Friday, April 22, 2022

The Lone Gun Review

 note; i spell like a cow boy, but not a furry who's cow like, nor a minotaur

The Lone Gun

This is my review on The Lone Gun from the Distant Future Year of 194 (90 years before the 3rd Robotech War)

Its directal by Ray Nazarro who did dozens or=f films i never saw

It stars George Montgomery from ZBlack Patch, Dorothy Malone from Basic Insinct 01, Frank Faylen from Gone withg the Wind and The Grapes of Wrath, Neville Brand from The Birdmasn of AlcatrZ, Douglas Kennedy fro Life With Father, Douglas Fowley from Mighty Joe Young and 7 Faces of Dr. Lao, Fay Roope from The Day the Earth Stood Still amd From Here to Eternity, Robert J. Wilke from 20 000 leagues under te sea and From Here to Eternity and Spartacus, and some dfudes i never saw in other cr-p

i never saw this but its on Grot i mean Grit and is ony like 74 mins accortding tyo wikiupediA, SO that means we're getting 45 mins of commercials

holy cr-p its written by Richard Schayer who did The Dragon Painter

I liked that one

spo after logo's and title and credits, i see its in propler full screen and has kinda faded color but still more than most things today

then text saying in the frontier of texas; the strong and evil overpower the weaker noble ones like hokuto no ken or violence jack

a guy on horse comes by another guy named fairewheartyher like the chick in power rangers lightspeed rescue, but horseman wont give his name, wait, its cruz

faireweatrher, or fw is doing geographical cr-p and is friendly but cruz is stern

they ride oof and later gw wants to play cards and reveals hes a super elite  card player like Mai in Yugioh

in 1 toiwn 3 guys got capped and the townsfolk strung the alleged killer up

fw dont like when men take the law into their hands but cruz dont care for da law

then fw fires by cruz who goes nuts but its revealed there was a black snake by him

but the snake is harmless and fw shot an innocent snake, who was probably also a virgin

and the snake was UNARMED! lITERALLY!

so the next day they go to a bar and 1 barkeep sez theres a rrancher nearby who has many unmarked caTTLE

wait, its them comming to town now and it was 2 homies

1 guy recognizes gw from old el paso for jyuuing him in a card game

as fw is outta money, the gut is gonna jack gw's things so cruiz sez n and the guy slugs him

they fight and 1 part in the chaos has gw shank a guys artm to get his gun

fw sez he only remembers guy who beat him and cruz dont buy the story of the thugs saying he took em for 500$

fw is gonna sell a saddle and sh-t and maytor talks with cruyz about wanting him to be marshall

the last guy broke the law more than follow it and thinks cruyz is tough

cruz was marshakll b4 and didn't like it, so mayor trys guilting him into it

You know u wwanna, all the cool kids asre dooin t

so cruz becomes marshal and meets fw again who has jyuued the peopler in card games to make money

Fw sez he wants to have a casino of his own and cruz sez he wants to prrevent violence

then thebad guy steals a buncha cows and brands em with his oogo, kinda like those ants that steal other colonies lareva and use them as workers for their queen

after that montage, the rancher tellls the marshall and fw sez where the bad guys are so cruz goes off

at there he seez da cowz and goos oover but a chick shoots off his hat

in the real version she blew off the end of his thing

she sez her and her bro own in (bro own? B0NE?!) and bro and his droogs come by

he sez word has it they have only a few cows but they say they got more from old el paso

hes gonna look bt they say he needs a warrent so he good too get oone

1 guy sez he didnt like them using stolen cows and dont want em icing the shgerif

its her bro and she hears and is unp[leaszed by his using stolen goods

you know, as killing the unborn is called "reproductive" care, then slasvery would be seen as "property rights, and the underground railroad woiuld be a "stolen property ring"

legally its accurate, but ethically, yeah

so bro owns the gang 3000$ which is a lot in w.e this is

so chick goes to warn cryuz that the bad guys wanna ice him and her bro wants to quit the gang but its hard

So da baddz go to town and try to j fk him as he comes by and as hes going is fired on but falls and hits the shrubs

1 guy comes at him and he counters  and takes him out

then picks off the guy in the tower, who falls out the window

bro is grilled by cruz on the 2 guys and how their horses have his brand

fw tal;ks with main guy about how fw has to check his derringer in this place

bro tries to getta lone but is denied as he needs better credit

the badds talks about how bro wants to get money from the saloon  to get free from their indentured servitude, so they gonna do sh-t

so bro seez da barkeep and fw offers him a card game abnnd they play as the badds come in

they ssee fw's gun and barkeep lets emsee and handle it

they talk to bro about the money he owns em and bro wants them out of his life

they offer him a card game tyo deciude the destiny; winner gets either the ranch or the 3000$

if you lose the duel you lose your soul

fw deals and shucffles but is in control like the shapelings of prpotpoculture

it shows their cards but i dont know what it means, then they discard to draw new cards

so bro wins and is then cappped with fws gun and cruz came by

the guys who are bad say fw did it and wanna string him up but ted cruz sez "he's in custody"

this just went j fk 2 electric boogaloo

so fw is in jaile and cruz and fw talk about if he did it

fw sez a 3 of spades is showing up a lot and that the bad guys money wwas on the line, not his and they had the motive

also as he gypped a lotta guys in games,theres not many guys who dont hate him in town

terry cruz comes by da chicks ranch and gives him i mean her the money he won

she goes on about how she had plans for doing sh-t with him b4 the bad guys came in and f'd em

he wants her to testfy but bad guycomes by and sez sh-t so main guy cruz beats his a55 through a wood fence into a trough

so he arrests him and takes him in but bad guys homies are gonna try to free him

they ride in firing but mai  gguy returns fire anfd there a car chase in 1800s style; living cars; the horses!

the chasers split up and open fire but no one gets hit

so mai guy gets hit ands s9oome mexicanioos come by and fire on them to save maiin guy

its the mexicvios from the chicvvkls farm and ui think bad guy gotta way

the badds goons try using hot coals to heat the middle link in his handcuffs as he slowly cooks in a creamy basil sause

so they plan to get fw and use him as the bait and after cooking fior a bit, they shoot through the chainlonk and then it breaks after he jerks his arms apart

so chick treats soma cruzs arm and sez sge saw the men changing brands and he wants her to tekll the law it

she agrees and the bads come by da jail and tell barkleepo to tell cryz whjere to go

they go in abnd make the secretary take off his shackles and get him the keys to the jail

they beat him out and while hes out, ccap hium in the jailcell with a nearby gun, then go out wuth fw

in the real version they b0ned him dead

later dr sez secretary would bite it froim skull cracking amnd the town thinks he did it

cruz finds the 3 of spades and sez hes going after the bad guys and barkleep sez main guy is in on it with fw

chuick out the bads and main guy wants to go with a posse to get the bsads but mayor wont give em any men

barkeep gets the guys to make mayer ask for his badge and hee refuses to return it

he sez how this town is a buncha candya55es who say they want peace but wont do anything of it

also the barkeep working for the bads and turning peoople againdst the good guy is like the media making te Good guys look bad when their masters fear em

so main guy chats with chick who sez for once she wishes she were a man so she can fight but he sez hes glad shes not and goes off

to be fair, in golden axe, streets of rage and Contra Hard Corps, there are bada55 chicks who fight as well as any man

plus Lillian Gish was a bada55 shot and was a real firecracker for like a century

so the bads talk with fw and how cruz might getta posse and they think no one will stand wth him

Sobarkeep comes back and tells em that only cruz is comming and will put things up where they f cruz up

so main guy sees barkeep and catches him annd figures it out but barkeep denies it

he followed the tracks and brings him with him and meanwhile, fw is cooking for then

so cruz and barkeep come by and find the handcuff sna dhe handcuffs barkeepm  to a ttree for the sasquatch to b0ne dead and if he don't come back, he's gonna bite it

then main guy outs on barkeeps coat and hat and takes his horse and comes up

the badds see him and think its barkkeep and he goes up with hsi head low so they dont see his face ebhind the hat

he jumps out and takes him hostage and has a gun in his back

he brings him up as a hostyage and has the bads at gunpoint wherre he can just cap em all now

but he dont as this has to end in a fight

he has fw get the bads guns but the main bad catches him and holds him hostage

the 3red bad statd going to attck him and main bad dont care if his bro gets it

fw sez take a chance and aftewr some slow movement the other bad and main guy firte and both hiostAGE BROP AND OTHER GUY GTE IT

main bad trys to fire but feww fights him and he falls in the fire for a sec a55 1st

main guy fights main bad and they fall off a cliff but its not far and main bad puills a switchblade

after a fight for liek 2 mins, main guy beats his a55 and oh yeah, the bad confessed as he thought the main giuuy wouldnt life

so main guy brings in bad guy and barkeep and fw is cleared

they are gonna have a trial and ride to town

the end

that was nice

solid good vs evil western about honor and duty

sorta like a samurai film

good acting and the bad guys are good andf bad and the god guys are bad a55

cool manly and strong and brave

i liked it

now to ruin it for the cr-ppy sequel

For The Lone Gun 2 I want the trial to find the main bad guy not guilty as the hatred of the fairweather is too high and they end the cruz's work as sherrif or marsdhall or w/e. So he gets on a mask and goes around as a dark hero who takes people out who do crimes in the night and uses a long blade to slice through the enemies. also he finds the main bad guy from before was actually a mastermind behind all the wrongs in the area and has finished his daemon rituals to gain unhgoly powers and now can fire blasts of evil ki and dont need a gun, so he uses a holy blade blessed by a priest to slict through it andf take him on. Its also an 8 bit Sega Master System, Ners, Game Gear, Gameboy, TG16 Arati 7800 and Jaguar game where you play as the cruz and go through these shaded inked levels and fight people who submitted to the main bad guys daemon rituals to be devolved into power abiminations

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