Battletoads Review

 Note: I spedd battle sh-t!

Battletoads

This is my revew on Battletoads from the distant future year of 1992 (the year Sonmic 2 came out)

Itrsd a TV Special that was made to be sa TV Pilot ut would up being a dIREct To Video TV Special

Its directed by Kent Butterworth whgo dfid some Robotech thing and othjer cartoons

It stars a buncha guys frtom SDoviet Canada like Kathleen Barr from Conan The Adventurer\Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog\Sroinme Protectors/the 90s Mega MMan Cartoon/Reboot/Littlest Pet Shop 90s verasiomn/ G.I. Joe ExtremeStreet Fighter\The Adventures of Corduroy\The Wacky World of Tex Avery\Mummies Alive!\Roswell Conspiracies: Aliens, Myths and Legends\Monkey Magic\Weird-Oh's\NASCAR Racers\Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century\Beast Machines\Generation O!\Super Duper Sumos\the 00s He-Man and the Masters of the Universe\Liberty's Kids\The Cramp Twins\Being Ian\Storm Hawks\Care Bears: Adventures in Care-a-lot\Kid vs. Kat\Martha Speaks\Inuyasha\Dinosaur Train\My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic\Rated A for Awesome\Slugterra\Littlest Pet Shop 2010s ver\Pac-Man and the Ghostly Adventures\Dinotrux/Corner Gas Animated\Mega Man: Fully Charged, Ian James Corlett from Adventures of Mowgli\The Bots Master\Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog\ReBoot\Mega Man\The Littlest Pet Shop\Stickin' Around\Beast Wars:\Vor-Tech: Undercover Conversion Squad\The Wacky World of Tex Avery\NASCAR Racers\Sonic Underground\Yvon of the Yukon\Weird-Ohs\Action Man\The Zeta Project\Sagwa, the Chinese Siamese Cat\Justice League\The Cramp Twins\Silverwing\Being Ian\Care Bears: Adventures in Care-a-Lot\Monster Buster Club\League of Super Evil\Dinosaur Train\My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic\Slugterra\Pac-Man and the Ghostly Adventures\Beware the Batman\The Loud House\DBZ, Michael Donovan from Action Man\Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog\Batman: The Animated Series\Conan the Adventurer\Class of the Titans\Cramp Twins\G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero\Generation O!\da 00s He-Man and the Masters of the Universe\\Kong: The Animated Series\Littlest Pet Shop 90s ver\Madeline\Martin Mystery\yjr i meABN THGE i mean the 90s Mega Man\Molly O!\Mummies Alive!NASCAR Racers\Rocket Power\ReBoot\Rugrats\Shadow Raiders\Sonic Underground\Spider-Man Unlimited\Street Fighter\Superman: The Animated Series\Sylvester and Tweety Mysteries\Team Galaxy\The Bots Master\The Incredible Hulk\The Magician\The Secret Files of the Spy Dogs\The Twisted Tales of Felix the Cat\Video Power\Vor-Tech: Undercover Conversion Squad\Walter Melon\Winx Club\X-Men: Evolution\DBZ/.InuYasha\Transformes Cybertron/90s ocean dub odf Dragon Ball, the best voice in the canadsian dub of thins; Scott McNeil from Beyblade Burst Evolution\Black Lagoon\Dragon Ball Z\Fullmetal Alchemist\Fullmetal Alchemist the Movie: Conqueror of Shamballa\Hamtaro\Inuyasha\MegaMan NT Warrior\Mobile Suit Gundam SEED\Mobile Suit Gundam Wing\Monster Rancher\Transformers\Transformers\Transformers\The Vision of Escaflowne\Zoids//Adventures of Mowgli\3 Friends and Jerry\Action Man\Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog\Beast Machines\Beast Wars\Being Ian\Care Bears: Adventures in Care-a-Lot\Christopher the Christmas Tree\Class of the Titans\Conan the Adventurer\Dinotrux\Dog City\Extreme Dinosaurs\Fantastic Four: World's Greatest Heroes\Generation O!\George of the Jungle\G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero\G.I. Joe Extreme\00s He-Man and the Masters of the Universe\Hulk Vs\Kid vs. Kat\Kong: The Animated Series\League of Super Evil\Littlest Pet Shop\Madeline\Martha Speaks\Martin Mystery\Mary-Kate and Ashley in Action!\90s Mega Man\Monkey Magic\Mummies Alive!\My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic\NASCAR Racers\Pac-Man and the Ghostly Adventures\ReBoot\RollBots\Roswell Conspiracies: Aliens, Myths and Legends\Shadow Raiders\Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century\Slugterra\Spider-Man Unlimited\Stone Protectors\Storm Hawks\The Cramp Twins\The Deep\The Wacky World of Tex Avery\Vor-Tech: Undercover Conversion Squad\Weird-Oh's\X-Men: Evolution, Alvin Sanders from Dragon Ball Z\Escaflowne\InuYasha\Transformers: Armada\Transformers: Energon\Class of the Titans\Fantastic Four: World's Greatest Heroes\G.I. Joe\Littlest Pet Shop\Mummies Alive!\My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic\Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century\Street Sharks\X-Men: Evolution\Yvon of the Yukon, Lalainia Lindbjerg from DBZ and some othewr homies not on soviet wikipedia

IUts based on a video game from Rare in the 90s to be a TMNT clone that was quite good and I did beat on Sega Genesis and had some good stuff in the 90s wuith a baDLY ANIMATED REMAKE OR SEQUEL OR W/E IN THE 2020S

I was able to finally beat Battletoads after over a month of trial and error. If you keep rolling dice its gonna come up a 20 sometime. I know it seems hard, but sometimes something just clicks and all the pieces fall into place. Last Battle on Sega Genesis has 1 life, no continues, passwords or saves. 2 bosses are borderline unbeatable. But I kept at it and once I beat the hardest guy, the rest just happened.

people say this cartoon s-cked and its by Dic who did Sailor Moon, Knights of the Zodiac and later reused the Battletyoads idea foir Street Sharks and Extreme Dinosaurs

so after a really 80s style opening with surfer music and a number of starwipeswe get titl;e and the princess and professor t burd are trying to escape the dark queen and this is ripped off star wars

the dark queen wants her amulet and shes the last star child which reminds ome of the daemon skull found in souh america or w/e

they go into a nebula and dark queen follows them but the cow guy i think his name is slaughter but not wsrteng slaughter like g i joe worries of losing her in it

queen sez her only friend is t burd and no one can save her

then in soviet califiornia in oxnard like the ham ham in hamtaro; these 3 teens in jr high are called losers by the prinipal and calls em a bad influence and hes splitting them up and tells em to stay away from each other

the fata55 treeisd to play basket ball but plows through erneryone and breaks the ball and net

at a 80s thing this 80s chick and her droogs are making signs for the game and the punk looking one with purple hair makes a heavy metal skull poster and everyone thninks its ugly

in computer class; the nwerdlinger tries a copkputer and makes iut self detonate

elsewhere t burd brought preuncess to a tomb thart has a genbetic edssecnve of the battlewtoasds: the gusards of her ancestyors weho were wipewd out long ago(cuz they ran ouytta lives cuz the game was so hard?)

how they can make new battletoads but the dark queen bloew their ship andis comming

t burd finds a backward devolved planet that the dark qqueen neverv careed enough to conquer called Uryh

Who will rule New Urth?

so t burd knows of oxnard caluivfornbia and goes through a dimension gate he made like janemba in dbz andtakes the blonde princess who's NOT peach cuz her dress is blue

the dark queens dudes miss the gate tio h e double california and slam into a wall like tim and jerry j-rkin off to minerva mink

in oxnard cappy biju maxwel calivornia; the trio is playing cr-ppy arcade gasmes, whichj seems a bit off witn a video game add having teens playing video games

galaxy wars anbd ninja ninjas

and they wanna have their lives being like the video game heroes going around kicking a55 and chromin dome and chiold mmo les ting amnd mother f--ker ing

waait thats tin tin from the crow

then prinmcess and prof poop outta the tv sand thisd talking bird sez hes an alien and they need to protect da princess from da bdark queern

she thinks they are bada55 and honorable and t burd offrs em a chance for a big adventure and trhety consent

sdo t burd sporays em with toad dna which i hope isnt spurm and they devolve into battletoads

then some of the dark queens dudes come out of a slushy machine and the dark queen is with em

In this cartoons derfence, it kept the dark queens design prettyy much the same, only a bit toonier

the 2020 battletiooads toned down the dsark queen from being an hot chick to appeal to feminists who dont play games

But to man6y; the REAL daRK qwueen was one of the top 10 or top 5 hotrtest vbabes in gamuing

Top 10 Hottest Video Game Chicks! Not counting chicks from games based on movies or shows! 10: Blaze Fielding from Streets of Rage! 9: Tyrus Flare from Golden Axe! 8: The bat chick from Darkstalkers! 7:Ivy from Soul Calibur! 6:Shaia from Gowcaizer! 5: Chun Li from Street Fighter! 4: Dark Queen from Battletoads! 3: Rainbow Mika from Street Fighter! 2: Mai Shiranui from Fatal Fury! 1: Eve from Dragon's Lair 2!

so the dark queen gets the princess and the toads font wanna help cuz t burdc just devolved tghem but seeing this curvy blonde in the arms of some SM lather cjhick makes em spring into action

they whip out their toad d0ngz and start blasting the queen and princess and men with as firehose of toad spurm and as the queen falls, her butt is in the way and it fills her into a cartoon inflation ballon thing

jk really 12 throws a ice cream fride at them which crushes the princess, but shges ok and comes out licking a long hard chocolate popsciled

1 swells his fist and slugs the goons out and the 3rd throws a watermnellon at the minioptaur guy which knox wem back and does no real harm cuz its a fruit and this guy can tank a bus hiutting him

1 tyoad sprays them witrh slushyy and then mustard and scot mcneils cow boy but not of moo mesa sez ";;;;da weaoons r 2 much fur us" and the dareek aqwrens a dimension hole to escape until the next standby phase

also she didnt do anything and her goons got beat by mustard, and not the garlic jr minion

the princess bestoys them the name of honor; RASH, PIMPLE and ZITZ!! those are skin problems. the battletoads cartoon episode had elements of it reused when they made the next TNMT rip off, the street sharks.in street sharks their human homie/mascot is named BENDS!! the bends is a medical condition that kills people. had this continued i assume we wouldve got a character named AIDS(spoiler; in violence jack evil town, one punk is named aids, but is called TOAD in the english dub, its all connected! the end of the circle! The protoculture matrix!)

As this is a thing on TMNT and I had an idea of the Sailor Scouts and the Ninga Turtles, For the Battletoads paired up with the Wedding Peach chicks I'd say Lily would get Rash as he's the most nimble and least force. Pimple would get Daisy as he's the rough one and she's the strongest. And Zitz would get Peach as he's balanced and she's not as rough as Daisy but not as soft as Lily.

For Ninja Turtles with the Sailor Scouts: I'd say Raye and Raf, cuz both are mad. Donnie and Amy as both are nerds, Leo and Lita as both are good fighters and tough and Mina and Mikey as both are fun.

being 990s teens despite being some of the most 80s i';ve seen outside of saved by the bell,mm they like the names cuz they gross and gopt tude

And now for my sond of Battletoads to the tune of Dragon Ball from the 90s Canadian Dub

BatTle Toads! GotTa Find Those BatTle Toads! Don't Stop Til Yuo OvEr Load all The BatTle Toads1 Its All You GotTa Do To Make Your Dream Come True! With Those BatTle Toads! BatTle Toads! Your GoIng To ExPlode! When You Are The BatTle Toad!

t burd sez how they csan go back toi their real selves which makes them kind of a magical girl thing like sailor moon or wedding peach ior Nami SOS and they turn back after bad 80s slang

so the trio tells a teacher they trust and he dont buy it and they transform and he lets them stay with him at his beach house in soviet californai with high taxes and aids spreaders and gangs and other things that weren't shown on soviet big bang theory

the dudes give t vburd some 80s surver cr-p  and a big puink car thatr t burd can fix up

they need a job and cuz t burd is a firry they give princess angelicas a job as a waitress in a miniskirt ND SPAGHETTI STRAP APRON AND TOP  THAT SHOWS OFF A BIT OF SKIN CUSZ YOU COULD HAVE BABES IN KIDS SHOWS IN THE 90S AND THE FAMINAZIES DIDNT WHINE

LOOK HOW MILLER HAD SOME CR-PPY FEMINISTS WHINING ABOUT beer adds having bikini babes in em?

What next?c0nd0m aDDS FOR CHICKS?

wait; those started too! gendder neutral c0nd0ms!like having tAMM P0NS FOR GUYS

yo dude! my womb is blaasting! got any pads?

nah bro but i got siome slammin tam, p0nz!

mondo cool homie!

blicketee black!

so princess gets under 5$ an hour cuz min wage wasnt over the top in the 90s and she boxes donuts anmd 1 spurts jelly on her like it perereioded on her

t burd sez they can do smash hits with their toad ppowewrs and then out of the washger and drayer comes blasg and slaughter and the toads transform saying "lets get warty" even though none have warts

slaughter sends his goons weith lazerrrs andf none  hit and 1 psychs himself up tto get his hands go loony toons and bust the guys with cymbol hands and the others use a bulldozer asttack and a big black hanmmd like dr rotwang in metropolis

sklaughter, wait, is that his name? shakes t burd to get the info on whewre prioncess is

it giuves him brain damage and he starts drooling and  rambling and starts punching himself in the butt while saying "fingers like d0ngz and spiders in his a55"

jk rewally he drops a telepoerter golf club and slasughter takes it

in da donyutr shop the dark queen and dude rats catch thge prioncess and getta way with heer

she tells slaughter toi come back and he busts the golf club and escappe

t burd uses the pink car to fly like space balls and does a space fold to some planet with a d0ng looking towqer  and they bust in the base

they gotta climb the topwer which is a big pink spinning thing with green rods comming out

so queen has princess with a lazer aimed at her and she's chasined up wioth her arms up and smooth armpits showing naked in the air for all to see

hnnnnnnnnnnnnng! artmpits!!!! psssssssssssssssssssst!! noooooooooo! not on the foood!!

b4 they zap her the toads come in and throw away slaughter

the queremn goesinto a twister and busts the toads aRIOUND so the toads use the laser to blow the power thing and the base blowsand the toasds jump off and fly off in the pink car

the queen comes out from the ruyybble with 1 armn torn off and danglinhg by the flesh as blood spills outin a sdtream

jk its a 90s kidds show so they only got scuff marks and the queen sez the generator is out so so's her powers

the 2020 battletoads rioipped this off witrh the queenbs powers being taken by these frooty alien gods or w/.e

she vows to use the last of her powers to destory them and then in soviet oxnard the trio falls and principal has em suspended for hanging out even though he told em not to

they show their powers and devolve into powers  i mean toads and tyhen the dark queen comes over and is  in a big a55 sawshipo and is gonna f da urth for it having battletoads

she busts the mall roof back when malls were a thing and the toads drill in wityhh a hand drill and go in to find the queen has lazer guys aimed at them

all the lazers fire aty once and  the toads f--king dodge lazers which are light speed and the ship gets f'd

da bads  escape in a  warp and the toads jump off and the priuncipla changers his toon and lets em stay together

t burd is intorduced as is princess and the people ar eok with burd people as i guess they got the daemons coming out of the hole wherre the animals fear in claiforma and are used to it

principle accidentally squits himself with a fountain pen and the toads jump and high 5 as it sayys "the beginning" like that roger corman moivbie, i think day the earth ended

then credits to the opening song  of a still images of the toads and white credits with black outline pon iot and its like the adventures of sonic the hedgehog cartoon

the end

that weas something

i mean its not awful just kinda cheesy and ciorny like a dorito

its not bad and its got decent animation, orr at least compared to the cr-p we got today

remember franny's feet? good f--k that was sh-t! p-ss c-mming from my a55! sh-t!

its not trying to be berserk or shuten doji or urotsukidojo, its a silly cartoon based on a video game

its a semi accurate version of the 1st gamne and the chgaracters look like they should with a bit of toonige

the msuic has that 60s surfer style like wild guitar or something

the humans being devolved was a  lot like the stone protectors and street sharks and while the background in minimal, it works

tyhe adapting the 1st game as the 1st ep was done with double dragon and tyhat was, actually i never rwally saw double dragon the cartoon, but did see the weird 90s movie

its a lite fun silly zxany 90s cartoon that reminds me a bit of hammer man with mc hammer or other lower budget things

Glad I saw this, its entertaining

For Battletoads 2 I want the Dark Queen to have gotten the princess's amulet and taken over thge earth, with enslaving the population and using thenm to run machines like Conan in that movie,but the battletoads break out of their being trapped in a magic ice blok and start a resistance with the princip[al being the leader as hes a strong leader who gives orders well, also its a 32/.64 bit game on sega saturn, n64, ps1 and 3d0 where tou play as one of the toads and go around 3D areas like zelda or sonic and fight various cyber pigs as the dark queen had them modded for better performance and eventuyalyl tyou gotta find this anti anmulet on the other side of this cosmic fortress that can negate the queens amulet and take her on.