How To Murder Your Wife Review

Note: I spell better than prince Charles

How To Murder Your Wife

this is my review on How To Murder Your Wife from the distant firure year to Oda Nobunaga of 1965(40 years before Transformers Tje Movie)

Its diected by Richard Quine who dud nothing i saw

It srars Jack Lemmon from Some Like It Hot/The China Syndrome/J FK/Grumpy Old Men/96s Hamlet/The Simpsons/97s 12 Angry Men/99s Inherit the Wind/Tuesdays with Morrie/The Apartment, Virna Lisi frpm nothing i saw, Eddie Mayehoff from nothing I saw Claire Trevor from Stagecoach/Key Largo/Murder, She Wrote, Terry-Thomas The Private Life of Henry VIII/Tom Thumb/It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World/The Abominable Dr. Phibes/Dr. Phibes Rises Again, Sidney Blackmer from The Count of Monte Cristo/Duel in the Sun/Rosemary's Baby, Jack Albertson from 40s Miracle on 34th Street/Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory/The Poseidon Adventure/The Fox and the Hound/I Love Lucy/Mister Ed/The Dick Van Dyke Show/The Twilight Zone/The Andy Griffith Show/Chico and the Man/Charlie's Angels, Max Showalter from The Music Man/10/sixteen Candles/leave It to Beaver/The Andy Griffith Show/The Twilight Zone/80s The Incredible Hulk, Alan Hewitt from  Leave It to Beaver/Bewitched/I Dream of Jeannie/Dennis the Menace/My Favorite Martian, Mary Wickes from White Christmas/The Proud Rebel/The Music Man/disneys The Hunchback of Notre Dame/I Love Lucy/M*A*S*H/The Waltons/Father Dowling Mysteries/Highway to Heaven/Life With Louie, Barry Kelley from The Manchurian Candidate, William Bryant from Hondo/Chisum/Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, Edward Faulkner from McLintock!/The Ballad of Josie/The Green Berets/The Shakiest Gun in the West/Chisum/Gilligan's Island/Dragnet, Lauren Gilbert from Westworld, Howard Wendell from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Khigh Dhiegh from The Manchurian Candidate, and some guys i never saw or aint on back door, aids bag, sodom bottom, banana crammer, cripple nipple, queer as a deetr with  steer in its rad, gender offender, frooty booty, hippie stoner peta vegan tree kung fu based on lants Wikipedia who lies and calls anyone who questings things "conspiracy" nuts

as credits and title goes a guy sez welcome gentlemen , ur wives aint here and this is a guy whos not married and is happy, then shows his rich home with a butler or slave

the guy talking ishis butler slave ad is a brit mo and next door they are making a building and his place has no dames and his shower is tuned to his body temo

then butler brings the master out and to the shower and he cant talk b4 it

so they go out to get a diamond or something and we see him fighting guys and pulling guns and climbing a fire scape and butler slae is on a roof watching with a camera

hi bellyancer has a diamond in her belly buton and is in a case brought on a ahip but he gets on and releases her, then caps the guys after him, smooces the chick and gets the diamond as his butler takes photos

i think its a comic he wrote and didnt happen but he wants a thing on blowing a glass office bildind  and later at the gym whines of him with a chick in little and wants jack to get married

its his lawyer and sez  something of microfilm in the girls belly button and i think it is a comic as a man massauges him

at a party a judge sez he married almost 4 decads ago and only dont egret 1 day

1 guy sz his woman calle off the weeding and everyone cheers and partys and i think juge gets drunk

they broght in a cake and a blonde comes ut and butlerwakes up yelling "dont do it"

laterjack is in his place and the blonde is there with a ring and thinks hes married so he tell his butler

she wakes up and he sez he was drunk an used the wedding ring of his frend who got dumped and she dont speak English cuz shes an italiano but blonde and blue eyed and white

he goes to his butler whos ditching him and jack sez its not my fault and butle undersands which makes people think they were b0ning 

whenhe tells butler she dont speak English he gets triggered and later shes in a leather dress and his frends come by and she keeps coming onto jack

1 guy sez cuz hes married he has responsiblilties and needs insurance and the guys wife speaks italiano and finds she was in a cake cuz her clothes were stolen

jack wants to leave her but she gets her irish up ad jibbers in italino and they find she was in the ms galaxy contest and made a lasagna souyffle but the men cheered and it popped and ruined her cooking talent thing

her clothes wee stlen and all she has is a leather raincoat and dont wear undies like Yukiko hime in enma kun

at jacks place the butler gets deliveries of cr-p for the italianess and she comes in with a dog

she makes italiwno sause and btler can't take her and goes tp the dumped guys place and she sez her oms cmming

he pops her souffle and she goes mental and runs upsyairs whining and he burns his hands and se teats em with lotion and they b0ne

then jax makinga comic and she makes a big lunch and she watches Amercano TV to learn English and it keeps him up and shes eating a lot in bed and they b0ne

so his home is cr-ping apart and hes 182lbs and needs to hange a lightbulb but wants a unionite electriction to do it

she has him do it, they get shixked and they b0ne then he writes a comic of him getting zappee and he b0nes her again

a guy comes by and his italiano knowing wonan andthe italianess knows American and the wives and hsbands are sumilar

wife sez t italainess that men need to be controlled and wmenare free when married and cheeting in them

if a guy said that of a brioad he' be seen as bad

then wife sez 'i he that" and trcks him to think he dd something wrong

this chick is awful, hope he grows some b-lls and beats her  til she knows her place

so the womens dogs trip the jak and he sills surgical wate on the  other guy but it might be pasta sause

he wrots a cmic of ir and a construction worker laughs andhe looks at hi woman and sees how shevolved

jck has enuff and calls a guy but his woman gets it and he sez shes a ccik nd her oponn dont matter and get the man

he has a meeting at the club and conrtollin wife cals italiano to say the guys are at the club and to callll him cuz he mght be han holding, which is 60s for b0ning

he calls and its tol hes buy and she comes to the club and the guys ask why they are here cuz the women are calling and he sez this is where they are free

this is an awful repaltionship, they hate each other, now i see why he chops her up

she goes inwearing  white thing after tricking the guard andgoe in he change room where guys would be naked in Japan and they see herd are stufnned and probably have b0ners

she sez shes glad hs not with a dame and the lub leader sez in the 120ish years of h club(since b4 the civil war? no dames came in so he otta quit

seeing how she ruined it all for him, he strangeles her an her eyes pop out

jk really he sez his comic character wont take this and they were talking of making a show of the cmic thing

so  jack sez hes gonna murder her btu reveals its the wife in the comic strip and butler thought he was gonna ice the italaines

so he drae a thing of th comic hero and his comics look lik ertricnity academy robotech, going around getting stuff fofor the plan and drugs that when mixe withbooze its over

at a party he gievs a pill in the booze glass and she rinks half of it an spazzes out like a nickelodeon ordney star at a pot party and acts all dseductove

she blacks ou and he slips a pil, t0 the woman what know italiano and brings blonde italianess to her room, then gets a mannequin andmove it around ona craine he got in with it and drops it ina thing as butler snaps pix

he goes back to the part an itanialo know oman is 5kanking out and her man is yelling at her til she blacks out

later blonde akes up and sees what jack drew andhs asleep on his desk and  tkes off her weeding ringand goes off

she comes back with a gun and blows him out then puts it in her outh and ays" arevaerchi!" then blows her head of but it only shows the wall splatter wih sause and credis roll

jk really she goes out and he wakes up later and sees the ring and thinks she left him but his homie thinks its too easy and shes in Italy wth her mom

he misses her and the news wonders if the comic stip will have him ice her and will dagwood waste blondie?

the drug guy who sold him the pills reads the paper and thnks its real and goes to the cops and jacks in jail and sez she rwad the comics and thought wrong like women do

he thinks you cant try a murder case w/o a body and hthe lwawer sez the evidence looks lik hes getting it

at the trial the italiano speaking woman blames jack fo icing hr and shuts him up when he tries to say his peace

having enough he raises his right hand and slugs her out with her spitting bloo and teeth

jk thats what should have happened

he dr sez he did it and the butler sez it was only for the comic and the lsweyer trins him to think the jack really did it cu butler was far away from a dark window

so lawyer sez he probably wont get the chair and later jack fied hs lawyer and calls the laowe as a witness and grills him over his marriage as hes an expert in it from beign marired

he puts a thing on th stand saying imagine its a button andif he does ithis woman will unexist and no one would know

the italiano peaker woman objescts but the udge shuts her a55 up

he sez matiage is normal but jack tists thing to say marriage is not norma and an invention an he sucks up to his woman and sodomaster like a commie praising a gaijin as superior and loving the soviets

h sez lawyer makes 80 000 a year but only gets to spend a fraction and tells the jury they could have it if not married and they can get more girls ehich is where aids happened from

his wife b--ches out and he sez shut it you old bat and presses it and sez "im free" and grew some gon-ds and his woman is whiny and eh sez i'll have dinner when i feel like it and migh stp off at the club on the way

eat it b--ch!

he tells the jury hes a regular male and this imagainary thing the lawuer id wa what ehs accused of and for too long men were made to feel bad, but if 1 man stands up against these b0-ches they can have it again

then he sez h iced ehr and to aquit him on the orunds of justifiable homocide for all their sakes

the guys seehowif they quit him they can have it all and find him not gulty andcelebate as the broads stand silent and knowing their place

at a bar butler sez this will be like it used to but jack sez h didnt ice her and dont know where she is

butler sez he might come back and he hopes so and butler sez under American law he cant be tried for the same crime 2 and if she does he can ice her and get away with it

they come back home and butler wants to turn the place back and get rid of the 'gay little sh-tzes" but they findher clothes on the floor

butler gives him a gun and he comes back to his blonde wife in bed naked and covered andgievs her the ring and they kiss and it blurs out as they are b0ning

the end

wait, the italianess's mom is red haired and a gramma butler wants ta f and he closes the door to bne her

the end

that wa pretty good

nie showing the dangers of omen with too much power and how men need o man up

i like how he got the wife at the end and the iyalinao speaker wife got put in her place

THWY would never do this today as its "offensive" to feminists

like saving lives is offensive to killers

this has some fun and is light and positive and the italiano blonde wasn't evil, just a gaijin who didnt get anyuhting, like a bimbo

good acting and music and story and the filming is colorful and bright

its pretty fun and kinda like billy wilder

glad i saw it, it holds up

For How To Murder Your Wife 2 i want him to be drawing the comic and his italiano woman is regnant and he's statuyg in shape and fattening her up as she fattened him b4, also its a 128 bit game lik harvest moon on Dreamcast, GameCube, Xbox and PS2 where you play as jack and gotta do daily things like work out and do rids and draw comics and hacve minigames of fattening her up nd once she reaches 700lbs you win.

Bogart Life Comes In Flashes Review

 Noyte: i spell like histoy s accutare

Bogart: Life Comes In Flashes

This is my review on Bogart: Life Comes In Flashes from he ditant future year to Humphry bogard of 2024 (1 year before transformers victoey)

Its directed by Kathryn Ferguson who did nothing i saw

its a doc on humhrety ogart and has interviews from people he knew

i never saw it bt my mom likes bogey so imma give it a shot

adter logos we get b/w footage and stills of 50s actors at a gathering

then a guy rwads bogards words of how he never new he was liked and how actors can't make mistakes like real people

1 guy sez gogard looked rugged and manly that Americans liked unlike final fantasy 7 how they made cloud a girly man to appeal to their target audience

bodarg jr sez bogard has three wives b4 his mom and fd up a lot plus had decades b4 he made it

then title

thenclips of a film with lauren bacall and how he was told to made her seem more insulant than him and we hearhe fellin love in his 40s

they got along and bogard sez she aw things with younger clear eyes like genki in monster rancher

\bogard dint wanna marry her cuz of the 1ar few but latr they got along and both were from soviet new York

then we hear how bogard worked in theatre in 21 and did a lot of cr-p esp with work and the star who they fought and later fell in love like a hallmark movie

bogard laterstarred in a play and his mom rwad he s-cked in a review and his rents were rich and successful with a dentist or surgeon dad and an artist mom who wan'r affectionate to him and named him huphry

his picture was all over andkids mocked him for it and his mom was a suffragist and feminist which explains why she hated her son

he grww up by a lake and had a mtor boat his dad gave him and didn't like authority and dad wanted him o be a surgeon

he f'd outta school and his baast-rd rents blamed him for it so he joined the navy like one piece and wasn't damaged by it

he didn't like his mom being the breadwinner and didn't wanna but did marry that chick

he played teens and used gel to slick his hair  ac like valentino

its the 20s and theres prohibition and crime and booze and queers rising and this play was about 2 girls in love like go nagai

people saw it was associated with violence and still today with domestic violence with those couples often and some mailed wife 1 to thank her for warning of te dangers of it

the evul mae west did a guy guy version of it and got arrested for indecency so bogard was against censorship like Real Americans

so bohard dumped wife 1 and didn't see much of her so then he wound up falling in love with a chic he worked with in a play who sez hes a classic man with values

then as the sooc market crash that THEY caused and plays f' out so hegot into playing chess for money or 1$ a game which was a lot in the goode olde slavery days

taklies came in and fox needed an answer to mgms clark gable andhe was made up to look pretty bt did 5 films for fox andafter that contract he went to broadway and figgered he'd done with filnm

he got into liquor which later klled him and his rents were fighting an junkies and dad ha an accident and mom had headaces so they got f'd

dad made cr-ppy invetments and mom had to do the money making and not by b0ning men for it like ba rock did

he got a role in the petrified forrest and edwar g robinson helped him get the part as a gangster and rough go nagai style bada55

wait it was leslie howard who the brits let die in a plane they knew was gonna get it

so the movie was a bhot and wb had him sh-tting out movies one after another like a chic addicted to pregnancy and shooting out 1 baby after another

so he was a hit and he wanted tobring wife 2 and start a amily bur he didn't wanna and dumped him

then he met virgibya mayo and had him not contact her for three months to see if t worked

she often played tough chicks like Go Nagai makes like kikunosuke abashiri or mitsuki yagyu

then we had had the production code come in andtheres no swearing, gayness, unpunished crime, makng authority look bad, b0ning outta marriage, race mixing or other things found distasteful then and by many now

so in 33 mayo was numer 1 and 34 was hrly temple then she got sent to the kitchen as a supporting role to keep women from being influenced bad

bogard was doung better and her worse and they fought but made up as part of a dance and probably gave him a b0ner with fighting with her

studios had stars reply to fan maazines and say she was a good wife who isn't big on career and liked taing care of the home and cooking but it was a lie

bogard played gangsters and was the bad guy and its all the same but then he did a dr x movie where he drank blood and got it

he bickers with jack warner who was a real p o s and now burnscin dantes harambe

so hid dad got it and mom went worse and they had a burger for a nickle and whind of her son laying the bad guy

she never told anyne of her illness and went to the hospital and bit it and bogard put occutpation as housewife to stick t to that ice b--ch junkie

john hustion talks of high sierrea like the level in road rash on genesis ad board was accused of being a commie which was and still is a lrgit anger

he didn't give em anything ood or bad and he got into politics

we hear of how bogard and woman three and often smacked each other around bt nowadays hey'd make him look bad even though both did the same thing

so mayuo was jealous of boards shine and with the alleged crimes of zee axis being spread, heroes with indness were outdated and they needed tougher darker heoes

john huston whos a good director gets bogard for the malee falcon as sam spayed and he guy they wanted was not anting to urst his career to a new director so board got it

then for ww2 allies propaganda was Casablanca which tried  sux innocent men into a foreign war that costs em to fight for guys who'd hate em late lie the soviets and maruta

also the French s-c and England hates freedom and korea makes kr-p

so igard was shot at a few times by mayuo whos kind of a menace like Banchiyo Suke in Oira Sukeban over jealousy of Ingrid bergman

1 friend sez mayo was a drunk and sung ebraceable you when 1 went too far and louise brooks the silent actress sed they went to see her b4 going to butt F arfica to support the troops but they fll apart

so mayo was hiding in the bedrrom cuz mayo had a gun and bogard had a knife in his back as shes a maniac and this is spouse abuse ad shes an animal

so bogard as filming the big sleep and mayo was back on the sauce and he had enough of her violence and evil and dumped her brken a55

so board met bacall and she used to be betty bt howard hted the ame betty so he gave her the name launern ad her ancestors gname bacall

so she got love for fims she didn't do much or and hate for thins she didn't cause and her career was more about bogey and bacall

then the soviets were tryng to turn America conmmie and the gov ent to take it to em but the holywood 10 defended their evil lifestyle and allies

looking how unions and purvoes and progressive regressives took over and now theres gendrr offendrs in Disney shows they were right!

look how svu devolved inrio candya55 soap boxing or puvoes

or the proyud family reboot maing hating people for being the Right Race being shown as good

bohard defended these animals as he elt they were oppressed and like guys defending nambla and other similar groups, he got hate

eventually he recanted and the studio uys did a blacklist to stop those commies from poisoning the media 

loo how openly devolved dick wolf fired a writer for siding with a guy he didn't like

if thats ok, so is executing the Hollywood 10

bard did a thing on a sea song his dad said and he liked goig to sea to get away fro hollyweird

so bogey b0ned bacall and mad steven and he fought with her but the next day said sorru cuz he didn;t know how to react

he didn't ant one at 1st but saw he bite it b4 her andwanted a piece of him to go on luke baldan in robotic II the Srntinels comic

he used to be at a restaurant and sez he dont trust non drinkers cuz they fear revealing themselves

I avoid alcohol as I wanna stay in control, I have a lot of awful thoughts and don't wanna say things I'd regret. Its like Pandora's box in there

so he used o drink and pick on people for fun and was kind of a bully and in his last 10 years ws a drnk jacka55 but in a lonely place played a sympathetic and damaged guy who's an artist wgos drink and dangeros

ogard had bacall cme with him to keeo the marriage good as separation ddn't ast frim it but after leavinghis son with a urse, the nurse bit it and bacall had to choose bwetweena movie with huston or a 2 year old sh-tting up the place

bugard and woman 4 went to soviet paris and the French dont usualy care of celebs

they filmed the Africa queen in an africanized land and bogard hated the hard cr-p huston made em eat i mean film

bohard and husyon drank a lot of scotch and maybe not vodka

he married women who fit his career and later got an Oscar and felt his work aint great cuz THEY can make anyone a star

look at tom hanks and om cryise and grey delise and kirvy morrow

o humplhtb got Bacall's womb fillmee with a kid again ans moved to a good place

he lef wb and missed his fihts with javk l warner and bogey wnt to film beat the devil and bacall made another film

beat the devil wax made by truma capote who once wreslted with boget and pinned him

boget! et ota there! he's gonna b0ne you!

so he did the caine mutiny and played a nutcase and back door brando got the best Oscar for being a mumbling monkey and brando wasn't impressed

Stephen not universe sez bogard woyul've been a good dad and theyd have grown cloer

bohard and bacall were gonna make a moviebut he had a cough and got esophagus cancer and cuz of the kof he didt get meds and a back pain showed it spread

so bogard heard that his lngs wee removed or his heart was replaced with a gas pmp

they had a good saling and he had a good last times and he love the sea

later he was to crpled t dressor come dow stars so he as moved in the dmb waiter and sat for an hour smoking as he's readly dead

the evul aheine hepbuen and spencer tracwy saw hin an he sed goodbye spencr but should have said I'll see you in h-ll! I'll be waiting!"

so he bit it fom smoing and liquor and maybe mout stuff and we get words saing he had a good life

then ecredits to some song thats mellow and feeling

the end

that was oretty good

nice look back on a historical figure

i didn't know of his past wives or commie sympaties buthe seems to think it was for America, but that could be a cover

good use f clips from movies and reenactments of reading of his life

its well made andcovers his rise and end

if he didn't smokw and drink so much we could've had better movies but he would up lie errol Flynn and spencer tracey

too bad aboit his kids how he bit it when they were young

never knw about his sailing intert and how Leslie howard got him started in gangster roles

glad he dint like back door brando and his cr-ppy acting

For Bogart: Life Comes In Flashes 2 I want it to be the istant future year of 2029 and they use ai and cloning to remake bogart in a new mody thats part computer part regrown flesh. but brando was also brought back and they fight for who should be the lead in the next Oscar movie. Also are other dead celbs and the owners decide to have a tournament and whoever wins gets to be it, and they sell tickets and have it on pay per view. Its also a 16 bit fighting game on Sea Genesis, Snes, TG16, Atari Jaguar and GBA where you play as a cyborg celeb and fht the others woth brando as the boss or if you use brando, bogart is the boss.