Monday, May 22, 2017

Strait Jacket Review

Note; I'm also editing my Go Nagai Wiki While writing this. Theres typoes
Strait Jacket
This is my review on Dtrait Jacket
Its got Joan, "Crawl up my a55" Crawford
it was made after whatever happened to baby jane to cash in on its popularity
like street sharks did for tmnt
it starts qith trippy effects and joan Crawford being declared insane
irl she was mental
watch mommie dearest for more
we get a thing where it sez joans husband was b0ning some younger babe at their home
he thought his wife was out
but there was little carol there
a little girl they thought was sleeping
but she saw em b0ning
]oh and joan Crawford came home early and sees em in bed(but dressed)
f caps lock
so she gets an axe ad chops em up
its widescreen
then shes in a straight jacket and screaming shes not guilty
oh and her daughter carol saw it
years later the carol is living with her aunt and uncle (like wizard of oz(is that wat happened to Dorothy's rents??))
and joan is coming out of the nut house
we see joan ad it turns to a painting of her dat looks like Michael myers from Halloween
we get weird white on black paper paintings
man this is f'd up
its like something go nagai would do
holy cr-p its directed by William castle!!
I love his cr-p!!
joan reunites with carol and they are on a farm(again like oz)
joan hates seeing chickens caged
but if they aint the predators get em!
the carol keeps talking about butchering and slaughtering farm animals
but keeps catching herself
its like Seinfeld
also the carol makes sculptures of animals and has a boyfriend
she made a sculpture of her moms head
she also saved her moms jangly jewelry and photo album
but joan don't wanna see it yet
joan is gonna try sculpting but carol goes nuts when joan picks up a knife to sculpt
at dinner joan looks at a meat being cut up
if this were Austin powers it would have her going through a montage of cutting
like an emo guy or a baby getting circimsized
joan almost meets the bf but leaves
in the sculpting place is the album wit the husbands face cut out and a knife in it
later joan and carol go shopping and gets a wig
she looks like the Malcom mom again
the way she did 20 years ago
joan hears a song about her chopping up her husband and his gf but its really London bridges
she still freaks out
at night in bed she keeps remembering the rhyme and sees heads in bed and an axe
but when her bro gets there its gone
she assumes its a dream
later joan sees a guy chop off a chicken head and freaks out
when I was 4 my grampa chopped off a chickens head with an axe
it ran around spraying blood and died
later I saw it in the sink, plucked and giblets out
later we had lunch
12 years later I realised it
uwaaaaa! I ate dat bird!!
lter joan meets the bf and almost hits on him
shes drunk btw
they gt a phone call but its for the mom
its her dr and he wants to see her
joan freaks out
later the dr comes by and checks on joan
the uncle and aunt go off to a dinner party or something
he tas to joan and she gets nervous
he asks if she had any dreams and she goes mental and runs of
dr talks to carol and sez her acting like her past self is a sign shes mental
carol sez its her fault and dr sez he came here to test her reactions to stress
also if she gets triggered she might kill people
back then warning something might "trigger her" is normal
but after tumblr...
later someone (I think da dr) goes in the barn and gets chopped up with an axe
later the joan talks to the carol about how when she dresses like its 20 years ago, she goes nuts
also she don't know where the dr is
but his car is still there
later the carol locks up the barn or something
but a guy goes after it after shes left
later the carol gets a phoe call saying the dr is missing
joan gets nervous ad she calms joan and sez she wont et them take her back
later the carol confronts a scuzzy guy painting the drs car
he sez its his car and implies he knows things
she fires him
but he sez hes gonna stay
oh and the bf stops by to pick up the carol
carol talks about problems with her mom
the scy guy goes by laundry and goes in a building
the door closes and he sees chopped up pigs behind glass
he finds a body in the freezer and someone (who we only see the shadow of) wacks his head off
its sorta german expressionist
later they are going to a party but joan don't wanna go
but shes turned to going in her 20 years ago look
later they are getting changed (joan crawford in her undies!!!!) after spilling coffee on herself and freaks out in a Beetlejuice triped room
but the carol helps her
at the party joan admits she was in the nut house bit this b--ch rides her a55 until she snaps and yells a lot
joan grabs the b--ch but (oh its her bf's rents) and the bf's mom (the b--ch) pushes her off and calls her insane
Crawford goes mental and runs out
they look for her but the bfs rents are worried about da bf
da bfs dad goes upstairs and closes the door to get undressed
but theres no one else in the house!!
just go around in yo undies!
he sees a door close and follows it for a few secs b4 going back to his room
just waste him already!
he goes In the closest and a chick offs his head
but he wasn't even a bad guy
well, neither was the dr
this is a good slasher film
the bfs mom goes upstairs and sees a head
but its just a bust of a guy
she looks around wih several false scares b4 finding the husbands bod
then joan comes out with an axe
then another joan comes out and they fight
1 joan was carol in a mask
da bf comes in and joan leaves
carol sez she planned it and blamed it on her as joans nuts
that makes 2 of em
she did it as the bfs rents would object to the marriage
also the heads on the pillow in the dream thing and hid em when he left
also the rhyme joan heard was a tape recording in her purse
she wasted the dr and scuzzy guy for getting in her way
joan never knew and only went back to say sorry for p-ssing off the rents
now joan is gonna spend time with the carol in the nut house to help her
as joan was out for 20 years and the carol hates her for chopping up her dad in front of her
the end
that was pretty good
when watching this on tcm they mentioned after it that joan Crawford often had mother/daughter issues in her films
kinda makes sense after Christina (who shares my birthday and name) Crawford got fd by joan with her mentalness
I wanna see mommie dearest
for strait jacket 2 i'd like it to be a nut house movie (prison movie) with a dreamlike atmosphere and carol going nuts and having random phantasies of various adventures against various joan Crawford monsters who try to b0ne her dead. also its a 16 bit platformer on sega genesis and super Nintendo where you go through various areas and joan crawform monsters are the bosses in each level in a weird cabinet of dr caligari nightmare neon world

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