Sunday, April 23, 2017

Dolemite Review

note; cant spell right. I can but I don't care to
this is my review on dolemite
it starts with dolemite in prison and the warden sees him
he makes dolemite a deal
dolemite was arrested for stolen furs and 0.5 million $ in drugs
we get a flashback to the f bi finding it in his trunk
he fights em but is caught
man the acting is bad
as are the fights
I love it
back in the 70s present, the warden tells him the gangs drugs and guns are worse than ever
sounds like America from 2009 to 2016
warden tells dolemite to help him fix the problems and find out who's mixed up in it
only 4 people know why dolemiote is out
the warden, the governor, the judge and an informant
ithink the one of em is instead dolemites gf queen b
we then get a funky song about delemite being bad a55 for the opening credits
dolemite gets out and all these h00kers who work for him greet him
he gets changed into his p-mp outfit in front of the guards and inmates behind the fence
tells the guard to "wipe yo a55" with his prison clothes
guard sez dolemite will be back
in the car ride he b0nes the h00kers
as they drive a car comes by and 1 guy in it sez they wanna ice dolemite
dolomite has em stop the car ad he runs into the woods
the bad guys check the car but dolemite comes out and shreds em with gunfire
he then opens fire at a guy's feet saying "dance" b4 capping him
man this is fun
later in dolemites wh0rehouse, he talks to queen b about whats different since he left
wait, its in somewhere else
the wh0re house was taken from running outta money from payments
we keep seeing willy green doing things in flash backs like being part of the framing of dolemite and stiffing a h00ker cuz he ddnt 0ne her right
he also owns the wh0re house
then dolemiyte b0nes a chick to 70s music
her t-ts look weird
later the guy who had him arrested with green stops and frisks dolemite
they find drugs in his car and use em in the open in daylight
they tell him to skip town]
he slugs dolemite in the gut 3x but dolemite beats em up and spreads their drugs on em
he keeps calling everyone muthur f--kers
later at a black churchthe reverend complains about Nixon
his speech on gov cr-p sounds like trump
he cop comes in, interrupting mass, and looks for dolemite
the other cop finds what the reverend calls "dirty clothes" which are firearms
this is America!
its legal!
the cops leave
mr green (not the clue guy) seems on drugs most of the time
wait, its creeper
dolemite talks to some guys in rhyme
holy cr-p this movie is half over
but nothings happened
this doesn't feel long
I should mention that my dad things of kid dy no mite from good times when I say dolemite cuz hes bad with movie titles and never saw this
creeper is also known as hamburger p-mp and dolemite chats with him
dolemite tells h p if h p helps him get info, he;s gonna give him food cash
they go to h p's place and h p does needle drugs
dolemite askes him who killed a guy
he reveals (while on drugs) he saw it happen
then guys bust in and cap him
then dolemite wastes those guys
then the cops get him
a guy hassles the reverend over maybe working for dolemite but rev sez he works only for The Lord
dolemitr in prison is asked if he knows willy green
hes let go and b0nes a chck not queen b
dolemte calls someone and tells em to meet him somewhere
at the wh0re house, green (wait, its not him) is watching bikini girls dance
a girl comes in asking for dolemite then dolemite comes in
he goes in a room, s cash from a hidden place, tells them to tell green to get out, and beats guys up and leaves
he has 24 hours to leave, and 23 of em r up
at a karate match, deloeinte sez he saved a lotta cash and bought it back
he tells the karate class/his h00kers theyre in for a fight and  spread word hes back
at a house place the mayor campaigns with black people
green comes to see the mayor and tells him theres trouble in his ward
and dolemite is back
mayor sez he let dolomite out so he can have him iced
after green leaves, mayor sez he don't want green coming at mayors home anymore
queen b meet the reverend and rev sez he knows who set him up and stuff with green
wait, its not b
later dolwmite checks a place and find drugs
at some place(I think the wh-re house) they have music acts
queen b sez green and his crew are out there
they have an African dance to drums
dolemite seems like the kinda guy who would like fat chicks
not in a bad way
dolemite does a rhyme about jungle animals fighting
but with slang and swear words
its pretty clever
after the show dolemite talks to green
green sez dolemite owes him interest and wants to be partners
dolemite tells him off and leaves
green snaps and pulls a gun
his droogs start a fight and green kicks everyones a66
the karate h00kers fight greens men and dolemite fights green to 70s music
dolemite punches a hole in green and ices him
hes wounded and goes to the hospital
the next day the cop calls the mayor(who's b0ning a wh0re) and sez dolemite iced green
mayor puts out hits on dolemite
but the chick he was b0ning holds him at gunpoint
a chick stops the h00ker but the h00ker shoots her
in the chaos the mayor strangles the h00ker
wtf is this? new York?!
2 hit men try to ice a guy but he beats em up
mayor books it in a car and the guy nearly iced (who is dolemites homie) chases him
a car chase
how cool
mayor gets to a plane but the homie caps him
he tells dolemite in the hospital theres still hits on him
they change the room numbers and the cops come for him
they go in a room and shoot it up
but dolemite and friend beat em up and cap em
the cops come in(the guys capped wernt cops) and get arrested by the homie (whos f bi)
the homie he had to close dolemite's wh0re house and asks what dolemite's gonna do next?
then the credits roll and dolemites voice raps saying he shall return
the end
that was fun
its got bad acting and art
but its entertaining and cool
dolemites the man!
and ur the hermaphrodite!
u; ooh, I'm pregnant with my own kid!
for dolemite 2 I'd like dolemite to go to japan in the 80s and he fights a group that forces people to join it or they cant work in that area. and if they join they gotta pay protection. and if they associate with anyone outside the group, they get kicked out. its either a union or a cult and they force people to change their names ad go through rituals to belong. and they also make people remove their parts so they don't breed. and eat vegetarian under penalty of being forced to eat parts of themselves.

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