Blackenstein Review

Note: I spell blicketee black

Blackenstein

This is my revuiew ob Blackenstein from the ditant furure year to Toby from Roots of 1973(When Cutey Hobe came out)

Its directed by William A. Levey who did nothing I saw

it stars John Hart from The Ten Commandments/Leave It to Beaver/Atlantis, the Lost Continent/Mister Magoo's Christmas Carol/Happy Days, Andrea King from The Beast with Five Fingers/Murder, She Wrote, Liz Renay from nothing i saw, Don Brodie frnm little big man, and everyone else isn't on back door, aids bag, sodon bottom, cripple nuipple, gender offender, frooty booty, banana crammer, queer as a deer with aster in its rear, hippe stonwr vegan peta tree kung fu based on plabts, weikipeda qho is wrong odten and proud of ir

i never saw this but itslikeblacula where they tae a classic thing and africanize it

they also did black the ripper but it wasn't released

after logo and title calling it blacwbstin the black Frankenstein we get a low budget lab and credits as a dr pokes bittons

then a plane as more credits and a song as a chick walks aroud andto a car and is driven off to meer dr stein

dr frank n stein from decao attasc with chuck d head?

so dr stein is in a big a55 castle and his buttler sez dr walker is here and he meets her in the lab

he last saw her 3 years ao working for him and her future hisband was in nam and she came frim new York to soviet calivfornia

he got blown out by a landmine and is in a vet hospital and he moved here to hep him and be near him

later its dinnerand stein won a nobel proe in medican cr-p and she wants to stay on working for him but needs to look after her future husband but dont wanna say his problem

he ez he can see him at 2 in the afternoon andlater he and walker aa winnifred like winnie mandella who killed all those peole with the mandella necklace, is working with him

sein is working with genetc code dna he made a formula that deaged this chick fro 90 to like 60 and needs it every 12 hours r ater 24 hours she has age progression to her real age

this sounds like a scam to keep you hooked on it, like drugs

if you need injections every now and ten to be something, that means you aint really it and you are defying nature

also, whats in it? chopped up innocent people? like THEY have?

and this i colored and in widescreen

stein tells winnie to go over the geezer case and they go to meet a hairless guy called Bruno like the kid

his leg was grafted on by a laser and the formula is healing it so soon thee wont be a scar but ne- get injections every day on it

and his other leg has tiger strips and is from an rna thing but he hopes to replace the dna like the needles THEY tell us are good

so stei and winny go to see her future husband and she sez the landmine blew off his arms/legs

i wonder if his thing is still thee?

he's in bed and wants ice cream ut the orrly dont wanna help cuz hes too busy and tirades on him for his cr-ppy issues and tells him ff for going to nam and being a cripple

then he gves him a shot amd the winnie and stein come in but future haband amed eddy like skate in streets of rage some times didn't anna see her anymore

she sez stin can help him and olved the dna genetc code and then we see a buncha shots of steins home and a naked statue as a 70s song playas

So winnie gets dr her butt buddy eddie to come to the lab and inject him with dna and ramatic music plys and sez she's bring im to da lab for work tonight

then its night abd they put eddy to sleep to operate on him and thers a blac man hand lke in Robotexh Season 2 with the Android Parts which were probably human chunks in the uncut version cuz 80s anime was bada55 like uncut Voltron

the machines spa with elcrticltyy and they work on him andlater its a ful moon and later eddie is met b butler winnie and stein who unwrap his arm andtouch it and he feels it

if everyting goes well tonigt he's gona be whole and later butler reveals hes gay for winner and his name is Malcom but she likes eddie more an wants t marry him

he sez all right and walks off and later remembers the words primeval theory an throwback and ungle and prehistoric  adds 1 chemical to the cr-p they're gonna out in eddie

ohh hes gonna devolve him

so winnie and stein do the cr-p to eddy and think it worked, then injct him with what thy think is his dna formul and it plays dramatic muic

later yen sez eddys been usin a walker and soon can walk normal and steim treats the90 year old who was too actie and wants to be free to ne outside an with people but he sez she has to stay in and rest cuz she's reaging

they Czech on eddie and hes kinda off feeling and syeim sez the sts show he has use of his cr-p but he looks a bit cavemanish

stein gets macom who wheels eddie out on a gurny an they check him and find his brain is dying

she sez there was no error in transplant part matching and they dont get whats up and run blood tests

later its night and stein and the guys hurry to Bruno who might get suerhuman strength n hes spazing out and they straight jacket him

later winnie goes to eddie and taes a blood ample and eventu stein comes by and sees eddie is getting blacer blotches like revitligo like uncle rucus unless he's 102% African wit a 2% margin of error and sein iceases the inction

later its nigt and this lumberin ting walks around th lab like franlrnsteins monster and the title the black frankenstien is wrong as de stein is ewish and blackensten is not Frankenstein but his monster w/o a name

then agan they often have spliner amd hamato yoshoi as 1 guy so thwts tere

so the guy obviouslu eddy foes to the eterine hoapoutal and has viet nae flashbacks but not to nam but to the orerly trading andis rally dark an hard to see

he wastes the ordery behind a cutain like the 2 girls or 2 guys in Seinfeld with georges mom as george is uncomfortable but instead of b0ning he tears off the gus atm

he wanders around and funky myic p;ata andthis blonde in bed with a guy hears her dog outside baring an sends him out to check da dog stead of being b0ned

he gts iced and bonde goes out in a oink thing andflash ligt and the thing gets her like in birth of a nation with gus but instrad of b0ning her it rips out her bts and probably eats em

later winnie srein and Malcom are in the lab andwork for a whule and i think its oer a few days and eventually she checksthe bottle of eddies na that Malcom f'd with and gos to sleep at the desk

imagine if he j-rked off in it and the goo got edit pregnant all over and little malcomes ripped outta him?

so eddie is devolved and rips outta the gate that bars his room and walks around the lab hen goes outside

a White Virgin Couple stops a car and he wants to do stuff with her and shyes Beth like Dog he Bounty Hunters woman and blonde but dnt got M Cups and sge isn't into b0ning as he comes onto her and likes her hair

eddie watches like a scots man but not videotaping it and she hs enuff and walks home as he drives off and kills her offscreen

imagine if the night dr's found him and uses medical tool to vivisect him in battle?

ten its day and stein gets winnie in the lab an Malcom sis in the stein cair an eats his breakfast like hes staracream

so hes the igor character

after zapping machines for a bit for no reason r stein noices eddir i the cage an is gabed by him but beats his hand to release

why is it closed? didn't he rip it open?

later the cops show up to talk to dr stein of his patuents and how 1 has no limbs, 1 is in his room sealed and the cick as a blood thing and the cops leave

latr its dawn or sun down or maybe day and tinted dark and dr setiens devolved eddy goes out and theres this comedian telling  a joke of a talking dog

a chik with a big butt comes ip andsings a love song and comedian goes out for a smoke and eddevolved saves a chic being almost b0ned by a skiny black guy and wastes him then goes for the chick with her top ipen and b00bs out an i tink rip off her t-ts like a dr to a teen he trucked to hating herself

i think thas the chick from the cover andthe cops cme and a black ki sez he saw a 9 foot tall guy go by the semetary and abandoned factory and its by dr steins lab

9 feet tall? is he a sasquath?

the cemdian tells guy with hair like jim mazinger in violence jac and tells how he saw a 15 foot shadw an got out

Malcom stein and winnie check on Bruno andunstraght jacket him and unject him wth dna

later i tink Malcom is trying to b0ne wnnie woc with out consent andeddie looing like Karloff comes in

Malcom unces him to no effect like piccolo on garlic jr in the dead zone movie or gamma on piccolo in the super hero dragon ball super movie

Malcom runs then gets a gun and shoots him in the back and the bules do nohing so e keeps firing

ddievolve lifts Malcom by the nak and winnie ez the monster is edie and stein sez get denoeral  as stein calls he cops

eddievolvedfights and ends brun  then takes out the then oes o the lab andstands in front of winnie as she sez his name

stein injcts him fron behind but is beat aay ad he lab catches fire for no reason and he fiishyes stein before lumbering off

a chick gets in her car at night for some reason and it dnt start and edievolve gets her

then the labs not burnig andthe cops get winnie hep and cal an ambulance

eddyvolved carrys the car chic in the facory fr no reason tl se cmes to and jumps out his arms and runs cuz the deah match has to e in a factory

as she runs an he lumbers around like a moaning blackaaur h somehow catches he on a ladde afer he seemed to lose hin

her neck is rpped out or maybe her head is off anda bunxha black dogs probably from the cops cme in and thes a lot of haky camra and close ups an barking

he falls an the dogs take off his arm and pull out hs guts and he seemingly bites it

then we see a cop, i think, we dont see his face, talking to a chick, maybe winnie, and its shadowed over

then a song as credits roll from top to bottom over steins lab

the end

that wasn't so bad

a lot of poinutlss scenes o walking slow and no talk but i fast forwarded through enm

the acing is kinda wooden and the effects are smple but its not hateable

its a small tory stretched out to 77 mins t i kinda enjoyed it

its got that 70s atmosphere and feel and seems inda low budget and hetto but not as much as Dolrmite

i had a decent time watching it and it was kinda like a devolved go nagai thing

eddie dont gt much personality and is mainlyto be mutated but it worked

For Blackenstein 2 I want the dogs to muate into big limbering dinobeast dogs and wreak havoc on the cy, so the city sends in a big game hunter withpower armor that lets him fight equal to em and jump high and figt hard. also animal rights nits attack him so he wastes em and the city sez its ok cz the dogs must be stopped no matter what. A;so its an 8 bit game on Nes and game by, master system and game gear, tg16 Atari lynx and 7800 where you play as the hunter and go through night city levels in ay order to bust the dogs as bosses and animal rights nuts as regular enemies.