Thursday, May 4, 2017

Creature From The Black Lagoon Review

note; why should I spell right?
creature from the black lagoon
diss is my review on creature from the black lagoon(50s ver)
after credits with no one I recognize we get narration
it sez God created earth but slips into evolutionism with the old earth theory saying its billions of years old
thwn `5 million years later, its the amazon and som scientists found a fossil of a monster hand
this is how devilman started
that too had mix of creationism and evolution
also another monster hand comes outta the water and touches ground for a few secs
how pointless
later some chick is fishing and under water is scuba guys
he comes up after depressurizing
he knows the chicks dad
and hes a rock and fish scientist
oh and hes gay for her
the dad shows the bf a pik of da hand fossil
then we see an aquarium
the scientist talk about the hand fossol
its powerful and amphibian
the bf sez the lungfish is failed evolution at getting life outta da sea and hasn't changed in millions of years
if they had millions of years to evolve, why didn't they change?
some animals evolve and others stay the same?
they talk about space travel and needing to get man ready for different pressure environments
meanwhile in the rainforest. the creature wacks a guy off screen
I think it b0ned him dead
why else wouldn't they show it?
it was b0ning
they go to the place with the fossil was from
on da boat ride the see gators
the bf sez the rainforest is just as it was in the Devonian era
foot long centipedes and sheep sized rats and 9 foot catfish
but why' it change everywhere else but here?
they get to camp and the Mexicans working there was iced
the creatures han tried to grab the chick's leg
foot fetish!
but she walks away and he recoils
howd it know she left?
his eyes were under water
maybe it sensed her ki
the search for days but find nothing
then gink the rock eroded and went into da river
so they'll search the place the river goes for da fossils
it ends in da blacn lagoon
wouldn't the water erode the fossils to nothing If it was there 4 millionz of yeers?
1 scientist has a spear gun that the Mexican working for him is amazed by
wait til he sees the sega genesis
they get 2 da laggooon (wtf is a lagoon?! I know shermans lagoon but that's it)
they search for rocks In the bottom of da lagoon
wouldn't all the mud from "millions of years" be coving em?
you know, the amazon wiver and gulf of exico only has 4500 years of mud in its place where it reaches the ocean
were evolution real it would have millions of years of mud
that's not a joke
look it up
so the guy wants to use a uranium mud test to find how old the rocks are
but he dobt know how much ranium they had in the beginning
the divers look under water an the creature is there watching like a purvurt
but they don't meet
later the chick goes swimming and the creature follows
man, jaws ripped diss off
I think hes gay for her
its like on demon beast invasion ova 6(or 5) where that chick b0nes a fish and gets fish pregnant
he grabs her foot(foot fetish!!) and swims away
a Mexican calls to her saying shes too far out but she don't hear
but she comes back
then the bat rocks as somethings in da net
he boat nearly breaks its top thing and they bring up the net
but its ripped open
they assume it was an under water rock
but theres a scale in it
they think its a fossil
1 guy goes under to spear gun the fish that caused the net rip
I just realized this is like a finding bigfoot thing
the creatre swims around and watches em
the chas it down and shank it with the spear gun
but it gets away by going in deeper
they argue over shooting the monster w/ provocation
later the Mexica tells a story of a human that can live under water
the chick tells of the "komonga" a fish that breathes air and is unchanged for "millions" of years
meanwhile, a Mexican is b0ned dead by the creature on the boat and got in the water
the Mexicans brother sez it was a daemon
they find its footprints
1 guy wants to take it alive
the Mexican sez to use a drug from a root to poison the water to drug the thing
wat if its immune?
they drug the water and talk about what to do about the creature
they know little about space and ocean
but they need proof
at night the creatre climbs on the boat, the chick sees
they thik the lantern scared it
they see it with the searchlight like batman but it goes
they say its drugged and might drown (wtf) so they go after it
1 guy finds an under water cave with air
what is this? Castlevania?!
its the 2 scientists
the cave leads to the forest and the creature gets out
he goes after da girl but kills some guy instead
then he picks up the girl like in the poster and falls down for some reason
they catch him
1 guy wants to study it but the other sez they have all da proof they need
later the bf and girl talk but the creature gets out and attacks the guy
but the chick nails the creature with a lamp and it catches fire
wtf why?!
its a water thing!!
the guy he attacked is damaged but might recover
the scientist sez he wants to stay and get it but others want to come back with better stuff
scientist assets his dominance but the Mexican pulls a knife on him
they drive away but the way out is blocked by a tree
I'm not locked in wit u, ur locked in with me!!
btw I'm glad they got guns and knives
better than destination truth and survivorman bigfoot
if ur hunting a 9 foot daemon, bring some kinda protection!
the boat tries a winch to mov the tree
wh not just use a blade and cut it up?
the winch comes off the trees, probably from the creatiure
the scientists argue(I don't mention names as I don't care about em) and fight over who goes under
round! 1! fight!
the bf (who wasn't b0ned by the creature, I got the character wrong) wins the fist fight and goes under water to fix the winch to da logs
but the other scientist comes in with the spear gun and goes after da creature
he nails it with a spear in the liver area
they wrap their bodies around eachotrher like mma or xxx and fight
the bf comes in with the speargun and gets the creature off him
I think the scientist bit it
I knew he'd bite it
they decide to se the plant drug to drug him with a spray gun until they can getta way
later the creature reaches his arm in the bat window and nearly gets the guy he attacked but survived
they beat him off with a stick or blade
the scientist goes under water to fix the thing and when it attacks him, he blasts it with da drug
each time he comes back he blasts it
if  used the spear gun you could've iced him
he gets it on the wood and winch it up
but the creature comes on boat and captures the chick like in ghouls and ghosts
he goes back to his cave and the bf follows with da speer gun
he finds the girl and the creatutre attacks
it picks him off the ground but the Mexican and other guy come in with guns and bust a cap in his fish a55
it goes under water and seemingly bites it
the end
that was good
I like 50s monster movies
good effects and enjoyable cr-p
its like a better done killer shews
for creature from the black lagoon 2 i'd like for the chick and bf to be married and pregnant but she has weird dreams o the water. when she poops out the baby, its a fish baby as the creature used its powers on her to turn her pregnant. also shes played by a really fat chick as the interspecies pregnancy caused her to blimp out and soon shes almost too big to walk like those blobs on my 600lb life and she can feel the fish babies in her uterus wiggling around and she's always gorging on really fattening foods from pregnancy cravings

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