Sunday, February 16, 2020

Alita Battle Angel Review

Note; i spell bad but in the future its good
alita battle angel
this is my review on alita bttle angel from 2019 (The year some cr-p happened in Robotech. Oh and Outrun 2019 on Sega)
its directed by Robert Rodriguez who also did from dusk til dawn 1, ther faculty, sin city, sharkboy and lava gril, machete and part of grindhouse
its got christoph waltz, jennifer connelly, the guy who did freddy kreugeer in the reboot of nightmare on elmstreet, edward norton and no one else i;m aware of
its based on a manga i read a bit of and only recall a guy getting his brain removed
it was gonna be done by james cagny i mean cameron but he was busy doing avatar so they gave it to spy kids
i never saw this b4 but heard its above average
so its set 300 years after the fall and theres a floating city that dumps cr-op on the sh-thole town below that people use to make their slum
ooh, a metal skull. just like terminator
1 guy finds a head and torso of a robot girl and fixs it
she wakes up and has big anime eyes and is cg like avatar but has sorta flaesh colored plastic limbs
shes nude but has nothing to hidde like kekko kamen and loox at herself in da mirror
so the guy is a dr and gives people cyber limbs
she gets dressed and coomes down and eats an orange and she dont know who she is
he names her alita but it dont say he got it from his dead cat or we it was in the books
also shes got a human brain and dont recall her name and they show her the sh-thoel town they live in
its like something wall e ripped off
after the fall, the big war, only sky sanctuary city was left and the other survivors came there
but no one goes to sky city
btw, what came 1st? this or ghost in the shell?
she finds a wanted posteefor a killer and this big a55 robot comes through and nearly stomops a dog she was feeding
she meets a guy who likes her cyberhands and probably has a robot fetish
spoiler; cutey honey was 1st
but then there was metropolis in 27 with that blonde chick
his name is hugo like that movie by scorscene about that kid or w/e they had gameboy games of in the 90s
later its night and drs assistant is iced
jack the ripper 5Ds??
wait, it wasnt her
later a guy whos limbs were jacked by thugs is getting fixed and they mention motorball a sport or something
on da street jenifr collenety feels alitas arm and stares at dr
turns out its his ex wife and he used their iced daughters body for alita
well she wasnt using it... in h-ll!!
then alita sees hugo playing rollerball and joins in
jenifer conneloy, who has a blue thing on her head like caesar in urotsukidoji 3 or that guy in voltage fighter gowcaizer, wants to team with dr to make cr-p to get back to the sky city
but he sez no and shes p-ssed
they play motorball on powered skates like dai atlas in transformers zone and she gets suckerpunched by some dude
in round 2 she nails him and scores a goal
is this a sports film?
youngblood 2: Alita vs Youngblood!
after da game she is gives a ride back on hugo's motorunicycle and tells him her story, then buys her chocolate
they see a bounty hunter cyborg with a sword as guns are outlawed and punishable by execution
so its mexico
shhe gets back after dark and dr b--ches about it as they live in a cesspoole like los angelas
later its day and her and hugo look at the sky city and imagine of lifew there
is this a thing on 34d worlders wanting to go to america?
huge sez she came from the sky city as she was found in cr-p dumped from there
then its night and she goes out seeing a guy looking likee the bad guy in indiana jones
turns out its dr and he was gonna ice a guy
but it was a trap and this cyyborg hunter attacks and beats him
a soviet sonding chick wants his eyes and cyborg is gonna ice dr so she wastes him
soviet chick fights alita as a huge guy hold dr
alita wins and fights huge guy whos like the jggernaut and she has viet namek flashbacks of fighting on the moon
after taking off huge a55's arm and he books it
dr reveals hes a hunter and i guess the other guys they just fought were bad guys and they go to da base to turn in the guys they caught and get paid
she wants him to tell her more and he sez his crippled kid alita was was iced by a druggie who was on a rampage
then he became a hunterto stop crooks like him
shes powered by an antimatter core that they cant make after the fall
big a55 gos to jenifer conoloy to get fixed as he got busted by alita and jenigty hates her
as she chex him she finds someone in da city is behind him and contols  him
the controller nova talx through him and sezalita knows ancient kung fu and to rebuild big a55
this black guy there sez he'd give her what she wants if they get alita and spazzes out
alita wants to be a hunter (like nami sos??) to recover her memories but dr sez no so she watches a rollerball tournament thats cg rise of the robots characters speeding and fighting
in 1 part a guy is torn apart with tentacles spiking through him
were these flesh and blood humans it would get an R rating
but as its metal its pg13
after the game, tentaCLE hands gets caught by guys and his atrm sawed off by thugs
wait i think 1 is hugo
blackguy takes his parts and blowtorches the tentrCLE hands face offscreen
imagine seeing his face cook off
the manga would have it
back when manga was cool
now the weiners whine when someone tells a joke or names a guy after a ww2 hero
so later hugo and homies take alita to this mars republic ship and she knows of it
its under water so she walks on the lake floor to get in
mars base? is this robotech?
so she goes in and gets a cyber body from the ship but dr dont wanna upgrade her body
like kira getting the freedom gumndam halfway through seed
so she sez shes a warrior and he knows and he sez her antimatter core is a perfect match for that body as shes the best figfhting machine ever
and he wont give her that body
so she goes in and registers as a hunter
now shes a rebelious teen who goes against her parental units protection rules
they go to a bar (how old is she?! wait... over 300 aparently... wait... how is her human brain still alive?!)
at da bar da guys dont thibk shes good enuff
she sez she wants their heklp to take on huge guybut they laff at her but she jabs back and forth until sword guy attascks and she counterstrikes him out
then challenges anyone there but if she wimsthey help her
then its a big a55 texas barfuight like a john wayne movie
cuz robert rodriguez is a texas
so dr comes in in and sez stop or no more free repairs and they stop
then huge a55 comes in looking like the live action megatron and having tentacle hands tentacle arm
he takes out a guy and the rest queer out
a dog barks at him and he crushezs it
tyake that you c-ck sucker!!
dogs dont belong on our blue and pure worldd
so she puts dog blood on her face like a football guy and fights huge guy under the bar as he busted through da floor
huge guy sezhe was left to rot in the undetground but nova saved him
she gets her robody slices apart but has an arj left like freeza and recalls that nova must be stopped
she jams her arm in his eye socket and sez F--k  to give this a phg13 rating but macteague (not the guy from greed) and his dogs and dr and hugo dri8ve hue guy offwith attacks and fire
as dr takes her out, jenifer conololy mocks him for bringing her back
then dr puts her in the super bod andit reformats to match her mind version of herself
also she looks more curvy
like going from moddern anime to 90s anime
dr tells her the bod is not good or bad but its up to her
like any item like a hammer or gun or beyblade
btw her getting busted and coming back with upgrades after being saved from a guy she couldnt beat is used in mega man x
she has a moment with hugo feelling her skin to test her new nanotechbod  touch thing and they make out
wwere this terminator or titanic they'd be b0ning
later huge guy is toold by nova controled black guy he's failed again starscream but gets another chance
also she's the best tech the mards guys had
Imagine in the future where people live on mars and Marvin is a slur and banned from the public as people jokinglu call mars people it after marvin the Martian. Also all his Looney Toons cartoons are banned as he's in them.
hugo chats with black guy whos named vector like the crocodile in sonic and tells her of alita
also he wants too get to sky city once he gets 1 million credits
next day he wakes up and alita stops by and sez she can make the 90 000 he needs in bounty hunting
she offers her heart to sell but he dont think ts rightand she puts it back in her
so they decide too go into mototball to make cash
also sword guy is up to something against alita
dr makes her mototball parts and vector offers the other players 500 000 $ to ice alita
hugo tells his black froeind who suckerpunched alita to stop chopping up cyborgs and he wants out but they fight
then sword guy coms in and wastes the cyborg black friend was jacking
black friend saves hugo from sword guy but i think bites it and hugo runs
alitas hoomies notice the guys shes against are hunters and dr calls alita to warn her
game start and its all cg and hyper nova characters being busted
remeber cyborg justice on sega?
that was pretty cool
make that into a movie
i beat it in da 90s
so alita busts their shiny metal a55es and hugo calls her and sez sword arm of dragon is after him
she busts outta da stadium (ring out!! this aint beyblade!!) and the baddz follow as she goes to da church
she finishes the ramaining hunters and feeds 1 into a grinder and saves hugo from swrordy
she seez a wanted poster for him and he coomes out about jacking parts
its against da law to stop a hunter going after his kill and he shanks hugo in da guy t with his blade
in church he repents of his sin and admits his love for her
also jenider cololoy is there and tells vector she didnt find em
she takes off his head and calims the bounty but sword guy sez he wants it
so thats agianst the law and alita slices off his plastic face and he spazzes out
then jenidty colony gives hugo a robot body and saves him
dr sez no one can buy their way into sky palace and he was up there but got cast out after his kid got aids or w/e and he removed his head mark
jenidty colony turns down vectors chance too return to sky place and alita calls dr dad
then alita goes to hunter base and the roboguards detect hostile intention and they fight as she uses sowrd guys blade
she confronts black guy vector who sgows her jenifer  colonys brain organs and eyes in jars as they are to be used in experiments in sky city
then huge a55 shows up and alita recalls her  past where a team mate sezx to destory sky city
she slices off huuge guys tentacle fingers and splits him in 2 with the sword like freeza and trunks
then talks to nova through vector (like yugioh zexal?!) and he sez hes impressed by her abiliteis
he also claims to be immortal and she shanks vector as nova said he might go after hugo and dr
then dr calls and sez the enforcers came for hugo knowing hes aliv and he helped him escape but the enforcers sealed the city and he's trying to climb the city sky pipes
she sez this is nvas plan and she wants to stay with him
the this cenitpede spike thing comes down and chops up hugo
she catches him but is hanging by an arm thats snapping off
he falls after he thanks her ans she sez she loves him and he goes to H E Double soviet California
months later alita is in the finals of rollerball and has a chance to go to sky city
btw i'm not sure if that was in the 80s manga but g=hugo biting it  and falling was done by cameron in titanic 1
she points the bladde at sky city, sheds a tear and the camera czooms in on her huge eye and credits to sorta 90s music
the end
that was pretty good
good action
good effects
good music
good cyberpunk sci fi future cr-p
i liekd it
its a better american manga movie
good gore even if it was robots
well, transformers the movie from the 80s was pretty violent with swearing and cr-p and still got a pg ratng
not sure if this will ever get a sequel but imma say what i want for mine
oh and i never saw the anime or read much of the manga so i' not sure what happens after this
for alita battle angel 2 i want her to make it to the sky city but find its actually good up there and the people live in peace and safety. she learns from nova that the people down on earth in their cr-ppy city are there for a reason and were they up here, it would damage their utopia. turns out; they were snt to earth as they carry a mutation in their dna that is latent in some but makes most dangerous and in the event of a solar thing, it will activate and turn them into mutated cannibal sasquatch monsters. and the solar thing is coming.  then after it happens when she returns to arn the people, they devolve and beocme the mutants and she has to slice through them and stop them from reaching the city. its also a 16 bit hack and slash on sega genesis, snes, atari jaguar, gba and tg16 where you play as alita and go around chopping through mutants with increasingly gortesque appearences.

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