Wednesday, December 4, 2019

Hitchcock Review

Note: I spell enlish but not enligh lenight
This is my reiew on hitchcock from 2012 (The years of the 1st Robotech war and Mayan apocalypse)
its got the only good actor in brAM stokers dracula, anthony hopkins, hellen mirren friim califgula or w/e, the scarlett chick from ghost in the shell, the drug user fro wonder woman 2017, the chick from the 2003 texas chainsaw massacre (that film s-cked!!)
its also got the dr from the shape of water, the dad from that 70s show, the karate kid, was based on book i neve read, and was directed by Sacha Gervasi who did a doc on the band Anvil
so it starts with american icon ed gein's house with ed wacking his bro and hitchcock tells how the cops bought his story about it being an accident and he did crimes later that lead to his movie
then he releases another movie and a reporter sez he otta quit when hes ahead
its north by north west and alfred hitchcock is reading rviews ain the bath and chats with his woman
h'e's got that brittish whit and humor like the alfred from batman
man they butt hammered hopkins face with make up to make him look like alf
he looks nothing like humslef
so they want alf to do casino royal but he just did north by noth west and its the same thing
he gets the story of psycho based on american hero ed gein who's a cross dressr and into same family relations
but they call him a mass murderer
he only shot 2 old ladies
they rest was grave roobbing
Is OJ Simpson a mass murderer for chopping up all those peoople?
not according to wikipedia who don't count him as a kiler
so alf loves the story and wants to do a dgood horror film
wasting the lead chick half way through and his woman wants him to ice her 30 mins in
to be fair, the german expressionist horror was pretty good in the 20s
so alf wants to keep the ending secret and i think has the librayr books taken away or something
he gets the movie guys in and shows them crime scene photoes of ed geins human skin decorations and the people can't stop looking at em
so the studio heads dont like it and want him to do more of the same like every movie today
1 guy he gets to try to do the film for 800 000 $ and he'd own the negative
it dont work and he wants to do it himself like Mel Gibson doing The Passion of the Christ
he wants to recover his freedom in making films like his glory days
they wiggle em down to alf doing it for free and paramount does it for 40% and only distributes it
studio head; is this still about a queer killing people in his mothers dress?
that sounds like something a 90s teen would say
so alf meets with the censors and its red forman who dont want him to show or flush a toilet
then alf is chatting with a shrink and is having lusty urges
so he meets with anthony perkins and hes tired of being in roomantic cr-p
but playing norman bates is close to home cuz he kille someone or something (i wasnt paying attention)
man we're like half an hour in
that felt like mothing
so alf wants grace kelly but his woman suggests jsnet leeigh who later pooped out jamie lee cuttis who continues her horror tradition in halloween 1 2 3 h20 resurrecton halloween and kills
shes worried about her shower scene like shaia hishizaki in vltage fighter gowcaizer or mai shiranui and he sez hes gonna edit it well
so alfs woman finds ways to cut spendng but alf is too used to wine and foi gras from soviet france
so alf is having nightmares of living out the killings in his horror movie
i have dreams of slicing through people with ki blades and steak knifes and I'm normal
draw george clooney drinking coffee nesspresso from danny devitoes butt]
so alf has hos crew swea not to out the ending as he wants it a secret
so later alfs woman is shopping and buys a sexy red swimsuit to seduce her husband
and cuz helen mirren is russian and not a rotting brit, she dont look gross
so they film more of the movie and alff suspects his woman is cheeting on him with danny huston from wonder woman
alf makes commwnts alluding to him suspecting her of it and is kind of an a55
so alf is kinda stern abd rough a bitb directing janet in her dtiving scene
and after it, jessica beel and janet chat about how jimmy stewart in vertigo is ust like the real alf
sorta like tommy wiseau making the room about his bizzare life
tommys bizzare adventure
so things are going rough for alf and his woman is talking with huston but when alf calls she thinks its huston
this snaps alfs mind annd he starts eating scarlett johanson as she sccreams in lust at her cannibal fetish
th studio guy wants to see footage but he sez no and stuio guy freaks out
alf later gets a luft from janet and tries candy corn as this is the 60s and slappy squirrel would be a teen then
so a;fs woman chats with her huston and alf chats with janet about how jessicas character was ginna be the lead in a movie but got pregnant instead
thats what happens when you tru b0ning
alf; why do they always betray me?
me; how'd she betray you?! she didnt consent to being in ur horror movie? you expect her to be ur slave?
i know ur a brit and all but ur not the regent and shes not subserviant to you
so later alf finds his woman and huston were writing a script together
tommy wiseau; greg!! how long is movie script?!
he sh-ts all over it in dialogue to her and implies he thinks shes b0ning the guy
he goes out and starts cleaning the pool in anger (and i dont mean slang for j-rkin off) and later does the shower scene
p-ssed that tomy is too weiner for it, he does it himself and imagines shanking his woman and huston
so he talks to his shrink ewho i think is the ghost of ed gein and blacks out
i think the ghost nailed him
so hes recoving in bed at home and dealing with the filming by phone
also hes sick and i thik got ghost aids
so his woman goes to film for him and ed geost was hiding in the bathroom
ed shows some possible evidence on the floor of her b0ning john hustons kid
jannit gives her candy corn and when she comes bsck he shows he found sand on the floor and she were on the beach with huston
they bicker over stuff and she tells him shr does a lot of cr-p fr him in a long tirade
so alf finishes the pucture and asks jessica beal over why she didnt take his offer to be the next grace kelly
she sez his ideal blonde chick isnt real
so the executives see the 1st cut and alf chats with ed gheist who goes mental over da cops going to his moms room
so the execs dont like it but wanna recut it as a 2 parter for tv
oh and i think huston was b0ning chicks at the beach house
alf reconsiles with his wife and they decide to work together to fix psycho
she suggests music for the shower scene and its classic
so the thunder lizard clarrnce fronm robocop wont allow it to get out but alf lets him reshoot the lve scene
they get ready but he's too shy to fillm a love scene and it gets through
nowadyas peiple draw dbz p0rn0 on tumbler (now twitter)
so paramount is gay and tries to keep this fim from doing well
sp alf doesmarketing to hype it and keeps people from coming in after it starts strictly
what is he? william castle??
so it does well and alf admits his love for his wife
then he sez he kept the house and pool and will do another film about bitrd]
the crow??
so text sez he never got da oscar but got a lifetime achievement one in 79 and thanked his wife
and pstcho was his biggeast hit
the end
that was pretty good
nice camera, lighting, acting, musc and story
i thought it had good stuff to it and it had good flow
a bit humor, a bit brit whit, a bit drama, a bit romance, a bit horror
wheres all the black hitchcocks? is this film racist?? jk
but i felt it was pretty good and i[m glad i saw it
i never knew he dealt with so much to make this
for hitchcock 2 i want him to be visited by a psychic and she's show him sequels to his films made years later. also its his reactions to the films and his thinking its stoopid. also he sees how films wind up in toe new millennium and starts barfing on everything. also its an 8 bit game on sega master system and game gear, nes and gameboy, tg16 and artari lynx and 7800 where you play as hitchcock and go around to key points in hollywoood and barf on them to change the future so film making stays good.

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