Avanti! Review

 Note: I spell El Italiano!

Avanti!

This is my review on Avanti! From the distant future year to Benito Mussolini(The Italian STallion)  of 1972(40 years before Robtoech)

Its directed by Billy Wilder who did Five Graves to Cairo/Double Indemnity/Sunset Boulevard/Ace in the Hole/The Seven Year Itch/Some Like It Hot

It sars Jack Lemmon from Some Like It Hot/The China Syndrome/J FK/Grumpy Old Men/96s Hamlet/The Simpsons/97s 12 Angry Men/99s Inherit the Wind/Tuesdays with Morrie, Juliet Mills from gay a55 Andi Mack, Clive Revill from Star Wars Episode VThe Empire Strikes Back/The Transformers: The Movie/Alvin and the Chipmunks/The Transformers/DuckTales/Paddington Bear/Tiny Toon Adventures/Star Trek: The Next Generation/Batman: The Animated Series/The Little Mermaid the series/Freakazoid!/The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest/Johnny Bravo/Pinky and the Brain/Godzilla: The Series/All Grown Up!, Edward Andrews(Like BD Andrews and T R Edwards in Robotech) from Rawhide/Sixteen Candles/Gremlins, Ty Hardin from Berserk! (with oan Crwford), and a buncha italianoes and others who weren't in anything i saw or aint on back door, candy a5, beta male, aids bag, Sodom bottom, queer as a deer with a steer in its read, banana crammer, cropple nipple, soy boy, chimpus Olympus, gender offender, hippie stoner peta vegan tree kung fu based on plants Wikipedia which is wrong and begs for money like hobos.

I never saw this but Billy is pretty good

it based on a lay by Samuel A. Taylor that I didn't see

I like italnaoes and most of my friends are of that kind, probably cuz I'm Slovenian and its right next to em

At an airport this guy takes 1 private jet to a et on a flight to rome and switches clothes with a guy in the bathroom, possibly after b0ning

then credits and title showing the sky and cluds like Highway To Heaven

they get to Leonardo da vinci airport andack ez to customs he's gonna pick up a bofy but has the wrong passport so he changed clothes wth a guy

they have him taken in and he sez his dad bit it and he needed to come quick and can't sow up in golf clothes

he gets the guy he swaped with and has to go to the back of the line and sez he needs to get the body back for the service

on a train he tape records himself to come up ith a speech for his dad ad a chick thinks he's some guy

on a boat the chic is there and it turns out it is him she asked about and she knws of him and talks of pasta like the africanized guy in Forest Gump and sez she has a weight issue

In Italy he inds lunch s several hours and they b0ne and enoy and later go to their wives and his dads accident was a curve in the roads a55 and it took hours to get both bodies out

at the hotel he heard his dads back spazzed out and he was on the main floor andthinks the resort is a sham but was told of te emperor or de dechi or michaelangelo or sofia lornen staying here and getting cured

he uses da phone and the italianoes takes his bags and after it the italiano there sez people loved the dad and needs jack to sign a lot of forms to make sure verything is kosher and he didn't bite it from a disease and get a passport and be enblamed and the fam of these guy who werer f'd by the car thing want millions of lira or 3500 $

also the coffin mst be lined with zinc and Jack sez they need to get it done by mnday as Tuesday thres a big thing of the service that countless people will watch and even kiss in jer is coming and its on cosed curcit Tv

the chick comes by and jack burned his hand on cold watcer but c is warm and f is cold in Italy

chick sez shes here to get her mom and the place opens at 4 and her mom bit it in the car with his dad

she evies Americans for being Thin(Wait til you see Thev Learning Channel) and they need a 2nd coffin and jack sez to dig 1 up, as in used ones

they find chicks mom's nightgown in the dads room and jack thinks they were b0ning but italiano and chick deny it, then admit it

turns out they were b0ning for 10 years each summer for 1 month

jack calls him and slips there were 2 coffins but covers it and sez he has red tape

he sez bye to chick and covers it sayin shes an interpreter and later jack ad italiano go to the morgue and they check the bodies and jack and chic ID the bodies with an italiano guy saying italisno talk and a guy tanslating it

imagine if she looked at the body and puled off a puece and too a bite

so chick puts daffodilles on the bodies and the signer of the forms does a ritual to do it

the plac they get the something doen is closed sunday but they might get help from a guy after church

chick wants to have em berried in Italy toether but jack is b--chy andn leaves

in the hotel he listens to his 1st draf and thinks its cr-p after hearing how cr-ppy he was an teys to write a 2nd draft

an Italy guy who took his bags comes in with his pressed suit andloves America and how nice Americans are, but loves how nice they were when they deported him in a limo and 747 and window seat

he worked for the maifa and is a photographer and se jack is the sie of his dad and offers him dads clothes and sez dad agve hm a spiro agnew watch, a zippo lighter and camera plaroid and the chicks mom was a natural blonde and a good couple with him and they b0ned a lot and sam nude outside the hotel as its Europe and everyones nude there

he got a polaroids of them nude swimming and jack thins the leggage guy is up to something

italiano comes in and sez a guy they needed had an operation for a hernia and not hemoriods and theres a railroad strike and the bodies and chicka re gone

jack is on da phone and talks with his fam and wants illy Graham to do the speech for dad and italiano checks and finds the chick is in her room but wont open and they found no odues

jack goes to chicks room and she dont wanna see her so italiano unlocks itand he goes in

shes b--chy for being called fata55 and he sez guys like that and his plant has cillicone for injections and he looks around for the boies

he tells her he wants the bodies and she gets womany with needing to sleep to avoid eating and eats apples and some fluid and is onna hypnotize herself

he calls to book a dinner with chick where their rents ate and at dinner italiano has coffins found but no bodies

he seez a 90 year old guy get ou of a wheel chair and dance and he was here b4 WW1 as the place deages you liek a deviantart thing

chick comes byand they have drinks like their rents had but she dont drink and they are in their rents clothes

an Italy guy lists all the pasta and jack wants what the rents ate and chic has 1 apple and jack has dock lorange

she weighs 9.5 stone and wants to lose 3 stone, but she's only 132lbs and m gf is like 220lbs

she ha a bf shes dating for liek 18 mnths and he's in a band and making  rock musical of the titanic sink called splash

she feels guilty as they get to eat and live and the rents are in h-ll and she has 1 ravioli and talks of the nude swimming and jack gets b--chy but sez he don't mind b0ning bu not this

she sez how a guy can have 10 chicks but fi a guy is in love its back but jack sez dad was the head of a major conglomerate

she eats more food and sez their rents were kate and willy and sez how its better to be in a grave here than a cold dark placelike in the earth?!

an Italy in a hat comes by and wants to speak English as he dont want people to understand(but its eutope, everyone speaks like 8 languags) and he knows of 2 gone from da morg

jack sez thousands will be watching the service on Tuesday and they need a body and jack tries to get the info out of her

italaino sez she didn't o it but a guy there sez he did and they meet the hat guy who drive a small itlainao cr-pmobile fast and shows em where the accidnrt happened

da corpses were hugging and music played hello dollya and the hat guy shows his fam and they used to work for American forces in black market and they wanna sue em for the bodies and wants 2 millin lira over th vineyard tht was f'd by them crashing on it as it f'd the vineyard

italano wants to deal with em as they are enopolitans andjack dealt wih the teamsters union and offers 1 milliosn lira but is bartered to 1.5 then is tild their sisters are h00kers i sociat milan and he goes for 2 million lira

jac writes a check and they dotn ant it as its in dollars and they want swiss franks of yen and hat guy later drops off ac and se if he brings german marks and theyd bring bodies

jack is 40 hours w/o sleep and probably is gonna start j=rkin off but hears chick and the msucians singing and a guy sez he kept food warm for himand she sees him

she wants to send something to the service but she wants to see the sunrise but he dont wanna

they go to the water and shegets nude andack tries totalk her outta it while saying hes ok with that kinda things

she swims nude and he calls to her and eventually gets undressed to jump in

the luggage guy gets his polaroid and photographs naked jack lemmon not j=rkin off and she swims to a rock andlays naked on it

ack swims over and gets on and we see hs jack a55 and he lays on the rok with her as lggahe guy taes photos of them

she sez after her bf ran out on her and took her tv, she teid sucice by overeating and they pumped her stomach of fish and chips

soemboat coms byand she waves to em andthey cheer as its Europe and everyones naked and he covers her nips with socks and not c=cks

they go back to the hotel and he hears a nurse had a heart attack

later italiano sez he paied in german marks and got the bodie back and got three coffinsas the 1st he ordered and 2 more h got, then his nephew or w/e who went to get the liscense or w/e got caught truying to remove hi speeding tickets and the lsicense or w/e is kept as evidence, but italiano knoews a guy he can get help from

lgeagasge guy wants jack to help him get a visa to come to America and wll black male him with poloroids and his woman is sicilain and pregnant and want s to marry him(shouldn't have b0ned dat)

turns out in America he pulls out a gun at hipies hating on Amefica at a protest and got arrested when the hipies got away with it

he brings luggage guy out and the sisiclain chick is there and we saw her tanned t-ts when luggage guy went to get the photos of jack and chick, and jakcs gonna beat the gay outta him but chick comes by and finds he lost three pounds and shoudnt diet but eat more, as eating good incrases metabolism

chick wants to meet up for dinner and he sez they'll do something later

sicilian gets a guj and is gonna cie her butt buddy luggage guy and chick se for her to do chicks room and leaves

sicilain chic goes in chicks room ndbuzzers in luggage guy and when he goes in she caps him offscreen

chick rides a horse a55 cart and sees italianoes beig el italiano andeats a ot of ice cream and sees the boat of guys that saw her naked and the italianos chase her as they probably wanna b0ne her

the coroner gives her a rde and at the hotel the italiano fidns the luggage guy is iced

a dog with a lady who might be a coupe walks by chicks room and the dog goes mental as i guess it wants to eat the guy

jack sez he otta ice the luggage guy and italiano sez its taken care of and the maid did it and italiano found the photos and gives em to the jack

they bring in chicks cr-p to his room so the cops ont get her involved and jack cuts up the pictures but puts em back together

chick comes back and finds shes been moved to that jack room and she goes there and thinks he was trying to b0ne her and was the one who did that w/o asing her and he stands up naked in the tub and she sees his thing

she dont mind being a secks object and when the phne rings she answers and sez shes not the interpteter and jacks in the bathroom and they hang up thining hes b0ning her

she thinks he wants to b0ne her and he tries explaining the thing of the luggage guy and maidn and eventully the italiano sez the investigation is over and the body is gone and she can go to her own room

she feels lie a dumba55 fr thinking she was wanted and jack gets a call from blatimore (F==K YOU BALTIMORE) and after finding out chick, named miss pigget lie mrs piggy from the muppetoes, isn't the interpreter and after trying to explain, she tells the phone shes not b0ning him and is fat, but a lot of guys like that, look at the learning channel with the blobs who have boyfriens and husbands

ack sez he finds her attractive and i guess he does like chunky chicks and maybe sodomy like in violent p0rn0gaphy like berserk or castlevania on Netflix or devilman crybaby

they smooch and we cut to a chopper pilot dropping a guy off and he;s in teh state department and the heliport guy is eating pasta like hes italiano or something

and wheres chef boy ar dee? shouldn't he be in this?

so pasta eater sez its lunch and no one lands here and state department guy sez "this wouldn't happen in the old days" and pasta man sez "Yuo remember Mossolini??"

in bed in undies ack and chick eat nd jack sez they gotta recall terf as it got too much lead paint and he swears at ralf nader

jack asks if his dad gaive her mom money and she sez her mom worked or 1lbs a day in tips and lived at a hotel and she didn't want his money cuz they had love

italiano calls and sez they caught siciailn chic in a boat andthe udge whos b0nin the same chick as itlanos cousin had a strone and they need a new one and there no export liscence

so jack has to delay the thing he sez he needed to be on time for the whole movie and they'll stay a few days

pasta man rops off the gov guy and does a fascist salute as Mussolini is popular even today and  calls the ack and sez hes here

his name is jojo like the anime guy and has to be done fast as he ogot eisenhowers in France tonight and goes to see him

jack and chick clean up the room and eventually joo finds it and italiano sez they had bn franklin stay here and asks if theres gonna be a war in the id east as he's offered a job in damacus

jojo sez the area is a powder keg and to take the other job but aftr hearing its in nw ryork, sez th amascuz one is better and goes in

chick fakes being an itlaino ho works as a nail cleaner and is working n his nails and joo thinks she's b0ning jack

italiano sez shes his neivce and jojo backs off and sed if she was 20lbs lighter she mightn've been b0ning

jack sez they were at the xmas party with jojo as batman and jojo sez he got a slip through by appointing him to a diplomat thing and they dotn discimate on age or health or race

jojo gos to the toilet to clean his hans, i assume in the bowl, and jack suggest they send luggage guy in the coffin as his dad and stash his dads and chicks mom in the plot in the italnainos family thing

they gotta wait til 4pm as lunch is several hours and til the morg opens and jojo is offered a mud bath to help his limp d0ng

in th italiao plot they agree to call em willy adn kate Carlucci and they put em in as they are 1 big family

itanlaino brings the luggage guy over and ack sez he alway wanted to go bac to America and jojo has a swearing in ceremony for the body

theres 2 guards dressed like Napoleon andjojo gives akc his dads diplomatic passport fro the sea eye eh and jack sez bye to chick and she sez she be thin when she sees him again btu eh dont want her too cuz hes into chubbers

he goes off in a chopper as i sing the Jurassic ark theme and credits roll

the end

that was pretty good

sutle humor and good refs

nice acting and a fun story on red tape and italianoes

din't xpect them to get naked and see a jack a55, but we didn't see his footlong flopping around like a dangling arm fter getting nearly sliced off

good color and even though its in widescreen its not ruined

it goes by at a steady pace but fast and don't drag

not much really happens but it holds interest

I liked it and Billy Wilder did well on it as usual

For Avanti! 2 I want it to be the chick getting ready to meet him again over a year and her constant overeating as she fattens up big and soft. Then when she meets him, she's like 500lbs and he likes it and hey get married. Also its an 8 bit mini game collection on Sega Master System, Game Gear, NES, Game Boy, TG16, Atari 7800 and Lynx, where you play as the chick and gdo mini games to eat and enfatten like a pig in slop.