Saturday, December 21, 2019

Less Than Zero Review

note; i spell bad but drugs are worse
less than zero
this is my review on less than xero from 1987, the year before the sega genesis came out
its based on a book i never read and i think its writer hated it
its directed by Marek Kanievska who is el polen zakken like me (Polish ) but brittish living
it stas robert downs jr, james spader, the guy from valley girl, one of the red hot chilli peppers anf a cameo from brad pitt before he went purvo or w/e he did that made angelina dump him
she's not the most non f'd up chick and she dumped him!!
its like when tom green dumped drew barrymore
that makes angeliana tom green
huh, the writer of this also wrote american phycho
i never saw that or this b4
so it starts with the class of 87 graduating and downey's dad gave him cash to be a record producer
later, main guy is in an apartment and some chick calls him to come over for chriatmas
this is a christmas movie??
in i think a flashback, the chick sez she dont wanna do college and main guy gets b--chy
another flashbavk has downey telling him to go after chix at the air porte
then he seez downey in bed with his female bff
so then he's back in soviet los angelas and 80s music plays and goes home
then its night and he goes to a paRtY and a guy offers him drugs
the drug offerer sez main guy dont belong hthere as the people are a55 holes
well... it IS L A
he goes up stairs and reunites with his bff girl and sje was the one who called him cuz her homie is in trouble and on drugs
he goes off amnd she does blow
he chats with downy and tries to leave but downy gets him to stay
they drive around singing xmas sings and later at a restaurant female friend (the chick) sez his record deal f'd out, he lost his cash and he got into drugs
later at a club downy wants cadh and main  guy woont give it
wait i think he does
chick sez she only b0ned downy cuz he left em (so its like with guts, caska and griffith in berserk?)
another flash back shows maim guy and downy chattin in a park
later, chick is doing a photioshoot of what i think is fake necro p0rn0 and has been doing blow
main guy talks to her about her and downeys nose candy usage and wants to go home
latwr diowny stops by his uncle bobs place and trys to bum mobey ofa him to invest in a club
me; if he wants ucle bobs money he's gonna have to suck his d0ng like everyone else!!
donwey; just like when i was a kid??
so chick goes home and tells her rents she's going out b4 leving a few mins later
i like the lighting in this. is got that pale blue look like the bodyguard
dat 80s feel
so theres a party and main guy goes to it and when dancing with chick doney butts in and p-sses everyone off
chick/main guy go off and make out, then drive and make out atbthe same time
a bker gang rolls by as they make out then they go somewhere to b0ne
u f;d a girl! thats so gay!!
so next day doney tries to go to his dads place but had has had enough of his sh-t and tells him he cant stay there
hes a p o s junkie!!
he ahould've beat hid candy a55 more as a kid
so main guy finds doeny on a beach and chats with him
doney goes for another guy for cash but gets turned down
oh its uncle bob
later its night again and hes smoking somerthing and owes main guy a lot of cash and cant do it
so main guy, wait, its james spader he owes cash to, offers him a bit of help to come with him to do some favor
main guy i think makes out with and b0nes gf
i think doney got f'd for money
and his name is julian like sakura's brothers best friend in card captors
so doney's jonesing and stops by main guys place to ask for 50 000 $$
he leaves but sees main guy ask dad for 50 000 and goes to see this little girl i assume hes into
later the main guy fam realised doney jacked their jewelery
main guy looks for doney and brings chick bit it takes too long and chick goes mental when he confronts her over her addiction
intervention 0
eventually theyfind doney and he's all f'd out and pukes but we dont see it
why not show him blasting vomit?
they have drugs and b0nig but barf is too much?
candy a55es!
so they get him through detox and she sez about how hard it was helping this junkie while main guy was out
main guy goes to see spader to say to keep away from doney and main giuy will pay and spader sez he put up with doneys cr-p for longer than others and doney is the priblem
doney goes to see dad and looks like sh-t
he asks to stay at home anddad dont consent as he knows he cant trust this junkie
alll he can do is put him tp sleep
so doney sez hes gonna see a guy he owes a lotta cadash to and dad asks if he can stay clean for 1 week
doney sez he can try and they hug
later main guy (who looks a lot like spader) seez this apartment all f'd up and graffitti saying doney is good at sucking man parts and is dead
dooney calls and leaves a message saying hes gonna see spader and chick/main guy heer and go after him
main guy wants to get doney outta the cesspoole that is soviet los angelas
you know he's probably got aids right?
drugs and b0ning? thats what eventually got chaelie sheen!!
so doney sees spaer and spader cuddls him like hes been b0ning him
doney sez he's gonna try to get off da drugs and will pay him back and spader dont buy it as he's done this b4
1 junkie heats up a crackpipe in front of doney
imagine if spadr injected him with liquid cocainum and j-zz to turn him back into a junkie
main guy sttops by a place and has chick stay as hechex out anouther place
chick otices 1 gurl at da party is into nose candy
in lazy town they called fruits and veggies Sports candy
so msain guy coomes in on sader b0ning doney jr and they leave
i guess the drugs turned julien queer
main guy confronts doney over being gayed and he sez spader made him do it and goes b--chy
this is like a bad ep of intervention
but that implies there are good eps of it
chick flushes the girls blow and leaves w/o telling them anything to get em off it
teach a man to fish, he eats for life
main guy goes to get chick and spader confronts em over where donwey is and they fight
james spader is a55 kicked as hes a junkie and probably has aids and heroes drive off
so its daybreak and they drive past a wind farm which probably killed everyone on the land nearby but its in soviet clasfornia so they dont care
main guy chex doneys body and i think hes bit it
see you in h-ll jukian
btw thr chick in here looks like sarah silverman
so after the service, they recall how doneys mom bit it when he was 5 and he called people asking about her
dad gave him a letter from her saying she went to heaven
spoiler; junkies dont go there
neither do prostiuities
so main guy leaves and brings chick with him and they go back down the road main guy came in on
the end
that was well made
good acting and weiting and music and late 80s feel
good message about drugs
it shows aglimpse of the evil of new york i mean new sodom i mean caligfornia
good 80s style
i liked it
its like intervention but 80s
for less than zero 2 i want the main guy and the chick to have been trainin for a year in serious working out and return to societ celifornia armed and packing. they begin a war on drugs and start taking out the dealers when they see them. but the gov of socviet celiforina dont want the dealers they get cash from to go down and sent d the cops after em. also its a 16 bit run and gun game on sega genesis, snes, atari jaguar, tg16 and gba where you play as the guy and the chick who are now big buff blonde atnn bodybuilders and take on junkies and dealers and the bosses are guys mutated by drugs into daemonic abominations and spray acid from their poison blood.

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