Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Cujo Review

note; no time for jokrs, the movies staring
this is my revrw on cujo
in the 90s was a hockey player named Curtis joseph who people called cu jo
after a bad a55 blood title we get a rabbit in nature
then this big dog with big parts goes after it
it looks like the dog fro Beethoven
but I never saw those films
the rabbit goes into a cave and the fata55 dog goes in head first and barks
a bat bites his fata55 nose
this movie is based on a book by steven king
my cool 90s aunt had an a55load of his books in the 90s
I should mention cujo I based on a real dog
king was at a car thing and a dog came at him going berserk
dogs don't like me either
I hope they go extinct
they really s-ck
also we have this little boy having freakouts about going to bed
he screams cuz he fears his closet
his rents comfort him but h knows he saw a monster in there
they don't believe him but humor him
I've had supernatural encounters in my life so I think the kid might be right
is this place haunted?
is it some yokai or kuriboh or wraith or daemon?
the net day the kid has move all his cr-p over the closet door
the kid denies it
I assume it was some bakemono or spirit
the dad forces his anti supernatural views on his son
there is more to this world than we can know
the neighbor comes by and they watch a cereal add made by the kds dad
the dad looks kinda like will feral
its revealed the mom is b0ning the neighbor
this is turning into a p0rn0
at least we don't see them b0ning
the dad sez the marriage isn't doing so hot so he suggests making another kid
maybe he just wants her fat
later the dad takes the car to the garage
but the guy is busy so the mailman sends him to another guy
him and his fam drive their red sports car over and find a farm like in pumpkinhead
the fam at the farm seems like a 20s or 1800s fam
then the fat a55 dog comes up
that dog had it big dog parts flopping around
get a speedo ja degenerate!
I spend my time inside wearing my bikini brief undies
even if i'm alone
the dog is named cujo
Curtis joseph?
my name is chris michael so I assume that makes me chrimich(krimmick)
maybe chi mi?
I like saying mii kai el as it sounds more biblical
maybe mee hai'l as its more eastern European
so later the kid is put to bed and don't have as much issues
The next day theres a problem with the cereal
it makes kids barf and whiz red dye
so the dad has to go out for fixing it
I saw an add for a doll that u give water and it whizzes out its wiener
I had an idea of giving the doll fruit punch and it whizzes red liquid out its thing
later the mom wans to break up with the guy she's b0ning
the dad driving sees something and turns his car around
the mom pix up her kind h pac man lunch box d he has a head wound from being "hit by a swing"
I assume the ghost did it
later the farm fam are talking and the mom won the lottery
she wants to go to boston
the farm guy later talks with his drinking buddy who advises he b0nes til he gets diseases
also the drinking buddy sez the dog is never gonna kick a55
we get a scene of dad and son having arm clean fun
the guy the mom was b0ning comes back and starts trying to b0ne her
she fights him off and the son and dad come in
he figgers out they were b0ning
later dad is working on the car and the son asks the dad about words to keep the monster away
mommy don't know em
toughing through his pain, he tells the son he's write em down so the son will know em
what a good guy
too bad his woman's a 5kank!
hope she didn't give him the AIDS!
this is da 80z after all
at night the kid sleeps sound with the words to keep away the monster pinned on a door
also in the fog like an n64 game, the farm boy confronts cujo
cujo looks like he's rotting
were those bats zombies or vampires?
maybe they just had AIDS
later the dad goes off on some trip
the wife tries to tell the dad its over with the guy she's b0ning
he struggles with his feelings and drives off
meanwhile the farm fam is packing up an the son tells the mom about cujo
the mom sez not to worry about it
then cujo attacks the drinking buddy
he fights the cujo off and gets his gun
but as it wasn't loaded (probably due to anti gun laws) the dog tears his a55 apart b4 he can use it
so if the dog is a vampire or zombie, the guy might rise as one later
the farm dad goes to the drinking budies home and finds him shredded
he tries calling on a phone but cujo comes at him
he sez cujo's rabid and gets wacked by him
the om and son go to the farm but cujo jumps in the wndow and smears it with blood ad feces like in the human centipede!
it goes after the windshield and she blows her horn
the car f--ks out and they are stranded there
man, we're only an hour in
they got 60 minutes of h-ll left(with commercials)
once me and my fam were walking in the country and we passed this farmhouse with a big dog
dad told me if a dog attacks you, block with one arm, as it bites it you use the other to tear out its throat
later she starts the car but it f--ks out again
piece of cr-p
Japanese cars work better
and they aren't drained by unions
we need right to work
if unions are so good then wouldn't everyone choose to be in one?
they are afraid of giving us a choice
they know they s-ck and only get cash from us by leaching our cash
like a parasite
I\d rather be in the axis than a union
and i'm polish!
when the mob sez you gotta pay em to have a shop on their turf its extortion
when unions do it its "legal"
note; owning slaves used to be just as legal
at night the kid has to whiz
just do it in the car!!
or at least out the window
that dog wont circimsicze ya
use the skin to aim
the phone rings and the dog attacks it
y'know, if the chick had a conceal and carry permit, she could've wasted that dog and been free
maybe just through the torso and it bleeds out
the next day she wakes up with the dog looking in on her
was he also j=rkin off???
at the fam's home the phone rings but no ones there
the mom takes the paper with the monster words but the kid needs em
the kid reads em
oh cr-p
this is like in the confederate states
and its not snowing
its gonna be hot as h-lfire in the car soon
at the post office they say that the farm fam has their mail as "hold until notified"
so no help is coming
later the phone rings and the dog starts tackling the car
crazy abomination!
it busts the handle on both sides
piece of cr-p car!
the cujo jumps on the roof and paws at it
meanwhile the dad is in a meeting and they say they need a new campaign as the cereal they sold needs a new face
the mom gets outta the car through the busted door
the dog attacks and maybe b0nes her
it gets in the car and bites her
she gets it away as it tears her skirt and closes the door
is she gonna turn into a monster cuz it bit her?
also, I heard a guy bit a dog\s ear as it bit him and the dog ran
he can dish it out but cant take it
candy a55!
the next day the dog attacks the car and the kid has an episode
the dad comes home and finds the place trashed
he blames the guy who was b0ning his woman
I think
he calls him kemp
he tells the cops his woman was taking the car to the farm fam so a single cop goes to check it out
and the dog wastes him
he tries to escape by climbing the wood in the barn
the kid has an episode and sez he wants his daddy
later the cops tell the dad that the b0ning guy admits he trashed the place but sez he never saw the woman and kid
the cop sez the farm checking cop isn't back yet
so the dad goes out to the farm on his own
she has enough of this sh-t and takes on the dog
she breaks a baseball bat on its head and when it jumps her she shanks it on the broken bat
she goes to the car and gets a gun but cant get in the car
so she busts the window with her gun
she brings her son inside and rubs water on him
she does CPR on him
spoiler; in the book he bites it
but here she gets him going again
then like in Friday the 13th with kid Jason, the dog busts in one last time
so she empties a gun into it
the husband arrives and the wife comes out
the end
I noticed a lot of things similar to other steven king books
the woman and child away from help and the dad coming for them
like pet semetary and the shining
or the parent being away and calling with no answer so he comes and finds bodies
I like how the dog is the bad guy\
most things have it as the hero or good guy
this film had good build up and pacing
I liked it
Stephen king did well
for cujo 2 i'd like he mom to be suffering from reactions of being bit and fighting turning into a dog woman(a furry). then theres a timeskip and her so is grown up and has supernatural powers from being dead and coming back. he had em b4 when he saw the closet monster. he grows up to be a big buff blonde 90s guy and goes around fighting spirts and possessed animals. He also has spirit bursts from slaying enough spirits and releasing them in a blast that wipes the area. This is also a 16 bit sega genesis and super Nintendo game and its about the kid going around the 90s fighting animal and ghosts. his gf who is also a body builder and psychic is player 2 and 8 level beat em up of them fighting Halloween style animals and stuff. the final boss is the closet monster who was behind cujo and has revived him as grotesque phaIIic abomination and the recurring mid boss.

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