Friday, February 21, 2020

Tomb Of Ligeia Review

Note: I spell creepy
the tomb of ligeia
this is my review on the tomb on ligeria from 1964
its directed by the awesome roger corman and stars vincent price and no one else i heard of
its based on a stoey by edgar allen poe i never read but is probably good
so after 20 seconds of logos that look cool we get a funeral where a guy tells vincent price the chick hes berrying canty go there as its holy ground and shes not christian
holy cr-p
this is reallyu widescreen!
like even on youtube its got black bars
so price sez shes not really dead or something and that she didn't think much of God
a blicketee black cat jumps on the coffin and her eyes openbut price sez its just a reflex or something
then opening credits to gothic art and dark images
looks pretty cool
then its a fox hunt
tails no!!
thats what you get for screwing me up so much ypu p o s!!
a guy chats with a blonde chick on horseback and they find these ruins of a castle or something
she finds te dead chicks grave and a cat scares her candy a55 horse and she falls
then price comes out looking like he belongs in da matrix with those shades and dark clothes
guy comes and meets price and knows him from b4 and pioce sez his shades were cuz his eyes are f'd
she comes to and takes a flower and prce carrys her through the ruins
it looks pretty cool
now they'd just use cg and it woould look like a55
she takes off his shades and he spazzes out from da light
they go in prices place and he has his slaves or w/e get cr-p  for her f'd leg
price wraps her foot but not in a tarentino way and blondes dad comes in with da dead fox
see you in h-ll tails!!
he shows price and he goes big bang theroy on fox yrivia and that his woman had a pet fox
then the fox vanishes and price sez da cat took it
not sure a cat can carry a fox
if it waas a cat sized ant it could as they can lift like 10x its weight or w/e
later guy and blonde chat about prrice and when dad comes in she rides off
dad; willful little b--ch aint she?
good way to dscribe ur daughter
well, he is english
btw this is set in the 1800s of soviet england
later guy goes  back to his lawyer job and blonde goes back to price
he grabs her face and she pulls off his glasses and he spazzes out b4 recognizing her and getting mad at her coming over unannounced
they have tea as england is too gay for pop and they talk about cr-p and he asks her to go and she gets b--chy
price goes on a monologue about his woman having such a will for live it went on after she bit it
imma call vincent price vin like vin diesal
so they are about to make out and the cat scratches her on da face and runs
then vins alfred butler comes in saying someones here and vin tells him to tend her cuts and ice da cat
imagine if he walked in on em making out?
btw i never saw this b4 i think but if i did i forgot it
so vin sees guy holding a pharaoh thing and sez he made it and dont like opening tombs and they chat of the thing
its the other yugi!!
game-u no jikan
he tells guy he treid to b0ne the blonde and whines about the cat and throwing a cabbage at it
meanwhile blonde talks with butler slave about vins woman
vin goes with guy and sez his womans exparation date on her tomb was gone and that day blonde showed up
theres also no birth date as he never knew his womans age
wife; dear, you remember by birthday right?
husband; uhhhh yeah...
so he goes on a monologue about ligeia's will being strong and body f--king out and her ki or w/e became the home and blonde seez cat take vins shades and follows it to a bell in the tower that moves w/o sound
btw the castle inside seems sort like edward scissorhands inventors room played by vincent price too
vin goes on hi8s ramblings and how he might have been the one who cut the date from the tomb but had no memory of it until now and he might be going nuts
then da bell rings and vin and guy go up and save blonde who's freakin out from loud sounds like sges the symbyote
latr blonde marrys vin and they talk of their childhood
vin lived with his alpha male dad in da wild as a kid
they go to stone henge and have a honeymoon or something and go back to teir place where vin sez he sold the place and its gonna change hands soon
at night she brusges her hwir, which lookss much better down, andfinds its black on the brush i think and goes to see vin
later its a dinner with blondes dad and guy and its revealed the deed to it in his his womans name and they cant find any cetrificate of her biting it
vin dont want anyone near da tomb
they talk about hypnotism and vin has exp with it
blonde sez until now she aint seen vin to guy and they do a hypnotizm thing on blonde to have her recall her mom who bit it when she was 3
she rrecalls her mom and sings a song from her
then starts starts quoting vins 1st wife and blacks out
is this where audrey rose got it from?
later shes awake and vin puts her to bed where she dreams of a creepy chick giving her flowers with the dead fox and a big black cat slashes her
she goes through da castle as da cat hounds her and sees freeky cr-p in the shadows. then she makes out with vin and he turns int someone else and I think b0nes her
this really feels sorta like dreams I had with slo mo and weird jumps
she wakes up with da fox in her bed (taiils yoyu necro purvo!!) andgoes to see vin but he comes in from da windowdoor and sez he was out and is carrying food
butler comes in and sez a maid mightve put it out there and vin tells him to remove the stuff from blondes room
but when they get there its gone
later shes chatting with guy and how shes not legally vuns wife as thereas no proof ligeia bit it and other freeky stuuf f'd her up
she thinks ligeia  is alive in a way in the place and he sez to not ask but demand explainations
later she puts blue candle wax on her food to spell V L and puts it out with her bare hand
guy comes by unannounced and wants to see vin but butler sez hes working on cr-p
guy grills butlord over where vin is working and asks where ligeia is b4 saying shes in her tomb
then implies vin is b0ning her corpse or isnt really dead
butlord leaves and guy tells blonde to hide in her room and lock da door as guy digs up ligia
in her room, blonde sees creepy lady from her dream who i guess is a maid or slave or w/e and sends her out b4 locking da door
then its a thunder storm and da cat is spazzing out behind da door
like a dumba55 she unlocks it but da cat is already in there and knox over da candles
if only they had edisons light bulb
she runs out and into vins room and fights da cat then hides in the balcony and finds a hidden door
does this guy live in castlevania?!
she finds a room with phaornic decorations and scream and the mirror to a hidden stairway breaks when she screams
this IS castlevania!!
so guy finds ligeria and busts open the glass and finds its a wax body lik eelvis after the mob iced him
also he sets it on fire for some reason
butllord is there and tells him to hurey as someone is beyond help now
she finds vin in this weird a55 room and finds his 1st wife on the bed and falls onto her and spazzes out
i think its petrified
butlord sez to get out as vin went nus or something and liegia f'd his mind or something and he forgets the nights during the day as he cares for her at night
and when buttlord told him he spazzed out into a trance and only ligeia can free him but shes in h-ll
better go to the mountains with dante and go on an excellent adventure through the circles
blonde uses the hypnosis he used on her and sez hes liagra and to remember everytging and be free and she's gonna bite it and she keeps over
vin coms to and carrys his 1st wifes unrotted bod outta bed and dumps it in the fire pit in the center of da room
then sez for the guys to leave him with his wife blonde like denny said in da room
he puts her in bed and smooches her but finds da cat on her after turning away and kills it with a slap
wait, it had anther life and she comes to a bit and they smooch
he walks off but blonde walks over in a veil and takes it off to reveal ligeria
they fight and he strangles her
the guys come in and its revealed its blonde again and he tells guy to bring blonde out as he knows whos behind this
he then takes a whip to the cat and they have a boss fight
a whip?! this IS castlevania!!
the cat jumps him and takes out his eyes, wait, didnt he have an eye issue? did they just forget about dat?
he wanders around when he could just use his ki to sense things and knox over a thing into da fire put and the place gues up like a candle
what a freekin fire hazard!!
why put a fire pit in da center of da room??!
he catches the cat as it jumps him and they fight and eventually he finishes it
guy seez blonde is alive adthey smooch and we see vin and 1st wife on da floor together
thena quote from Poe (not the tellitubby) saying life and death are divived by shadowy lines and wgo's to say where 1 starts and ends
then the credits showing who was who with film clips like spaceballs
the end
that was pretty good
it had class and style and wasn't super fast paced orb overstuffed with subplots
it told a story and did it well with good ideas and themes that fit the works of poe
i liked it
now movies are full of swear wordsa and degenerates but this was pretty clean but still cool
sorta like master of darkness on the sega master system
roger corman did great stuff in his director works and this is one of his many wins
cool gothic flare with a bit of blood and great music
they don't make emm like this anymor
but they should
for the tomb of ligeia 2 i want the blonde to be married to that guy who was hot for her and she has a kid. but the kid starts acting weird. turns out; ligeia sent he soul into her when the cat was on her and hid in her womb until she got pregnant and reincarnated herself as her kid. also the kid goes around taking out those who ligeia hated in her past life and its a murder mystery. its also an 8 bit nes, gameboy, sega master system and game gear, atari 7800 and lynx and tg16 game where you go through gothic levels as the kid and gotta wack people or set up traps and vincent prices ghost is after you to stop you and you gotta fight him off with collecting magic items.

No comments:

Post a Comment