Saturday, April 9, 2022

Attack Of The Giant Leeches Review

 Note: i spell as good as this movie sounds

Attack Of The Giant Leeches

this is my review on attack of the giant leaches fromn the distant future year of 1959 (40 years before the Global Civil War of the 90s ended by Zors Battlefortress landing on Macross Island)

Its directed by Bernard L. Kowalski, who is El Polen Zakken, and also did Sssssss

It was produced by the amaZING Roger Corman and stars Yvette Vickers from Sunset Boulevard and Attack of the 50 Foot Woman, Tyler McVey from The Day the Earth Stood Still and It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, Gene Roth from The Greatest Story Ever Told and How the West Was Won, Dan White from Gone With The Wind, The Grapes of Wrath, Beyond Tomorrow, Out Town, Duel in the Sun, David and Bathsheba, The Red Badge of Courage, The Ten Commandments, Giasnt, The Rainmaker, Touch Of Evil, To Kill A Mockingbird, Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter(holy f==k i saw a lot of stuff he was in), George Cisar from The Giant Claw and Billy the Kid Versus Dracula, and some 1900s guys I never heard of

I never saw this but heard orff it and it feels like something only the 50s would do seriously as now it would be a parody

Alo its public domain and got a remake i never saw

so it starts with this redneck shooting something with his boomstick and drinking ,moonshine

then tital and credits tro good 50s music on paper

then theres this redneclk bar and the boomstick guy sez he put 5 shells in it and it was a tentacle monster thingf

the other inbreeders dont beliebe him and he sez he wouldnt touch it as its creepy

so this fata55 talks to his blonde woman and sez he need to look tough so they dont think she bosses him around but she dont care and shows off her high heel legs and gets undressed in sexy for the 50s undioes

she dont wantg him to look at ot feel her despite her marrying him and goes out to probably b0ne some devolved guys

so later this guy and his woman go out trying to stop guys from using traps to catch animals, and had to ice the animnals in traps as he thinks it s"cruel"

even though what animals dfo to other animals is borderline dante';s inferno!

wasps lay eggs oin animals and the eggs hatch and eat the animal alive from inside, savcing the vital organs last so it stays freshg

then theres a scream and the blonde sees a devolved guy biting it

anti hunter brings it to the sherrif and says it wasnt a gater who did it but a squid or octpoopus thing that did itm but the sherrif thinks he's full of sh-t

sounds like the invid! they've come fopr the protoculture! Call the Sentinels!

antio hunter sees a nerd who tells about ocitpi and his woman thinks it was a devolved gater

nerd sez it might be the thing the boomstick guy nailed so they are gonna look for it in the backwaters of the swamp

so after boating for a while, the anti hunter, who imma call main guy, and his woman find a bubbling for a bit andc she gibes him coffee

main guy sez there was something in here in the 1830s and it took em days to round up

btw this is b/w bnut widfescreen so we get the gayu a55 black bars

something is watching em from the water as they go on

later blonde comes back and bickers with fata55 and gets b--chy at him when he sez he loves her

what a b--ch, i hope tyhe tentacle sb0ne her dead

oh fata55 is moving out and leaving her behind as i giuess shes a 5kank

some redneck comes by and goes to blonde and i think they b0ne ofdfscreen

so main guy spend all day with chick and couldnt find any evidence of aliens like her dad the nerd said

so blonde is making out with redneck outside and as its a 50s movie they aren';t nude,m but she did playboy for this movie

they talk about their lives and otrher cr-p i dont care about for a while but fata55 coimes in with a shotrgun and is gonna bl;asxt them back to h e double soviet california!@

imagine if he stuffed the shotgun up his a55 and said "htime for a suppository!"??

so fata55 fires at bf's feet and makes em go on as he follows and fires more shots

did this just become the mov ie the moist dangerous game from the 30s?

he eventually catcjhes up to em and he blames her like with Amad and Eve, wehich aS THAT WEAS A tRUE sTORY, THEY CAN PUT THIS ON THE HISTPORY CHANNEL

theyt whine and sink into the water as they wealk back and he givbes em a chance when he sez he learned his lesson and wiull stay away from the fata55es woman

then these rubber monsters eat em

so he gets the cops offecreen and then they are hewre and think he iced them and hid the bodiues but they dont buy it and take him away

thinkingf the gaters are eationg the bodioers, the cops go out using poles

meanwhile, main guy wants to use asplosives to protect animals but his chick thinks its going tooi far to ice people to save animals

also they are going after whopevcer is wacking the people in the swapm, which is up to 3 bodiues now

main guy thinks its the fata55 who did it and later hung himself offscreen

he's gonna use charges to blast up something from the bottom of nthe marsh or bog or w/e this cesspoole is

chick thinks its cr=-ppy and later 2 guys are out in a boat with a shot gun and a paddle

wait its 2 paddle and wait its a pole and a paddle

why not burn down the swamp? i mean it would evaporate the water and we'd have the gorund free to see

1 guy in da boat notices they looksfor howrs and didnt evemn find 1 gater when there should be many

hes freraked out over it and they go to land but the music kicks in and these huge leather c0nd0m things flip the vboat andc get em

they drag em back to their lair and the other people caught by em are there and alive formsome reasonbuyt then are sucked on by em like they are making out with their necks

da f--k kinda movie is this?!

sci fi p0rn0?!

is this GUY Double Target??

so main guy and chick talk with sheffurf i think about the guys who went missing and then 2 more guys go out on thre water in a boat weith a pole

also is a posse with torches going around the bayou aty nightr

so the dogsd find the scent and it leatds em on

2 guys are in the water up to their waists and say its clear

after much searching they give up and figure the guys are iced, but notice that there's no gators and they aint scared away as nothing scarews gatrs

what about skunk ape?!

so back in base the main guy wonders if theres a mineral contamination in the water and he weants to go in an "aqua lung" like in the war

nerd wantsa to use dynomiter as theres no animals in the area and he dont wanna as it might f up nature

also he'd need authorizxation and a good reason

its gonna be a few days b4 he gets diving equipment and nerd and his daughter go out, weait its just nerd, and he goos oof in a booat

in the lair the people suffer from some fog comming from the water and nerd comes back after j-rlklkin off in the pond or w/e

wait he planted a chartge and nuked the sweamp and a few b odies come up after they died from the blast and were knocked out of the cave

so after an offscreen autopsy they find the people were drasined ofg blood and had suction woulds on them like a giant leach

Giant Leeches? Could be worse! Killer Shrews or Could be Killer Toimatoes! Or Sexy Pumpkins!

but the bodiesd were only dead for a few hours and whatever iced em is stuill out there

turns oput theres caves underwater from Noahs flood or w/e and had air pockets in it like what main guy knew of from his army days

also whatever iced em might have hid in there from the blasts and some chick might still be there alive

honestly, when the nerd went out, i thought he;'d bite it, like the wheelcainr guy in the swarm testing his antidote on himself

nerds trying to terst something usually bite it

So later the giuys go out in scuba/sm gear and this chick is gonna get sucked by the big black leather c0md0m monster

the sm scuba guys go undert with a weapon that can take out a tiger shark and it devolved into the phantom of 10 000 leagues with a guy underwater doing diddley d0ng

in there this c0ndom thing co9mes for him and he goes up, aparently having nailed it with his weapon somehow

he goes under to finish it off and 1 guy siuspects side effects of radio actrivbbe stuff from space missions of cape cazrbunkle devolved the leach to be big

so blonde falls in the eater and comes to the surfavce and 1 diver brings her to the boat in the boat not to the boat

so main guy fighhts the c0ndom and uses a big a55 knife like hes violence jack and the other diver assists

so they get back inb da boat and i just realizes that the spacer guys dont use nucular things so thatr thewory dont add up

the scuba sm gear gusy return and then offescreen, plant charges and main guy pushed the thing and all 3 buiildings i mean the swamp floor blows

these c0ndom things come up dead and thats it

the end

that was pretty good

nice quice 50s movie

nothing awful of it

good style

it hgolds attentiona nd has nice effects

nowadays the m,onstyers would be cr-ppy a55 cg

its a decent film and has a nice feel

for attack of ther guiant leeches 2 i want a leach to have survived and have a psychic connection to the blonde who escaped. also she is devolveing into a leach =monster and has to get to a church to be blessed and get the evil out. also its an 8 bit platform game on nes, game boy, sega master system, game gear, tg16 atari lynx and jaguar where you play as the chick and gotta get to the church through the swamp beforfe time is over and you're fully devolved m, but the more you devolve, the more abilities you get,

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