work with em behind the scenes of the consert and howard goes up and plays guitar better than bill and ted
then credits too em rocking out
the end
that wasnt awful
i kinda liked it
its good 80s and has a good light feel
plus its fullscreen
the effects are cool and the story i dodn't hate
good acting kinda and it has more personality than mst cr-p today
whatever people hated about his i dont see it
i had fun watching this and it cheered me up after a cr-ppy week
it did several things that influenced various media after it that was quite popular and drew from past media we grew up loving
ted hurtz? what is that? a sm p0rn0 name??
for howard the duck 2 i want it to be the 90s and they have become big stars and howard is a big celeb. but he finds out his girl is pregnant with his interspecies kids and has to prepare to become a father. its a comdy and has slice of life elements. also its a 16 bit sega genesis, snes, atari jaguar, tg16 and gba game like pac man 2 the new adventures where you do thing and get through levels.

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