Apollo 18 Review

 Note: I spell like space travel is real

Apollo 18

This is my review on Apollo 18 from the fdistant future year(to thw germans who claimed to make the thing that goes to the alleged moon after being in ZEE AXIS) of 2011(The year of Transforemrs the headmasters and robotech season 001)

Its dirtectal by openly spaniard Gonzalo Lopez-Gallego who did nothing i saw and i saw this b4 and thought it was cool

it stars Warren Christie from thr 00s twilight zone/Malibu Shark Attack/Flashpoint\Zoo, Lloyd Owen from nothing i'e seen, Ryan Robbins from the 00s walking tall/catwoman/Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem\Warcraft\the 00s twilight zone/blade the series/pure/the good doctor/the 2010s twilght zone, Andrew Airlie from Breaker High\Final Destination 2\the 00s Fantastic Four\The Butterfly Effect 2\the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy and Michael Kopsa from the ocean dub of dbz/mobile suit gundam/mega mannt warrior/inuyasha/death note/action man\x men evolutio\iron man armored adventutes/slugterra/the 00s tv movie of carrie/the 00s fantastic 4/watchmen/dear mr gacy/rise of the planet of the apes.

its shon as a found footage film andimplies its real, but i doubt the Nationan Assiciation of Spreading Aids would allow it to get out and the gov allow those who have it to live

so after logos we get text claiming man walked on the moon and misions 18 19 and 20 were cancelled but this footage was uploaded to lunar truth and this film was edited from that footage

is i think 1974, before Reagan cut the red tape and let us have kids shows based on toys, and we get an interview of a guy talking of gong on a classified thig and another guy from a military fam going to get more moon rocks

moonrock was the name of the company that animated nami sos/sexy sailor soldiers, which is like sailor moon so the name makes sense

so they are watching out for the soviets and 1 guy isnt allowed to tell his fam hes going to the alleged moon andwants to bring him a moon rock

but what about the moon kingdom that was destroyed after the fight with the dark kngdom/negaverse?

then we get a logo of the title and they launch to the allged moon and theylook at da urthfrom their ship as 1 guy is said to be number 13 on the moon

1 guy wants to be alone and probably j=rk off and blast his goo in 0G

you think they did secks experinemts in space to see what its like or any impacts on the himan body/organs?

maybe secks rituals to summon the space daemons

so they land on the alleged moon andnot near ritas castle in power rangers and  its xmas 1974 on day 1 of a 2 day mission

so they go out and see rock formations and i asume i was made by someoenand they put a flag of America u[ but not the Confederacy for some reason

canada has 2 groups, the french and the humans, so why can't America celebrate its other culture?

as they f--k about the camera has a spazz and some shadow goe over em and they look at da urth from the alleged moon and get a high view form somethign of thm

i guy gets a rock that feels strange andtheres footage of somethign in a dark crater

so they go back in and eat in their po that is around as big as a 3rd world apartment and 1 astronaught's kid plays with his radio and sent a message to his dad saying he loves him

later 1 guy sez he had jalpeno on his hands and p-ssed and got it on his part and it burned so a nurse got milk to dip em in

this is why you dont circimsize kids, that skin is htere for a reason and it protects the man thing from stuff like that

so at night or w/e they have there its got lights going out and weird sounds recording and the guy try to figger it out

they think its interference and the camra sees a rock moving outside

later the alarm clock playes a rooster sound and  1 guy is sleeping and the othe rfilms him to prove he snores, but he jumps out and ylls as he was faking beign asleep

they eat breakfast and 1 guy sez how one of his samples is on the floor and he bagged everything but the other guy didnt

space ghost! but not coast to coast!like the evil wizards of the coast who hates sanity!

so they go outn anduse a sound catcher to listen for things andfind human bootprintson da moon thats not their shoe style

they go to  crater where the footprints lead and think the guy wo made em is disorientated from going in ciclrees and  finda soviet space pod

btw the moon collects dust at a set rate, so if the moon were millions of years ol,the dust would be yards thich, but when they claim to have gone to the moon, it was said to only be an inch or few, which adds up to a few thouand years, so creationism is proven, and if you believen in the official story of the moon landing, you otta belive ein creationism

so in the soiet pod is a blood mess and they follow the footprints in a dark crater ut the suis aint made for that kinda cold

he uses bursts o light and is freszing until he finds the dead soiet seemingly mummified on the moon

they bring the body back as theres less gravity andhe can carry all dat dried meat and find he had a rip in his suit and a rock in it and they go back b4 the air runs out

they think the soviet iced the other one like the Crhistian Sci Fi Novel Future Glimpses Moon Murder of the 1st killing on the moon in the near future

so the astro naughts tell the home base that the soviets made it there andi the departmint of def ance is getting invioolved an they think its like water gate and wonder whats REALLY going on

1 guy sez looking out makes him think something slookning back

later the flagvanishes and thry cll the base and tell em and they think the other soviet took it but theres no way it could have that much air

unless its a rebreather or w/e the thing is tht takes the carbon out of the co2

the base sez they knew the societs were going to the moon under fake satellite mission but tell the astronaughts that there was only 1 cosmonaught and its time to get home

as th get feady, something f--ks out and the camera looiing at the pod is dragged off

the moon car is flipped sideways and the guys thinkit might be a meteor black dragon in attack mode and 1 guy goes out as the air tanks got f'd a it to find the hull insulation was ripped up

they get the same feedback weach time they use active coms and the guy outside sees footprints and think they might have space life, althguh they are the aliens as the moon things are native to it and they came jhere

so1 guy turns over the space car and somethign is in his suit and he wiggs out and we see a bug thing crawl on his face

the othe rguy gets on his space suit, gets out there, gets him and gets him back all before the air runs out

they get in the pod and repressureice but i think the pressure issues might give em the bends or w/e or make their eyes pop out or w/e the maruta clai the Npponjin did in the alleged 731

so the guy who wigged out didn't know what happened and the guy in the high area in the craft circlijg the moon sez he cant get em from interference and calls home base for help

so wigged out guy claims he thought he saw something and slipped and fell butdenies saying smething was in his helmet and his shirt has a blood stainand he's got a cut on his torso

theres nothingin his suit and he seesm ton ahve something insdie him like a parasite andthe other guy pulls out this ting from the wound andits a rock like his samples

he hits i withn a hammer and it blows apart into small bits and theytry cllin huston where anime is dubbed butgot no response

1 guy sez the signal might be blocked bythe gov to keep em from telling what happened and attract things the camersa documenting em are watchign em as an experiment liem the maruta claim camp 731 was but really they do far worse to their own kind

maybe thats why the maruta wanna go to the moon? theres no laws there, they cn do w/e they want and its legal

then again they already to it in their sh-t hole country, so they dont reall need to

so the Americans go out and come back as the wigged out guy is off and examining him shows hes infected by the thing in him

space aids! the final f--k teer. theres are the voyages of the spurm sh-t anus prize, its 5 minute mission, sto explore strange new hole, to see out new men, and new secks positions, to boldly b0ne, like no man has b0ned b4 

so the moon guys think they might not get back but the gov wants the footag andthe wigged out guy is devolving andwants to be left there so he'd not ruin da urth

so human guy not wiged out guynotices blood on his face and checks his wigged out homie whos got black veins on his wound and wigged out guy is getting irritable and sez not to touch him

he spazzes out more and later theres a crab thing by the camera and the guy wigs out mote andbusts thign with a hammer as the human treis to stop him

the ship circling the moon tells the moon teem to get otu or they'd be out of range and have to leave em as human calls for helpto the orbiting ship

he gets his space suit on and gets the footage andthey go out on damoon andget on the moon car and the car f==ks out andthe wigged out guy is gone

you know, if this movie is fakes, then THEY could have faked the "real" oon landing

human looks for the soiet lander to get da f out andhis air is goign low anhe comes across the wigged out guy who found where the space things are comming from in tis crator

something pulls wigged out guy down into the dark crator and the human goes after him an dhe uses bursts of light to see andthe rocks are rock crabs and chase him and he gets out like akira fudo and ryo asuka is devilm man oav 1 when ryo was all "f--kin A run! get da f--k outta here!" as daemons chased him

so he gets to the soviet pod and takes off his helmet when pressurized and makes calls ion the commljinks andeventually gets the soviets but then the deputy secretiary of dee fen ce who sez the socviets patched em through to them but they decided to not bring him home

he sez the other guy had it but hes clean bu they dont wanna let him back cuz he might be affected which is odd as we should be inocent until proven guilty

the gov sez he did a great servive to his country and they'd tell his fam he bit it a hero

he plays the clip of the son playing with his dads radio and saying he loves him and this is what happens when you trust the gov

the orbiting guy(i forgot what that word was for a bit) calls him and he tells em the gov knew the whole time and orbit guy will get him on the soviet pod

he may be defying orders, but what are they gonna do? execute him? he's already dead if he stays there

then the wigged out guy comes at the soviet pod with a hammer and his helmet is full of spider saa dhes got fingers like snakes and spiders in his hair

or finger slike d0ngs and spiders in my a55

so he blasts off andthe gov tells him not to recover the human thinking hes infected and a gov telling a soldier to make a death of another man is business as usual to them

the go threatensd to not comunicate wth orbit guy if he saves human and as human gets in space the 0 g kicks in and the rocksfloat and turn t crabs and he isn infected and he spazzes out

then we get text saying 17 was the final mission and the guys on the misison were officially iced in mission sor training andhow many moon rokcks are mission ro given as gifts and are unknown of their wearabluts

then credits and a clip of j f k before THEY iced him saying they go to da oon cuz its hard and i the credits is a lot of soviets and its buy the wensteinds in dimension films andit plays the following yonder star xmas song as this is a xmas movie as its during xmas

thw end

that was cool

going forn a found footage and using actors who aint in much to keep people from saying "hay its lillian gish! this is fake!"

and lisa ann beley was a dialogue coach and also did gundam and transformers and was mai shiranui in a fatal fury movie

it was filmed in the soviey republicn of canada with inbred lunberjack eating moose and b0ning sasquatch and the acting is good and the story is well done

1 good thing about found footage is you dont need music

composiion; paul sterling, liek max and dana sterlng in robotech?

wtf; footage and images courtesyof nasa?! this is real?!

but over all its a decent film. not the worlds greatest masterpiece but its a solid found footage horror with mystery and good twists

plus having the gov as the bad guys was pretty accurate

for Apolloo 18 2 I want the gov to have brought enough rocks to earth and passed em aroubd the planet to do the final plan: They send the signal on the airwaves and the rocks turn crab monsters and start eating and infectiong people and devolving them, bt the son of the guy who was sent to the moon has grow up to be a conspiracy guy and has deduced their plan with the Torah Code and prepared for it with Holy Items that ward off the crab rocks and pray away th devolution. also the son whos a big beefy guy with long 80s hair and a red headband busts into the gov base the signal is coming from andfinds they kept his dad in stasis lock to reverse enginer the infection and decipher the moon crabs frequency with human bio rhythms s people wont notice and after freeing his dad and healing him with his prayers, they use a holy signal on the airwaves and it makes the moon crabs and people who aided em melt into green goo and free the world. Also its an 8 bit game on Sega Master System, Nes, gb, game gear, tg16, atari lynx and 7800 where you play as the son and go around this gov base like Impossible Mission and use holy abilities to fight the cran monsters and possessed guards and higher daemons that the gov did all this for.