The Mercenary Review

Note: I spell like Griffith after the year in th dingeon

The Mercenary

This is my review on The Mercenary rom the diatant futue year to American Hero John Wilkes Booth of 1968((60 years before Roboech Season 2)

Its directer by el italiano Sergio Corbucci who diod npting I saw and is called A Professional Gun in candya55 england

it stars el uktanano Javk Palance from Shane/Arrowhead/Batman 89/City Slickers/The Swan Princess/Kill a Dragon, Franco Nero from The Bible: In the Beginning.../Die Hard 2/John Wick: Chapter 2/Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Tony Musante from The Rockford Files/Acapulco H.E.A.T. Alvaro de Luna from A Fistful of Dollars, Raf Baldassarre frpm A Fistful of Dollars, Jose Canalejas from A Fistful of Dollars/For a Few Dollars More, Bernie Grant from A Fistful of Dollars/For a Few Dollars More/The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, Julio Peñna from Red Sun, Jose Riesgo from A Fistful of Dollars, Lorenzo Robledo from A Fistful of Dollars/For a Few Dollars More/The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, and a lot of mexicoes and Spaniards i never saw in anything an/o aint on bac door aids ba, Sodom  bottom, banadna crammer, frooty booty, queer as a deer with a steer in its rear, hoppie vegan stoner peta tree kung fu based on plants, Creator hater, monkey junkie, Wikipedia who tells a lot of outright lies and makes the Truth look fake.

I never saw this b4 but its a spaghetti western

after credits and totle to dramatic dissonant music then guitar in widescreen, we get arodeo thing of a uy in a woo horse dancing around

we hear how the story behsn by an accent guy of a guy called pako wirking and eating r-p and complaining they didn't get more on sunay

they are greasyu devolved mexicoes and 1 guy frins a lizad un his slop

in this fancy thing a guy brings a roast pig in and has a gunin itand maes him eat their cr-ppy food at gunpoint and gives the good foot to the workers

so he' berrie in the groun up to his neck and he lowers his head into the eath as horses come by, wich isn't possible

he dug up and book it and we see jack palance playing rds and having a small gun to make sure

at a casino or w/e this blode guy throws dice and its 7 after lighting a match on a guys head then makes a guy drink milk at gunpoint with the dice in it cuz its rigged

jack leaves a gn in the guys lass an he pulls it on blonde who blows him arm an dont wear glonrs to shoot better

jack is el polen zakken an is said to helpthese guys an wait i thnk its blonde whos the pole and they want him to help get thesilver from mikes that got took over

he wants a cut and the silver goes to America an jack wantsthe guy who was shot an i think drank dice to go afte r the poleand giv es him a gu  and as he walks by on a horse, the guy has a pitch fork in his gut on the floor

the town has a firing squa as theres a revolution whic often leas to devolution and blonde polecomes into a place fill of chicks anwants guns

owner sends the babes out and pole wants a machine gun and what year is this? he wants it for 1000 pesos but owner haggles for 2000 then 1500

jack sees some guys, brothers, and hoots 1 and asks what job he gave da pole and interrogates him with a beating in a river and asks how long a body will land in a valley of vultures

shot broher sez they sent him to the nmine for the silver and jack caps him

pole comes to a building with bodies hanging from the ceiling an lights a smoke on 1 of the boots

the safe is empty and some mexcoes get hm at gun point like stevn segal when he pulled out a credit card, cut 1 guy, took his gun, and slayed em

ple sez he looks for a garvia bro andthey say 1's cousin hangs there

he sez hes brought to bring silver over the border and this sombreo guy sez he hung the guy forwanting to move silver over a mountain or something an they starte digging

pole sez it'll; take 10 years  and sombreo sez theres 12 of em and poles gonna go cuz theres nthing there for him

pole gets smbreo at gunpoint as a human shield and afer a stand of, hey ge a message on a ticker tape thing(what year is this?) saying the brother army is attacking

the area gets busted ad pole has a machine gun and has the sombreo pay hi fto use and learn how to use it to mow down the enemy

they rive a ca (what year is this?) ad ump off when chase so it blows

after the battle sompreo hanks pole for aiding him andthey getta long

sombreo revolute to not due in the mine like his da/bro and will probably go bad with corruption like soviet union and cuba

pole leaves the silver mine and ack and men catch him an beat him up an jack throws the dice that came out the a55 at him

jack wants the silver an pole wants payment so jack pulls a switchblade but hs men are capped by the imbreo guys as they want pole alive

pole has em take jacks clothes except the unies as hes too ugly to g nude

they start b0ning him all over in a group thing as he screams

jk really he sez hed ice da pole and walks off with his a55 crack blurred out on grit

he's a slav who showe his butt! like tommy wiseau!

sombreo ants moneyto help him i mean i think pole wants ovey for 200 $ a day plus expences andsombro wsez the banks will be pen to em

pole teavhes em not to turn ur bac on a guy who's pockets you emptied and to book it b4 reinforcements come

in this town is the revolution guys training and in unifir, are those shurts brown?

wait its the town guards and the revolution guy attack and shoot the place up like a teen who the gov got to and they rob the bank but get around 60000 pesos

a chick there meets em and don' like the cops an her dad was a evolutionary and dont like these guys icing Mexicans with a pole but sombreo sez the ole helps em

sombreo sez the gov property belongs to da people lik supplies andinvites em to the revolution and i think joins em as they take the guars uniformes

theres a trainthat stopsand its got the revolutionarew on the train in guard outits who took it over and took horses from a train

they let these guards go back and bring some cr-op or something, i dont now i wasn't payig attention

`chick sez they robbed and the oldiers will return for revenge

the revolutionarirs party and rnk and probably b0ne but THEY din't make AIUS yet, or di THEY? what yar is this?

smbrep wakes up witha chick in his bed whenpole sez a regulars will arrive in fill force tomorrow and simbreo aks whos simon bolivar

they blurr out the girls big latina booty and pole sez theres rch and poor an sombreo only needs poors, which makes sence as hes big on revolution

smbreo is gonna stay and protect the people from da gov and pole rides off

so Pole comes back and the mecicoes eat and sombreo offers to pay double and Pole sez no credit

ple sez he can make em fanous and rich but no interference and makes a contract aying pole is in charge and he dont go past 8 weeks an he gets paid a lot

sombreo signs and chick sez thy otta give him women and sombreo sez to go to bed and she s like u go to bed nd sombreo sez pole dont bed her and she goes with him to b0ne as hes a hombre or omie in street

later sombreo alls in the pig filth and se its good for skin, as i guess he wants parasites and hick sez she'd cap him

pole and sombreo gfight an and pole wins by throwing smbreo through a cr-ppy wall like kenshiro vs han in hokuto no ken 2

they go on and find water thats warmand pole shoots a bucket hel over him for a shower

later they talk how there's a lot of enemies coming and we getta festival with skulls and fire works and angel costumes where they pull guns and waste em

they capture the town and have the mayor wash their cr-p and p-ss and spurm fille undies

1 guy sez a guy wants his land and to trade wives and they take the guy i think the mator away on hi word w/o evience to be capped

a guy comes up and sez they were frends in the mines and sombreo sez he sent the guy o et guns for the revolution  and gave him money but they though he was dead

sombreo pts a sraw hat on him and pulls his tie abd remembers him and ez he betraye the revolution and is taken out to be knved up as he sez he saved sombreos life

he as with women so sombreo has his parts destroye offscreen an not like back door brad the traitor

smbreo sez poles movey is requisyione by the revolution and hes to stay as thats how it is when you trust commies and claims to wanna fight for Mexico and take wat he thinks is his

he wants to sentence pole to something later and is gonna marry the chick w/o a priet so its not a real marriage

so he b0nes the chick an jack attacks with planes but sombreo sez its fireworks

a guy frees a SM tie up pole but he escapes and gets a horse an books it and hoots ou the plane with a rifle like that guy using a Tommy Gun on a plane in the WW2 movie

leader is locke in the cell as i guess he freed pole and chick shoots the lock off as jack grills a guy for info but when he don get any, leaves a grenade in his mouth and blows him out

sombreo gets away an works as a odeo clown and we're at the start

jack is there and recognizes him and has a guy lasso him but pole caps the lassooeer and gives each a gun with 1 bullet and at the theird bell chime to draw and fire

we got like 20 mins lft so this'll be like dbz with long drawn out cr--p

pole rings the bell eventually and sombreo clown gets cppe but ack took a hit on his chest flower and keeps over

sombreo clown is thankfl for the  pole saving him but is taken back as Mexico has a 10 000 % reward on him an pulls him along walking behind a horse on a rope

chick sees hes going to the 51s regiment an tells  Garcia brothercuz she ddnt like him brtraying her anwants to sell him to em

pole hums Chopin andgarcia comes in with a paper saying he's wanted and is Sergei Kowalski

so both pole and sombreo are gonna be executed by firing squad but chick knocks over barrels on a roof on the firing squad and sheep get out and all h=ll breaks looe

mexicoo smbreo gets out in a wagon with chick and pole gets off on a hotrse

sombreo sez totell his droogs to meet somewhere in 2 days and she rides the cart off as he has a horse

sombreo clown Mexico offerspole his share as he goes back for his people and pole sez together they  can do well wait it sombreo sayng it

wait is pole and sombreo sez his revolution is in soviet mexic and ides off saying they'd be goo partners and he has a dream an thinks pole dont

as he rides off Garcia an friends is gonna sniper him but pole caps em an ez eep dreaming with eyes open and rides off into the wasteland like violene javk

the end

that was pretty good

yeah it goes by with not much happning an its weirly dubbed with exican italianoes, but not bad

jack and the pole do good jobs and the mexic revolution guy tid to be charismtic as many evil leaders do

i lie how it shoe him mutilating and executing people w/o any defence an basically being a tyrant whileacting or thinking like hes a hero

good filming and music and the main guy being Polish or El Polen Zakken was a nice twist

ita got a lot of light and brightness insta of being dark and gri

i like it but it like the seeds of a horrible plant as these revolutions go ba fast

for The Mercenary 2 I want the pole to be called in with his female boybuilder gf to take out the Mexico revolution guy as he's taken over mxuco and sent it to a black age of forced amputation and mandatory cannibalism. He and his gf bust in with American Armor with blades and guns built in bust in and do a 2 man army with 1 as a woman or womb man an bust ing through the hordes of his followers an their slaves. In the end he gets to the smbreo guy leader who's eaten the souls of his slaves and their parts and devolves into a plant monster where he blows out its key kores and he blows open with the souls escaping and freeing Mexico. Its also a 16 bit beat em up o Sega Genesis, Snes, TH16, Atari Jaguar and BA with 1 player asthe OPole and he other as his gf.