Friday, May 19, 2017

The Phantom From 10 000 Leagues Review

note; spelling right isn't in the budget
The Phantom from 10,000 Leagues
this is my review on The Phantom from 10,000 Leagues
I'm mainly reviewing this cuz I hear its bad
it starts with a guy in a boat
THIS WEIRD A55 sea thing gets him
it looks kinda cool but kinda cr-ppy
then we get credits with music that sounds like a silent film
the boat guy winds up on the beach and a guy in a suit sees a possibly naked man escaping the body area
sounds like he was b0ning him
the suit guy was an investigator and saw the body had burns
wait its the other guy whos the investigator
I think
I'm already lost
they exchange info even though they are strangers
hope one of em don't track down and b0ne dead the other
they find a guy with a speargun who sez hes an oceanographer
the pi sez the speargun guy shouldn't dive and forget he was here
later a moustache guy comes home to his wife and is soaked from looking at ocean cr-p
hes worried about being spied on and hides when someone knocks on the door
its the suit guy
the woman sez her husband went to sleep but the suit guy don't buy it
turns out the moustache guy went out the window
later the moustache guy is looking at the beach and finds a turtle
the suit guy is found to have really been a scientist into deth rays and marine biology
later this janitor talks to a cougar (the female, not the cat) about how since the professor came by theres been weird cr-p happening
the suit guy in the office drops a paper piece and goes in a room saying he don't wanna be disturbed
another sciecne guy comes in. shows hes smart and wants to know ehat the suit guy is up to
the suit guy is the professor
later someone goes diving
in this lab some guy puts on a radio active suit and tests on the turtle
hes gonna turn it into gamera!
s he works on it, the sea monster nearly gets the diver
the suit guy was the 1 diving and he flirts with the girl who is actually the daughter of the moustache guy
he tells her to stay outta the water
the mostuoche guy was the one working on the turtle and the suit guy talks with him
moustache guy sez the ocean rules man
suit guy talks about the body having radiation burns
also the moustche guy knows the cougar was spying on him
he invites the suit guy to meet him later at his place
later suit guy stops by the place and the girl comes out of the shower
shes fully in towels yet acts like shes nude
we see her put on a strapless bra and dress
he zips her up
why is the zipper always on the back?
why not the front or side?
or just have the stuff stretch?
moustache guy returns and they talk about the area where the attacks were
moustache guy hasn't mapped the area and theres uranium underwater
and theres a sea serpent guarding it

they talk about activating hydrogen isotopes in heavy water
and the sea monster is man made
also its a mutant and suit guy sez he made a creature like it but iced it
they chat about science advancing since splitting da atom lie in most 50s things
also the monster was said to be sold to the highest bidder or something
suit guy tells him a guy is gonna go diving
despite being skeptical of suit guys words hes afraid for the safety for the guy going in
later moustache guy chats with the cougar about if execution is a fair punishment for treachery
well what about starscream??
later the other science guy chats with a blonde about selling something
he has 2 days b4 she goes to Europe
is she a soviet?
also he may be b0ning her
at night someone does something to scuba equipment
in a diner the cougar chats with the moustache guy
wait, its not the moustache guy
they plan to do something with a wax impression
but the blonde hears
the girl and someone(I cant tell who) go diving and split up
the sea thing sees em and they book it
wait, I think its a different couple
it gets em
 suit guy and girl find the new bodies
but the speargun guy fires and misses
so suit guy goes after him
yeah, that's smart
but spear gun drives away
he talks to who I think is the pi and sez the new bodies were worse burned
oh and he gives him the spear
they plan to have the suit guy draw the sea thing away from the radioactive light and pi investigates
th get ready to suba but theres a small white pill in his breathing thing and I think hes drugged
is that extasy?!
they go in anyway and find the sea thing
the swim away an return to da boat
une other guys, they get away
they plan to do something about the guy who f'd their scuba stuff
he confronts the moustache guy who claims the phantom (sea thing) is a myth
other scientist chats with the blonde and she sez he might not be useful to em
and he heard the cougar talking about him
I wasn't paying attention for a bit but later the cops come in saying the cougar bit it
and they blame the moustache guy
later they prove it was the other scence guy who iced her
man this cr-p goes on forever
the moustache guy sez the uranium thing is real and he don't wanna destroy it
so he asks for a 1 hour to think about it
hes probably gonna sacrifice himself or something gay to stop it
the cop goes up to the soviet and they fade out
I think they b0ned
later the girl asks where her moustache dad is
then a big ship goes over the uranium light hole
and asplodes
I don't think that's how it works
unless its full of gunpowder like in Halifax
the mostage guy goes tommy wiseau and trashes his lab
the janitor come in and see the rotted turtle
the pi and cop catch the other science guy
science guy sez da moustache guy planted something on da ocean
mouschae guy goies in the ocean and scubas
he blows up the ocean hole
see you in h-ll moustache guy
suit guy sez natrure has many secrets man mustn't disturb
and he took the secret with him
they walk off slowly as music plays
the end
man this movie is cr-p
it goes on forever
it drags
its only like 80 minutes but feels 3x that
1915 birth of a nation was engrossing and driven
that was made 50 years earlier and was 3 hours
the monster doesnt even really do anything!
it kills like 3 people and gets nuked
its only on screen for like 6 minutes
most of he film is bad melodrama and too many subplots
at least in the room tommy wiseau dropped most of em
and he had charisma
weird soviet Christopher walken charisma
btw I dont think the thing was from 10 000 leagues
its like 30 feet under water
they didn't even decompress to avoid the bends!!
for the phantom from 10 000 leagues 2 i'd like or the kamikaze the moustache guy did on the light thing actually opened it wider and allowed a gateway to h-ll to open and allow daemons to come out. they take over California as its already pretty evil and b0ne everyone. California is then sealed off with a holy spell to keep the bads out and it becomes h-ll on earth. also the moustache guy has turned evil and is sided with the daemons and is trying to tunnel out of California to Arizona to turn it evil too. and only a kung fu bishop with a holy axe can stop him by fighting through the invading forces and sealing the tunnels 1 at a time. also its a 16 bit action game like Spider-Man or phantom 2040 with various holy weapons and each area in Arizona is a level you gotta fight the invaders and a boss who holds the tunnel gate open. oh and the game boss is the turtle th science guy experimented on who is leading the invasion as the successor to the moustache guys will

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