Game Reviews Volume 21 From 2022 Part II

 A number of games I did from most of the 2nd Quarter of 2022

And they were all Sega kinda

Just beat Legend of Wukong on my 100 Sega Genesis Games in 1 DS Multicart. Its an RPG from Taiwan in the 90s that was translated in the 2000s. Its based on Journey To The West but has a Taiwan kid going back in time and trying to get his neighbors time machine back. C is yes, B is no and A opens the menu in the field. You go to towns and face random battles every 19 steps or 6 seconds in caves or overworld. You get Exp for beating guys and Level up and get stronger. At the start of the game its best to grind til level 18 or so. After a while you get the other 2 members, a pigman and a chick. If you Level Up you heal all HP and Magic Points. When I used an Attack Spell in battle it would freeze the game, as would having pigman as the only living fighter. You can get up to Level 50 and Equip Armor and Weapons to boost stats, as well as get a few boosting items that permanently increase stats. You got items that I hardly needed as i can just use Magic to heal. The game is 6 chapters long and some dungeons are reused in later levels. If you get stuck, just talk to others or talk to them a few times in a row or wander around until you find what to do. There's a few puzzles to solve like adding up 3 guys ages or remembering A B C Notes in the right order. The bosses have a simple pattern where they often use a poison attack on turn 4, 7, 10, ect, so you can predict them and use the Depoison or Heal Spells right after his poison hits. The bosses are often easy when high leveled like me and at full power, I took out the game boss in a few turns and hardly had issue. If you bite it you go back to your last save. There's an auto battle thing where you choose Multiple and all your guys attack the target, and the nearest target if it falls before the option to select moves comes up. This can be cancelled with a button tap. Its got good graphics and music and plays well, plus has good humor in its writing. I liked it and had a good time with it.

Just beat The NewZealand Story for Master System on my 200 Sega Genesis and Master System Multicart. Quite an ordeal. You get 3 guys to get through 5 worlds with levels and NO Continues. You bite it in 1 hit and gotta keep tapping the fire button to keep firing so its best to use a Turbo Pad. 1 button fires and 1 jumps but if you are on a balloon or hovercraft, Holding jump makes you rise. If you catch a balloon on the bottom you naturally lower but if you are on the top it don't. There's water levels where you move with the D Pad and got an air meter but on the surface you can spit water to attack and refresh air, even in underwater caves. There's a time limit that when the danger music kicks in, you got like a dozen seconds or so before a daemon comes in and wastes you. You can't pause so once you start, if you gotta whiz or have an itch , you're f'd. The game is pretty unfair but there are worm holes that warp you to a later area, but you gotta fire into it a few times and touch it. I recommend  watching a speed run and memorizing it as you can't look back and forth. Also if you hold the fire button on a Turbo Pad it makes enemies not summon in some areas, but if the shots don't go all the wat, it don't count. Its quite an ordeal and while it has good graphics and music but some control issues are there. If you are in a moving water, you gotta jump right and keep changing direction to stay on it or you get swept off and you can't get back up there without going around and running outta time. If you bite it, you resummon where you did and sometimes are in a hover pod and can fly for a bit, also you are invincible for a bit when you start so you can cheese that. The story is good about a bird saving his homies and gf from a sea lion or w/e and he's the boss. Glad I played it but I never wanna play this again. Even though it can be beat in like 10 mins with Worm Holes. Oh and if you jump into enemies right, you can take their hover pods.

Just beat Flicky on my 100 Genesis Games in 1 DS Multicart. Its an arcade game connected to Sonic where you play as a blue bird and jump around collecting yellow birds and bringing  them to the gate you came from. 1 button jumps and thats it, but if you are run into an item, you fire it by jumping. You get 3 guys and no continues to get through like 40 something levels. So I used save state so I didn't have to keep going back. As you collect birds, they trail behind you like Goldfish Poop and can be knocked off by enemies, but just spazz out and wander around. There's cats that come for you and as there's no outlines, they can blend in with the single color background in some areas so you seem to be killed by nothing. the controls are floaty and often the walls you touch bounce you back. At times I tried to run off a ledge and get to the goal, but would go to the next one and get iced by an enemy. When you throw an item it bounces back and forth against walls but you MUST fire it when you jump and can't save it. Some levels have good graphics and there's nice upbeat music but honestly, this game wasn't much for me. constantly bouncing around and being unable to avoid enemies you either can't see or can't avoid. There's a bad momentum, or BM, that screws you up and its tough to handle. There's bonus levels where you catch falling birds that give you points and if you get a bunch of birds in the gate at once, it gives more bonus's. This gamed inspired a part in Gunstar Super Heroes on GBA and Sonic 3D Blast. I liked those games more. This game isn't bad, but could be better. Glad I beat it though. When you get a good run going it feels good to get em to the end and evade the baddz.

Just beat The Great Circus Mystery Starring Micky And Minnie on my 10900 Sega Genesis Games in 1 DS Multicart. Its a  platform game by Capcom that's the Second in the Magical Quest series that has unlimited Continues, a 4 image Password System, and when you bite it, you continue where you fell. A is attack or grab or use item, B is jump, C is Cycle through Costume and Start is pause, but holding Up after selecting Costume lets you change it with Start. Also you can change the controls in the Options. Pretty good graphics and nice music, plus it plays pretty well. Its pretty forgiving and there's only 6 worlds with regular checkpoints where you return to when you use a Continue. Usually you jump on guys but the Cowboy Costume gives you a Pop Gun to fire Corks at guys. There's limited ammo for the Vacuum or Cowboy but its refilled when you bite it or get a Battery or Pop Gun. Even on Bosses,. which usually take like 10 or so hits, if you get iced you just resummon and continue. There's hidden shops that you can buy things from and some hidden areas with Extra Heart Container boosts that stay with you the rest of the game. You get coins to buy things and start from 0 when using a Continue, but this game is pretty forgiving and lite. Its a nice simple game you can get through in an hour and often Attrition is a good way through. Glad I did this one. Its pretty nice. Not every game has to be Ghoul's N' Ghosts, even though a few things in here look a bit like it like the flamethrower faces in the castle. I think its 2 player as well where 1 is Mickey and 1 is Minnie, but you can be either in 1 player. Although the Circus is only the 1st level and the rest is an adventure through this wilderness. Oh and there's an area in the Haunted House where you gotta use the Climber to hang off the ledges and jump across after going lower to avoid the damaging ceiling.. And if you walk off a cliff, you summon on the edge and if you are still holding the D Pad, keep walking off.

Just spent 2 hours and over 40 attempts, but I beat Sierra Nevada on Level 4 of Road Rash. What an ORDEAL! This game started out good, but after Level 3 its too much. Its a Forward Facing Racing game where A is Brake B is Gas and C is Attack. You go through 5 different races, then after getting 4th place or higher, you go to the next of 5 Levels. The better you do, the more money you get, or you can just redo a Race you're good at to grind for money until you buy the best bike. After Level 3 its just too unfair! The 5 races are the same tracks, but each level you race em on makes em like 25 miles ;longer. If you are going by tight turns it helps to release the gas. If you go over a stain on the floor it makes your bike spazz out and control worse for a bit. Gong on road is faster than sand or grass. There's cars coming up and down the road that run you over and if your bike takes too much damage: Race over and you gotta pay for repairs. If a cop gets you when your off your bike: Race over! Pay a ticket. Run outta money and its game over. But there's a Password system with like 20 spots with 1 l and i or b and 8 so you gotta get it perfect. It don't hold the code so you gotta put it in EVERY time you wanna return. But you can just keep putting in the code instead of losing. Often I find I'm in no win scenarios where I'm driving and there's no way to avoid a car that came from nowhere or I hit a speck and fly 200 feet, right in front of a cop. You can hit enemy racers or take their club and beat on em, but often that leads to be screwing up and falling soon after. I regret buying this game and RR 2 and 3. It was fun for a while but outlasted it. I don't like playing it after round 4 and don't care enough to go on. All it is, is stress and anger. Its just not worth it. I tried on and off from Nov 2019 to April 2022. And this 2 hours I spent on this Race was AFTER like a week of like 2 hours a night in attempts! I only got this cuz I heard it was good. I regret it.

Just beat King of the Monsters 2 on Sega Genesis. Its a 1 or 2 player fighting game where you play as 1 of like 8 or so Kaiju with creative designs, then fight 1 on 1 until you are the number 1. A is Punch, B is Kick and C is Jump and you can change the controls in the options. If you spazz on the D Pad and tap buttons it can do stronger moves and you can keep doing em as there's no Super Bar.  If you grapple you gotta spazz on the D Pad and maybe buttons to overpower em and do a grapple attack depending on the character.  You can have 3 or 5 or Unlimited Continues and its a best of 3 battle with with 90 sec or Unlimited Time, depending on options. You can even change the difficulty level and make it easier or harder. Nice colorful graphics and you can turn on/off items that power you up, heal, or give points. The music is fine and once you figure out the Controls its pretty good, although the  enemy can get you in a loop by knocking you over and doing a tornado move to send you up and down, then do it again so you can't do anything. Its fought like Pit Fighter or Street Of Rage where you move on a sorta 3D-ish field, and you can bust buildings and small guys like tanks to get power ups. Its pretty good and I had a kinda nice time with this.

Just beat Tanglewood on Genesis. Its a Puzzle Platform where A is Absorb Power or Combine with/Jump off the buddy, B is Use Power or push things and C is Jump, but you can shuffle em around in the options. You got an 8 letter password of letters from A-P you can see when pausing and Resetting keeps it in the Continue Option. There's unlimited tries and regular passwords, plus Checkpoints at a decent place. If you wanna get the Good ending you gotta get all the fireflies. There's 8 in every area and you can see how many you have in the level and in total when paused and pausing makes the screen do dark, which has some cool negatives. Its got nice cool and dark colors but not being depressing, sorta like the 90s Batman, and it controls well. Its got good music and some good Clean Horror with monsters chasing you and you gotta ice or escape it or ominous feeling music with darker colors. The Fireflies are in not too hard to find places if you look and 1 hint I can give is the cages the monsters are in often have a back door if you go through em. I didn't give to the Kickstarter but spread the word to FamilyFriendlyGaming who posted an article on it and spread word to get the extra boost to help. And I'm glad I did as this one holds up. If this came out in the 90s it would be a Hidden Gem today. Its got a feel like The Dark Crystal or Shadow Of The Beast, but is more of the opposite of that as you bite it in 1 hit but have infinite tries. Each chapter has 2-4 parts and it can get a bit tricky at times bit isn't rough. I didn't like how when you start the game you always go through the opening cutscene you can't skip. I paid over 90$ for this and its well spent. After you beat the game you unlock a level select that goes when you power off. You get an AI Buddy later in the game and he does well but if you get too far, he bites it and its like you did. I did this w/o a guide and it was pretty good. Glad I got this one. Its got heart.

Just Beat ESWAT: City Under Siege on my 100 Sega Genesis 100 Master System Games Multicart. Its kind of a Run N Gun or Platform games where you play as a Cop and go around capping guys, but after a few levels, get a Power Armor and can Hover or Fly and get better weapons. A is Cycle through Weapons, B is Fire and C is Jump but if you hold Up and Jump it lets you go higher but won't let you fire C also lets you Jet but you have a Burner meter that has to recharge over time, or if you touch a heat thing or refill thing on the Floor. There's power ups that give you more weapons like a Charge Laser that gets big if you don't fire for a sec, A Super Gun,. A Rocket that goes on the ground, and a Fire attack that is a Screen Nuke but uses up your Burner. You can change the controls and have up to 5 guys per Continue and can get more by finding 1 Ups but you only get 3 Continues and using 1 restarts the Level instead of a checkpoint. You can duck and fire up, but not down or diagonal and if you bite it, you lose the power up you had Selected. There's a Difficulty Selection that doesn't change the ending and once you know how to handle the bosses, its not that tough. A fully Charged Laser does more damage than a rapid fire of small shots as the guys have invincibility frames. Its not so tough once you know what to do and how to handle it. I went in w/o watching much longplays other than the 1st level and there is said to be a Level Select Code but I couldn't get it to work. Its got nice music and good graphics and controls pretty well but if often easier with a Turbo Pad so you don't gotta keep tapping fire  as you walk to guys. The Robot Power Armor Cop is TOTALLY not Robotech nor Robocop as that's copyrighted. Glad I played this.. Its pretty good.

Just beat Lunar: Walking School on my 100 Master System and Game Gear Games GBA Multicart. This card busted a bit so it couldn't save so I had to do the whole game in 1 long sitting of like 8 hours. Its a Jrpg where you play as 2 or 3 Mages and go around in Turn Based Battles where you use Magic Points to cast Spells and talk to people. Its pretty easy esp as if you stand still you recharge MP, which is odd for a Game Gear Game as you often burn through Batteries. Its got a nice story and is kinda lite but works. The original Lunar was deeper and had more character depth but this isn't bad. I never died in here so I don't know what happens if you run outta guys. Most items aren't needed as you can just heal, but the Sun items like Sunshine and Sunlight recover your MP which can help in a tight battle. Its got nice colorful graphics and sunny 80s music thats pretty good. Often the turn order is random and some characters go 1st at times or not. You learn new Spells by talking to teachers when you are at the right level and in the right Chapter. There's 12 Chapters and it does help to use a guide if you don't wanna wander for a while. You do reach a max level after a while and there's no equipments other than Robes to speed up MP Recovery. Its a bit like Harry Potter but this came 1st. I had a pretty good time with it and its a nice Diet Prequel to the 1st Lunar game Glad I finally did this one. Oh and you can save anywhere and continue where you were, as I tested after beating it and checking the save file I made in case I bit it.

Just beat Jewel Master on Sega Genesis. Its a kinda Platform Run N Gun where you play as this warrior who uses Magic Rings you collect over the game by beating bosses and certain foes. You can also mix and match rings to get better abilities and when you have all 4 of the strongest rings: You can put 2 of the opposite elements on each hand and get a  Magic Sword thats the strongest thing in the game. A uses the Left arm B is the Right arm and C jumps, but you can change that in the options. Start opens the Menu and you choose and place rings with C and Clear all with A. Its 5 levels, with each of the 1st 4 having a different Beyblade Holy Beast like the White Tiger or Blue Dragon. The final round you face the game boss and he's tough. Unless you get the hidden Life Ups that Extend your Life Bar. There's 1 hidden in each of the 1st 4 areas and  if you notice something different, try attacking it or going in it. You get no lives and 3 Continues and after that its back to the start, Also if you bite it: you go to the last checkpoint which is where you entered the area. Pretty good graphics and the music is nice. Its got kind of that Start of the 90s feel where its a bit gritty but has heart. It controls pretty well but you gotta tap the button each time you wanna fire, instead of holding it for autofire so I say use a Turbo Pad. It can be beat un like half a hour so its not so rough to redo from the start. Glad I did this one. Its worth a try.

Just beat Phantom 2040 on my 106 Game Gear Games in 1 GBA Multicart. Its kind of an action game where you play as Not Batman Beyond and use gadgets to get through these levels and fight like 3-4 bosses over a game you can beat in under an hour. You get a few lives and I don't think there's Continues, but there IS a 4 letter Password between levels. 1 button jumps and the other uses your item chosen in the pause menu gotten to by start. You get things like invisibility which needs to recharge , a Wave Gun that needs to recharge after each shot, a gun, a stronger gun, your fist, and a screen nuke. You can duck and pressing left/right makes you roll  which can duck enemy shots. If you hold up and jump  you can grab a higher ledge and down and jump on a ledge lets you climb down. You can run by double tapping left/right which gives you longer jumps and can aim and fire diagonally but its tricky. There's heal packs that fully restore the life bar ands ammo to get more shots, but you can run out of ammo sand have to punch. Usually enemies don't resummon but sometimes its best to run past em or use the invisibility to evade em. There's also Hovercycle levels where you gotta get to the end or get in the target ship, and there's these Virtual World mini things where you move a thing around a grid to get to the end but if you touch an enemy, you take damage in the Real World somehow and gotta start over. If you bite it you get back up and are invincible for a few seconds but you only get a few guys. The final boss is a brain in a jar like that DBZ movie and you just gotta nail it enough as an enemy who won't stay dead keeps spazzing out. The graphics are pretty good and seem like a late 80s Genesis game and its got nice music. No branching paths like the Genesis ver but its a decent game and it kinda ambitious for Game Gear. Plus those Cyberspace levels are kinda Johnny Mnemonic. Glad I played this one. Its pretty cool.

Just beat Jurassic Park: Rampage Edition on Sega Genesis. Its a 2D game where you play as Grant or The Raptor and go through 5 Levels to escape the island. Its a sequel to the 1st Genesis game and is done by the same guys. I only used The Raptor as he's cooler than a socially devolved nerd. Sorta like when you have the choice between Batman and Robin. A and B are different Attacks and C is jump, but you can  change this in Options. You can use the D Pad to do different things like hold Up to jump higher or Down and jump on a Floor you can't Jump through to do a leap bite. 1 of the Attacks and back makes you Tail Whip and you can Double Jump as a Sorta Sonic Sphere Attack  that busts enemies. Jumping and using Down and Attack makes you do a dive with your feet claws to take guys out. You can eat these metal boxes and after eating enough of em, go into Raptor Rage and be invincible with stronger attacks and anything you touch bites it.  Usually you gotta go from the Start to End of a level and you can choose which of the 1st 3 to do but often there's a maze like thing where you wander around. You get a number of guys but no continues and if you bite it you return to a Checkpoint you last touched. Going by a Checkpoint shows an Arrow on it that says where to go. Quite good graphics and nice music with pretty good effects and animation like the water but on my TV it was pretty dark and hard to see things. You can double tap left/right to run but your walking speed is pretty low. It can be beat in like half an hour and the final boss is a Dark Raptor that I beat by Spin Jumping left and right with timing so he's get him and I wouldn't, as he can do what you can. Its not so hard but I did it on Easy. Its a well made game with a few flaws but its not bad. Glad I did this. Had I got this as a 90s kid into Dinosaurs I'd probably have loved this. Glad I did this one. Its cool.

Just beat Marvel Land For Genesis on my 200 Sega Genesis and Master System Games Multicart What an Ordeal! a Platform game by Namco that's based on an Arcade Game. Its got good music and graphics, but you bite it in 1 hit and the collision detection is kinda rough. If you are in the air and tap left or right once, it doesn't inch you a bit that way, it veers you that direction and often sends you to a pit or spikes or an enemy. 1 Button jumps and 1 does an attack that spins an After Image of you around to take out guys around you. Also you can change the controls in the options. You get the After Image like in DBGT by collecting a Power Up of your face and can get Dragon Wings to jump higher and tap the Jump Button to Flap your Wings to glide a bit and slow your fall. There's Doors around the levels that can take you other places by pressing Up and  a few are traps and 1 door near the end of the game takes you to world 1-1. If you go somewhere you don't want, just use a password. At the start of a level you are invincible for a bit and can use this to cheese through tough parts.. You can also jump on guys but some can't be jumped on. A lot of the game is just waiting for an enemy you can't ice to go by or for a platform to come near. Bos fights are usually Mini Games like Paper Scissors Rock but with Blocking or Whack A Mole meets Musical Chairs. There's 1 boss fight near the end where you gotta use the Attack button to spin these Orbs around and avoid a Laser or the boss charging. Its pretty tough with falling off platforms or jumps not working, or just missing jumps. Plus there's an Ice Level with bad sliding. But with regular Passwords and Infinite Continues its a matter of Attrition. it too me 46 of em to beat this in like 3 hours. Also if you bite it you have Checkpoints but a Continue Use restarts the area. The boss lets you try again of you bite it if you have more guys but losing a minigame sends you back. Glad I played this but I doubt I'll again.

The Eagle Has Landed Review

Note: I spell not brittish

The Eagle Has Landed

This is my review on The Eagle Has Landed from the distant future year of 1976(30 years before Transformers Season 3 In America)

Its duirected by John Sturges who did Bad Day at Black Rock and the American version of The Magnifficant 7

It stars Michael Caine from Austrin Powers 3 and The Swarm, Donald Sutherland from Astro Boy and Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within, Robert Duvall froom To Kill A MockingBird, Jenny Agutter fro Equus, Logan's Run and Darkman 01, Donald Pleasence from Halloween 1 2 4 5 6 and EsxcaPE FROIN nEW yORK, Anthony Quayle from Pygmalion and Lawrence of Arabia, Jean Marsh from Clopatra and Willow, Judy Geeson from Beerserk amnd The Plague Dogs, Treat Williams from Star Wars 05 and The Devil's Own, Siegfried Rauch from Patton, Michael Byrne from The Omen 1, Gangs of New York, The Sum of All Fears, and Harry Potter 07, Maurice Roevesfro The Last of the Mohiucans and Judge Dredd, Keith Buckley from Excalibur, and some silrent era born guys I never heard of

I never saw this b4 but heard its good

it starts with history news of bhow the brits caught Mussolini, the Italian Stallion, and so Zee Fuhrur made a plan to catchj his greatest enemy

Stalin??

Then credits and title over footage of mountains, casltesa and trees

btw this is in color and widescreen

so ythese german guys speaking english as this was made in soviet england meet and say zee fuhrer wants to catch churchill, who btw was into daemon worship and had racial issues

i read he was glad that America was allegedly nailed by Japan in Pearl Harbor as now he cpuld suck them inot his war

so the army guys complain about zee fuhrers plans but gotta do it

they plan do do something on the east coast of soviert england, who's been the bad guy frtom centuries with things like elizabetryhs crimes, henry 8ths murders, ruining oscar wilde, 1776,m 1812, war crim,es in ww1 and 2, being part of taking out Raspitin, charlies wacking diana, chales wacking his other women,daemon worshhip, not allowing that diasbled boy to get medican treatment in america, the royal wedding, the othert royal wedding, banning and censoring movies and shows for pointlewss things like a ninja turttle bopping a guy with sausages, and basically being a p o s candy a55 c-c sucker nation

So after looking at data and m,aps and sh-t we get trains gooing around in the snow and they get Micharl Caine as a german soldier who is very brittish and is told to stay on the train

theres hews on the trains, but 1 gets out and is caught, but when she's hit, caine hits the gut who hit her and puts her on a slow moving taain

shes then capped and caine sez hes commanding the 12th parachute division

he  has no issue for or against dad juden himself but cares for the cause and gets b--chy like he always does in all his films

btw, in addition to the 5.5 million hebvrews wgo got it, 11.5 million gentiles got it too

the mentally challengeds, physically disabled, gypsies, commies, unionites, traitors to the state, political enemies, and others

and aS i'M Piolish and have many disabled friends at my Yugioh torunaments, i am against that

so caine dont like some of the guys there and later duval is talking about Caine and his being hard to get but a higher up comes in and b--ches at him over how he thinks the mission isn't possiblem, but suval sez it is

duval is told to drop it and is told they probly lost the war, which reminds me of duivals relative Johgn Wilkes Booth taking out Lincon after the war

so duval meets devolved donald sutherland and hes an irtish, which means hes the bad guy, and smokes a soviet faeg but its too much for him

donald is in the i ra and hates england so duval offers him to catch the evil churchiill

imagine if they edited in pet semetary where they had the cat winston churchill aka church and made it look like they had it wacked for being evil?

so duval goes to meet some guy and finds caine is court martialled as he's nuts and threw aWAY his career over a hebrew chick and is in a prison colony

he was educated in soviet england so he'd be perfect for the job

So duval is given powers to do the job and has direct permission from zee fuhrur to do w/e he needs to do w/e he needs

then we get a boat then a plane and duval goes to some island and shows his papers to get out caine and his troops

he tells caine thewy are taking on the ewcil churchill and have a smoke despite the germans being against that

for years 1 guy i think donald was a 1st mate on a cargo ship in england

so caine is gonna be executed and has issues and dont wanna help zee fuhrer but this is hes chanced to live

it may not win the war but might make a negotiated peace and caine offers the mission to his men, even though he's the commander and should have dominance over them,

so later the gang goes and gets donald wjho's thropwn out the window of a bAR OR w//e anmd caine has all  his menbn on his side

then donald goes on a plane to soviet england to be parachuted ouiut the planes a55

so then we see the donald stopping by some chick's place for some tea as the english aremn't manly enough for pop

he uses his irishman daemon masgics tio command a dog with a point and a wehistle as i guess hes part lepreachaun

the chick likes zee fuhrer and his dicipline kinda like candya55 trudeau liking china and castro, and gibbes him a shot gun as i guess england doesnt own this part and theiir gunphobia didbn't devolve the people

then donald is out and with another chick and flirts with her  as she she goes in her chasriot and is almost 19, which is WAY too grown for most englishmen

so don goes to a bar and a big a55 irish tels him to stay away from chick 2 and don't wwant him around

So don goes tu churcgh and puts his shotgun down to tallk with the priest

later the germans are preparing for the koopa paratrooper mission, then we see donnie osdmand i mean southermand gooing arounbd oon his botorcycle and finding a whhole horse walking around

atta beach he meets chick 2 and sdmokes and talks about the zodiac how they can match

but what about the chinese zodiac? you don't wannna marry a dragon!

so he tells of the big irishj and she sez he dont own her anddonald hits on her

dont trust him! he's irish@

he starts b0ning her mouth with his mouth and she goos off aand sez she was told da irish were crazy and she believes em

you think they're bad, wait til you see the french! they flip out into tirades for no reason at the slightest hint!

if my son was dating a french guy, i'd chop 1 up and feed him to the other!

so she sez she'd be in the church and later, caine wants to weatr polish uniformes but will fight aas Germans and not spies

so going Samurai instead of Ninja?

so in the irishmanland, the donald hits on chick 2 and big irish comes in and they fight

donald beats the black irish offa him but as this isn't Eternal Champions, he doesn't finish him in a splatter gore mess

then we see some guys get in a blasck car and drive off, but then we see  caines germaans faking being Polish: The 1 true race, besides Japanese, who's the Other 1 true race

so in irelenand donald puts rocks on da beach and doing raDIO TO THE GWERMANSAS NEst and eagle

chick 2 goes to dons place and big irish is there and is gonna outdonald to the cops

after he shoves her a55 down 2x, he goes out and she blows a 3rd a55 in his back with the shotgun

she otta put it in his mouth and make sure hes not gonna talk!

so the paratrpp[pers comew inm the sea and tro the donalds place

don comes homew annd finds big irish on da floor

his body is ripped open and all his guts are out, but hes not dead yet and is masking devolved animal sounds

jk

so duval reports to dr loomis that the eagleb has landed

in irelandmanland the germanioes fake being el polen zakken and 1 plays piano in the church and meets the preist

caine sez to priest he's doing some military exercises in the area

a real english meerts him and is surprised but cain sez hes surpried a well and he learns of their plasce and they have real poles with em

wait i think hes an America

so America guy goes to base and his boss plsayed by j r from dallas who's a colonel and is b--ching about gis men having never seen combat

in the village the caine has his mren fake military cr-p andchick 1 is there as is the donasld who they fake meeting

don, 1 chick and caine talk about the churchill comming and what to do to catch him

she reveals she was from soviet south africa before they destroyed itself and hher rents were iced by the brits in a camp

so a guy falls into water and is iced by the water wheel and under his unifom is a german clothes

the people see and the caine has em locked up in da church

then all the germans arrive and start b0ning all the englishmomen woc; with out consnt!

jk thats what the soviets did to the Germans

so priest thinks caine is gonna send churchill to h e double india and 2 girls hiding in a room in the church hear and goo oot to save his evil a55

chick 2 is one of em and rides off on her horse and gets to chick 1 and tells her

chick 1 pulls a gun and caps her but she drives off and goes to donald and sez hes a traitor

desppute pointing a boomstiock at him, don wins her over and goes to get something aS she goes to check his radio

chick 1 comes to church and tells what happeneed and the priest bv--ches at her fo5r going against them, but dont know the english wronged her 1st

Amwrioccan comes by his base and j r sez the chick 2 survived and is in hospital and revealed the Poles her Germans and are after churchill

Amewrican is sent to WARN the CHURCHILL and as churchills xar comees by, a jeep gets to it and tells the guys

j r and his dudes get to da village and hhe tells an enemy his terms but the guy don;'t speak englishh

even though the church is full of civilisans, although they''re brits and thus, arenn't woirth it, he wabts to attack

then snipers all over open fire on em and take out a bunch

So the Allies get a Bazooka  as churchill comes by this other plsace

churchill gives a speech and starts teciting a daemonic spell to devolve the ppeople into ape like slugs, but ythe getmans open fire on him and he blows apart in a spray of jet black ooze and slime

jk

so the jr and American come to Chick 1's place to ice her and jr gets a grenade ready

she casps ghuim, he falls down the stairsd and the grenade blows him body apart, wqhich if this were made in the 80s, we'd se him splatter and his chunks fly

American goes up and fires but finds her iced, perhaps by eating her own gun

the Americans use a Bazooka and blow a car and the Geermans save 2 guys who wewre in it

The Germsaans take off the fake uniforms and show their German ones and priest sez hes glad his sister the chick 2 ruined their plot

cjiamne sez his plot failed cuz his man sacvrificed himself to save the girl from the mill

an ally comes by saying its over, chick 1 is in h e double englind and the radio is caught

Caine lets out the villasgers and 1 woman thanks him for sparing her Son

priest goes mental and attacks dionald as I guess he's anglican and is pulls oput and told cchick 2 is ok

donald took the priests keys and has a secret way out and cain/donald are gonna sneak out and catch churchill as his menb stay behind andhold off the allies

The Germans break the windows, including staineds glass, and a gunfighe ensues

a tanbk with a machine gunm shreds the mill andsa cannon shot blows it

the allies go through the cemetary and threow grenades in the church as england has kinda been the enemy of the church since henry 8

doinald and caine escape in a car and motorcylceabnnd the Allies waste the remainibg German

cain and don go to dons place ands chick 2 is there andsez she loves him and couldn't let hi bite it

the brits say they got all but 3, cain, don and a3rd who was wounded

caine and don have the wounded guy aND MAKE IT TO A GEERMAN BOAT BUTcaine dont wanna go back

he sends wounded guy back and says bye to don and thery go off like terry andy and joe in fatal fury ova 1

caine sends a message back to the gomeland and its kjinda f;d in transmission and duval sez to tell people he was only following orders so he wouldnt get f;d

later is night but just filmed in day and edited to look darker and caine takes out an alliy on ther radio in a jeep and sez to his radio he's gonna go to where radio told him

So donald is sneaking aorund in a house and 2 soldiers see the door is open and send their dogs in

don uses his irishm magic to stop em and after the americans come inthey find nothing and come out

doc loomis gets the letter of the message and duval is arrested foir exceeding his orders to the point of treason to the state

he's takes out back and shot and back in england or w/e, caine sneaks around liek a ninja dressed as an American to get churchill

el presidente comes out smoking his cigar like a big cuban d0ng and caine is right there in ther shadows

word gets to the baxe that the guard is out cold and his jeep is gone and  the calls are comming from inside the house!

he caps churchill and sends him back to h e doyuble england but is shredded with gunfire

but turns outthe churchill he capped was a body double, or kagemusha, who died for no reason

the brits tell the americans that the real churchill is with f d r in the sand people lands and this whole thing never happened

donald southerman sends a letter to chiuck 2 and sez stuff to her about something i wasnt listgening to

then credits and it shows the footage from ther film and the names of who tgheydid like spaceballs

the end

That was pretty good

Nice calm feels and good pacing

It doesn't drag and has good flow

Nice acting and music and writing

Well done idea

Its well made and probabnly wouldn't be doner today as it don't make Germany look evil or england lok good

It holds up and has good characters and motives with a nice calm satart and good action when needed instead of all the time and wearing it out

Oh and england sacrificing an innocent man for their higher ups was sorta like how they let Lesalie Howard bite it so they wouldn't let the Germans know they broke the code

But then the guy who broke the code and won them the war got forced to take injections that devolved him for his orientation and it droive him to suicide

For The Eagle Had Landed 2 I want for england to have taken ovver Euurope and have oppressed the people in what was once Germany. All Germa Protoculture is banned and they are forced to serve the regent who execuutes any dissenters to his rule. But with help from the Slavic areas, the Germans have developed a new power suit that uses rocks as a power source and the son of Robert Duval from the 1st movie goes in for his direct attack on the brits brain palace that holds the regent and the real churchill, who whio he fights them, devolves into a gorilla like boar with his daemonic pact he made to get into power. Its also a 16 bit game like Rocket Knight Adventures on Sega Genesis, Sners, TG16 Atari Jaguar and GBA where you play as Duval Jr and fight across Europe and clear out brit bases with their futuristic 50s tech and fight human experiments of multiple people fused into 1 body with multiple limbs and heads in a moras of morality under their control.

Thunder In The Sun Review

 Note: I spell like the Thunder Catsa

Thunder In The Sun

This is my review on Men Behind The Sun I mean tHunder In The Sun from 1959 (70 years b4 the 2nd Robotexch War)

Its directed by by Russell Rouse who did soime westerts or w/. i never saw

It stars Susan Hayward from I Want To Live, Demetrius and the Gladiators, The Snows of Kilimanjaro, David and Bathsheba and The Amazing Dr. Clitterhouse, Blanche Yurka from A Tale Of 2 Cities and The Southerner, Fortunio Bonanova from Citizen Kane, Double Indemnity, Adventures of Don Juan and The Moon Is Blue, Albert Carrier from thew 80s Scarface and the 60s Batman and Cleopatra Jones, Jon Hall from the 30s Mutiny on the Bounty, Veda Ann Borg from Mildred Pierce/The Alsamo, and a buncha 1900s guys i never heard of

i never saw this but its giviunb on gruit and is 81 mins so they are gonna add like 40 mins of adds to reach 2 hours

So after logo it sez in text after napoleons wars, the basks came from soviet france to Ameriuca to devolve the proptoculture in soviet california

it even sz they are lusty, probanly for butts

then 1 guy comes out and sstarts makking daemon sounds and these frenchies on wagons chant in high pitched screams to communicate

then credits and title to the song about the tityle and holy f-=-k this has erich von strohiem as a 2nd assistant directer

that guys one of the best! look at greed frim 24!

so the basks are living inthe wild and teacvhing their kids how to speak english instead of devolved french but some frenchies dont like it

So in America: the ones of french ancestry evolved past their frenchness and became happy jolly Cajuns who are friendly and positive

yet in canada the frenchies were allowed to keep their protoculture which left them to devolve worse than Real frenchies in france and are now a bunch of malcontent, whiny, unbalanced, b==chy, evolutionarily challenged c=ck suckers who just sh=t on everything,

It seems that frenchness is a blight, as is their language and culture

so this chick whips at a big blak horse and the frenchies have wine plants vines to grow in soviet caifornia to give people something to kill them slowly with alcohol that is scientiffically a poison in how it malreacts to the body

so 1 frenchie goes to town to tak to an american WOMAN ABOUT SOMEONE SOBERING UP

A CHICK IS IN A NIGHT GOWND AND THE OWNEER OF DA SALLOON B--CHES AT HER EVEN THOUGH SHES LIKE 90% COVERED

SALOON GIRL  is with main guy wjho got drink and f'd up the place and sez the frenchie came every day for him and its thursday

main guy sees a h--ker who sez stuff about last night wich is as close to b0ning the 50s can get as tthey had class

nowadays we'd see him in bed with her and a bunch of used c0nd0ms laying around

so main guy comes out and is surprized at his damage to the salloon and frenchie wants him to bring his group to calefiona

he sez they dont got enuff wagons but spent the money frenchiew gave him on a bender amnd consents

salloon owner sez: with him theres 2 kinds of women; living and dead

so i assume hes noth bio and naecro seuxal and is ok with non living people as partners

how progressive and open minded

so then we see a frenchie dance on his high heels on a barrel and do some ninja dance moves, which proves that Whites CAN dance

just look at eastern europe with their sh-t

main chickplayed by susan does sdome gypsy like dance that has little movement and main guy watches and probably gets a b0ner

then 1 cowboy grabs the ine plant and the frenchies spazz out and attack him

as plant rights are human rights

the coowboy gets p-ssed and draws his gun but main guy caps him, then finishes him after a bit

main chick sez the vines are for grapes to make wine and they wanna plant em in california as they didn;'t invenmt crack and smack yet

also she has a husband, who i assume is gonna get it sio main guy can b0ne her

oh anmd this is in the 1840s or 50s

so the next day main guy goes on and a frenchie woprros about indians comming for his kids

well, we did see slumdog millionare where they spoon out the kids eyes

the frenchies gottta keep fire burning for their ancestors spirits as they are into daemon worship or w/e

eventually theyfinally get moving and i notive thety have 7 wwagons, so they can combine them into a megazord

wtf we're like half an hour in?! THAT ELT LIKE NOTHING!

so they go across the wildlands of America but dont ruin into Sasquatch or other daemons and at night main guy and frenchies try each others b00zes

main guy hears that the baskk promice their grade schoolers in marriage but ONLY marryu em at 18 and TOTALLY never b4 that

i mean its not like frenchies are el deviento!

aint that right maRQUIS DE SADE AND TRUDEAU?

later he teaches the frenchies about americas best item; the gun!\

shoot to kill b4 it kills you

nowadfays they'd make that look bad or have counter points that dont wqork in REAL life butr arre framed to work here

so they go on andmaiin guy talks to main frenchie about how his woman bit it and maiin chick was promised to his brother

then he makes f--king chimp sounds to communicate withguys far away and they stop for the night

maain chicj is swimming, probably nude, but main guy watrches and she sees him break a mirror

he tries to make out with her but she dont consent and she knees him in the man thing

imafguine if anna kicked ytuma in the parts in yugioh zexal?

ohhh, my zubaba b-lls!

Ohhh my dododo d-ng!

Ohhh my gogogo gon-ds!

shhe goes to main frencghie and he comfortsa her and then they continue, their jhourney, to the west

its said they can get there in 2 months annd 1 frenchie woman seems tio be eeither a man or hermaphrodite

one time I was playing Samurai Shodown and faced a woman in france and said; oh no, a french woman! the most masculine of aKLLL FRENCHIES!

later I told my french canadian friend and he's like; haaa, its true!

she talks with a guy about how main chick is promised to him

later at nighht main guy ggrabs main chick and doont b0ne her but walks and talks with him andshe sez she chooses her devolved protroculture over anything annd he smoocches her as she cr-ppily resiists but submits

this would not be made today

this frenchieoh its main frenchie, uses a long gun, as the frenchies have nothing long for them, and capsa a guy

he saw something moving and shot 1st, and it was the frenchioe main chick was to marry

so they throw him in a holew in the earths a55 and have a ceremony

btw, as Florida is America's b0ner, that means America is a Right Facing Nation, as the b0ndr is on the front

So California iss on the other side and would be Americas a55

so main frenchie wishes it was him in h-ll instead of the bf and main chick sez if main guy touches her she'd ice him

yeah some b--chy frenchie can TOATALLY take an Alpha Male American

also she coulsddnt stop him from making out with her

so the frenchies wanna quit, or rather, surrender, but main chick tells em to go onand they speak french w/o subs  like its srteven speilbergs west side story

tthe hermaphrodite sez their custom is to give the woman to her next of kin and main frenchie will marry maiin frenchie in soviet california

hermaphrodite offeras main guy a glass of wine to drnk to their thing, but he dumps it on the ground as wine is deadly

imaGINE if she offered him a line of blow or a needle of smack?

so they go on to mt doom to throw the ring in and at night main guy goes to see main chick and offers her freedom ofver being french

but main frenchie comes byand has  him at gunpoint and main guy goes

they go acrosss a wasteland and theres no more water so he sez to ration

but they wanna use the wwater on the plants as planbt lives matter

so like Moses did, they crosss the desert and its a 1 hour in with adds

1 wagon breaks and they wanna divide the items among the others but maiin guy knows the horses can't take it abnd sez to ditch some cr-p

main frenchie fights him cuz frenxhies are pretty unbalanced

i notice all the attacks are clearly missing

so main guy wins cuz hes not french and tells em to cllear out their cr-p from their wagons

later a horrse bites it, waiitm, its just f'd and main guy puts a bullet in it

shge wants to get water was the mountains but he sez its indsiancountry and sjhe dont care

main guy tries to get rid of the plants but the frenchies take his guns after she has him at gunpoint

so thery goo oof and find water and jump their bodies in there despite being french and not bathing

at night main guy is being guarded by  frenchies under orders of main chiuck and he sez he gives his word as a sioldier under general washington, who they dont knowe of, but believe him

the frenchjies go to sleep and oh yeah,, this fiolm is in proper fullscreen wityh colors

so the guys go on the next day annd theiir h-llfire pot they kept burning starts a wildfire that torches the area

main guy is going off but wwarns erm of it anbdguides them to the river

imagine if this was made today it would have emn outrunning cgi flames like in the day after tomorrow how they ran from the cold air as the walls froze over

the plants wagon falls over and main frenchie and main chick try tro save em by risking their lives fort f--king plants

so main chiuck is trapped in a h-llfire and main guy goes back and saves her as her dress burns

he throws her in the water, giving her a bath for once, and he is p-ssed at her for trying to offer herself for a sacrifice for plants

so after regrouping and main chick piuts out their fire pot and hermaphrodite sez "this is sacvrilige" as i guess the fire is their frenchie god

but maiin chick sez its ok to stop some thingsd

theres a subplot of a geezer frenchjie saying The instead of Zee

main guy asnd chick grow closer like rick and lisa in robottech but then they notice the indians doing smoke signalls

to be fair, the frenchies came on their land and tporched the place

main guy sez to get out and if theres an attack; circle the weagons

so the indians have a trap at the pass and they gotta ditch the wagons andget out in horses

but frenchies decidde to attack the indians in the mountains like with the Italian Stalliuan Napolian

main guy sez if they losae the indians get their women and chilsdren, like ants taking others coloniees larva and using it as their workkers

btw, why not try a diplomatic attempt?

talk instead of chopping em up?

explain the situation and use logic?

nah the french dont have logic, they just spazz out wghen someone "wrongs" them

so they prepare for this battle and maiin guy sez for main chick to go on w//o him and she smooches him and consents to being huis womaN

BUT MAIN FRENCHIE SEEZ and f u caps lock, go get injected with monbkey sppurm

so the man anmd frenchies go off to fight the indians and the remainuing frenchies are getting ready with artificial peopple, or jinzo ningen as decoys on the wagons

1 chixk is pooping oit a frenchie baby, who assuming he made it trto his 90s, would have diied of old age in ww2

main frenchie uses a lacross scoop to throw rocks to brain damage the enemy indian snipers

the frenchies use hand signs like ninja to plan moves

i assume main frenchue will bite it abnd main guy will get the girl

the indians come closer and tthe wwagons go on and main frenchjie mmaskes his monkey sounds whgiuch freaks out ther indians and they prance around as indians fire at en with wood link arrows

the frenchies use guns and takke em out but 1 frenchie gets arrowed in da back bvy an indian

they battle on and ddespite not knowing the area, the frenchies do well as their unexpected french kung fu is an element of surprise

1 guy shanks an indian and spooks their horses off and 1 frenchie gets speared through to as tree

those are some very european looking indians

etf 1 guy is leaping around like the hulk on a ttrampoline

the indians attack the wagons but main guy jumps him and takes him off

1 frenchie gets it in the intestine and its main frenchie and after the bsattle, maiin guy and him talk about how main frenchie wwads the bravest

bravest frenche? like tallest midghet?

sso the frenchies com,e basck with their wounded and the frenchie woman cry for their dead

mauiin chick sez its her fault as she went here annd spazzes oiut and attacks the plants

main guy sez they did it for the dream and to honor their ritual sacrifice by finishjjing it

main guy; cxome hewre, i'll sghhow you something

me; is it his weener?

he shows her the great vally wherethey can grow their demon plants and practice their rituals

oity was riight there and they spent all the time and they speent all that time slaughtering each other for notyhing

wtf maiin frenchie is still alive and i got the characters wrong wghen the got got it

so main chick and main guy hug andhe carries her in his arms to the woods and the wagoons  goo oon

the end

well, that was actually kinda good

i knew nothig of thosse frenchies butthis was a nice 1800s story

no lovve scenes or nude scenes and it has a good adventure story

good jjourney to the west and it shows how people did things

yeah i dumped on those devolved frogs a lot, but i don't hate em

yeah theres bad ones, a lot actually, but not all are evil

like how most naecroes don't kill people to b0ne the body

its got decent acting and nice film work and erich von stroheim did well as usual

glad i saw it

For Thunder In The Sun 2 I want main guy and the frenchies to be living in california and have kids but the h-llhole in california where the animals fear going has styrange occurances and theres sightings of abominations and strange creatures around. eventually they have to battle them and its  an epic lord of the rinbgs thing of humans with holy weapons vs weird la blue girl monsters. Its also an 8 bit srpg on sega master system, game gear nes, game gear i mean boy, tg16, atari 7800 and lynx where you go around with 1800s frenchies on a grid and battle and gain exp and level up like Shining Force

I Saw The Light Review

 note; i spell like a country star

I Swaw The Light

This is my review on I Saw The Light from the distant future year of 2015

i never saw this b4 but its a biopic on hanmk wuillioms who was loved by gg alin

it stars Tom Hiddleston from War Horse and The Avengers and Kong: Skull Island, Cherry Jones from Erin Borckavich, back door Bradley Whitford from Thwe West wing, Adventures in Babysitting, RoboCop 3, Philadelphia Billy Madison, Kate & Leopold, The Cabin In The woods and 1 ep of SVU, Wrenn Schmidt from 1 ep of law and order, David Krumholtz from Addams Family Values, The Santa Clause, 10 Things I Hate About You, The Santa Clause 2, Josh Pais from the 90s TMNT 1, Scream 3, Phone Booth and a few eps of SVU, Jayson Warner Smith from Drop Dead Diva, nd some teens born in the 90s i never heard of

its directal by Marc Abraham who's usually a produicer

i nveer saw this b4 buyt my dad likes hank wiliams 01 and hanks grandkid hank willionas 3 hated it, but another relateive liked it

so after some credits ands title we get a cowboy singing a depressing song as credits go by

then its december in 1944 and raining like its soviet england but in the freelands of the confedetracy

this couple is gonna get divorced, wait, they were divorced and bnow are getting marrid by a gov gun instaed of a church

why not have a barmitzvah at a comic shop and read x men instead of the Temple and Torah?

then we get the main guy singing a song in a redneck bar and eventually a fight breaks out and mr hankey gets attcked

So his mommy he lives with dont feel good about him being a screw up and drives him around and b-0-ches at him over his woman being b--chy or somwthing

so hank hill goes to his band and is hammered and wait its a recording thing asnd his woman isnt with him

the manager is [p-ssed at him being a screw up and has em go live on the radio and he sez its his last program there on air

later hes reading his kid a comic book and his woman makes food and gets p-ssed that she didnt get to sing with him on thre air

later he writes a song and its based on a poem and prayer and this chick asks him to qrite her a poem bbut hanks mom sends her away

hank has a few more shows on contract and then he goes down to go on the opree but is turned down as he's 23 and dont have an appointment

but hes sent to some guy to test his mightand we get him getting a contract with a music exectutive and later he sez in a car ride that hes going my hiram after a Bible Historical Figure

later he's in bed with his woman but they aint naked and he suggests b0ning but his back is f=-=king out

then its the distant year of 1947 and he's singinga good redneck song and then he moves into a new home

so then he goes back too the station and does his radio thing with his band and lets his woman sing but the radio guys think shes cr=ppy

so these kinda biopics are not so bad to do as they just gottA have a few scenes between songs being reperformed

like an abridged series with fight scens being mini amvs

so he defends his woman and she hears and realizes shes cr-p and sez hank dont support her

she sez hes into drinking and b0ning other chix and dont care about how she buys fur coats and walks off

then we see the t-ts of a chick in his womans fur coat and its not his womana dn they kiss

so its 1948 and i thin we're free from the evil trueman and hank is all f'd out over drinkjing and his marriage cr-p

he gets a letter saying both he and woman wanna be boss but she wont submit to him and hes not a beta male so they split

after he has some spazz atttacks in a blanket for rehab or w/e, he goers out and meets with his homie

later he reads writings of his woman outing his dirtyy laundry and accusing him of weasting money and beign a drunk

he gets money from this bank thing and later is living with the dark haired b00bs in fur chick and when talking on the phone, he has to prove himnself with a band off

wait, its not the fur b00bs its the mom and she sh-ts on the wife

so he meets his wife and kid and wants her to come with him and has sent him im mean her money

she goes on about how they split and wants an official divorce and he wants anothe rttry to fix their marriage

she wants him to quit drinking and he sez he can try and they'll sing together

they smooch then we get what i think may be actual footage from the thingas its in fullscreen and they live in a trailer thats sometimes in a backyard

btw the main fim is widescreen and has black bars but is in color but its a hazy colro

then we find out that hanky got his woman pregggers and wants to be a real dad to him ubnlike his dad who wasn't there otr w/e

so hankey wants to do this song he didnt writge but his band sez its depressing and emo and gay, but he gets a shot

so later hes at a restrauant and spooning ketchup on his burger and finds his emo song got to the top of the charts

he wants to go to da opree cuz of it and then heards his womnan pood out their kid and its a boy!

the boy is like 10 lbs which might have been a tough delivery, but i've been copnstipated b4 so i know what thats like

then we see hank holding his kid whos small and i thought he was 10 lbs and he sings the song i saw the light to him

he rubns the baby';s face and its color comes off and he rubs more and finds out the baby is actually really really black!

jk thats maury!

so he chats with is woman about someone shanking a guy and hank staying straight from crime

so in 1949 he goes to the opree and preforms his emo song and its loved

then we getta universal newsreel with stuff of flying sauser sightings and how hankrey is touring amy bases in Germany

it must be connected to plan 9 from outer space

then we get ertha kitt singing santya baby as the wimmilamsd fam has a xmas party and hes in the garage wait, ioopening aand clkosing the garage and is drunk or high

how easily amused

imagine if he could see Sehga Genesis!

Altered Beast would blow his mind

then we get an intervuiew un fullzcreen and b/w of a mgm music guy ssaying how hank did songs on another name that s-cked and hanks woman was on em and also s-cked

so later mrs hankm calls man harm at his hotel and hes singing in da shower and dont hear her

later hank is being druiven and is on pills so i guess hes a junkie now, then snorts something

did they have nose candy in the 40s?

so then its 1950 and the cops come by with a high rank guy wjo wants hank to perform but his homie sez hanks toio sick

so he goes to this oytdoor show and theres a lot of 40s faMILIES AND he comes on all druink or high

so he goes on a spoken word monologue in rhyme like hes dolemite

later hanks homie talks with hank at night in the car and then we see hank viusiting his woman in the hospital

she's malcontent that hes never around and blames all her problems on him like shes a feminist or w/e

then its 1951 and hankey comes on this music thing arena annd introduces his fam, then sings his song about good looking cooking

then its later in 51 and hank sings a smoke add and gets the number of smokes in the pacxk wrong

he gives an interview and sez everyone has some datkness and he shows people it so they dont gotta take itr home

interviewer sez theres rumors that hank has booze issues and hank sez this mnedia guyis into rumors and not the truyth and walks out

seems the mesdia being evil was true in the past too

later he goers hunting with his chum and hank falls  from his devolved back

in the hospital they give him morfein and the dr sez he has spina bifita and they can operate to treat it

then we see the surgery with showing them openiung his back,m exposing his spine and cutting arounfd it with blood squirting out

jk really it skips it and he's bummed his woman wont stay with him, even though he left her for longer

they accuse each other of b0ning other people like its f--kin springer and hank jr heard

so the music guys want him to have a stand in but he wants to admit he's recoving from medical issues, but they dont wanna say it

is this a eugenics/evolution thing where they make people with bad dna look less fit to breed and less human?

in california they werre sterilizing people well into the 60s for being "unfit to breed"

so hank records a message saying hes had bacvk surgery and send it to the opree

later his woman comes back and hes gone, then she hears a gunshotr

she finds him with his head opened up  and blod everywhere

jk hes just firing his gunat the backyard and shoots the houseplant as hes goinbg mental

she sez she's done with him and then this mgm guysez hank moved in with ray rioce, who i assume is connecter to fisher price

then its a party and eveeryones smoking and drinking, which it totally different tan teens today into chronic and b0ning

hank reads accusations from mrs hasnk saying he made a lot of money but he deed naaaat heet her, its bool sh-t, he deeds naaaaat

so hank has some blonde and has a farm or ranch or something and he wishes he was back b4 getting famous

then its soviet 1952 and he goos too mgm and meets the mgm guy and he might getta part inna movie

the mhm guy wants to see hankie w/o his hat as hes got a fetish and/or wanrts to work his way to his ding d0ng

later his mommy comforts him and sez hes too good for his woman and hew goes out and sings a soing about wanting his woman to ove him

while singing he sees a cavewman looking woman but not in the animal skin bikini anmd aftewr da show comes onto her

this guy is there and hank asks her male friend if hes gonna marry her and friend sez no

hank sez he might and laster meets da parents and she has a few kids frim a past mariage at 16, wgich today is the same as 6

so they go back to hanks place and blondde is there and wants hank and sez he had a lot of chicks

cavewoman, named billy like the midnight express guy, leaves hankie

later jjimmy comes by and is p-ssed thathank didnt go to the opree evenn though he had a commitment

hank sez its a lot and jimmy sez hank has a duuty to help people wiutrh his music

later its later in 52 and jimmy lets hank go and hank is bummed

he gets his gun, puts it in his mouth and sez"i'll, see, you, all, in, h-ll," then blows his head open like in species 2 but more cg

jk really he calls billy and invites her to do stuff and later she's barfing un this cabin

wait its the blonde and shes pregnant

and he IS da father!

black guys: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

so they smoke and drtink even though shes got a baby inn the oven and its gonnas damage the kid

shhe wants to get married and wyf her name is biully jean like the michael jackson song

wow this is all done in 1 long take for the whole scene

so mgm guy sez he married billy and left boddy (oh, itsd not billy jean, its bobby jean) and he tried to get hankie new work

then this special dr comes to help hankie with his devolution or w/e

the dr iis cr-ppy and used bad drugs instead of pressure points and natural remedies

didsnt this happen to michael jackson?

also; his women are billy and bobby

what next? bunny? boney? booty?

so hank sings the song about cheeting heart, which sounds like a springer care bear

later habnk jr ghets a call from habnk dr and hank jr has a cho cjho train

hannk wants his son to ssee him and come by but 1st woman sez no

so hanks coughing and sees  hes got a list of dates to play

later hes being drivewn by his billy as unlike many wrd world countrues, women can drive in 1950s America

they arte going to his mommy and hank sez sorry for everything

mgm sez he had 2 shows to play and got a homies son to ddrive him and hes smoking and coughing

but any comnnection between those 2 is MISINFORMATION, and CONSPIRACY and PARANOIA! as the scientists say tobacco is safe and healthy!

he sez bye to his woman and goes off and gives 1 more show

wait, at the showe a guy sez hank bit it in his car on the way there

poochie died on the way to his home planet

then the guys on the area sing I Saw The Light to the people there

tthen we get footage of his thing and a narrator sez he died at 29 of heart damage and did like 36 songs in 6 years

i blame the booze, like errol flynn

also billy jean lived decades after him and well into the 21st century

they could have had 60 years together!

but booze and smokes f'd him dead!

then credits to hank music

the end

that was pretty good

nice soolid biopic of a man who made a mark

good style and feel

nice actiong andwrtiting

it had his actrual music

wtf threy rhyme jambalaya witn bayou?!

thats not how english worrks!

put yoh hanz inn da ei ya, if yu uh troo pla ya!

but i knew litt;le of hankie and this was not bad to me

glad i saw it

hANK wILLIAMs The Movie was pretty good

For I Saw The Lighjt 2 I want it to be about his kid with the blonde growing up and findinfg that not only was her dad hank aaron or w/e, but that he's descended from ancient bards who had a talent for music that let him connect witrh people, So she goes on a quest with the bards around today which have relocated to Alaska and traiuns with them but fight a tribe of bears that are descended by daemons who want to prevent her finishing her training and gaining the ability to use music to negate enemies. Also itsa an 8 bit RPG on Nes, Game Boy, Sega Master System, Gamer Gear, TG`16, Atyari 7800 and Lynx where you play ass her and use music as magic spells, kinda like the Game Gear Lunar Gam,e.

The Return Of Chandu Review

 Note: I spell like itsd the 30sd

The Return of Chandu

Rhis isa my reviwew on The Return of Chandu from 1934 (50 years before Transformers G1 and and 110 years before the 3rd Robotech War)

Its the movie version of a 12 part film serial thats based on a radio serial, but this covers the 1st arc, Sorta like the Fist of the North Star movie

Its direcyal by Ray Taylor who did nothink I know of and stars Belass Lugosi from Plan 9 From Outer Space, Lucien Prival from The Racket, Bride of Frankenstein and The Great Dictator, Murdock MacQuarrie from Bride Of FRanklenstein, The 30s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Wilfred Lucas from Intolerance, Flesh and Blood, Santa Fe Trail, Mary O f Scotland and The Deviol Doll, Josef Swickard from The 20s The King Of Kings, Wizard of Oz and Dante's Inferno and The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and some 1800s dudes i never heard of homie yo wigg;le wiggle blickewtee black

I never saw this b4 but I like movies based on shows

so aftewr credits and title, we get a trsain 0or plANE STATIUONA D FRANK CHANDLER FROM FREIENDS IS COMIGN FROM THE COUNTRY THE OTHER YUGI CAME from with its princess

the princess seesm more mexican but its the 30s and anythiong non america is the same

chandler is delayed and somepeople get toghetehr and have a dance but the pirnces sis worried abouit being in sovietyy california, as i guess she knew it would devolve into mad max 1984

princess comforts i mean is comforted by this lady and later soem guys claiming to be chandlers hgomies come by and princess senses them being dangrous

also this is in b/w and is in proper fullscreen so no black bars weating half the image to fake looking cool

a beardo ASKS a guy where something si and later these guys say the princess was almost kidnapped and something about chandu the magician, which was rthe last movies title

lady tell the guys to go as the princess sences something and they get ready 

beardo has a guy take an item and then we see a plane comming in and guys comming in da station

the guys and their chicks look through name cards and fiund something and bela lugosi is on da pjhone and princess tells him to come and he sez he will

bela rubs his magic ring and i think vanishes or something, i dont know, i looked away, and 2 ghuys look in an empty phoine booth and the light is on

so princxess talks with people about some cr-p i can hardly hear and go to the main hall and have a toast by beardo

but then bela comes in and hes chandu and beardo flees with his homie

bela notices something with the guy brardo talked to and he tells him to meet him in the library later

bela tells princess that the reason people try to kidnap her is cuz of lemuria the lost continent

the lemurians wanna sacrifice the princess to bring back their thing and i think this is where nadia the secret of blue water got it from b4 disney ripped it off to make that atlantis movie

and according to wikipedia, chandu took a poiisn gl;ass of wine out of her hand b4 she drank it but i wasnt looking

bela grills the guy in the library and i think hes hhypnotizes and as her talks, this skiper uses a blow dart to j fk him

chandoo dodges the other darts and calls in the princess like a dumba55 when a smniper is just outside

he sez she escaped being iced and sez theres a meeting place of bad guys in soviet los angelas, which explains why they go there; cuz its f--kin evil!

in some lair, this turban guy puts on a cape and has a daemon ritual before a graven idol to forsee the future, and he sees chanfu

later chandoo talks to the muesum about sendign a mummy and then talks to princess about how the cops dont believe in magic

so then they go off and therse delivery men drive a vehicle by the museum but there are guys in the car hindign behiund the seat like thgat urban legend

later a gardener gives princess a flower when shes in a chair on the porch

Later Chandoo gets a boat hired for later and drives back but back in the place the princess is, shes somehow knocked out, i wasnt looking, and a guy tried to carry her off

if she was fat then he coudlnt, like that ps3 game, fat princess

so he hides in the closet and after these friends go in and out, he comes out and oh wiat, its the gardneer whos doing this

so he has her hid in a trunk and the delivery guys from the museum put her trunk inb and carry hewr off

so bela comes back and evenbtually they find shes gone and goes after where he somehow knows they are going in a car as he is that good like batman or w/e

so the delivery guys rbing the thing shes iin, a huge carco[phagus, which is probably made of stone and should weigh too much for 2 guys to carry

although 1800s people were tougher

teddy roosevelt walked off a bullet hole butn j fk wentg to h e double ireland from it

so bela stops and rubs his rin and has a skype call with hsi sensei or w/e who tells him toi have faith when he asks tom find her

he tells his younger male companion like robin or jimmy olson that its black magic whos strong that hes fighting

they drive on, wait, they were parked in a winding road in claiforna?! I played Road Rash! Tahts asking for a body count!

so they stop at a house an dbela goes in and looks around and in another place, the bad guy sez he can wake her up when he wants and will take her to the harbor

bela rubs his ring and by that i dont mean he's j-rkin off, and i thin he turns invisible and goes in this closet to the ritual room in the basement where d&d nerds do secks rituals to summon their characvters

he moves sh-t around and turns visible and the goons look at him

then he brings the princess upas hes strong enough to carry a full human on his own power, and drives off with her

turbano comes in and sees his men spazzing out and he finds the chan doo got the girl

So klandu tries his magics on her to wake her up and then we see some shiphands moving items in sneakyness

hsi magic isnt waking her up but as they say; when god gives you lemopns, you find a new god!

this creeper on board hides in a closet ad chandoo tells the frienbds that the black magfic is too strong and he needs tpo do some new cr-p

cvhandu talsk to da captain and the friends see a light moving at night

its the invid! call the zentraedi!

so beardo sneaks in the room and waint, he catches a guy sneaking and drags him out b4 a really cre-ppy punch on the floor

then ties him up and goes back to princesses room and this sleeping princes thing is like that zelda game

it cuts away so i assume he b0ned her and he waves a flashlight on the window and this small boat comes by

i think beardo is the main bad guy but no turban and tells her an order and uses magics to wak her up under his control

he carrys her out and the tied up guy egts uop and out of his bindings and alearts the ship

so beardo has the princess at knifepoint on the deck and chandoo uses his mind control to make her drop the knife, i mean him

they use the lights on his eyes like in his other 30s films

princess walks towards chanfoo and beardo falls in the water but is caught by his men in the boat who drive away

so the boat has some damage and the lady who assists the princess finds a body

so then they are in some foreign place and princess gets a note from chandu to meet her somewhere and she goes but in the car senses danger

chandoo coems back and finds she went out but he sez he never sent a note

1 scens has a native dance of some gaijin spazzing out with knifces in her hands or w/e

this decroded chick ses shes doing a death dance and princess and her friend are captive

oh and beardo is in the building and sez both chicks will be sacrificed

chan doo comes in this bar and sees the knife dance and writes somethingfor his little buddy to send

so then the bad guy beardo is gonna ritual sacrifcie the girls in this fire thin

chandu mind controls this cloak guy and comes down deiguised in his cloak

as they are gonna do her, he fight emn and theres a big chgaotic fight scene

bela fights the bad guy on a upper area and sometimes its stunt doubles and eventually, the beardo falls off and into the fire pit

so then bela and his princess is safe and she thinks her problems are over

then these guys holding big a55 king kong gates opn up and it sez trhe end

the end

that was good

nice solid 30s action

sorta what Batman TAS was based on

Good twists and trill

nice flow and style

its only like an hour long so they add like over 20 mins of adds on tv

i think its public domain and holds up pretty well

nice exotic adventure

for The Return Of Chandu 2 i want the ewicked goddess the guy worships to bring him back as a booked zombie and he goes on a rampage to get revenge on Chandu by tearing off chunks of pepple and adding their flesh to his own to make him stronger. Eventually he faces Chandu and Chandu has found Christianity and rebukes the evil and the evil cooked zombie flesh golem asplodes in a big meaty burst and he saves the girl. Also its an 8 bit gaME LIKE sPELLCASTER but on Matser System, Game Gear, Nes, Gmae Boy, TG16 and Atari 7800 and Lynx where you play as \the bad guy for most of the game getting flesh from people, but the last level is you as Chabndu ecafing his attacks and blastying Holy Wordsa at him

The Lone Gun Review

 note; i spell like a cow boy, but not a furry who's cow like, nor a minotaur

The Lone Gun

This is my review on The Lone Gun from the Distant Future Year of 194 (90 years before the 3rd Robotech War)

Its directal by Ray Nazarro who did dozens or=f films i never saw

It stars George Montgomery from ZBlack Patch, Dorothy Malone from Basic Insinct 01, Frank Faylen from Gone withg the Wind and The Grapes of Wrath, Neville Brand from The Birdmasn of AlcatrZ, Douglas Kennedy fro Life With Father, Douglas Fowley from Mighty Joe Young and 7 Faces of Dr. Lao, Fay Roope from The Day the Earth Stood Still amd From Here to Eternity, Robert J. Wilke from 20 000 leagues under te sea and From Here to Eternity and Spartacus, and some dfudes i never saw in other cr-p

i never saw this but its on Grot i mean Grit and is ony like 74 mins accortding tyo wikiupediA, SO that means we're getting 45 mins of commercials

holy cr-p its written by Richard Schayer who did The Dragon Painter

I liked that one

spo after logo's and title and credits, i see its in propler full screen and has kinda faded color but still more than most things today

then text saying in the frontier of texas; the strong and evil overpower the weaker noble ones like hokuto no ken or violence jack

a guy on horse comes by another guy named fairewheartyher like the chick in power rangers lightspeed rescue, but horseman wont give his name, wait, its cruz

faireweatrher, or fw is doing geographical cr-p and is friendly but cruz is stern

they ride oof and later gw wants to play cards and reveals hes a super elite  card player like Mai in Yugioh

in 1 toiwn 3 guys got capped and the townsfolk strung the alleged killer up

fw dont like when men take the law into their hands but cruz dont care for da law

then fw fires by cruz who goes nuts but its revealed there was a black snake by him

but the snake is harmless and fw shot an innocent snake, who was probably also a virgin

and the snake was UNARMED! lITERALLY!

so the next day they go to a bar and 1 barkeep sez theres a rrancher nearby who has many unmarked caTTLE

wait, its them comming to town now and it was 2 homies

1 guy recognizes gw from old el paso for jyuuing him in a card game

as fw is outta money, the gut is gonna jack gw's things so cruiz sez n and the guy slugs him

they fight and 1 part in the chaos has gw shank a guys artm to get his gun

fw sez he only remembers guy who beat him and cruz dont buy the story of the thugs saying he took em for 500$

fw is gonna sell a saddle and sh-t and maytor talks with cruyz about wanting him to be marshall

the last guy broke the law more than follow it and thinks cruyz is tough

cruz was marshakll b4 and didn't like it, so mayor trys guilting him into it

You know u wwanna, all the cool kids asre dooin t

so cruz becomes marshal and meets fw again who has jyuued the peopler in card games to make money

Fw sez he wants to have a casino of his own and cruz sez he wants to prrevent violence

then thebad guy steals a buncha cows and brands em with his oogo, kinda like those ants that steal other colonies lareva and use them as workers for their queen

after that montage, the rancher tellls the marshall and fw sez where the bad guys are so cruz goes off

at there he seez da cowz and goos oover but a chick shoots off his hat

in the real version she blew off the end of his thing

she sez her and her bro own in (bro own? B0NE?!) and bro and his droogs come by

he sez word has it they have only a few cows but they say they got more from old el paso

hes gonna look bt they say he needs a warrent so he good too get oone

1 guy sez he didnt like them using stolen cows and dont want em icing the shgerif

its her bro and she hears and is unp[leaszed by his using stolen goods

you know, as killing the unborn is called "reproductive" care, then slasvery would be seen as "property rights, and the underground railroad woiuld be a "stolen property ring"

legally its accurate, but ethically, yeah

so bro owns the gang 3000$ which is a lot in w.e this is

so chick goes to warn cryuz that the bad guys wanna ice him and her bro wants to quit the gang but its hard

So da baddz go to town and try to j fk him as he comes by and as hes going is fired on but falls and hits the shrubs

1 guy comes at him and he counters  and takes him out

then picks off the guy in the tower, who falls out the window

bro is grilled by cruz on the 2 guys and how their horses have his brand

fw tal;ks with main guy about how fw has to check his derringer in this place

bro tries to getta lone but is denied as he needs better credit

the badds talks about how bro wants to get money from the saloon  to get free from their indentured servitude, so they gonna do sh-t

so bro seez da barkeep and fw offers him a card game abnnd they play as the badds come in

they ssee fw's gun and barkeep lets emsee and handle it

they talk to bro about the money he owns em and bro wants them out of his life

they offer him a card game tyo deciude the destiny; winner gets either the ranch or the 3000$

if you lose the duel you lose your soul

fw deals and shucffles but is in control like the shapelings of prpotpoculture

it shows their cards but i dont know what it means, then they discard to draw new cards

so bro wins and is then cappped with fws gun and cruz came by

the guys who are bad say fw did it and wanna string him up but ted cruz sez "he's in custody"

this just went j fk 2 electric boogaloo

so fw is in jaile and cruz and fw talk about if he did it

fw sez a 3 of spades is showing up a lot and that the bad guys money wwas on the line, not his and they had the motive

also as he gypped a lotta guys in games,theres not many guys who dont hate him in town

terry cruz comes by da chicks ranch and gives him i mean her the money he won

she goes on about how she had plans for doing sh-t with him b4 the bad guys came in and f'd em

he wants her to testfy but bad guycomes by and sez sh-t so main guy cruz beats his a55 through a wood fence into a trough

so he arrests him and takes him in but bad guys homies are gonna try to free him

they ride in firing but mai  gguy returns fire anfd there a car chase in 1800s style; living cars; the horses!

the chasers split up and open fire but no one gets hit

so mai guy gets hit ands s9oome mexicanioos come by and fire on them to save maiin guy

its the mexicvios from the chicvvkls farm and ui think bad guy gotta way

the badds goons try using hot coals to heat the middle link in his handcuffs as he slowly cooks in a creamy basil sause

so they plan to get fw and use him as the bait and after cooking fior a bit, they shoot through the chainlonk and then it breaks after he jerks his arms apart

so chick treats soma cruzs arm and sez sge saw the men changing brands and he wants her to tekll the law it

she agrees and the bads come by da jail and tell barkleepo to tell cryz whjere to go

they go in abnd make the secretary take off his shackles and get him the keys to the jail

they beat him out and while hes out, ccap hium in the jailcell with a nearby gun, then go out wuth fw

in the real version they b0ned him dead

later dr sez secretary would bite it froim skull cracking amnd the town thinks he did it

cruz finds the 3 of spades and sez hes going after the bad guys and barkleep sez main guy is in on it with fw

chuick out the bads and main guy wants to go with a posse to get the bsads but mayor wont give em any men

barkeep gets the guys to make mayer ask for his badge and hee refuses to return it

he sez how this town is a buncha candya55es who say they want peace but wont do anything of it

also the barkeep working for the bads and turning peoople againdst the good guy is like the media making te Good guys look bad when their masters fear em

so main guy chats with chick who sez for once she wishes she were a man so she can fight but he sez hes glad shes not and goes off

to be fair, in golden axe, streets of rage and Contra Hard Corps, there are bada55 chicks who fight as well as any man

plus Lillian Gish was a bada55 shot and was a real firecracker for like a century

so the bads talk with fw and how cruz might getta posse and they think no one will stand wth him

Sobarkeep comes back and tells em that only cruz is comming and will put things up where they f cruz up

so main guy sees barkeep and catches him annd figures it out but barkeep denies it

he followed the tracks and brings him with him and meanwhile, fw is cooking for then

so cruz and barkeep come by and find the handcuff sna dhe handcuffs barkeepm  to a ttree for the sasquatch to b0ne dead and if he don't come back, he's gonna bite it

then main guy outs on barkeeps coat and hat and takes his horse and comes up

the badds see him and think its barkkeep and he goes up with hsi head low so they dont see his face ebhind the hat

he jumps out and takes him hostage and has a gun in his back

he brings him up as a hostyage and has the bads at gunpoint wherre he can just cap em all now

but he dont as this has to end in a fight

he has fw get the bads guns but the main bad catches him and holds him hostage

the 3red bad statd going to attck him and main bad dont care if his bro gets it

fw sez take a chance and aftewr some slow movement the other bad and main guy firte and both hiostAGE BROP AND OTHER GUY GTE IT

main bad trys to fire but feww fights him and he falls in the fire for a sec a55 1st

main guy fights main bad and they fall off a cliff but its not far and main bad puills a switchblade

after a fight for liek 2 mins, main guy beats his a55 and oh yeah, the bad confessed as he thought the main giuuy wouldnt life

so main guy brings in bad guy and barkeep and fw is cleared

they are gonna have a trial and ride to town

the end

that was nice

solid good vs evil western about honor and duty

sorta like a samurai film

good acting and the bad guys are good andf bad and the god guys are bad a55

cool manly and strong and brave

i liked it

now to ruin it for the cr-ppy sequel

For The Lone Gun 2 I want the trial to find the main bad guy not guilty as the hatred of the fairweather is too high and they end the cruz's work as sherrif or marsdhall or w/e. So he gets on a mask and goes around as a dark hero who takes people out who do crimes in the night and uses a long blade to slice through the enemies. also he finds the main bad guy from before was actually a mastermind behind all the wrongs in the area and has finished his daemon rituals to gain unhgoly powers and now can fire blasts of evil ki and dont need a gun, so he uses a holy blade blessed by a priest to slict through it andf take him on. Its also an 8 bit Sega Master System, Ners, Game Gear, Gameboy, TG16 Arati 7800 and Jaguar game where you play as the cruz and go through these shaded inked levels and fight people who submitted to the main bad guys daemon rituals to be devolved into power abiminations

Tomahawk Review

 Note: I spell GETTER CHANGE!

Tomahawk

This is my review on Tomahawn from ther distant furture year of 1951 (81 yyears before both The 3rd Robotech War and Transformers Battlestars The Return of Convoy)

Its dirtected by George Sherman wwho did Big Jake

It stars Van Heflin from Santa Fe Trail, the 40s Madame Bovary and The Greatest Stiory Ever Told, Yvonne De Carlo from The Munsters, The Ten Commsandmentrs and How The West Was Won, Alex Nicol from The Twilight Zone and The Screaming Skull, Preston Foster from Doctor X and I Am a Fugitive from a Chain Gang, Jack Oakie from The Great Dictator and the 30ss Alice in Wonderland, Tom Tully from The Moon Is Blue, Rock Hudson from Embryo, Susan Cabot from The Wasp Woman, Arthur Space from The Swarm, Russ Conway from The War of the Worlds and The Screaming Skull, Ann Doran from  Rebel Without a Cause, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, His Girl Friday, Yankee Doodle Dandy, The Snake Pit, and some 1900s dudes i never knew of

i never saw this b4 but heard its good

so after logo, we get an axe hit and treee and title then credits

then we gt a narratorsaying in wyoming in 1966, or 76, i didnt hear, theres 2 groups of men ready bto battle over issues and attacks

narraTOR GOES ON LIKE ITS PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE AND THE SUU VS aM,ERICA

main guy is here to mediate and sez the suu are being forced back by treaties and theres a trail being made to gold over the suu's hunting ground

main guy sez theres another trail they can take and America should make a compromise

but America sez he's got a bias towards the indians as hes friends with em

1 suu cheif speaks english and now knows they wer egonna jyuu him

he tells his people things in his language and leaves and main guy sez he sed the american repsmare liars

well, they DO work for the gov

oh and there was a fort coming up being made or something

an army guy says they will keep the fort on the suu land and wants main guy to be hisn scout but he don;';t consent

theres a lutenent there that main guy isnt keen on and after seeing him, he agrees to jion the scouting thing

then we see main guy trading card i mean items with the suu and 1 drunk guy slugs main gjy but he lets it slide

to quote hank hill; if i hit him bnack, its a fight, if i don't, itds assault

main guy tells a leader not to start a war as America is too strong and leader sez he wants to appropriate White protoculture but the Americans want him to go too fast

in another place, a wagon guy wants to go by but the army dont give protection for anything less than 5 wagons

he needs to get to wherever hes going fast as its costing him 500$ a day

the lutenent goes with em and munsters chick comes along on a route to get to thw place

at night even though its clearly day and just edited coloring, munsters sez her uncle is going to vierginia tro get da gold

luutenent sees some indian teens and caps 1 but another gets awaym which i;m surprised they were allowed to do in the 50s

luutenent sez to his sergent to say he fired at a fgox and missed, then they hide the body

imagine if they disposed of the evidence by eating it?

i mean he is the bad guy, go fulkl rikioh

btw this is in proper fullscreen and is well colored

the next day munsters talks with lutenent and he sez he was wounded in 63 and now is a good indian fighter after going on missdions to take em out

kinda like how europe celebrats its "elimnination" of downs syndrome by taking out the unborn suspected of it

or asia celebrationg how they have sons by executing their daughters

lurtenent goes on and sees a skull with blask pictuires on it and goesa on

then main guy comers by and sees it and sez theres trouble and goos oon

then we see suu guys on horses hiding by the edges of this sand deep thing and 1 pulls a j fk on the uncle and gets him in the heart

lutenent goos after them with a guy but loses track of em

then they come by main guy and his womana dn homie and wanna know where the suu went

main guy sez they are skilled with the horses a55 and can go places neither lutnenet nor main guy can go and lutenent goes off

so lutenent pulls the arrow out of uncle and hes ok and just needs some rest, wait, he dont and they gotta drive easy to avoid the wagon bouncing causing uncle to bite it

lutenendt dont ike main guys wife as shes red and they go to the fort

in there, munsters looks nervous at all the  men there like they are gonna b0ne and ice her

like its violence jack or berserk or something

lutenent tells his suyperior of the uncle getting shanked but donbt say how he started it as it makes his side look bad and the side he hates look good

like the media and news lying about those it dont like

the army guys are nice to main guy but not to his woman and he dont like it

this is actual racism, not just "he disagreed, i'm triggered"

main guy sez the suu wouldnt attack for no reason and sergent sez there was no incident that happened b4

but later main guy confronts him and sergent tells that these 2 indian kids were stealing hiorses so lutenent capped one

i thought those were the indian kids horses

so they were theives?

in roman times they crucifgied theives

in samurai times they used them for weapons testing by seeing how many a Katana can cut through in 1 swing

in mus lim countyries, they slive off theives arms

in soviet los angelas this korean was sick of shoplifters and opened fire on 2 of em

later munsters sez the dr sez the arrowhead is too close to uncles heart and wont operate so she gets main guy to do so

so main guy does the surgery and its all offscreen with showiung their faces and above the nips

so tyhe surgery was a success and munsters wants to have main guy be a dr or her bf or something

luutenent talks with munsters over how main guy is biased IN FAVOR OF THE INDIANS AND thhat he's married to the indian woman

then we see the suu going on a buffalo run and then we see main guy seeing some suu going around in the woods

so then the soldiers see a soldfier coming but it was a suu in soldiers outfit and i wasn't looking as i was dealing wih cr-p on discord

so a letter comes in and now the army wants to fight the suu

so munsters said main guy wanted her to look after his woman but she didn't consrent and she talks with uncle about it

2 women try to help main guys wife with english and they talk about it

munsters goes  out on horse and wife sees

main guys homie thinks theres gonna be something awful toimorrow and superior officer colonel wonders what is the deal with main guy and lutenent

col wonders what side main guy will choose and main guy dont give an answer

the next day the bugeler gets j fk'd by an arowr and main guy goies out i think

main guy attacks this indian on a horse and its the guy who punched him

he tackles him off the horse and fights and i think ends him but then sees munsters and gets her to a safe place as the horse goes off

she sez something about his wife and he reveals she isn't his wife and tells a long sotry

years back was a shai an who made a treatry and later some guys came by and went to kae the west safe fpor White Men whoiced 200 people in the shai an's village

chopped em up and probably b0ned em dead

the chick we thought was the wife was the sister of main guys wife and had a kid and both were iced

now he's goping like The Crow and takling out those who did it

wtf we're in the last act, the movies almost over!

that went by quick

so the indians come back to the area and have the body of the drunk guy who attacked main guy and its the son of the cheif

he puts a gee haad on them and oh wait, its made to look like night but really its clear day and tinted

munsters bnickers weith main guy about some cr-p and i think they are back in the fortress maximus and main guy tells how the guy he icxed was the cheifs fave son

were the other sons j-rk offs?

was this like Joseph and the Technicolor Drewam Coat where the other sons were gonna execute the good one?

so lutenent talks with munsters about how hes gonna get the indians and comes onto her but she dont consent

he unzips and a long crwam coolored tentacle comes out and wiggles aroung before going in her mouth!

jk really she goes to talk with uncle and sez he dont get it as hes a man so he sez talk to a wo man

a team of men goes out for firewood and munsters meets not wife and gives her a necklase thing and they smile

a lady comers in and reveals not wife is learning english most good ing

ireegardless of a education, son of a b--ches am a whole nother leverls of bads the grammers

colonel i mean sergent accuses main guy of his homie beging a worker of the indians and having told tbhem as rthe war drums started after he left

a group goes out and munsters comes out and tells main guy that lunentent weas in the group that attacked thew village asn he mentioned being in it b4 in the film

so lutenent meets with troops who say they chased 20 off and took out 2 of em

luteneing sees guys by a hill and figures he cant lose and will get a propmotion and goes after em

they chase em and get to em, then draw sabers and charge but the indians flee and a huge swarm of indians come out and arrow them

the surviving kid who he went at b4 was there and fires an arrow at him

so main guuy comes out with guys and findsalitenent and his duedes iced, then main guys homie comes by saying that a lot of weapons came by and now are gonna get the ammo\

lutenent is not dead dead and wait its not him, its a peeon who sez lutenent did it for a promotion

survivor sez someone went out by the hills and wait, its lutenent who booked it and left his men to be iced

the survuiiving horse theif kid chases him and fights him in the water

wait, the kid is watching and main guy fights luitenendt

yuu keela mai fah muh lee, nowa yuu dai!

so louteneint sez he wwas only following orders to ice the vollage and his fam and the kid j fk's him in the back as main guy lifts him up

my mom noticed the protection pad on his back where the arrow hit, which she has cr-ppy eyes and this would be more visiable ion the big screen

main guy returnns and sez the kid j fk'd the guy and the tropps get the emmo wagons back to the fort

a swarm of indians comers over the hill and the army gets ready to battle

they say their chants or cast spells or w/e and main guy sez the enemy will attack in waves to keep em from reloading, but these new hguns can reload 3x as fast like char's red zaku

the cheif comes by and gives the signal that ssays they fight til 1 or both sides is dead

the enemy atatacks and is taken outso they send another wave comes out, only to be mowed down again

what is this? warsong on sega genesis? ala langrisser 01?

this goes on until the cheif comes down withn his trops but stops and collects his mens bodies

col spares him and dont fire and later goes to washington to get a new treaty

main guy sez it was the guns that beat them and the gov closes the fort

yeah but those were made by them

so narrator sez about how the indians get kind of a win in 1868 and will go on for 30 years

the end

oh and this was based on actual events

But that was pretty good

Nice effects and acting

Good music and color

It had good flow and didn't draG

iT had good twists that kinda holds up

It shows how the gov make some people treated bad, but didn't make America look like "the bad guy" like modern things do

For Tomohawk 2 I want a few of the Suu to be disgruntled by thew gov and make a wicked pack witrh their peoples past al;lies: The Sasquatch. They raise an attack on nearby America Towns to drive out the Americans to get back the lands they feel were taken, But Thomas Edison has made a new electric armor that allows Humans to fight on par with Sasquatch. So he sends a team of Humans in Power Armor and thery face the Sasquatch in their kindsa ancient combat ritual, where the winner gets the land. Also its a 16 bit Tournament Fighter on Sega Genesis, Snes, TG16, Atari Jaguar and GBA where you platy as a Human or Sasquatch and battle the other team until you face the sasquatch emperor