Friday, March 11, 2016

Wuthering Heights Review

note; bad typing and such
wuthering heights
this is my review on wuthering heights
the 30s version
I hear johnny depp liked this film
ooh, its from the same year as gone with the wind
lets see how this stax up
Donald crisp is in this
loved his silent films
its set in the 1800s and starts with a guy in a storm going to a run down house in England
he goes in and dogs attack him
but the houseman calls em off
I assume in the real version he killed those dogs and ate em
the house owner is Heathcliff
like the cat from da 80z
the storm walker decides to spend the night
also Heathcliffs wife is with them
Heathcliff seems to be an old sourpuss
at night the storm walker hears a womans voice saying for Heathcliff to let her in
the voice sez her name is cathy
the storm walker tells Heathcliff but he goes mental
this is turning into a horror movie
Heathcliff runs out into the storm
also when the storm walker reached outside something grabbed his hand
mrs Heathcliff sez cathy bit it
then she tells the backstory
I gotta say im loving the music and camera work
its very 30s-40s
40 years ago wuthering heights was happy and had cathys dad
cathy's dad brought over a boy who was a hobo
hes a bit of a malcontent
I assume he's the killer
the dad's kids don't like him
his names Heathcliff!!!
later he beats cathy in a duel(horse race) and the brother bullys Heathcliff
he also nails him in the head with a big a55 rock
brain damage might make him a killer
Heathcliff doesn't cry but only wants revenge
cathy is nice to him
if this were made today, the brother would be into Heathcliff and only picking on him out of wanting to b0ne him
Heathcliff and cathy talk about having imagination and playing make believe
Heathcliff pretends to fight the black knight
better than that cr-ppy sonic game
Heathcliff starts going gay for cathy
then someone bites it and Heathcliff isn't treated as an equal
I th its the dad who bit it
the bro oppresses Heathcliff
like England pressing america
or the union oppressing the confederates
then theres a timeskip and they're teens
the bro is a drinker and his servent/slave/butler quotes the bibles views on alcohol being bad
he treats Heathcliff like dirt and goes off but Heathcliff goes to the place they played as kids and makes ouyt with catjhy
I think they were b0ning in the real version
cathy wants to run away but then sez she don't
also Heathcliff is staying there just for cathy
then they go to a party
but they sneak around outside for a bit
this would make a great video game
they watch people dance through a window and cathy wants to have a fancy dress and Heathcliff to dress royal
then the dogs attack em and Heathcliff fights em
good boss battle
the brits at the part take care of cathy but treat Heathcliff like dirt
that's Brittan for ja
the royalz are on top and those benieth em are trash
as opposed to america where all men are created equal
later cathy returns home and Heathcliff is also back from something
they talk andshes become a high class dink who sees poors as less than human
they mo lested her mind!
also a high class guy calls Heathcliff a "gypsy" and she tells him off
is he a real gypsy?
or was he just using that word as a generic insult?
cathy then takes off her dress and ripes it
I assume she was nude in the real version
but here shes in a white thing
she returns to Heathcliff and asks for forgivenerss
she wants to have things just stop and they can be together forever
that's pretty touching
this is like the ailor scouts or wedding peach angels would like
Heathcliff reveals he was in "Liverpool"(I assume some h-llish realm of ponds of ground up human organs) and swam back from a boat or something
later cathy is taking a bath in a metal thing
but we don't see her body
nor her long shoelace nipples
she gets dressed but Heathcliff comes in
they argue about her being into a high class guy
she bashes his poorness and he tells her the high class guy wont love her
she keeps ushing him and mocking his "dirty hands"
he cant take it and lightly slaps her with em
I assume in the real version they had a kung fu fight
would be a good boss fight
her firing big words and him dodging em and getting in close for a hit
later Heathcliff busts his hands through a window
that accident began his career as a super villian
he comes up later with his hands mutilated
the maid/slave/ w/e treats his hands but when cathy comes Heathcliff hides
cathy sez the high class guy wants to marry her but the maid/slave talks with her
she bashes him and he leaves but then she sez her dream of being in heaven but going to earth to be where she belongs
she realizes she loves him and they belong together
they are just like eachother and have the same feels
then Heathcliff books it on a horse outside
they reralize he stopped listening when she bashed him and she chases him outside
would be a good video game level
chasing after him and dodging lightning and such
later the bro comes back and when he hears Heathcliff and cathy left in a storm, he goes drinking to celebrate
what a p o s
hope Heathcliff b0nes him dead
later they find her and bring her back
later a dr sez to keep her in the sun and give her cream/butter
they're gonna fatten her up!
shes been staying with the high class guy
she then decides to marry the high class guy
they wed and she had an ominus sense
then theres another timeskip
shes living with her new husband but Heathcliff comes back
he wants to see her but she turns him down
after training in america, he got his power level up and is a rich gentleman
her husband trys to see Heathcliff
now that Heathcliff has cash, the high class guy is nice to him
its like in violence jack how the men of section A only stopped mo lesting the women cuz they couldn't get away with it
Heathcliff sez his dad was an emperor of china and his moms an indian queen
then how come hes white?
he's also paid off the bro's gambling and booze bills and now owns wurthering heights
the high class gy's sister sez cathy and her bro treated Heathcliff like cr-p and shes gay for him
but the high class guy is offended by her liking him
later ls disgruntled over Heathcliff getting him back for him sh-tting on Heathcliff for years]
Heathcliff comes in and the bro goes on a tirade and pulls a gun on Heathcliff
but Heathcliff knows hes a candy a55 and he chickens out
geez man!
even starscream took a shot at megatron a few times
this guy's worse than starscream
why would an Englishman have a gun?
I thought they were illegal
like freedom of speech
then the high class guy's sister comes by and talks witjh Heathcliff
they fall in love when he points out he knows how she feels
then theres a party and Heathcliff joins in
the high class guy thinks she's gonna lose interest in him
in 1 scene the hands playing the harpsichord looks like something out of a 50s or 60s film
Heathcliff talx to cathy and they go outside for a bit
she claims shes different than she was b4 but Heathcliff knows she still loves him
but she turns him down and leaves
later cathy bugs the sister about Heathcliff and how he's using her to get to cathy
she denies it and sez Heathcliff is gonna marry her
cathy then bashes Heathcliff and sez hes evil
the sister counters saying she wants to make him happy and cathy is trying to ruin him
cathy confronts Heathcliff about him wanting to marry the sister
she begs him not to but he counters and blames her
cathy begs her husband to stop the wedding even if it means killing Heathcliff
but they marry anyway
after a timeskip the sister is disgruntled about her marriage
also the high class guy disowned her and cathy is gonna bite it
and the house seems to have a miasma of hate to it
and the ro wants the sister to kill Heathcliff
everyone wants to kill him
would make for a good video game
Heathcliff seems to be rotting from hate and bitterness and is refusing love from his wife
that means they aint b0ning
this seems like a bad ep of sailor moon or wedding peach
a chick comes by and sez the high class guy wants her home cuz cathy is biting it
Heathcliff goes to see her
cathy talks about her imaginary queendom at the castle where Heathcliff fought the black knight
her husband leaves to get some plant she wants and Heathcliff gets to her room
shes happy to see him and they kiss
I assume they were b0ning in the real version
sorta like in dragonball gt where gohan said to piccolo b4 he bit it; I w\ish we could've made love, just once!
or was that ninja scroll?
Heathcliff tells her off for driving them apart and leaving him and such
but then they kiss
she makes up with him and she has him bring her to the window
they feel the wind together and see the sunny English lands
I thought England was all rainy and damp
she sez she'll wait for him at their castle until he comes
and then she bites it
a guy tells him to leave her alone but he sez "shes mine" and carrys her to bed
Heathcliff then sez she wont rest while he lives and she's gonna haunt him for him killing her
then the story ends and the chick is telling the storm guy about how cathy's love is stronger than time
this reminds me of the crow
then a guy comes in saying he saw Heathcliff and a woman but when he found him he was alone and at the rock he played against the black knight
the wife sez they are together again and goodbye
it ends with a moving shot of Heathcliff and cathy walking together ghostly over the snow
the end
that was really grand
I loved it
no wonder johnny depp is a romantic
and I love ther b/w look
very classy
for wuthering heights 2 I'd like for it to be a midquel set between cathy biting it and Heathcliff biting it. in this one, a buncha brittish teens come by wuthering heights and are gradually picked off one by one by Heathcliff who uses them in ritual sacrifice to try to bring back cathy.

No comments:

Post a Comment