Wednesday, March 9, 2016

20 000 Leagues Under The Sea Review

note; my typing has a speech impedinent
20 000 leagues under the sea
this is my review for 20 000 leagues under the sea (the 50s version)
according to tcm; this is a horror movie
you'd think it would be sci fi
I recall seeing a cartoon in the 90s about this story
and I recall seeing a movie where a guy was under water fighting a huge squid with an electric gun or something where my dad said they drew the electricity on the film
im not sure about muxh of the story though
its been over a decade
aw gross
Richard Fleisher directed it
loved his ancestors animations
so its set in 68
just after america lost the war
this underwater thing busts a ship
then it cuts to a guy offering double pay for a job he claims has no monster
some crippled guy describes the "monster"
a guy pokes fun at the job guy and the cripples smell and gets a stick busted over his head
then the cops come and everyone scatters
later peter lorre and a europeany guy need to sail to som Asian place but theres no sailers
oh no
hes French!!
hes a professer
like in pokemon
and hes looking for monsters
like in pokemon
but the press twisted his words to jack up sails by exaggerating what he said
looks like those dinks were bad back then too
we need someone to clean up these commies
hold em accountable
they've ruined too many lives
then this guy talks to the proffeser and petter lorry about going on an expedition
they agree
they go searching the south pacific for sea monsters 1 quadrant at a time
those oceans are full of daemons and such
they terrify me
its a boundless abyss
an infinite void
u lose ur body in there it aint coming out
might as well be in space
I say we nuke the ocean
burn away those seas with nucular flame
so after a long search they find nothing and plan to end he mission
this guy in a weres waldo shirt and blue jeans (who poked fun at that guys stink) sings a song
hes fun and charismatic
after the song a nearby ship is busted
they go right to it and suspect its the monster
then the monster charges at em
they open fire with cannons but it does nothing
it rams the ship and waldo shirt tries using a harpoon
the professer and the peter lorrie get knocked off into the sea and cling to a wood piece
the ship ditches em and they find the "monster"
its really an underwater boat
not like spongebob
they go in and its got indoor lights
then weres waldo shirt comes by
the professer gets separated and they look 4 him
b4 it turns into a slasher film, peter lorrie finds him watching a ceremony underwater with scuba men
and the scuba men see em in the ship through the window!
the 3 guys try to book but get ambushed by the scubas
the other scubas men return to the ship
then unscuba guys come in and capture em
they all dress the same like the grunts in pokemon games
they meet captain nemo(not the guy from the crow city of angels)
he wants em left to bite it as the ship they were on attacked em
nemo knows of the professer and lets him live
nemo seems malcontent at society
if only he knew how far it would sink
the prof would rather die with his homies than work for nemo
so he leaves em outside the boad and lowers
then immediately rises up and saves em
what a fake out
like when a comic book kills off a character
they has dinner with nemo
also weres waldo shirt eats with a butterknife
they enjoy dinner until they find its various sea life
like squid food and whale milk
weres waldo shirt finds it gross
what about japan?
its an island country so they get their food from the sea
I've had squid, spicy crab, tempura shrimp, and other things
love that Japanese food
nemo is glad that the prof is willing to risk his life for his droogz
also they smoke seaweed
they get to a sunk island where they farm the ocean and weres waldo shirt/peter lorre go out
so does nemo and the prof
we get some good underwater footage with peaceful music
like in mr rogers
I just remembered that whale milk is full of calories and fat
I wonder, what does the ship run on?
also, nowadays, eating sea animals would be seen as bad by hippies and vegans and other losers
nemo and prof find treasure in a sunk ship
but when they get it out, a shark comes for em!
wait, its not them
nemo wounds the shark and it flees
nemo gets mad at weres waldo shirt and lorrie going after treasure and shows hes got a room full of it
this would make a great video game
weres waldo shirt wants to leave with the treasure and prof wants to learn from nemo
seems like adam and eve and the apple and the garden
the prof sez weres waldo shirt's life has no meaning compared to science
yeah, tell that to p o w's used in human experimentation
they'll understand
we get a montage of nemo playing his pipe organ and weres waldo shirtmaking a banjo out of a turtle shell/ a bone
then weres waldo shirt jacks treasure in his banjo
but a seal out him
but he worms his way outta it
the prof sees the engine room
its run on some kind of nucular light like a micro star
prof thinks nemo's power could save the world
nemo thinks it could ruin it
he also hates humans for their faults and injustices
sounds like a loser on tumbler lol
they go to some island/prison colony and nemo goes on a tirade against people mining to make war weapons
1st, he don't know what the phosphorous mined is used for
2nd, wars are often a necessary evil to prevent worse injustice
3rd, this is a PRISON colony! these people are probably degenerates or killers or druggies
nemo sez he and hiz men escaped from there, made the ship and fight injustice
why was nemo in prison?
is he a purvo?
a killer?
a theif?
a drunk?
a druggie?
nemo then rams the ship carrying nitrates and phosphorus and it busts apart, killing everyone
so nemo is like an anti hero?
like magneto, venom and dr doom(in da commix homie)?
weres waldo shirt is disgruntled by sailors just like his getting burned alive and drowned
nemo claims he did it to save others who would be killed in the wars
then sez his wife and son were tortured dead
I assume they were skinned alive and he was force fed it as they watched
that's sick
maybe they were b0ned dead like in a Serbian film
peter lorre sez nemo likes killing people and the prof is turning nemo
he tells weres waldo shirt and they plan together
weres waldo shirt isn't wearing a shirt and is pretty beefy
they plan and go off
they check maps but book when a guard comes
they're in nemo's cabin
they check his map and plan/learn
this would make a great videogame
jules verne is public domain right?
quick! someone make a Gameboy or NES or mastersystem or genesis 20 000 leagues game!
the seal finds em but they feed it cigars of sea weed and get out
that seal's gonna O D
weres waldo shirt wants to use bottles to send messages in bottles(like that kevin scotner movie in da 90s I reviewed)
weres waldo shirt socks peter lorre for spying on him but lets the peter lorre slug him back
then they became friends
just like in anime
also weres waldo shirt swallows a sea creature in a jar
remember that urban legend of a chick who thought shes preggers but its just an octopus egg she swallowed growing in her butt pipe?
weres waldo shirt is gonna get butt pregnant!
they arrive at an island and peter lorre sez he wants to go ashore to collect specimens and weres waldo shirt will row the boat
nemo sez yes cuz the islanders are cannibals
when pirates of the carribean 2 had island cannibals, all these malcontents whined
weres waldo shirt goes off in the jungle to escape but the peter lorre cant leave the prof
he finds a thing of skulls on posts and books it
he runs as the cannibals chase him and throw spears
the cannibals got boats too
the guys escape to the boat but nemo makes excuses for em
nemo electrifies the ship and the cannibals leave
he has weres waldo shirt sent to the brig and nemo fights a warship
but they take a hit
water is getting in
and the brig is flooding
and the power room is flooding
they stop the flooding but are now 5000  below litims
then a tentacle monster Attacks!!
it starts hugging the ship so the shock it
but power gives out and they gotta go out to fight it
they surface and now its a storm
this sounds like phantasy star
the teantacles get in and start wiggling around
nemo goes out and takes on a colossal squid with a harboon
he has to aim for its weak point
he gets it between the eyes and it weakens
I assume its a pressure point
his men fight the tentacles
nemo is grabbed
also weres waldo shirt breaks outta the brig and fight the squid
he sticks it and it goes under with nemo
but weres waldo shirt tries to save him
he does
nemo gives him good treatment
nemo regrets that weres waldo shirt saved him and sez he wouldn't have saved him
prof points out he's all malcontent and disrgrunteld
nemo complains more and sez he's gonna show prof this power at an island of vulcania
but all these boats have found it and got there 1st
they dive and go through an undersea cave to reach the lagoon
btw, shouldn't they get the bends from going up and down in the sea?
nemo goes to his lair and weres waldo shirt yells to the guns shooting at em that he sent the messages
they keep shooting
nemo returns but gets capped
he leaves ijn the ship but drives bad
I assume those were alcohol tipped bullets
nemo stumbles around and sez he;'s taking the ship down 1 last time
he wants everyone to go to h-ll with him
but weres waldo shirt wants to live
nemo goes on a monologue and bites it
oh and he set his island to blow
this would be great for a video game
fighting your way to the controls and taking on a biosuit captain nemo or his super soldier or robot
on man I was right!
weres waldo shirt fights his way out and takes on a big buff guy
they're about to leave and the prof goes back for his diary
just like in robotech
but weres waldo shirt slugs him out and carrys him to saftey
then the island blows up
and the ship sinks
shouldn't the wave from the exploding island take out the boat the 3 guys are on?
the end
for 20 000 leagues under the sea 2, I'd like for a modern guy to find a note sent by the weres waldo shirt guy and goes to find the island. not only does he find the hidden vault of the most prized secrets of his works. but the ship that went down was saved by sea demons who reveal they were the ones who nemo made a pact with to give them their evil tech in exchange for a chance for revenge. but using 80s style tech, the new hero takes em on and fights to stop a revived captain nemo from wiping out mankind.

No comments:

Post a Comment