On Deadly Ground Review

 Note: I spell liker this movie

On Deadly Ground

This ios my review forb On Deadkly Ground from 1994 (Tghe year Sonic 3 and Knuckles came out)

Itsd directed by steven segal and people say it s-cked

its got segal, michael cainme from goldmember and the swarm, r lee ermey from the texas chainsaw massacre revboot, billy bob thornton, Sven-Ole Thorsen from those schwarzenergger films, anmd bart the bear

aw gay! its widescreen!

so after credits to shots of nature to kinda mystic music, theres a fire at an oil thing

then segal comes over in a chopper tryng to look bada55

1 geezer sez the cr-p they use isnt up to code and the boss makes em use it

segal used to be one of the guys but now is a slave to michael caine for money

so segal sets a thing and blows it wityh only him and caine not ducking cuz they arte too cool for it

also he lights his cigarette with a burning fire, even though it was already lit

caine sez it was human error not fasulty cr-p that caused it and he wants to keep the opil to make cash off it instead of it fgoing into the ocean

also segal just blew the evidence of if it weas faulty cr-p

later at a bar a redneck is mean to a native guy in a really antisubtle way

geezer talks to segal about how a buncha guys bit it in the fire and segal dont care

sregal sexz he saw the cr-p had cracks and geezer sez he wants segal to look into it

so redneck is kind of an a55 to native guy and segal beats a buncha guys out for it

u guy he breaks the arm and chucks him through the wiindow, which is in alaska so the cold air will go in

faces him in a game where they take turns tapping each othetrs hands and if you miss, the foe gets a punch

its like yuygioh meets riki-oh

so after a beat down, segal sez, what does it take, to change the eessence, of a man

redneck secz, time! and now that he's humbled, hes gonna be a good guy

like the other yugi torturting a guy wiht black magic toi be good

or lovely angel b0ning the evil outta a guy in that Go Nagai Manga

so later caine films an add with cariboo about how he cares for narure

then aftewr doing it he b--ches about how the cariboo stink and he wants to be cleaned adfter touching 1

1 lawyer or w/e sez the long term benifits for surviving wifers of the guys hwho bite it are too generous and he's running outt atime

caine spazzes out and sez if it aint online and working in 13 days, the rights to the land go back to the natyives

lawyer sez a guy is talking of fsaulty cr-p and it could cause caine to lose billions so he wants a guy to take care ogf him

so segal goes in and looks through the files to find they are using defective cr-p and the new parts wont get in for 90s days

the system spots him logging in and accessing classified files

later geezer is at his 90s computer with the classified files and some goons come to his cabin with internet access

they find his computer has been downloaded or w/e and they torture him, by breaking hjis fingers to find the data

then they take a pipe cutter and do something toi him as its the tv airting we sdont see, also they trash his place looking for the data

so lawyer sez at a press conference that things are ok and in 3 months thingsa wiill be normal

a native guy talks about how the environment is being poisoned by ther oil thing and its devolving the people

a chick splashesd black goo on him saying the blood of her people is on him

segal sez he understands why caine is using cr-ppy cr-p as if he waits for the next shipment he wont make the deadline and asks "how much money is enuff"

also theres another accident on another place and caine sez he csan talk of this after and sends segal to fix it

they go over and egzal;goes in  waering a diving suit thing and finds geezers body and charges

they the bad guys blow the place and a nativber guys on a dogsled go over

1 sez he saw something in a vidion and they find segal alive somehow and bring him back to theirt canadian mad max village

later caine sez it was sabotage and the sabatogers got it in the thing blowing and it was segal and the geezer

meanwhiile the natives treat segals issues and segal meets the elder

elder sez segals like a bear wehich i assume is gonna trun him furry and goes some kinda surgery on him

so caine wants them to keep looking for segal as "ifg we dont find a body hes alive" like its chucky or sopmething

segal heals and goes out in a ceariboo or sasquaTCJH SKIN COAT AND FIGHHTS DOGSD AND tells the natives if the bad guys find him they'll f the village

elder sez hes healthy enuff to go on his journey and tells segal their creation story

there was no one on earth until day 5 and a man came from a secrted place fulkl ghorwn and saw a raven

he made animals and cr-p and raven worried man would f the earth and made the bear to keep man in check

sornds kinda ike the Bible

so segal is the bear to keep dangerous man in check to protect nature

they cast a spell on him, or somethign and he has a trippy vision about nature and how man has f'd it

on law and order svu; the earth defense group (EDG) is attacking people they fear/hate for their "crimes" against nature (like making suv's or building a home on forest land) the cops hassle this member about going to jail but he sez; you cant keep RAEPING THE EARTH! me; YES! I! CAN!! (starts h-mping the lawn) eat my d-ck you b--ch!

so later the bad guys comer to the villager and hassle em if thery saw segal and elder sez no

they find segals diving suit and when 1 guy smacks the chick, the elder does something and gets capped

so later segal comes back and the baddz are gone and segal sez bye to the elder whos almost bit it and 

so after the elder bits it they reveal they have a snbomobile the whole time but its for emergencues and segal and the chcck take it to go tyo the geezers cabiin

its trashed and btw, theres leafy green plants around it, despite being neasr the artic in pre soviet alaska

segal finds the disks and bad guys come in and segal beats a55

caine in the plant sez segal is a super elite bada55 like hes kenshiro or riki-oh or something

so caine gets mercenaries from the 3rd world and 1 is r lee

so segal sez the oil thing is gonna blow when brought online and is gonna pump poison back into the ground or w/e

so now segal is gonna blow the oil thing like hes on a gee haaad

btw most of the natives are played by asiasns

so chick sez they shouldnt bklow it and segal goes on a cr-ppy speech about how theres not gonna be a miracle of someone saving em and stopping tech and hes gotta do it

its pretty bad

so sega gets a buncha guns and goes off on a horse as theres no carbon emmisions except when it breathes and poots

so the mercenarties sez segal is only on record after 87 which means hes super top secret

segal goes to his storehouse and its fuill of arms and asplosives

he puts out a signal to lure the mercaneieres in and segal sends chick with a pack of cr-p and rigs his place to blow

as the chopper lands the cabion blows in slo mo and takes it out and sega cd goes oof oon horsebacka dn sets trap cards

the mercenaires on horseback think nthey got him and go after him but r lee spots a trap and when 2 guys go on they hit a 2nd tap and get takewn out

so thgey go on and sega 32x and chick jump a gap on horse and blow the cliff with a bag of asplosives

so sgea satrun gets to the oil place and and uses a pop bottle as a silerncer and takes a guy out

so segal takes more guys out and at the oil thing theres a lot of cops and the mercenatirs worry of capping segal with em there

seagl rigs the place to blow and tells the workers to gtfo and f's the systems so the power gets f'd

then he blows part of the plant and releases acid which is at an oil plant for some reason

the power comnes backa nd r lee goes on a monologue about how epic and bada55 segal is

then theres a shoot out in an oil plant cuz these guys are f--king inbred

how this? segal as batman??

so caines goons book it and lawyer sez she going to the toilet as i guess segal is so cool she's gonna shj-t her pants

segal catches the main goon who sezx he has evidence agianst caine but when he takes a swing at segal, segal throws hi into a chopper propeller

the lawyer drtives into a gasoline thing and the gas thing and the gas leaks to a fire and the fire makes the whole tghing blow!

spoiler; it wont do that! it'll burn! not blow!!

so segAL O MEAN CAINE GETS MORE GUYS IN TO GUARD IT AND i think 1 is the native guy who segal beat up the bully of at the start

so the place blows more and segal sends the elevator down woth a thing of aplsoneives in int asnd when 2 guys who he has no way of knowing were there open fire, it blowes and wacks em

so segal sets the station to overloeoad and r lee comes outta the muck with a shotgun and sez hes gonna ice segal

but segal is too much for him and takes the shotgun and blows him out

you know r lee, you couldn've just shot him instaed of talking about it

so in 3 minutes this planet i mean iol thing will blow and the bad guys cant udsre guns cuz its an oil plant even though they used em b4

segall takes em out and gets to caine and sez "what does one say to a man w/o a conscience" and goes on another speech

caine terlls segal to turn it off like segals gonna do it after blowign the plant

caine waslks away knowing segal wont cap him in da back and segal stings him up by the leg with a riope and hangs him over a water thing

then shoots the rope and he falls into it

so segal and the chick escape as the place blows for sa few mins

so later segal gives a speech about nature and how the big bad oil guys are keeping the super good tech down to make money

also theres a lot of footage poof nature and he keeps going on and on about how da urth iz f--ked and the companies are doing it

alsdo he sez how they control the media and laws and keep the people down and are damaging us

kinda like hormones and vaccines?

also he sez how we can't drink oiutta our faucents cuz of poisoin water like its detroit or michigan or w/e democrat run city is f'd

oh canada has boil water advisdories too and thats pretty coomie

also hes like a  fooot taller than everyone like hes in japan

the end

that was prertty antisubtle

preachy and over the top and most of the movie is "i'm segal! i;'m zee ubermenbbch! no one can stop me!"

its entertaining and fun and has good effects and is so bad its good

they got a briotish guy as thr vbillian like real life and nowadfays peope woould love it for being against oil and pro native

the fight scenes are good and its fun to point out all the logic errors and how it sucks segals d0ng

yeah its bad, but its the good kinda bad

if you want a dumb action film with over the top cr-p, this is good

for mon dadly ground 2 i want for miuchaerl caine to have been devolved by the chedmicals in the oil water he gfell in and trhe plant blowing caused him to turn into some kinda grotesque monstrosity. he gets revenge on the natives  and starts eating them to try to absorb their dna o return to human! also he fights nataive  cryptids and theiurt battles are all over alaska. its also a 16 bit game like king of the monstyers but on genesis, snes tg16,m atari jaguar and gba and you play as either devolved caine or one of the cryptids and fight throught alaskka.

Storm In A Teacup Review

 Note; i spell teacops in a storm

storm in a teacup

this is my review on storm in a teacup from 1937

its directal by Victor Saville who did the iron duke and nothing else i seen

its got vivian leigh, rex harrisdioon, and no one else io know of

its based on a play i never saw and it don by alexanfder korda

i nver saw it b4 but people say its good

so after credits to lively music, we get soviet scotland and this chick comes over by boaty mcboatface

she accidentally sits on a kidscandy and a guy gets it off her a55

candya55!

sdhe tells a guy she was in soviet paris in scvhool and he helps her with her luiggage

he gets stuck in a gate and a guy takes her items and she drives off

laterthe cops come to this scot chix place and try breaking into her place to find someone

i cant tell what they say with their scrooge mcduck accents butn they say oot instead of out like canadians

they cops take her dog and are probably gonna b0ne it dead

thats big gov in soviet enfgland

the cops taking peoples items w/o consent and the peopl,e have no way to defend thhemselves

so chick goes to see her dad whos tyhe commiisar of the arera or we/e and is going for parlement

also the leader of the party is comming and dad wants to be leader to help the scots get freedom from the regent

so he's having scotland first policies?

nowadays he'd be seen as bad for not bowing to gaijin

so leggage guy comes by a place and hes a reporter and is sent to interviiewthe dad

so later dad has a famewale come by and he feels her back as i guess he;'s got a back fetish

in parlement they talk about having swimming wear mandated and is cr-ppy as you can't move in it

reporter is in the stands and so is chick and they meet

dog chick tries to appeal to hger stolen property but dad wopnt do anyhting

also i think the dog is being sent back to h e double england

so reporter has an interview with dad and dads trying to be epic

dog chick comes back for more b--ching and gets chick to try to help by chick thinking its her son gonna be executed

even after finding out its a dog, chick triues to help dog chick

btw, rtemember that irish boy who had birth issues and the brit gov didn;t allow him to get treatment in America as it would mean paying foir healthcare?

that kid slowly died and his rents were forbidden by the gov to help him

when I was born I had blood issues and needed a transfusion

Good thing I was born in America and not Soviet England

so dad gives a passionater speech about scots to reporter and later reoprter ois writing the thing

later this midget or kid comes in during reporters breakfast and sez hes f'd over hisa issues

reporter goes to a golf course and chats with chick

oh and b4 i think chicjk wanted to pay ther dog tax for dog chick bit dad refused and i thin reporter wanted to pay

so later dad is at a farm and says if we get good breeding programs for people they can be superior like the cow there

well, eugenics were pretty popular back then

tommy douglas of soviet canada supported em

later its night but spelled to-night as it ur going there and dad dads giving a speeech

oh and i think reporter wrote about the dog and it caused job issues

chick b--ches at reporter about the dog story and he defnds his sh-t

later he tells his story of how as a kid he tried to stand up for horses being whipped  and got the backhand

so now hes a little b--ch about sh-t like that

animal rights? whast next? plant rights?

you can';t mow the lawn! the grass has rights!

you can't weed the garden! the thistles haave rights!

so dad had a guy redo the article to be like for him

so just like the media spinning things to favor the bad guys today

so dad goes on and gives a speech annd acts like hitler but theres dogs b--chiung in the backgrounbd

everyone goes nuts and laughs and sings about dogs

dad gets mad at reporter and later its breaksaft and dads mad at reporter fgor f--kin up his chances

the papers mock him for the dog thing and dad has reporter hauled to a kangaroo court to find who paid him to make the bad articles

thats england! giv gov oppressing the disenters!

just like in the ussr

they try to make him sign a paper recanting his article but he dont consent and they threatren him

like cnn trying to ruin the guy who made that wwf gif of Trump taking out cnn

he tells ewm off and walks out goes to a carnival to do games lie punching a sack or breaking bottles with a thrown thing

eventrually he wions sonething and chick comforts him and hes befuddled by her callling him by his name, frank

she wanbnts to teamm up with reporeter and tell off dad together

so lastter the people aare complaining about dad ruining them and chick sees a printed thing reporter did saying he loves her

so latewr dog chick goes to say bye to the dog like the dog would understand

she ggets realy mnental over it

you know dogs only like like 12 yeras

so she sez to drink to the dog and they go out but she opens a window b4 going

i thought this was scotland not ireland!

so later at da bar da cops come to execute the dog and reporter goes to the dog place

later the dad and the homies are having smokes withough chicks and talking politicx

the droogs talk about the dog and the reaction to the speech and theres sounds happening

soon, a swarm of dogsd comes over to the building 

its an uprising! just like in 1776! but less evolved!

a minion or butler or slave or w/e sez the dog ladys dogf is gone and the droogs aint' pleased

the dogs get in and go on the table and spazz out

imagine filming this and they keep sh-tting everywhere

and yet no one smacks them as they can't have animals treated bad

remember postal with the cat silencers?

reporter is out on a horses a55 and chick sez she never wants to see him agian

imagine if he said "Tally ho!" and popped her eyes?

so the press gets word and outs the storynand dumps on dad

sao dad gets his gov homies to arrect reporter as just like president hussain and thet coptic guy who did that video that was blamed for the attack on the base

dog chick treis to get reporter to accept help but he's givenm up as hes a britmo who can't handle anything

look at how they needed America to save em 23x from ther germans!

oh and chick i think left home

so people talk abotu the caeer with good b/w style that looks like a silent film

btw this is b/w and fullscrennd

oh their doing the case over the dog being put to sleep or w/e

so they have their trtial and they got this probably inbred guy who ust agrees with everything the procestuion asks

its the stiffnecked upper crust no soul by the book stickler for rules england we know and hate and the reporter sees it as f'd

1 female says "sez u" and the brits try to make sense of it

so then the dog comes in and its owner and the people cheer for em

they have a devolved guy who can't talk for sh-t describe the dog as he examines it and defence lawyer objects but reporter dont

so the lawyers bicker and i think the fdefence queers out and leaves

chicjk is locked outta the court and sdez shes a witness and is let in by a guy

dad takes the stand and reporter tries to get him to admit its his fault everyone hates him form the dog thing

also dad says its reporters faul as reported f'd with his fam

chick comes up and sez she cant (kont) give evidence as shes married to reporter

dad sez in rpivates that he can't have a son in law serving time and its revealed that she lied

she can do hard time for purgery(which i think they bite off ur toes for) and they go back up and dad flip flops and sez reporter is right

dad submits to the dog woman and gives a speech over the radio that says every unit in the state is worthy and has rights

then reporter and chick gets married

the end

that was pretty good

shows how f;'d england is

sorta like monty python

good wit and quirk and fun and 30s clewan wholesome humor

good acting and tyhis was made when zee fuhrur is rising so england made the scots look like him

although the brits have done some evils too

like in braveheart or the patriot

its sa decent gilm and is well made and hasd good fun

glad i saw it

for storm in a teacup 2 i wanmt it to be abvout the 50s and theres not ww2 but animals have been given equal rights in scotland due to this event and now they have free reign over scotrland as they are given more rights than people. also anyone who is agasint animals is jailed and greound up into dog food. allso the daughter of the reporter and chick is a teen and is secretly a fighter against the animals as a maksed hero in a  metal bikini who fights agianst the animals with nunchaku. also its an 8 bit platform game on sega master system and game gear, nes and gameboy, tg16, atari lynx and 78000 where you play as the teen and fight through animals and sometimes have missions to save people

Black Patch Review

 Note: i spell bad but  ur used to it so i don't gotta spell good

b;lasck patch

this is my review on black patch from the distant future year of 1957 (The year Henry Gloval was born i Robotech)

its directed byu Allen H. Miner who i saw nothing of and srars Leo Gordon from The Farbage Pail Kids Movie and Alienator with thsat buff bl;onde Teagan Clive, House Peters Jr. from Rebel w/o a cause anmd The Day the Earth Stood Still (the good one) and The Red Badge of Courage, Lynn Caertwriote from Queen of Outer Space,. A League of Their Own and The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, Peter Brocco from One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest and Spatracus, Strother Martin from butch cassidy and the sundance kid, thr man whoi shjot liberty vallence, McLintock! and the 50s A Star is Born, Ned Glass from Julius easer, and no one else i;m saware of

btw its in b/w and proper fuillscreen

so it starts with a guy ofscreen capping something, then riding out on a horse

latter we an eyepatch guy walking as credits go on during a machine doing music

so 1 eye sends a drifter outta town as hes a marshasll

then a cart with a fam comes to town and this teen helps unpack

then bad guy comes over to ominous tunes and hes the offscreen guy b4

btw i never saw this b4

bad guy gets a drink and 1 guy trips teen and mocks teen fior his mom being iced

teen goes berserk and attax him but is taken down so bad guy fights tripper

a fata55 sez to no do shj-t and bad guy goes and tells kid he beat up tripped cuz triopper p-ssed him off

HE ALSO TELLS TEEN TO GETA gun

baad guy goes to see the marshall but in jail sees a mexican who is an inmate but given free run as i guess the democrats run this city

bad guychex into a hotel and hears a chick hes waiting 4 is there and goes up and reunites

he asks her if he saw a guy named clay and she sez no

later 1 eye comes back and sees teen training with aiming a gun and mexico comes by and sez bad guy came for him  and 1 eye goes to da hotel

1 ye sez hes clay and reunites with bad guy and they are homies

also the chick is bad guys woman ND  bad guy (who i dont think is bad) sez hes going out tmorrwe to get into ranching

also 1 eye knows chick and outside bad guy sez 1 eye left chick waiting and he waited for her to get enough of him

so at night she goes out and meets 1 rye and they hug (which was pr0bably b0ning in the reasl version) and he sez hes different now from the war

later its day and guys come by saying theres a wanted guy who looks like bad guy and 1 eye sez its not likely that bad guy was it cuz he couldnt make the trip from towns in that tiume

so they go to see bad guy and pull a gun on him and bring him in

he wont tell em where the stolen money is and 1 eye sez for the bounty hunters to getta warrent, which will take 1.5 days

bad guy is jailed anbd says this is gonna f up chick

1 eye goos too see chick who sez she don't love bad guy like she loved 1 eye and 1 eye trys to getta laywer

at night 1 guy climbs on the roof of the jail and offers a deal through the window to bad guy to split the money and help him

bad guy consents and later chick comes by jail and sez to get a good deal by giving up the cash

bad guy sez to go to el paso (to get cr-ppy a55 tacoes? gag me with a spoon!) and he ses hes got a plan to get out

then the hotel fata55 has a guy puit bullets in booze and loads em into a gun and pulls the trigger

but the booze f'd the bullets and it dont fire

this p-sses off his bibmo and she goes top judge a fashion show in the garbage pail kids movie

later a guy goes by the jail, wait its 1 eye and tells mexico to go home

when 1 eye goes to the cell bad guy pulls a gun on him and bad guy lox him in the cell

but b4 locking it, 1 eye shoves the doors a55 and they fight

1 eye is out kold and bad guy goes out on horse but gets capped by the guy who gave him the gun and runs

1 eye gets there and i thnink sees the guy running and when he turns over bad guyy, bad guy firtes ther gun, but the bullets were in booze so they dont fire

thehn bad guy bites it and 1 eye finds fake money on him and throws it away

the people run out and chick is in there and thinbk 1 eye did him

wait, the money is real and main guy has it and in his offica gides it in the stove

he chex the gun and finds the bullets were f'd and goos too fata55es

he b--ch slaps fata55 and gives him the gun and sez to use it on 3

fata55 dont and 1 eye knows he knew the gun was f'd

so people in topwn talk and theres an inquest into the shooting andf 1 eye gets off as he had head blows and the people dont like it

later the bad guyys things were brought to chick by teen and fata55 wants the money and the minion who gave the gun and capped bad guy is b--ched at by fata55 over not getting the money

teen comforts chick who's all f'd over bad guy getting it and gives teen bad guys sh-t

1 eye sez teen is too young foir a gun and teen tells him off for wastingh bad guy

1 eye goes too chick and says he didnt cap bad guy but she dont buy it and hates him

she b--ches out and he goes and teen asks if shes ok but she's too f'd and 1 eye finds the money is gone

he goes to fata55 and strangles the minion and aks where the mnoney is

he looks for tyher cash but its in the harpscichord and he don't know it and leaves

later rumors get out about chick b0ning teen and teen trains with the bag guys gun

later a guy comes guy with a new gun thats better and they get a britmo who served the brittsh regent to hock it

also he's all f'd out, probably from his disabbility of being brittish and thus, devolved!

so they have a thing where they conmpare a single and the new double action revolver with teen who used bad guys gun

teen drawa from holster and using his 2nd hand to hammer the hammer, outshoots this crusty brit from the 1700s

people say teen is a bada55 for beating a guy who proibably fought in 1812 and the townsfolk and afraid of teen now

they wanna run him outta town or string him up but 1 eye sez teen hasnt done anything yet

must be a demnocrAT STATE AS THEY FEAR GUNS YET HAVE HIGH GUN CRIME

so the townsfolk gossip and fata55 whos a frenchie and thus, the villian, brings in teen and gives him booze

alcohol leads to saying ands doing dumb things

and with teens, its worse

just look at the internet!

dumba55 teens eating tide pods or doing the skullcracker on tik tok

so teen and minin are drnk and teen rides drunk like a horse and fires off his gun a55

minion throws a bottle and teenn caps it and teen, being a duumba55 drunk teen, desices to draw on each other

but minion is not that stoopid and sez to cap a light

then 1 eye comes over and sez "go to jail" for public disturbance

they go quietly but teen sez he's gonna go at it with 1 eye one day

like x and zero in mega man x knowqing they must fight one day

so later they get relleasede and teen calls 1 eye bl;ack/tellow patcxh

later teen sees chiuck and shes leaving and he likes cuz cuz i guess they were b0ning

she wants him to give her the gun back and he wants her to stay or hi to go with her

cougar or mi|f with young teen?

is this American Pie??

teen seems unbalanced and thinks shers still in love with 1 eye and heards 1 eye and bad guy talking b4

teen goes mental and goews out in the wastelands to laay on the ground

if this were made today hed be cutting himselfd and j-rkin off

minion tells fata55 that teen likes chick and fata55 beats on his bimbo for mouthing off to him

later teen comes to fata55 aND Gets booze and chick is going, wait, its fata55es bimbo and she is refused entry to see fata55 so she cant ice him

she goes to the hotel and seez chick and teen thinks macontent thox about chick using andmocking him and frenchie fata55 eggs him on to ice 1 eye as "everyone hates him! its for the best!"

just like malcontents on the nternet try to drive pewople to suicide for poercieved "injustices"

teen goes out and eventually gets to 1 eyes place and calls him out and throws rox through his glass

1 eye eventually comes out and trys reasoning with the disgruntled teen with a gun

teen coounts to 5 and draws but 1 eye dont and tenn gets b--chy

chick comes and sez its all her fault and fata55 and minion had bag guy iced as bimbo told her

teen breaks down and puts the gun in his mouth and says "see you in h-ll" and his head blows off!

jk really he drops his gun and 1 eye sez "we gottas jorb too doo" and gives him the gun and they walk off to get frenchie

the end

that was pretty good

nice unexpected twists and good story

it dont really drag and has some flow and decent music

i like the way its filmed

good camera work and style

sorta like a 50s or 60s show

itts welll made and has good style and class

for Black Patcxh 2 I want them to go to see fata55 frenchie but he has ecsaped and is on the run. So the movie is trhem going from town to town following his trail ands fixing the wrongs he's done to the peopple, leading to 1 final battle with him after he's gotten a wood mech suit the size of a building assembled in his final hidden base zone and teen and 1 eye team up to stop him. Also its a 16 bit run n gun game on sega genesis, snes, tg16, atari jaguar and gba where you play as either teen or 1 eye and blast through minions of minor guys handling these towns and facve off with the wood mech as the final boss

The Alamo Review

 Note: I rememberr the bad spelling

The Alamo

This is my review on The Alamo the distant future year of 1960

its gotn John Wayne, Frankie Avalon (Like Sakura Avalon?), John Dierkes, Richard Boone from The Robe and a buncha others I don't know

I ssaw the 00s one with billy bob thorton or w/e but never saw this

huh, iit was directed by john wayne.

also i saw pee wees big adventure where he went there to find his bike

so after credits in color and widescreen and text sez in 1836 texas was under the oppression of the mexicos uinder sanda anna(not anna from yugioh zexal in a santa outfit)

so some americans meet and sam houston wants to knowe where jim bowie is

david bowies ancestor

so sam wants to build an army in texas and needs santa anna kept busy

also jim bowie is leading 100 men but is drunk now after saving a town

sam thinks bowie is good despite rumors hes a traitor for thre mexicos and gives bill travis charge

sam meets jethro who'sd a slave i think and had white hair since sam was a kid

maybe hes a highlander?

sam and men go and jethro goes to see bowie whos got a hangover

i keep thinking davey crocket weas the one who capped a sasquatch but really it was daniel boone

so the mexcioes have 7000 men coming and bowie thinks its suicide to stand against em at a busted Church

texans are making a fence and col travis orders something closed

a texas tells him theres thousands of mexicans coming and travids sez the info can't be confirmed and dismisses it

but in private sam sez he did that to keep the morale up by not letting the people know how bad things are

later i think frankie avalon and a geezer come by san antonio and send a signal

then comes john wayne as davey crocket and his homies and they be a cheerful bunch

wtf, i looked it up and found davey crocket DID meet as sasquatch which spoke to him in english and told him not to fight for texas

maybe it was a demon?

so at a cantina this guy sings about liking chicks and includes big ones and davey and dudes go there

travis is meets with davey and travis sez he dont drink and wants to make a speech about freedom to crockets men to get em to fight santa anna

so the texas guys don't have many rights under santa anna and are being oppessewd

btw, i hear americans can't own peoperty in mexico today

so is this where rtobotech got it from?

the invid oppressing earth and the sentinels planets?

so davey settles a dispute with a punching contest from tennesse where they take tuyrns slughging eachother out untril 1 goes down

of cource john wayne wins as hes a manly man

so john wayne sez they are gonna make a free land where people have a republic where you can do what ytou want without oppression

its a good speech

this is why texas is the most american state

not like soviet california or new sodom newe york

turns out davey came to texas to free it frominvid oppression instead  of just getting dfrunk and hunting

then a portuguese or itaslian looking chick dances on a table in high heels

later a mexican wait, i think hes texan, hits on the girl and confronts davey for being there

davey sez he prays to the north star, which is a form of the occult, and that guy who contronted davbvey, imma call him blonde, takes her up to his room

john confronts him after some comedy and she sez shes good and davey goes out and has a cigar

out there daVEY WATCHES blonde barters withthe chick to get back her land by marrying him but she thinks he's a55

no weinstein! she don't consdsent!

oh and blonde is in good witrh santa anna

davey comes in after blonde goos and offers to help her

she thinks he's just offering to help as he wants to b0ne her but knows he's still help geezers

he goes and a pack of mexuicanbs attacks him and he kicks a55

then bowie comes in and they kick a55 together

later bowie tells davey how brave and manly and cool Texas and Americas is

also Bowie has a wife and 2 kids he sent away

chick comes by and tells bowie of a lot of powder in a Church basement to use against santa anna

davey and friends go in and 1 guy accidentally rings a bell

in there is guns and powder and bell ringer nearly blows em all to h-ll with a torch

so santa annas men are coming and davey meets up with chick and has her write a letter fro himself to himself

so later bowie goes to the base and Davvey is with him andd some dudes

travis sez theres 1000 men coming and not to tell the men, wait, its reinforcements with em

travis bickers with bowie and davey and ho bowie canm take his men and leave if hes treated bad

sounds like atlas shrugged

so later davey has chick read santa annas letter, oh wait, its the one wayne had wrtote

its telling em not to help texas or they'ed be iced and the crockett boys are moved to fight him

then davey sez he wrote the letter and the men still wanna fight soviet mexcio

btw this was rated 16+ in finland and norway, 12+ in germanyu and 13+ in argentina and the phillipines

buncha candya55es can't handle manly a55 john wayne

wtf, this was banned in mexico

what next? brave heart and the patriot banned in soviet england?!

later davey talks about a big a55 TREE  and how epic it is

he talks about his life and how it wasn't worth much but now he can stand up for whats right even if the bad guys wanna oppress him

nowadasys the commies would want him censored for that

daveys gonna send her away to be safe and they havew a moment

later bowie and davey return to the base and 1 girl sez her bro malachi might be coming but was told he was hung

then the mexicans come and the base goes on guard

the mexicans have a truce flag and tell them to get out by order of the regent santa anna or they gon chopp em up

the Texans fire a cannon and later thte mexicans are gathering and its 4-5 days til reinforcements arrive

so a texas patrol comes back and sez the mexzcios drew a 14 foot long line in the sand

patrol sez santa anna has a big a55 cannon but travis sez its not real

then the cannon blows the wall and the texans return with their cannon

davey sends 15 men out after dark like ninjas and later the guard tyhey took out comes to and tells travis

davey and dudes take out the evemy cannon by dumping heavy mud in the cannon hole

they light it and it blows out and they open fire on the mexcianos and book it

then the texas guys come by for back up and they escape to the base

frankie got an arm hit and travis tells off bowie for going off base with men against orders

bowie is gonna leave and travis tells davey how they are there to buy time for Huston to build an army to stop santa anna

so dAVEY gets bowie drunk and in day time bowie stays after seeing frankie recovering

bowie slugs davey but they get along and have corn whiskey

later its night and bowie gets word from a letter that his owoman bit it from the plague

travis comes in and sez communication with the outside is forbidden and asks what bowie got and upon finding out, sez sorry

i think that whole thing was done in 1 take

pretty epic

wayne was a good directer

later they find the pig meat is tainted ands they have 3 days of food left

so at night the texans go out and russle up some cattle

1 guy grabs a mexican from behind and he gasps and falls

did he do the spock thing from star trek??

so davey gets a horse for frankie and he sends him off on a mission

in the day they have a minor atttack on the mexicans to draw their fire and lead the cattle in a rush through the town to the base

as the mexicans chase em the guys behind a strone wall open fire and take em out

at the base the men open fire and they use cannon shots to hold em off til the gate closes

now they got an a55load of cows with demon horns that would be censored in yugioh and the cows have nothing to eat but each other

then the regent santa anna comes and has an a55 load of mexicans

imagine if santa anna raises his hand and blows away part of the alamo with a ki blast, then john wayne teleports in and has a kung fu fight with him?

santa anna sends a minion to say he can take the women and children if they don't wanna be in the battle

travis consents and 1 guys wife wants to stay

the women say bye to their men and its kinda touching

1 guy can't leave his wife and his wife is blind but blind wife tells him to stay and fight and goes out

is the blind cchick driving the cart?!

so after the women and children leave the mexicans attack and theres a big battle

after the mexicans pullout the texansa nd mexicans go through the bodies and treat the wounded

the texans have respect for the mexicans for fighting hard and brave

bowie got his leg blown out and now santa anna isa gonna attack all sides at once

travis sez 500 men are coming when he sed 1000 b4

then word gets there that the rreinforcements ghot taken out in an ambush

davery and bopwie are gonna escape but travis gives a speech thanking them

bowie limps back and the texans choose to stand and fight like in 300

meanwhile frankie gets to sam huston and sam sez they can't save em

sam tells his men when they start to whine, to remember the sacrifice of ther texas heroes at the alamo

at night the guys talk and 1 guy is a deniar and 1 gives a speech about The Lord being good and things turning out right in the end

travis writes jethro a note to free him and tells him to escape

wait its bowie

and jethro chooses to fight with his former master

so the next day the mexicans gather and attack

bowies f'd and they bring him in the Chapel as he protests

the mexicans bring ladders and get battled off

eventually the mexicans get in and 1 on horse is thrown by john wayne

john wayne threw back a horse

so davey gets skewered by a bayonette and he brings in a torch to a room and blows the place

bowie fights to the end and takers out a buncha enemy soldiers

the wife and kids who stayed behind are caught by mexicans and it fades out

frankie arrives and finds the battle lost like how the invbid took over the planet after the fall of the army of ther southern cross in robotech

later the woman comes outta the smoking remains of the alamo with the kids and the mexicans let em go

we get a brave song of the alamo and she and the kids go off with frankie avalon

the end

that was quite good

an epic that shows americanism as good

its like 3 hours but dont feel it

kinda like the 10 commandments

i liked it and it holds up

the remake was more dark and bitter and grim and down

but this was upbeat even in the down parts

john wayne did pretty well in this and made it pretty good

for the alamo 2 i want it to be about santa anna being beat back by the united texans and out of desperation makes a pact with daemons to gain power. he gets a demon leg equipped on his stump and it is like roids and lets him fight faster and harder. but it needs to be fueled by blood so he ritual sacrifices his troops to be a 1 man army. also frankie avalons character comes back and goes on a quest to find a hole spear to fight agianst santa anna. its also a 16 bit castlevania like game on sega genesis snes atari jaguar, tg16 and gba where you play as frankie and go through levels to get jewels to unlock the temple with the holy item and the final boss fight is against santa anna who devolves into a grotesque abomination after beating him once.

Jane Eyre Review

 Note; i speel better than jane goodalle

jayn aire

this is my review on jane eyre from 19 2011(the year of the 1st robotech war)

its ditrrected by Cary Joji Fukunaga who did nothing i saw

it stars mia waPolish name from tim burtons alice in wonderland, michaekl fass bender form x men, judi dench from the shipping news where her bro b0ned her, imogen poots who i dont know but hasd a funny name and no one i know

my dad read me the classics illustrated comic at thee turn of the century and i thought it was good

i never saw this b4 but saw other versions

aw gay! bbc films did this

this is gonna be a55

i'd racther do the orson welles one but my rents wanted to watch this on canopi

so after credsits and this chick walking around the wastelands of soviet england in the slavery days, it starts raining and a guy brings her into his cr-pshack

his female workers treat her and we get a flashback of a creeper trying to ice her with a sword as a kid

he finds her, takes back his book and smacks her with it

then she b--ches out and attacks himuntil the help arrives and locks her in the punishment room

she b--ches out less awful then the chimney poots dust and she spazzes out and busts her head on da door

later this guy tells her about h-ll and how to avoid it

aunt sez her rents r in h-ll and warns the guy(a teacher) about her b--chiness

later teacher goes and jane b--ches out at aunt and sez her rents r in heaven and will judge her

so jane is sh-tted off to a oliver twist dump and its all bummer

what you wanna bet someones gonna b0ne her?

then its the present and the main guys women help her and she tells of how she got treated like sh-t at school

she gets the strap, wait, another chick does and teacher tells the teens tos shun her and puts her on a chair to stand in punishment

1 girl guives her a bread and later talx to her

jane b--ches about everryone hating her and in the present jane drew a doodle of main guy

so later janes homie is biting it from castlevania aids and sez janes gonna be good one day

stay gholden pony boy!

'll see you in h-ll johnny!

so homie bites it and if this were netflix they'd be butt buddys like in voltron and she ra

in da present jane talkx with main guy about getting work and later has a home the main guy gave her in the outlands

she then has viet nam flash backs of leavingdickens ohouse and getting work in a dark home for judy dench

she finds shes workin for the owner of ther land and has to ook after frenchie kids

no one speaks french (as it s-cked!!) so jane translates as she';s less evolved

so frenchie kid does a dance and song in her daemon language and frenchie sez theres a creepy chick walking the halls at night

ew that frenchie is groos!

bad teeth!

so latert jane is out at night but light and its dead calm and animals jump outta nowhere and freak her out

a big black horse sudden;ly showsd up w/o making any sounds b4 and owner is on it and she helps him to big big a55 horse like kokuoh go in hokuto no ken

later its been 3 months and owner asks her of her sh-t and she tells of her cr-ppy backstory

owner thinks she bewitched the horse and asks if she sees elfs or demons

also jane paints and later judy jetson sez owner is good when in a good mood

then they hear gunshots despite being soviet england wherre guns are illegal and they have rampant knife crime

later owner akss if she thinks hes hot and she sez no

nowadays this would count as harassment

so he goes on about how he s-cked and is all f'd

later jane looks at a painting of a naked chick asnd hears sounds and looks

she fins ownersbedroom is on fire and she and him puut it oot

he tells her not to tell anyone and sez she saved his life and holds his hand

they look like they gon kiss for 2 mins butt dont

so laterowner goes to europe or w/e

later he returns after a few scenes of mindless wanmdering around the house

so he talks with jane but judy jetslave sez richie is there for him

owner goes emo about "if they all left me, wat wood u doo?" to her

owner meets rick hunter and they chat

then its night and rich finds rick astey shanked and owner sez for her to treat him, but not to chat to eech othr

at day ricky rikardo is sent away in a taxi i mean horse thing

owner sez emo cr-p about having issues and wanring someone and she thinks he likes a chick

so later she asks for cash and owner offers her more than she is owed and sez now she owes him

so jane goes to see aunt and shes biting it and sez sorry

jane sez; you can save your sorrys for h-ll! and uses a karatew chop on her neck to remove her head!

jk really aunt gives her a 3 year old note and sez she told the writer jane bit it

jane forgives her and da note sez her uncle bit it and left her an a55 load of cash

oh and the sword guy suicided, probably seppuku

so owner is gonna marry a chick but he asks jane to marry him as the chick is "a machine w/o feelings" (well, she IS english!)

she consents and smooch

so shes conflicted overmarrying him and juddy sez not to trust him or herself

so eventually they go to get married but this guy sez his sister is married to owner

oh its richard

so owner takes her tyo a sealed off area in da castlevania where this crazy chick is locked up so she dont suicide and she spits on jane and spazzes out

janes goos ott and takes off her dress and later its night and she wants to leave owner

owner sez how after he married crazy wife she went nuts

he gets all whiny and she has enuff of this sh-t and leaves

then its where the movie started and hes talking with main guy

so later owner comes back and they make out, but its a phantasy

what is this? family guy?

so this dude comes in saying someone bit it and let her 20 000 lbs and oh its main guy whos dude

so later main guy is gonna go to soviet india and wants to marry jane

buit she sees him as a friend and he goes b--chy

so janette goes back to owners place ands its torched and judy sez the wife did it

owner saved everyone and went back in for wife who jumped off the building

judy sez she didnt know it was the wife and she goesd to see him with a Jesus beard

his eyes got f'd and she reunites with him and comforts him

the end

that wasnt so bad

it had bright partsd of lighting and it wasn't too dark and murky

good acting

it dont feel too long but its a solid 2 hours w/o adds

its one of those films that shows how much england s-cked

its well made and tells the story well

decent music and the cast wasn't too ugly

its worth a look.

i kinda liked it

for jane eyre 2 i want her to use her new money to fund a treatment for the guys cooked eyes and has a contest where whoever heals him gtes a cash thing. the movie folows drt's and mages working on treatments and 1 is into demonism and plants to ritual sacrifice kids to heal the guy. also its an 8 bnit mini game compilation like that game boy bonk game and you play as this science dude and beat mini games to make breakthroughs in treatment. also the bad guy is gonna ritual sacrifice kids and you gotta fight him at the end to save the ids and he summons a daemon and you gotta fight by blasting holy words at it and dogde its attacks.

The Southerner Review

 note; i spell confederater

the southerner

this is my review on the southernere from 1945(the year Go Nagai was born)

its directed by jean renoir who did 1934 madam bovary, and 1951s the river

i never saw this b4 but its got Beulah Bondi and no oner elsxxe i know

so after credits it stars with a guy looking through pix of this guys fam

then we sees guys picking cotton and 1 guy has a heat spazm so main guy helps him

later he talks with a mexico about getting a bulldozing job and then more picking cotton

so the heat spasim guy bites it and laater this little girl and her granny are eating berries

main guy sez a place owned by da boss is for rent and little girl freaks out granny with a snake

so main guy gets to rent the place and boss sez: if u work for a guy, u get paid even on bad crops, but work 4 urself, and bad crops f ya

so main guy and his fam, including grannas and kid, go to the place in a car like the beverly hillbillys

at there the farm is kinda f'd and he considers getting his bulldozing job

main guy and wife wanna try the farm and even with the f'd well that'll give the kids downs, they can get water from another place

so grannys a crotchety crotch and is disgruntled and it rains and they havve coffe

so after dealing with a leaky roof they go to sleep to nice music

later its day and main guy caught a fish and goos to a neighbor and neighbor has a "queer lookig fish hook"

he meets the neighbors and they got teens and neighboor dad is a harda55 on em

main guy asks for well water and neighbor sez he can now but in summer its not

also neighbor sez to fix his own well aND how much there is to do on da farm

neighbor sez how he got f'd over the years with bad crops, aqnimals bitring it, and his fam going to h e double california from sickness

after seeing why neighbor is so bitter he goes but neighbor son tells him of a big a55 catfish that neighbor is butt hunting

so things go on and main fam is getting f;d

the moons moving closer to the (fist of ) the north star and the animals dont like it

his girl can't go to school cuz its too cold and sahe got no coat

granny b--chers at wife and dad takes grannys blanket for the girl and granny has an autism attack

so later main guy iss smoking out a bees knest and finds a possom andf j fk's it to feed his fam

so they give thanks and eat possum stew (Sparkster! Noooooooo!)( Thats why they stopped making Rocket Knigght Games)

also tthey waste it on a dog who eats bugs and his own waste

so main guy works the farm and later its spring and main guy tells his kids iof the big a55 catfish whos smart to have lived so long

often i dream of centipedes that are several feet long and wanna stop my dad from killing em as "they got so big cuz lived so long and killing em would be a waste!"

then 1 kid has spring sickness and dr sez thery need a cow and milk for their kid ands he needs veggies

oh and thuis is based on a book i never read and almost won osddcars for directing and music

so main guy goes to town to get cr-p and the guys say they can get him factory work for 7$ a day

he chats woith a guy about how much crop he can make and they chat about freedom and risk and work

a guy gets in a dispute with a barkeep aand throws rocks throght the window

this devolves to throwuing beer bottles and barkeep comes out with his gun but main guy saves bar guy by nailing barkeep with a riock in the head\

later neighbor suiggests main guy go back to working for the boss and main guy is getting disgruntled by neighbor not giving his stuff

as he leaves,neighbor girl offers him milk buit a demento worker knox it on da ground in a FURY

AT HOME TE WIFE CRYS OVER HOW HARD IT IS  and msain guy Prays to The Lord

so later dad gets a cow and tjhey milk it

i had a random idea for a dbz fan sart of ChiChi on a raised area like a Table or platform and wearing cow horns and a cow  bikini bottom and tail and her really huge a heavy breasts are hanging down and Goku in coveralls and a straw hat and nothing else is squeezing her huge breasts and blasting huge bursts of milk out and ChiChi is moaning and Goku says "So that's why the Mexico Dub called you Milk!!"

later the neighbors cows busdt in their farm andeat their crops

shoot em! they on ur land! its legal!

so main guy goes to neighbors place and neightbor cuts the well rope and they have a fist fight

a farmhand interveiines and trips main guy when hes winning and neighbor has a knife

he uses a stick to disarm him and after braweling, neighbor b--ches about how he was jealous of main guy and getting having to work hard

they fight more and neighbor is thrown in with the pigs

the pigs eat him alive as he screams and soils himself

jk really main guy goes off and later main guy catches the big a55 cat fioosh and neighbor was gonna j fk him but stops seeing the catgish and helps him

they catch it and neighbor wants to haver the credit for catching it and evenatually agrees to let main guy use his farm and water

main guys fam comes by and main guy gives neighbor the credit

so some people get married as an opposite gendered, same race, same generation, same species couple

holy f--k! norman lloyd is in this!!

so granny trys cooking something and superheats a boittle that peopple hot potatoe and break

afdter some redneck partying, itstarts raining into a big a55 storm that floods the place

and this is in the 1800s-1900s so its not cuz of globl warming

eventually the rain stops and the farm is f--ked

granny gets b--chy and wants to go but wife tells her off

the cow vanished and he and a guy go through da river to find it

they see aliers using lasers on it and removing its organs and blood for demon rituals!

jk really its swimming and they swim to it and pull it in

1 guy gets f'd in the water somehow and clings a55 to a log as the water flows him

main guy goes to save him and after that hjas had it and wants to queer out

at hom,e he finds most of the vegetable jars survived as did his gun and most ofg their sh=t

granny sez this hjappene to her b4 but harder and they got through it

main guy recovers his fighting spirit and sez hes ghonna keep farming

they realize we need both farmers and factoryers and i think its the bar guy who threw rocks and he wants to help em

they have coffee (which isnt as good as pop) and go back to farming

granny goes inside to wait to bite it and trhe main guy and hisfam continue farming

the end

that was pretty good

clean, wh0olesome, kind, warm,,, nice, and hopeful

smee actual sooutrherners didnt like it as it made em look like inbred hicks or something

even the klan hated it

andf they don't hate anythin

plus it was made in encino, so they could calll this, encino man

i enjoyed it and it went by at a good pace

it had good flow and didn't drag

its pretty well made and had good style

For The Southerner 2 I want it to be a year later and another flood is coming! Turns out, the catfish they caught was a guardian spirit that held off flood daemons and caused weather calamities! So the main guy and the neighbor team up and as they ate the catfish, they have his powers and go to the demon reallm to fight anti catfish monsters that look like bird dogs and save their hhome! its also a 16 bit beat em up on sega genesis, sners, gba, tg16 and atari jaguar where you go around and unleash screen nukes of holy energy from beating enough guys!

Coming To America Review

 Note: I spell like i'm from American!

coming to america

THIS IS MY REVIEW ON COMMINT too amerioka from the distant future year of 1988(the year robotech ii the sentinels vhs tape came out)

its direcatl by john landuis who did animal house, the blues bros 1, thriller, schlock and the stupids

it stars eddie murphy, james earl "jim" jones, arsenio hall, Madge Sinclair from the lion king 1, Frankie Faison from maximun overdrive and White Chicks, louie andferson, samuel l jackson and cuba ghooding jr

i never saw this b4 but some reviewers said it s-cked but it made money

it got an 18+ rating in soviet russia and america and a 12+ rating in west germasny, and a 7+ rating in sweden, 6+ in portugal andnetherlands and 11+ in norwaY

i'm watching this on bounce so its edited for content

so in africa is a palace is eddie murphy as a royal and its his 21st b day

his servents clean him and he's gonna meet his suture wife

at the meal his rents arew simbas rentys frtom the lion king and they rule the country

they havent talked to him in a year and he dont like everything done for him

also he isn't keen onn marrying a chick he never knew and wants her to ove him as is

then eddy trains in stick fighting with arsenio and they talk about his marrying someone and arsenio sez its tradition

later its night and theres a big royal event and all these african chicks do a nikki minaj dance in skimpy p0rn0 outfitsd

the princess comes in and eddy talks to her alone about getting to know her

she sez shes been trained since birth to serve him and has no will of her own

In America that wouldn't happen. In soviet england, its howee the regent is

eddie talks to darth vader and sez he b0ned the people who bathed him, and assumed eddie did too

jim jones sez eddie has 40 days to explore he world and then can return to marry his woman

eddie sez he wants a wo man who will be be a good match for him and not be a yesman

so be decidfes to go to america, but instead to soviet new york

they go there and to find a kkings girl chjoose to go to queens and fake being ariocan students

after a taAXI RIDE to the most common part of soviet new york, the slums, and goes to a barber shop wheere wveryone is played by eddie murp[hy

they go to find a room and some homies jack their boxes and ask for a slummy room

eddie gets a cr-ppy room with bodfy outlines from when the cops were there and

outside they see the homies jacked their sh-t and eddie thinks its 4 da best and they get new american clothes

after seeing a hair product add eddie goes to a barber shjop with othewr eddie prumpys whop cut off his ponytail

they go to a club to meet a chick and they'l all f'd

later they meret a hobo who sez some places to find better women and he goes to a black thing with a james brown like preacher aND BIKINI GIRLS

after another eddie murphy doees a sing this chick sez to donate vto the collection plate annd eddie puts a mopney clip in there as he likes the chick

wow, we're almost an hour in with adds

so the next day eddie and arsenio get work at mcdowels, a company trying to bakugan mcdonalds beyblade

oh, eddie is trying to work there to be close to the chick

so he talks to her about garbage for a sec

later this cool guy who does hair products comes by and wants to date chick and when she asks who put the big a55 wad of cash in the collection thing, he takes credit

eddie sees him and goes to the barber shop with like 15 other eddie murphys and wants them to mak his hair like cool guys

imagine if this was in thre 90s and he had his hair done square like those 90s black guys?

later eddie trys to talk football with boss who thinks hes on drugs

eddie finds out from life woith louie that the cool guy lives off his dads invention money and can buy her anything she wants

later chick is delivered diamond eerings and her sister thinks shes b0ning the guy who gave em to her

later arsenio is bummed he ainbt b0ned since he left afrtica and don't like having to work

eddie sez hes going to univeridty of thge united states and she invites him to the b ball game

wow, they had white people in basketball. the 80s were different

at the game eddie talks with cool guy as the sister j-rks him off and when he goes to the bathroom he sees a worker from his homeland whgo praises hm

after getting his picture taken the worker is really glad and affectrionate and cool guy and chick come by and they think hes queer with him

later chick is impressed by eddies smarts and how hes not like other guys

then samuel l jackson comes nin, prtobabluy on drugs, and holds up the place at gunpoint

eddies takes him out with a broom using his africa kung fu (afcikung fu?)

the boss is glad he helped out and invites em to work for him at his place

at there boss sez he wotrked hard to make it this far from the slums like ben carson and has a party with eddie on chapmaing duty

cool guy thnx him for stopping uiltimate nick fury and thinks he learned it fighting lions

then boss announces that cool guy and chick are marrying

then in private chick tells off cool guy for planning out her life w/o consent

outside eddie comforts her and sez in his country they barrange marriages and she feels good about him

btw this is kinda the opposite of aladdin with a prince faking beuing normal

later arsenio dont wanna go to worek and is disgruntled over living like a mortal

at work life with louie sez in 2 years of wurk he can make assistant manager

later eddie invitewws chick to his place 4 dinner and when he gets home, he finds arsenio bough a buncha cr-p and eddies p-ssed as he dont want her to know hes rich

edie takes arseions money and gf thinks hes too ashamed of his cr-p hole place and he goes with it

while out, the guys from trading places are hobos that eddie givers arseniop cash

the guys are thankful to eddie and chick thinks hes got a good effect on people

he sez he was in the family biz, goat herding, and she reveals she wants him and they dance

they kiss and i think they b0ned

later arsenio orders more money from africa and when he gets back he finds chick is there and knows this is too rich

wait, its chicks sister and eddie walks in on arsenio and her making out

he said hes the prince and eddie is the servent

later bosas sez he dont want her with eddie as eddies a goiat hrearderf and he dont want her with cash stuff like hew was

eddie trades apartments with the building owner and later jum jones and his queen come over

man,jims got big feety. i suspect hes gort a long weener

he asks the barber shop of eddys where eddie is and they send him to his apartment with owner in it

hes shocked to find eddie works and goes to arsenio and blames him for eddie going wrong

eddie shows chick an exhibit about his homeland and covers to avoid her seeing him in pictutres

black j d salinger goes to not mcdonalds and reveals eddier is a prince and not to let eddie know hes on his track

later its night and eddie sees a notre from arsenuiiio saying hes at a hotel and eddier goes to boss's place

bnoss calls jim jokes and tells him eddie is there and tells cool guy who came over that chick dont want him and sends the dog after him

after trying to keep him there, eddie goes and chick figgers out somethingz up as how dads being nice to him

dad admits he knows eddie is rich and an african prince (if this were made today there would be refeerences to the scam people do)

eddie goes to the hotel and finds ar5senio is there and his rents went out for him

at bosses place boss tries to eat time and jimbo jones tells chick eddie has a fiture wife and just came to America to b0ne

she goes out and jim sez the chick and her dad and below him and boss's gonna bust his  foot in farth vaders non canon a55

sister finds out eddies the prionce and eddie comes in

mom sezwhere chick is and tells king to stfu like its robotech ii the sentinels and they are the regent and regess

later sister meets cool guy and he's soaked from da rain and eddie catches up to chick, who's name is lisa like in the room and robotech on a subway

she hates him now and he follows her through the subway and he explained he came to america to find his queen and he wanted her to love him as he is

she thinks they too different and he renounces his throne infront of the scum of new sodomn new york

she sez she cant and runs out andf he ridfdes the graffiti coated subway

later its day and the africans are going back

jim jones and his woman talk about if eddie otta marry chick and woman sez hes the king and can do w/e he wants

then its a wedding, african style and chick is the bride

thewwy smooch and get weeded

the end

btw, arsenio looks kinda like din cheadle from iron man and mad tv

but overall, it was pretty good

nice pacing, not much happens but it goes by well

it don't dragh and has good flow

unlike most movies, most of it is blacks and they got louie nichols i mean armstrong i mean anderson was hirted as the studio wanted a White guy in it

its a good 80s movie thats like a 30s movie with a romamnce of a guy faking being something he's not

classis story, good twists, good make up, good music and film style

it had light and color instead of being dark and murky

glad i saw it, it holds up and has some nice fun

for coming to america 2 i wantthe peoople of his nation to have a malcontent uprising over the royals being too high over em. so eddie and arsenio go out to kick a55 and beat the inferiors out! also its a 2 player 16 bit beat em up on sega genesis, snes, tg16, atari jaguar and gba where you use aFRICAN KUNG FU AND some people have used forbidden african magic to fuse into multi limbed abominations aand are bosses.

Game Reviews Volume 13 From 2021 And 2017

 My feelings on games I played in the 1st bit of 2021 and 1 I did in 2017

Just beat The Flash on my 108 Game Boy games in 1 GBC Cart. Its a brief 8 bit game where you control The Flash from DC Comic to go across the level and bunch a dynamite stack timer before time runs out. 1 button punches, 1` kicks and Up is jump. Holding A/B makes you run fast but drains the Power Meter that's refilled by buying vending machine food. The Life Bar is refilled by beating out guys and picking up Flash Logos. You also find $ for Money and use it in the Machines. Its not too long or hard but some parts take a while to get through if you screw up. You get a few lives and 0 continues but there's a password accessed by pressing Select on the Title Screen and its just the names of the Level like Fun House or Denim, Blvd. You don't refill life between levels but biting it refills it and starts the level over. It don't control too well but its not awful. Its got nice 8 bit graphics and decent sounds and is only 13 quick levels and you can eventually get through it. Oh and you can't pause as Start does Jack. Its not bad if you want something you can beat in like an hour and can get it cheap. Glad I played it. Its a decent Super Hero Game. The Train Levels were the easiest for me.

Just beat Golden Sun 1 on my 27 GBA Games Multicart. Its a pretty good RPG that has you going on a quest to do something. Typical RPG stuff like leveling up and casting spells and equiping items but here your Spell Points are recharged by walking and you can cast some spells outside of battle to get around like unblocking paths or time freezing guys. You also have the Djinn like in Wishmaster but look like Neopets where you equip em and it boosts stats or gives/takes new Spells. But also you can use em as an item and get an effect like stat boost or as an attack and later summon that Djinn to attack a foe. Also if you have several Djinn free to summon, you can get stronger summons from various pantheons. Pretty good graphics that have that look the 1st buncha GBA games got like Altered Beast on GBA and nice music. Its by the guys who did Shining Force and it plays well. If all your guys bite it you wake up in a Pokemon Center and it costs some cash. Its got a few things from Shining Force like an Artifacts/Special deals area of the store menu to buy rare things and permanent stat boost items. I liked it and its got some good stuff and puzzles that can make you think. The story was great too and you really care about the characters. Glad I played it and I look forward to playing part 2

Just spend over an hour on the Lv 4 Sierra Nevada track on Road Rash in a Fruitless attempt to beat it. This game just p-sses me off. You go down zigzag tracks and hope a car doesn't run you over. You can get run over multiple times but you crash your bike a few times too many and its game over. The passwords s-ck with letters and numbers depending on how much cash you got, your bike, and what p[position you got on what race. The 1st buncha levels are good the after a while it gets way too hard. I regret buying this

Just beat Ys III: Wanderers from Ys on my 218 Sega Genesis Games MultiCart. Its sorta like Zelda 2 where you side scroll through areas and beat guys to get EXP and Level Up to get more power. You also get better equipment, items like a life refill thing, herb to refill life at a command, a scree nuke that works on bosses to damage em, Rings that use Ring Power points gained by slaying monsters and a thing that recharges the Ring Points a bit. You got 1 life and if you bite it you reload a save. 1 button jumps, 1 attacks and 1 uses items. 1 thing to do is grind a few levels against bugs at the start of the game and wait outside to regenerate if you get low. Its not so hard if you grind for a bit and the Volcano level has a Herb you can get over and over to refresh after grinding. Holding the Sword Button has you flail it around and if you jump and hold sword it does a down stab thats stronger. The graphics and music are nice and there's some good art that all feels like an 80s anime. The story is good and has good twists. You max out at level 12 and most bosses are beat by slashing in attrition. After beating a boss you refill on life and the final one is pretty tricky as you gotta jump just high enough to reach him, but not too high or you take a hit. Overall its a good game if you know to grind and get the items. Its not too long and I beat it in a few hours and it is pretty straight forward in where to go. Glad I played it. Its kinda simple but it entertains.

Just beat Disney's Magical Quest 3 Starring Mickey & Donald on GBA. Its a platform game where you play as one or both of the 2 in 2 player mode and go through a few levels to save your homies or w/e. Like in the 1st game, you get different costumes and they have powers based on what they are of like in Cutey Honey. 1 button jumps, the other attacks and L chooses another costume and its accessed with R. If you bite it you resummon right there and using all guys sends you back. I didn't use a Continue as this has a Save feature that puts you at the start of the last room you were in. Its not too hard, but if you get hit Donald spazzes out for a sec and won't move. Also no matter what direction you face, if a bad guy nails you from 1 side, you fly the other way. If you fall down a pit or bite it, you lose a guy and drop down in a Balloon and can move around for a bit before being pooped out. My copy was in German which I didn't know until I popped it in today and all it affects is the text and not gameplay. It was originally a SNES game but only in Japan and both player characters have little differences like Donald floating in water as a Knight and Mickey sinking as Donald is in as Barrel and Mickey is in Metal. Its pretty good but it takes a bit to turn around and if you attack you get stuck in that animation until its over. Not as gameplay good as the 1st game, but its got nice touched that push it ahead in looks and creativity. I liked it and its got great graphics and music. Glad I played this

Just beat Predator 2 on my 218 Genesis Games Multicart. Its a top down Run N Gun like the bad levels in Super Contra but not awful. You have several lives and a password that is real words based on the movie where you go around Soviet L A in the distant future year of 1997 and shred drug dealers and gangs with infinite ammo. A is free run fire, B is locked Fire and C selects a special weapon that is used by with tapping A and I think holding B. It moves fast but you get a life bar and gotta rescue hostages by touching them before the Predator blows em apart in a spray of blood and chunks. The gang members keep coming and its best to keep moving and there's arrows on the ground that show where to go. It can be beat in like under an hour and isn't too tough but its easy to take hits. You get extra guys with enough points and can grind at spawning points and hold fire as they keep walking into it. The final level is the alien ship and you rescue a buncha guys and in the end face a boss predator who if you stay to the side and keep firing and moving he goes down eventually. I beat it on my last life with 1 hit left on my 1st try on Easy (Which I think just gives you more lives and not needing to save an many hostages) and you don't get a password for the final level so if you wanna get back you gotta go to the 2nd last one. Its pretty good with great voices and good music and graphics. I hasn't seen the movie but this game was pretty good. Glad I played it.

Just beat The Steel Empire on my 218 Genesis games in 1 Multicart. Its a Steampunk Shmup where you play as either a Zeppelin with more health and a Plane with more speed. 1` button fires left, 1 fires right and 1 is a screen nuke. You get up to 5 Continues depending on the difficulty setting and there's a code to get 99 guys or more nukes. It controls well and has good speed but some parts like going through the cave can be a bit fast. Its the 1800s or w/e and you fight an evil; empire across 7 levels and the last one is in space ()As 1800s Aeroplanes and Zeppelins can work up there). Some parts can be pretty tricky but you don't get sent back unless you run outta guys. Its got good music and graphics and is done by Acclaim and Flying Edge who usually does stuff that's not well liked, but I enjoyed a few games they did like Krusty's Super Fun House and Spider Man X Men Arcades Revenge and Double Dragon 3 on Genesis. Overall its a pretty good game but can be a bit tricky at times. I like the 1800s and felt this was a creative and decent one. Glad I played it.

Just beat Mega Man III on my 108 GB/GBC games Multicart. Its pretty tough but for kinda cheap reasons. A lot of cheap kills and 1 hit kills and pits and some jumps you gotta be on the edge to get by. Also getting touched stuns you and you spazz out and jutter back and often off a ledge. Its got infinite Continues and a Password to return where you left off but don't save your E tanks. A is jump and B is fire and you got limited ammo use of Special attacks gotten from beating bosses and if you do em in the right order you can use the weapon you just got to cream the next boss. You can get up to 4 E Tanks and using a Continue don't take em away so you can keep game overing and getting the same E Tank til your full. Its not impossible, but too me over 3 hours to get through. Its a good game, just kinda hard. Glad I played it. Oh and you have the slide and the charge shot but it takes a bit to charge. Its got good 8 bit Graphics and Music and I think has Super Game Boy features as on my GameCube Player it had some colors.

Just beat Yang Jia Jiang/Yang Warrior Family/ Generals of the Yang Family on my 218 Genesis games Multicart. Its a 2 player Beat Em Up where A is Super attack that drains life, B is attack and C is jump. Its kinda basic and there's not many moves but it plays decent. You get 3 continues and 3 lives each with no way of getting more but if you play as 1 player and press start b4 he bites it on player 2, you can continue with a fresh supply. Its possible to stun lock the foes with timed punches and beat em in like 6 hits. Its easy to throw guys but it does little damage. Jump kicks are pretty strong and can 2 shot some guys. I hear there's a level select code but I couldn't get it to work and beat it legit. If you bite it you resummon there but if you use a continue it starts the boss fight over unless its got a 2nd player to keep it going. Biting it on a regular level is the same but it doesn't send you back and only restores the enemies. Its started as an unlicensed game in Asian in 199X and later got a physical release by Piko Interactive in the 1st world. On boss fights its got 2 of the same guy resummoning when beat endlessly and there are points which do nothing and there's life restores like meat and a whole pig to refill the whole bar. everyone hammers this game for not being as good as Water Margin but as its own thing its not bad. Good graphics and nice music and good story pages with scrolling text that only player 1 can speed up. I'm glad I did it and think its not awful but decent and worth a try if you can get it. Oh and the 4 players play different and the best is the main guy with the sword.

Just beat Ex-Mutants on Sega Genesis. Its an up to 2 player platform game based on a 90s comic from the guys who used to do Robotech. 1 button jumps, 1 attacks/throws 1 projectile and 1 uses a secondary projectile. Its 5 levels where you get through the distant future year of 2055 after WW3 devolved everyone into mutants and you play as the last humans to beat totally not Jabba the Hutt. You gotta find a Power Cell in some levels and get through it and beat a few bosses. Its pretty tough and you get like 7 or 8 continues that send you back to a checkpoint if the level has it and the gamer ends after a few levels if you play it on Easy. The guy is strong and slow and the girl is quicker but does less damage. Its pretty hard and there's a cheat menu to access if you do a thing and you can either select a level, or use 1 cheat like have unlimited ammo or not having to get the Power Cells or have more Lives. Its not a bad game, and has that mid 90s feel. Decent graphics and nice music, Controls mostly ok, Its not awful, just kinda hard at times. The level select makes it more balanced so I can return to where I was after a Game Over. Glad I played it. Its got some good stuff if you give it a shot.

Just beat Super Hang-On on Sega Genesis. Its a Motorcycle racing game like Outrun where you get across a number of Checkpoints in time and get more time in each one. B is Speed Up, C is Boost and I never used A. You go across one of 4 courses like Africa or Americas and each has its own tracks and number of Checkpoints. I beat it on the Beginner with 6 Checkpoints and That took me like an hour and a half. I don't know why I bought this, I don't even know how to drive. The Game Shop guy said he had these 2 games that are good and offered me em and the other was Streets of Rage 2. I only got SOR but went back thinking I'd be missing an opportunity. If you get to top speed you can use the Boost to go faster but it makes you veer a bit on turns. Its not a bad game and has good music and decent graphics for a late 80s game, but its not for me. If you crash into one of the things on the side you spazz out for a few seconds and it places you back on the track. Crash too much (usually 2 or more) and you won't make it. You gotta know when to boost and when to ease and sometimes its better to slow down and take a tight turn than crash and take more recover time. There's an Original mode too that I didn't try but hear you earn cash and upgrade your bike and use passwords. Its not a bad game and you can choose what song to listen to, but I'm not a racing guy. Glad I got through it though. Don't plan on doing it again.

in April 2017

i started playing super mario world on gba. i think i perfer sonic. mario moves too slow and i dont like holding B to speed up. jumping isnt as accurate as i like but it might be my DS D pad.

i played super mario world. its not so great. mario moves too slow and if u hold b(which i hate doing) he's hard to control. theres so many out of the way places to go just to get to the next level and none of em are intuitive. some levels just dont work. the ghost house has u have to go through the door 2x just to hit the same block 2x and get different results only if you do a weird trick. i perfer sonic. this game just isnt that great

so i've been playing super mario world. i dont like it. the control isnt for me. he's too slow in walking and too uncontrollable in running. the cape is hard to use. the jumping is hard to aim or manage. the water levels are stressful. the bosses are too easy(3 hits?! robotnik takes 8 min!). yoshi keeps getting away. yoshi's tongue is hard to aim. the level design is stress inducing. and the enemy placement is piut in a way to punish your natural instincts.

Just beat Columns Crown under Flash Columns on my 28 in 1 GBA Multicart. Its Columns like on Genesis where you gotta get that 1 jewel that flashes by linking it in a straight or diagonal line to 2 other of the same jewels in a row. Its got 50 rounds with a time limit and every 5 is a 10 second one where you gotta bat it in usually 1 shot by placing the jewels in the right place. It has unlimited tries and you'll need em. It gets pretty tricky but eventually if you get good or lucky you can get through it. There's also a story where you gotta get all the jewels for the princess's crown and you need 2 copies of the game to link cable it to get a few and all it does is play a cut scene. Its got other modes and play styles like using jewels to interfere with the guy you battle and such. But you don't gotta finish the Pokedex to beat the Elite 4. Its pretty good but the jewels can look kinda similar like orange and yellow and blue and purple, so it can screw you up Its a decent game with nice graphics and music and you play as these boy or girl characters who are the princesses homies from school who you can name up to 6 letters. They look kinda like Sonic X characters or those American attempts at Anime you see on adds on the side of websites. Overall its not bad but its got some toughness. Glad I played it.

Just beat 2 in 1 - Sonic Pinball Party & Columns Crown on my 28 in 1 GBA Multicart. Its got the 2 title games which are sorta 32 bit versions of Sonic Spinball in a way and Columns. sonic Pinball Party is good but can be tough with trying to get enough points or meeting the requirements to beat the level, but it plays pretty well and looks and sounds nice. Good details in the table and worth a run. columns Crown is a good puzzle game where you match 3 or more jewels together to vanish em and clear objectives like getting the flashing jewel or beating the computer in rounds. good music and colors but the jewels look a bit too similar at times and can cause issues. Its story is nice but you gotta do a link cable with another copy of the game to get it so just play one of the modes instead. Its a decent 2 pack and has games worth giving a shot. Glad i got this. Its got a good callback to Sega's 8 and 16 bit days in a good 2D 32 bit update. Give it a shot if you can find it. Its got some good stuff to it.

Just beat Super Castlevania IV on my Snes collection. Its a remake of the 1st Castlevania but here you have improved control. You can move in air, whip in 8 directions, jump on (but not off) stairs (but can drop through em with Down and Jump). You have 5 lives and unlimited Continues but using 1 puts you back at the start of the area. There's also a Password to return to a previous level from the Title Screen. Good Graphics and really nice music and it plays pretty well, but the Stairs kinda got weird where holding a direction makes you go the wrong way and spazz out against yourself. Its not bad but I think I liked Bloodlines/The New Generation on Sega more. The last level gets pretty rough too with a Boss Rush and the 1st guy is pretty hard. Dracula can be tricky but you can get through it with the secret area by the stairs. Butt you can walk off it if done wrong and its invisible so it might ice you a bit. Overall its not bad. Oh and you can change the control set up to how you want. I had A Jump, B Attack and Y for special Item. Glad I played this. It was a worthy one.

Just beat Cho Aniki Bakuretsu Ranto-hen on my Snes Collection. Its a weird fighting game where you play as one of these freaks from the Cho Aniki series and fight in a 1 on 1 best of 3 battle. B and Y are attacks and using the D Pad lets you aim em or dash and attack by double tap. X or may A(I don't recall) lets you do a rush that does no damage but moves you fast. Unlike other fighters, you move around in the air with the D Pad and can be knocked around by the opponent. There's super moves that I don't know how to do and for some reason, the fighters get dizzy from using their attacks too much i think. This game is weird and hard to figure out. Its by Masaya who did Wings of Wor and Mamono hunter Yohko and like those its got strange stuff. It controls kinda weird and most fights are either really easy or really hard. I usually just mash buttons and come through. Good graphics and music and you get unlimited continues to get past 8 guys, including a Mirror Match. Its sorta like Parodius but with really gay themes. Its not bad but Mami gave me the most issue. Glad i played it and its an interesting game, sorta like how Christopher Walken and Willam Shatner and Tommy Wiseau are interesting actors. Its also got a 2 player mode to battle and not much else. Good if you wanna just plow through this to beat a game in like under an hour.

Just beat Snow Bros. Jr. on my 108 GameBoy Games Multicart. Its as screen by screen game kinda ;like Bubble Bobble but better. You play as a Snow Man and A Jumps and B throws up to 2 Snowballs at a time before you can reload. You go across 50 levels with a Boss every 10 and a bonus 10 after that with the Game Boss. You gotta hit enemies with enough Snow Balls until they get coated, the use B to punch it when close and it rolls around until it busts. You can take out other guys with the rolling and you gotta clear the screen to advance. The bosses you gotta turn its minions it poops out into Snowballs and nail him with it. There's a story about saving the world by making the Sun happy by returning its Heart or Smile or w/e. You get 10 Continues and each has 3 lives. Biting it lets you keep going on the same level but using a Continue makes you restart. Its not too hard and there's even a Level Select Code to get you up to level 51 or lower. Its got nice GB graphics and music and plays mostly well. There's also power ups got by taking out guys with rolling Snow Balls. Most are Points but some are Potions or Bottles of Pop or w/e that make you faster or inflate you to float around and bump anything you touch out. If you get stuck in a rolling Snow Ball you can jump out or ride with it. Its a pretty decent game and I'm glad I played it. It can be beat in like an hour too and ain't too tough.

Just played around 2/5ths through Ys 4 Mask Of The Sun on my Snes thing. Its an RPG where you fight by walking into enemies in the right area. You can use an Item or Magic with buttons. You get EXP and Gold from beating guys and Level Up with enough. You also can buy new Items and Armor/Weapons/Shields to upgrade. You get less exp from weaker guys if you LV UP enough so you gotta keep moving. Its easy to grind and level up in some places and the story is pretty good too. It controls well and once you get the hang of it, its pretty nice. I used a Rom on my DS and it worked ok but when I got to the part where Adol takes the boat trip to bring the Medicine to the guy the game f'd out and froze. I tried different settings and even Downloaded a Japan Rom to try it and the same thing happened. I liked playing this and wanted to beat it but the game just f'd out. Its pretty good and has nice 16 bit graphics and music and lets you save pretty much anywhere so you can just reload after getting iced. There's multiple save slots too so you can save outside a dungeon and use a different save if you ain't sure you wanna risk being stuck in there where you can't get back. Oh and you heal by standing still outside of dungeons. Its a nice game and I would've liked to finish it.

Just beat Disney's Aladdin on my 106 Game Gear Games in 1 GBA Multicart. Its sorta like the Snes one but you get a Sword in the last fight. 1 button Jumps and the other does things like throw rocks you pick up. You climb by jumping and pressing Up and can do a Slide that's only needed in 1 area by double tapping Left/Right and pressing a button and down. You do a creep walk by holding Down and tapping a button. You got several level types like auto running levels where you can move left and right and platform or puzzle levels where you gotta get through by throwing rocks at guards or finding Keys or throwing rocks into gold demon faces on the walls open mouths. There's really only 1 boss at the end and its not too long or hard. You get unlimited Tries and a Password if you choose no on continue and its got nice cutscenes that have actual dialogue from the movie. Its got nice colorful graphics and music and controls well. sometimes you gotta be super accurate to jump up and grab a ledge and getting on the stairs is kinda tricky, but overall its pretty good. You get 3 things of life and each is about 2 hits. Its a pretty decent game that can be beat in like half an hour or more if you watch the cutscenes. Glad I played it .

Just beat The Incredibles: Rise of the Underminer on DS. Its a Beat Em Up where you play as Mr Incredible or Frozone and swap between em to get past obstacles. Its pretty simple and most of the game is either mashing attack or freezing platforms to get to computer things to open doors. A is Jump, B is attack, and X or Y is a power slam that needs to recharge if overused. X also lifts things blocking your path. For Frozone A is Jump but Double tapping it lets you ice glide to get across things and up and down changes height. B is attack but its not much. Y is a spray attack that uses the charge meter and X lets you fire a freeze arrow like Naga from Slayers and freeze enemy's and platforms that can be hard to see. You can also freeze pipes that poop slime and fire blasting things. Its got nice music that pretty heroic and the graphics are that classic DS look. You get several lives and I don't know about continues as I never ran out, but I played on Normal so yeah. If you bite it you resummon where you left off and it saves after each area. Overall its not a bad game. Kinda simple and can be beat in like an hour or 2. But if you wanna beat a game in 1 sitting, its decent. Glad I played this.