The Ninja Dragon Review

 Note: I spoell as normally as Go NaGAI MAKES MANGA

The Ninja Dragon

tHIS IS MY REVIEW OIN The Ninja Dragon from the distant future year to The Right Honorable Shiro Ishii of 1990 (30 years beforde Transformers Super god Master force)

Its directed by Gio Nagai whio's my fave author and the most cereeative muther f--kewr around

it stars a buncha japanese actors from the 80s Ore Samma nevere heard of, but was dubbed by the cast of Yugioh/Pokemon/Voltage Fighter Gowcaizer/Stepmother Sin/La Blue Girl/Temptation/Maison Plasir

ooh, it has Ringside Angel Cutie Suzuki from that sega game and japanese wrestl;ing and cameos of Ken Ishikawa who was Go Nsagai's best friend and did similar f'd up sexy vioplent cr-p that was awesome

I never saw this but it also goes by Kuso Kagaku Ninkyoden: Gokudo Ninja Dosuryu

it starts with a guy comiung into a room and beating another guy then punching jnto him and teariing out his guys w/o any expolaination

to be fair, thats how many manga start, shows action too draw you in and explains later

then a chick stands in front of a car and when the guys come oiut after stopping she caps em

then title over a yakuza back tattoo

thenn in thiss tewmple with a moving cam at night, it gooes to the window ansdd sees this chick in bed who dreamns of climbing stone stairs andf a dude fightng guys with swords and sayoing hes theb Ninja Defender Suzuka Hatai

then this blue outfit chick Jun Saruwatari wastes a few ninja and sez she's Ninja Defender

then a White Ninja comes in Ryu Momoji leader of ninja dragons and called dragon and gives main chick a bnell to call him if shes in danger

she wakes up holding the bell and then we see a japanese tea thing where a chick thanks dad for it and driunks it

her dad Takeo Nindo tells her, whos called Shinob Nindo, about how the Nindo Klan was founded by descendants of Ninja who weren't needed aftere the Edo period peace

but those with ninja dna are destined to carry the family legend and shinobu is the 6th head of The Klan cuz she got the bell as dad didin't get it and she might have more ninja dna

FOR OVER 200 YEARS THE NINDO KLAN REIGned over the violent ninja world as they have ninja warriors who work for em and are called the ninja defenders

they can only be summoned by those with the bell and appear to people in dreams

sarada sez the ninja defenders, which sounds like a 90s video game, show up when The Klan faces danger and later shinobu sez she hopes the bell dont ring while in her room and loking at a photo of her mom and asking "what doi i do now?"

then this loser nerd beta male candya55 geek nerd Yu Shinoyama comes in and is shinobus driver and truyes taking her bags

so he drives her and in japan they drive on ther WRONG side of the road and he sez he never did anything worth mentioning esp not ninja cr-p

she stops ahead of the school so her friends dont see her with a loser and she gotta seppuku like a nut too broiken to know ehat he is being called what he is

a car with a sdhadowed over guy drives by her and shadow guy sez theres something about her

in thus bathroom thew gutteing guy criushes in a mans face with his  bare hand and has shades like the guy from power blade on nes

so Shinobu like in Ninja Nonsebnse is with her japanese school girls in uniforme but not b0ning cuz thisa isnt an H Anmime, and gets flasges of demon face eyes in stone glowing

nerdlinger picks her up in his car and later they smoke cigarettes and she sez shes a yakyza daughter but caughs from souckjing those faegez

she sghows him the dragion bsell and it hasn't rang and he sez it might make good things happen like him having a marble as a kid and she didnt lewt him say where he kept it (In his a55? or in his uncut man thing skin?)

so they druive on and get hoime and sarada beats nerdlinger for taking a detyour as something mightve happened to her

gutter drives off in a big black car and the next day nerdliinger is beat up from sarada and kept  getting in the weay of a guy sweeping the outside steps

the cooworkers say the last guy did everything she wanted and got iced

nerdo has a black eye and a jiob but no fat lip or tan and shinobu laughs ayt him abnd he puts a patch on

in da road shinobu sees a pink klad bike motor bike rider like cutey honery and they see each other and in a trance has nerdmo follow him i mean her(unless its really a hermaphrodite like Go Nagai likes)

after stoppuing by whwere the bike parked she sends nerdmo off to tell her college shes out or w./e and then the pinbk chick comes out and  and she gets kinda sapazzy

nerdmo goes to use a payp[phone and some chuick is using it and be f--ks around and acts b--chy when shes not loooking

shinobu walks off and nerdmo comes back and cant find her abnd f--ks around lookimng for her

shinobu follows ;pinko and gets to these stone steps in an olde toimey janenese areae and snaps outta her trance and the bell rings

this tall guy grabs at her but not her t-ts or a55 but neck and she drops the bell as it rings and she runs as gutter walks after her with his long japoanese legs

sges cornered and nauilw him uin da head with a metal bar to no effect and screams and faints like a little girl

then white ninja derrfender throwss shuriken in gutters hewwad and does shinobi cr-p

shinobu returns to nerdmo but blacks out and then in a dream asks if this yakuza tATTOO guyt is the one who saved her and he sez hes watching over her and i think its white defender ninja

she wakes up and hears the bell and then is in the card and nerdist sez he tricked his bosses about yesterday and wants to stop by the school gate today

we see a bath place with bodies and an office with a guy with i think a pipe in his mouth and not a b0ner dripping with spurm

at this dinner these guys talk about how Nagai isn't here and this guy sez leaders of the organizatyion was attACKED L8LY AND they dont know whos icing em

also don't upset the infrastructure of the organization

is this the mafia or a union? same thing in many ways

Go Ranjuji sez it won't work and others disagree but he calls in pink chick and gutter who bring in a head on a platter l;ike John The Baptist who was executed for not being pc and speaking out against a sinful marriage, like wuith the froooty booty's today

Go Ranjuji sez he will control the kanto reigon like hes the slum king or sometrhing aand his goons slaughter the other guys with a machine gun but 1  guy tries to end Ranjuji with a hidden katana, only to be iced by gutter with his blade

i think that was shinobu's dad and he sez something about shinobu and Ranjuji  literally peels off a dudes face with his f--kin bare hand and licks it or eats it or something

this movie is f--jun bada55! Its like Riki-Oh or Brain Dewad/Dewad Alive or something

after class nerdmo is cleaning the wishhield and licks it and she sez sorry about yesterday and wants to get her a present but he dont wanna detour

they go anyway and find a Devilman Plushie but mayybe a Kekko Kmen barbie doll would be better

they get home and no ones there but nerdo goes bada55 for a sec and notivcces something

the 2 guys sweping the outside tell her that her dad wasd iced by Ranjuji  and his body is in the room with no cops or drs or anuything

fam killed by dad guy? like akira fudo, honey kisaragi and Kotetsu Jeeg?

nerd gives the finger abnnd sez in his brock from pokemon/kaiba in yugioh voice "don't f--k with me!" and his clothes come off like Cutey Honey but not burning off and he';s a bada55 with yakuza tattoos

he sez in the 5th year of tehsho in the war of aiga in the fortress of momoji, Zandao Momoji said  to defend the momoji bloodline and  genryu offered and in him a secret bloodline zleeps(better inbreed to keep it pure) and dont awaken until danger attacks the moomoji bloodline and  he goes on some poem about burning AND DANCING AND FLAMING BLOOD and he is a ninja defender and protected the bloodline fort a long time

he never expected it to happen on his watch and spazzes out about his bad 90s hair liker the red hot chilli peppers and does ninja hand signs in front of the moon and ki smoke rises from him and he summons the ninja defenders

in shinobu';s room she sees something outside and opens the window to look like a dumba55 as it might be a coon or bear or kappa and when she goes out, this chick grabs her anbd covers her mouth

one of the cleaners sees and sez she migt be one of Ranjuji';s goonss and pulls a knife and whistles and the ninja defenders come

the bad chuick throws a  smoke thing and throws shinobiu at em and these toher guys are easily killed by her and she ppulls the heart out of the cleaner as her face got a cut and homo milk comers out

the ninja defenders get there too late and everyoines dead and shinobu is captured like princess peace or the chick from sonic 06 and the ninja run fast at night

bad chick i think played by cutey suzuki brings shinobu to Ranjuji  and holds her dowen at the neck and she serz to ice her like he did her dad

when Ranjuji  sez he cant, she spits on his face and he sez shes a tough chick and will use her as a bride to mix their bloodlines and take over  the wolrd like pinky and the brain

thats how you do it? b0ne a ninja chick? is that where la blue girl goit it from?

so he wants her to produce eggs for him to breed with and has gold eyes liker a super saiyan 4 and hypnotizes her

he wants to cleanse her of yazuka blood and makes pig soundfs as he watches the ninja comming in soem kind of floating thing

the ninja use ninja items like blow guns and thriowing things to take out guards and shinobu is in the bath then is isn a dress and got make upmput on to look hot

the nbinja go on and ice 2 more ghuys like kenichi in violence jack and come into an arena and all theser enemy come out

thjis just went golden axe or sengoku on neoo geo

after a pretty cool fight scene with a camera goin fom a birds eye view and back, they use ninja weapons and ther enemyus use guns but the red ninja backflips away to vade like power rangerd

1 guy is face cut off and is a robot under it

blue ninja chick wastes guys including with her thighs and wait, thats cutey suzuki, niot the bad guy whos the female ninja babe Jun

Suzuka sez leave em to b e and Ryu  goes ahead after cutting a uy in half like wkth Oyu in Black Lion Ranjuji watches in a room full of chicks with white masks and \Suzika kicks a55 inside

Ryu uses a ninja smoke thing and the guys devolve and have fleshy faces growing out of therir torsoes like total recall but this came 1st and that was done with a bug budget so it looked better

btw wheres a lot of little jokes and quips like Ryu cutting opn a door and saying Heeeeeres Johnny!

this dub was by central park media who did la blue ghirl and voltage fighter gowcaizer ands battle arena toshinden and m d geist and some slayers cr-p, so its in soviet new york and back when dfubs were fun

Jun is running outta steam and gutter comes up and she breaks her blade boomerang like in power blade on nes on him Znd he backhands her like a p-mp

he lifts her up by the throat and strtangles her and iut cuts to the bad chick bringing in shinobu tothis church to marry Ranjuji who looking it up, was half italiano and have nuiipponjin

add some austian and you got zee whole axis nmein fuhrur!

also, holuy cr-p, the head on the plate was Go Nagai in a director cameo!

like how he slips Go chan in all his cr-p

so un cutey suzuki is being strangled and i think bites it and goes limp after her thicc thights kicked for a biut

wait shes not dead and Suzuka comes in and fights gutter as she runs off

as Ranjuji kisses shinobu her bell rings and she snaps out of it and Ranjuji spazzes out from it

Ryu cutz through some guys and suzuka puts a metal staff together after escaping and goes ninja moves and the badds come up wqearing shades like the wachowshi boys ripped oof in the m,atrix

suzuka fights oofthe guys and 1 he busts the face with the staff and its a fake head but a robot and white fgoo spoills out like he sucked too many b0narz

curey jun fights the female baddie but not pixie from monster rancher in her succubus loking thing and suzuka busts gutter under the chun and milk comes out but he shanks suzuka with a blacde in the back

dont worry, he's gonna be ok, its not that bad, theres a hospital planet nearby

he sez he loves ryu always but not in a queer way cuz go nagai dont do yaoi

jun takes off her robe and is in a wrestling outfit and has a prowrestling match against the bad chick cuz go nagai likes that

shouldnt she be all bifg and beefy like teagan clive or Nikki Fuller? i mean we got Rikki and Fire Venus and jun Asuka

also therres a mat right in the middle of this temple or w/e

so jun eventually is beat withg a canbgle and it loks like a rubber b0nar and theres no dialogue, only action like a silenty film AND EVENTUALLY SHE GETS held by the crotch and head and back strained

Ryu jumpos through a woodf door and Ranjuji crushes the bell with 1 hand and A SNIUPER GETS rYU IN THE SHOULDER

DONT WORRY, HES GONNA BE OK  HE JUST NEEDS SOME REST

so he takes off his ninja outfit and shows his yakuza tattoos and Ranjuji  goes off with shinojbu

ryu cuts shinobu down friom a chanfelier and i wonder how long it took him to tie her up

then Ranjuji attacks and theres a ninja swordfight and ryu gets busted and shinobu recognizes him a yu(Ryu, Yu, its like theres a connection)

Ranjuji devoilves and they jump out and now hes some big purple faces demon mutant and easily beats on Ryu as sword cuts font do jack sh-t

Ryu triesd kung fu but Ranjuji  vanishes and shows up behiund him as a huge a55 slug cobra croth thing  and  shinobu faints again

Ranjuji  summoins ki and so does ryu and he uses ninja dragon fire flame and slices through his neck and he asploedes and all it took was 1 super move like in sinobi

then Ranjuji goes to his final forme like its castlevania and looks like something outta beetlejuice and barfs smoke at em

ryu shanks him with the ninja swird in the mouth and miulk blasts out but Ranjuji head hads tentalces grabbing shinobi and ryu grabs it and kicks it away after a fight

so theres a big a55 flesh pile of the bad guy and he carries her outand across a bridge despite being all covered in blood and f'd up

the area has no people left and tyhe broken weapons of hsi ninja homies are there

then a space ship flies off and looks liek a whale and crotch and its rrevealed the bad guys were aliens like f--kin team america with the film actors guild and an asian dictator teaming up to sh-tm on American Heroes

toyally not like the media, the chinese marurta maoh leader and Trump

then after the credits was Go Nagai's head on a platter bending sideways

the end

that was pretty fun

great fubnn with all these refs and quips like mxc and the effects are cool and theres good gore and action

the acting is nice and its got elemenmts of Go Nagai manga like lonmg action scenes w/o talk and cool gore and babes and robots and aliens and other cr-p

i liked it and its a well done smovie

the main guy does well as both a nerd and a bada55 and its kinda like shinobi or ninja gaiden

Go Nagai is always entertaining and makes things cool and interesting

He's a mastyer story teller and started all kinds of things trhat people love about anime, bwefore it devolved and went sissy

For The Ninja Dragon 2 I want new aliens to come at earth and use bug creature yokai like things to attack, but the Ninja use their ninja cr-p to bring out a giant karakuri robot and fight em, also its a 16 bit beat em up  on sega genesis, snes, tg16, atari jaguar and gba where you play as the ninja in huyman mode and summon the ninja mech to fight the eenemy but thats still a beat em up level and you fight several alien bio flesh mechs at once