Silent Hill Revelations Review

 Notw: I spell silnetnly bad

Silent Hill Revelations

This is my review on Silent Hill Revelations from the distant future year of 2012 (The year after Transformers The Headmasters and the year thwe world ended)

ts based on a video game I never played and is a sequel to one i saw a while ago

i aw this b4 and figured that as this got worse raitings, i'd give it a chance

its directel by Michael J. Bassett who got turned queer and did nothing Ore Sama saw

It stars Adelaide Clemens from The Great Gatsby from the 2010s\voltron: Legendary Defender, Kit Harington from Pompeii, Sean Bean from the 90s Black Beauty\The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring\The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers\Equilibrium\The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King\Troy\Silent Hill\Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief\Jupiter Ascending\the live action Knights of the Zodiac\Robot Chicken, Carrie-Anne Moss from The Matrix\Chocolat\Red Planet\Memento/The Matrix Reloaded\The Animatrix\The Matrix Revolutions\Fido\Disturbia\Pompeii, Malcolm McDowell from Clockwork Orange\Blue Thunder\Star Trek Generations\Tank Girl\Fist of the North Star the live action movie\Gangster No. 1\Halloween 1 reboot\Halloween II reboot\Captain Planet and the Planeteers\Frasier\Aladdin\Batman: The Animated Series\the 90s Spider-Man\Biker Mice from Mars\Captain Simian & the Space Monkeys\Superman: The Animated Series\The Magic School Bus\South Park\Teen Titans(which s-cked)\Justice League Unlimited\Law & Order: Criminal Intent\Masters of Science Fiction\Robot Chicken\Metalocalypse\Phineas and Ferb\Home Alone: The Holiday Heist\Star Wars Rebels\Teen Titans Go!\Scooby-Doo and Guess Who?\Son of a Critch\Fallout 3\The Elder Scrolls Online: Morrowind, man, hes in a lot of kids shows despite doing p0rn0, Martin Donovan from Malcolm X\Agent Cody Banks\Saved!\The Haunting in Connecticut\Law & Order\Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Deborah Kara Unger from Highlander III: The Sorcerer\The Hurricane\White Noise\Silent Hill, R=dha Mitchell from Phone Booth\Man on Fire\Finding Neverland\Silent Hill\The Crazies\Law & Order: SVU, Erin Pitt from Mike the Knight\Flashpoint, Peter Outerbridge from Cool Runnings\Land of the Dead\This Is Wonderland\Puppets Who Kill/Flashpoint\Murdoch Mysteries\Zoo, and a few guys i nevr saw in anything else or thst aint on back door candy a55 soy boy, beta male, frooty booty, girly man, banana crammer wikipedia

So after logos and credits  and Title we see main chickin some nightmare amusement park like nightmare circus on sega genesis but not and trying to escape a cult

pyramid head is turning the gears of the rides and guys in SM are in it and this chick who looks like the crow sez to not go to silent hill

she makes it fire and burn everywhere with cg and coks main cick but its a dream and sean bean comforts her after awakening and tells her not to go to silent hill

then hes chopped up by a ghoul or w/e and she wakes up from that dream and writes cr-p down b4 going to breakfast later

so the couple keeps changing theirn names and escaping to other placesand wait, i think its her dad not husband and he got her clothes cuz thats what you WANT for ur b day, something you;d get later anyway that you need, not something you want like a Sonic Game

shes f'd of her drream an goes to school the 1st day and its her 18th b day like in lolipop chainsaw

dad looks at a photo of his fam and thinks how his wife stayed behind in the other world to save the daughter as only 1 could return and she dont want her ki to be taken

she can be seen in a mirror and after she goes the daughter wakes up and asks where mom and dasd sez she saved daughte rfvrom an accindet and she drops a medalion with a symbol  on it

also now the daughter is blonde but was dark as a kid as i uess she took evolution pills and now looks like the chick from resident evil004

when going to school, main chick sees something and backs up and is nearly run over and this hobo reaces for her a cop tells her to watch out as some are beyond help

she diteches the private dick and in school is welcomed and the popular chicks poke fun at her so she sez this is her 5th school since she was 11 and dont wanna waste their time on being their friend as shes bruend out from the experiences

theres a lso a new guy named vincent cooper like lunk cooper in robotech and is kind of a wiener so hes the main love interet i thin

i dont think i actually saw this yet

in the halls she has some visions in the school of it being a different school and the kids looking creepy, like prom night 002

then the school devolved into a rotting slum like soviet califorinia and this devolved flesh guy jerkily comes at her

sh snaps back to realitywhenmain guy comes for her and hes lost and dont know hwre mathclass is and tries to be her friedn but she dont wanna getta tatched and leaves

when i was in grade 9, Silent Hill 02 came out and I read of it in a video game magazine, but around that time, I heard the cong Leave Me Breathless on the radio, so now I have the 2 linked in my mind

so she calls dadto meet at a place and he's at home and the door knob juggles like a fat chick on the learning channel and he goes ut the back door like a foot long dump

at da mall she seems eigged out and sees this birthday clown dancing around seem creepy when hes not and its only the music

then sees the kids at jthe party as devolved cannibals and goes for help but the guy she sees has a face sewed shut

she runs into a back room and sees a guy beingskinned off the belly while alive and runs to call her dad as a guy follows and gets a pipe to handle the private dick after her saying hes been looking for her and sez he was hired by this order who knows where she is and he told em and her dad told her lies

she sez her mom bit it in a car accident and she lost her memory (like Yugioh?!) andn  he sez she was trapped in silent hill and THEY want her back

then this sm monster comes at him and slices off his fingers like violence jack oav 1 and she gets him in the elevator and tries to ecape but the sm monster with metal parts but not man parts, like limbs, is cutting throughthe ceiling andas it gets htourhg, the leevator stops and its gone

she gets out and the thing getshim and we'd like 20 mins in and that felt like nothing

she hides and takies off her coat and thsi hairless janirot like la blue girlcomes in and she spazzes out and runs only to findthe area is a crime scene and the private dick is iced and herphoto and name are on his body

main guy meets her and asks if she saw him and they go off and she dont know sh-t about whats dgoing on and cals her dad with no answer

she sees ghost people behind a fence that main guy cant see and on the bus is a devolved guy laughing and its a goo twist as he looks a bi devolved but could be real and its a fake out

she asks about the difference of dreams/reality and is this valis?

he sez theres no dreams but endless realities, whcih i hope is not real as i got some f'd up dreams of killing people with fountain pens to the skull

after stopping and walking and its still night they talk abouther being pretty and grow closer and she gets to her area and sez he dont wanna know her kinda like in pee wees big adventure

in her home is a writing saying welcome to silent hill and the symbol and its empty

good camera moes around her and filming, its pretty cool

vincent comes to the door hearing her yelling and comes to help and sees blood sez to get da cops but she cant

she sez she dreamed of this and goes through her dads things for clues  and her notes on her dreams and sez shes adpoted and never knew her real parents, also is the medallion and then the cps come for her at da door

this is seeming a lot likethe mortal insuruments cty of bones but less bad

the cops come in w/o a warrent and find the bllod writing on the wall and say the main chicm is a murder suspect despite no evidence

vinnie drives and chick reads a note from her dad saying dont go to silent hill but we know thats not gonna happen

also he had to ice people from the order(of the phoenix?) and to find the truth in her notebooks and sorry for lying but it was to protect her

they go to west virginia with the rednecks and and hears an indian burial gorund was where the town was and the order of zealots ran the town wanting to have a kid born to be the vessel for their god and mae the world anew

seems to me like vinnie is in there as a plant for the order

dad wrote how the order trieds to cleanse a goddess  or something with fire but it f'd up and the town was cursed with monstesers and pyramid head wss the guardian/executioner

they go down a foggy road and vinnie sez he need rest and they stop at a motel hopefully not bates as the master there is a purvo

in there vinnie sez not to go to silent hill but shes obviously not gonna and shouldnt he have a family to go to

she dreams of a girl with akira dbz esper powers and a maelstorm of ducst behind her

he sez he cant go on and he reveals hes with the order and was born/riased in silent hill and chosen to get her as they sacrificed and suffered him with carving the rune on him

all his life he was taght the goddess was the great evil and main chick is part of it and hes grown to care for her and see her inner goodness after knowing her for like 4 hours

she dont like how he lied and as she gets b--chy and he sez the goddess can't be destroyed until whole again and main chiks is part of her and his mom wont keep main chicks dad alive whe she gets main chick

he gives her a medallion and she needs the other piece like zelda the minish ca and its with her grandpa i mean his and the rooms rots out liek democracy after commies come in to reveal thsi devolved cage rusted world

shes got the goddess powers like soe bad fanfic and something happens and she wakes up and the room is good again and no vinnie

so she goes out and its this dark snowy area and gets a gun and its silent hill

looks like the ps games with the daraw distance and fog and theres people in the windos looking at her w/o dialoge like a silent film

dat exposition dump by vinnie was kinda f'd and i had to rewind and redo it a bit to get it all

she sees a guy on a stake for burning and has flashbacks and this chick comes out and its goddess's mom who was a little girl with powers and she sez she was tricked into letting the order cook her

main chick sez they got what they deserved with the curse for killing that kid, kinda like a po life thing of people doing wrong to the unborn

so the goddess grew in power from anger and was reborn kinda in main chick and was sent out to be riased by good people to learn love

she wants to save her dad and dont care if she goes to h-ll over it  and the city goes devolved and crumbles upward to this sh-t shole land like portlend or seattle but less junkies b0ning in public

she wanders arond and escapes shadows of peope, cmming and gets spooked by a manquin

eventually she finds 1 breathing in plastic and alive and inds a naked chick being turned into a manequn like that movie i never saw

she tries freeing a chick webbed up in spurm or w/e and this doll parts monster like in Yugioh GX comes at em and pulls off the turn girls head which screams

so the doll parts onster gets the webbed girl as main chic escapes and the we see the leader of the cult tellin off vinnie for not thinking the goddenss is evil and is innovent and she sez hes like his grandpa

she wants to "mend" his "broken" mind and "cure" him in the nut huse hich i think is a thing on turning peopel purvo or gender offender

so main chic escapes and it looks liek the crow 2 city of angels and goes to a police station i think and looks for clues until a gu with an pen face attacks and she puts her gun in his mouth and blows out the back of his head

this was in 3d and theres a lot of obv ious 3d things but its not bad as i watch in proper 2d

also its colored and in widescreen

so she goes to the place with the symboland opens it and inside is a chained up malcom mcdowell and looking ore hokuto no ken than when he was in fist of the north star

hes vinnies grandpa and the cult leaders dad and main chcik asks to find her dad but he sez there are many silent hills and is butthurt over his fam betrayinf him

this seems to be the assylum and she shows him the medallion uthe claims to be blind and she gives it to him with her gun on him

he sez its a key that summons the god and shows the true nature of things and the other half is in u ad he jams it in his torso which i dont think wuld work unless ur chris angel

he spazzes out and sez he sees her as a demon that must be dsrtoryed and she caps him

this big muscle monster looking like rick from splatterhouse 3 walks off her gunfire and catches her and wait its maclonme mcafrica and she pulls out the medallion and he rotts in a glow

the amulet is whole and not fractured or butt and she sez she can feel the goddess and these assylum inmate grab her but she bites his arm and gets out

pyramin head comes in and lops off peoples limbs with a big a55 blade and its pretty cool

To the tune of Toykyo Girl: PyRaMid Head PyRaMid Head, You Make The PeoPle Love Un Dead. That StunNing Face That MasSive Blade. PyRaMid Head, You Will Get The PeoPle L=id!

she hides and sees vinnie being takes off on a gurney and in this room are devolved nursed the H anime with enemas and Dan Green

they spaz zout and freeza and main chickfrees hi to save her dad and the jerkey nurses sapzz out and try to stab em but they get away from those undead bimbos

vinnie sez the goddess or medalion reunitig is changing the world and that she otts levae to be safe butshe dont wanna give up

the they are in the carnival circus thing and it turns on and its like her dream

the brotherhood of devout order coems in and are soliers and dont beateh the air of darkness and they hide and he smooches her ad runs off to draw teem away

is shes got that goddess power, why not use it to help?

so a brotherhood guy come at her and she pulls off his mask and he spazzes out and pukes blood

shes on the mary go round and the brotherhood guys cook in h-llfire andthe goddess gurl is ther and grows to be a teen andsez she gave her life to let her be free of pain and have love and everyone has a different nightmare in silent hill and her dad is not her real dad

main chick; go to h-ll. daemonees; we're already there! me; like in violence jack? harmel baulmer; imma send you to h-ll! jack; i'll go home when I'm ready!

so the daemon goddess chick grabs her and rots her and sez "dont think i wont destroy you" but main cicks all like; i AM you anf they hug in a non queer way and goth daemoness burns up and crumbles upward to flakes of corn

pyramid head stops turning the merry go round and main chick wakes up and goes in this buoding with order guys around andthe center is a sybmolwith dad chained by it

cult leader, as female leaders are often bad, look at candya66 trudeau! sez this was the last sanctuary from darkness and fell and that man chick beat the daemon and fixed the seal and is the savior

she sez "if i did so much, let dad go, but cult leader sez his blood will feed their new god and her body will incubate it cuz its her destiny and only her can give h=birth to the god and free them

she puts he hand on main chick who falls and wants the seal to summon the god and main chick gives her to and it burns her into an abomination by showing what she really is and its te sm blade thing from before

is this like shallow hal how someones inner self is shwon like gweneth paltro being 600lbs? why did no one ever ying; maybe he's just into fat women? i mean she goes around in skimpy outfits showing off her flab. might be a ssbbw thing

she sgonna ce main chick but pyramid head comes in andthey fightin a fire circle and its kinda cool

she carves up pyramid head with speed but pyramid head takes off her head with 1 chop like its Rob Roy

so the snow stopped and it seems the nightmares over, survivors from the storm, to dust of all creation, to ashes they transform

dad dont wanna go with ehr and wants to save her mom and look for her but dont wan his godmaster daughter to help him cuz he promised shes'd not go to silnt hill

thats b-ll sh-t btw, just chojin densetsu her out

dad sends vinnie to look after his girl and goes off and this is like jupiter ascending but not f-king ret-rded

so they walk down the road and getta ride from a truck whos probably gonna b0ne and eat em at the save time and they say to take em as far from here as they can

the after leaving they have a piloce car and bus go into silent hll and the fog returns

then credits of a sill image in 3D as the camera moves around

by Konami, who used to make good games buthad a few mistakes, but that SuperBomberman R games looks preytty cool and rereleasing past games on cllections lik castlevania and contra was cool

this music seems like a 90s thing like the crow or the craft

and after the credits, pyamid head lumbers off

the end

that was actually kinda god

i dont get why people hate it, it had good action and msuic and the effects were pretty good

nice gore and horror and yeah it had some exposition dumps and long spaces of nothing like alone in the dark by uwe boll, but not as bad

the monsters were cool, the story worked, the occult refs added to it and its kind of a reverse mario with the chick saving the guy

it didnt scare me but i watched a lot of go nagai so it not a bad thing

i never did the games and in the 1st silent hill they had some urotsukidoji refs with the tentacls and cr-p

it felt like this movie fit and i enjoyed it quite ell

i didnt drag and had good flow and didnt feel like the 90sh mins

hay, it was made in oviet canada, where moose and sasquatch do MMA

8% on rotten tomatoes? its better than that!

I think the director did a good job on this and didn't need to say sorry like back door joel schumacher, did for batman and robin, but NOT batman forever which was worse

For Silent Hill 3 I want it to be sean bean going around through the various realsm to find hsi woman and faing various monsters, also he finds the lingering will of the goddess drifed off in this realm and used with his woman and he has to beat it outta her, also its a 16 bit fighting game like street fighter or World Heroes or Voltage Fighter Gowcaizer on sega genesis, Snes, TG16, Atari Jaguar and GBA where you play as  guy an fight the other guys and the final boss is the wife posessed and once you beat it outta her, she sees the error of her ways and ends the curse.