Wednesday, December 9, 2020

Bad Santa Review

 note; i spell bad.

bad santa

this is my reiew on bad santa ffr9m 20003 (the year before the year before the transformers movie hsappened)

its got billy bob thotnton, tony cox, lure ton bernie mac, john ritter, alex borstein(ewwwwwwwww), the fats55 from mike and molly, Octavia Spencer (gross!!) and Cloris Leachman (gag e with a spoon!!), 

its directal by Terry Zwigoff who did nothing i saw

i saw soome of this years ago and people say its ggreat

i actually know a guy who looks like the bad santa kid and i look like the home alone kid

we otta film a sequel cross over if i go down to kansas to hang out with his fat a55

so after title credita  we gget bob as santa in a bar whining about his life and how this job is the worst yet

his childhood s-cked and he never had a real christmas annd he goes out and pukes

then hr's with a black midget as a mall santa and is a grouch

1 kid sez he's not santa and he sends him on

so bob p-ssed himself annd has a swig of booze annd molly mike is aguard there who stasrts the alarmm as everyone leaves for the night

but the midget hiding as a snowman turns it off and lets bob in and they loot the place

the driver was dana in batman beyond annd they get away and drink

midget sez bobs getting sloppy and bob sez he wants to quitand move to soviet miammi and get his life together

midget sez next year he's gonna beback and need cash

montths later in soviet miami ad gets beay up for stealing booze from a  beach bar and watches bikini chicks play volluball

so hes sstill a f up and goes back to the midget for another xmas heist

so they replaced the last santa and thinks the mall head played by john yubel das abscelich ritter means his parts are f'd when he  asks about his performance and swears a lot

ritter talks to mac about it and mac is head of security

soo after getting his drunk a55 up, he chats with the kids and is an a55 hole

meanwhile, this fata55 kid is name called by cool kids who throw a beer can at his head

so fat boy goes to santa and pulls on da hair and asks why its fake

bob sez he got a disease from b0ning and fatboy asks him qquestios aboyt being santa

this kinda creaps him out and bob send him on

at a bar a chick who looks kinda like ashley in degrassi net gen flirts with him and they b0ne in a car as shes into santa

santa fetish? i've heard worse

like crotch transformation!

being turned into a d0ng monster

then a gaijin attacks bob and trys b0ning himbut fatboy saes his a55

bob briings him to his place as kid asks questions that p-ss him off

its pretty funny

fatboy sez his dads an explorer and moms in heaven so grandma takes care of him

he only knows her as grandma and i didn't now my japanese grandma's name until after she died at 98.5

we all just called her grandma

so he loots the kids house and car and later at work ritter catches bob b0ning a fat chick in the a55

ritter is gonna can him until bob says he'd get all the africannized misgets riled up over being canned and ritter relents

this predicted the future, where people hold up business over fake outrage

later he trys seducing a chick at the arcade and midget rides his a55 over it

later ritter tells mac about bob b0ning a fat chick and that bob makes him uneasy and he wants to find a reason to fire him

later bob comes by his apartment and the ffat chick he was butt hammering sez a cop was going through his room and bo goes to live with fatboy saying he b0ned mrs claus's sister and now needs a place to stay

fatboy asks spa questions for bob and he gets -ssed and fatboy just stands there stares

this kids great

give him the oscar

btw, this was b4 2 and a half men with a crude a55 guy and aninnccent kid

fatboy gets  an advent calandar and it has a chocolate and a piece of the Nativity Story every day

at lunch tomorrow the midget and his batman beyond gf are there and midet sez he's a p o s and drinks and b0nes oo much

then a mom brings her  kid to bob and he swears at em

later mac catches a brat stealing and takes his mp3 player and tells him of

also he scalls a guy to run arizona plates for him

then its night andbob plays heckers with fatyboy and fatboy is taking forever, but makes a winning move

bob freaksout and flips the table and kid asks to play again

then a neighbor comes by and sez they doing a xmas thing with sandbags and candles in itand he sez he'd do it eventually

after b0ning santa fetish girl in the pool, he chats with her and late, rips open the advent calandar about the chocolate

the next day the fat kid is spazzing out cas he cuz his hand oon somethingbob trys to help and realizes its his chocolate eating that did something

so later bob and midget  check the air conditioning of the mall and mac hears back from the plate running and goes to see this guy in jjail and he sez his son lives with his mom and is oing time for embezzelment

at home he gives the kid a patched up advent calandar and 1 candy is cr-ppy

so mac chats with ritter and sez he found jack sh-t on bob so he cant fire him

later fatboyy gets wwedgied and comes to the mall with the undies still up and sez he wants a gorilla to beat up the kids

bob sez ehen he got beat up he toold his dad and dad beat on him and tells fatboy to man up and kick a55

then mac comes to midgget and sez he wants in and a cut

i mean half

so midget and bob bicker and they realize they need each other

later bob shows up drunk and spazes out and beats apart the creepy raindeer

mac and midget ibicker and swear at each other and its fun and later bob trys suicide in the car with a hose from the cars butthole to the window and fatboy comes in

he gives kid  a confession letter for when the cops come for his body but sees fatboy has a black eye soo he gets the will to live and beats up some teenagers

later bob trys to train the kid but he kid and midget yst crotch hit eachh other

after thinking granny bit it for a bit, bob b0nes santa fetish girl and fatboy comes in and gives him a gift

a wooden pickle thats coated in his blood from him cutting his hand making it

santa f--ker sezs the kid is nice and he dont wanna b0ne anymore

da next day kid shhows bob his reportcard and hopes he can get a present as he didnt get one for the last few years and hes a loser

bob spazzes out and gets mad at him for saying stuff about himself that bob said about him and that he's not the real santa

fatty sez  he knows bobs not santa and hoped hed get a present cuz they friends

then its night and they gon do the heistt and midgget and dana  tan fake car trouble to get mac in line with their car and ice him with it

so bob, santa fetish chick and grandma and fatyy set up da house for xmas and do the sand bag thing

this is kinda like rambo 4 where hes burned out and finds  his way back to finding the reason to go o and something worth living for 

so they do the same thing to get in the mall as b4 for the heist and bob sez the saf is the kind thats too good to crack

so after a montage of bob trying to crack itand midgget jacking stuff, he gets it open and goes too get an elephant for the fat kid

then midget points a gun at bob and sez the mac is dead

he's sick of bobs f--kery and thenn all these cops come in with guns (good guys with uns) and bob gets awayin the dads car

he goes too give the kid his present and theres a car chase and at the house he runs but gets shot a lot as kids watch from their wiindows

then we get a letter from bob to kid who says the bullets missed his vitals and  the cops made a deal with bob as gang capping an unarmed mall santa in front of many kids was f'd and he can help em as the letter he wrote shos he was against it

the santa f--ker is now fatys guardian and he kicks the teen who was mean to him in the parts and rides his bike off  while gicving the finger

the end

production manager david crocket?!

that was great

i actually laughed

its crude, crass, an totally f'd

but its got heart and has a good feel to it

bobs not a loser but a rough guy and each character briingds something good

its got good stuff to it and has good writiing and acting and music

great film for an r rated christmas show

For Bad Santa 2 I want it to be a cross over withh home alone and I' play the Home Alone Kid and mmy left wing friend would play the Bad Santa Kid and We'd be the adult versions of them and have to stop an Evil Elf from ruining Christmas! Also we'd have Autism from flu shots and I'd say "Some Ladies And Valves Explode!" and he'd say "Asian Indian Dong Soup"! (Slave and Aids) Also we'd be Power Rangers and fight Evil Coal Us's who are just us with Chocolate smeared on our faces! For this we'd edit Stop Motion Animated vs Us with Filthy Faces and then get the Zords! Also we advance on the Elf and he screams and it fades out, then unfades and we'd be eating KFC! also its a 16 bit 2 player beat em up on sega genesis, snes, atari jjaguar, tg16 and gba with 1 as the home alone kid and 1 as the bad santa kid and we fight evil elf toys and evil coal us's

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