Monday, May 8, 2017

Reign Of Fire Review

note:i cant not un non spell not un reverse badless
reign of fire
this is my review of reign of fire(2002)
its by touchtone who did nightmare before Christmas
I didn't see this film until the 2010s my 1st time
aw gay
matthew mcconehguy
he s-cked
it starts with credits and birds
ooh, Gerald butler is in here
b4 his 6 packs and speedos days as 300
so its soviet England and this kid who looks like the kid from the omen goes by a construction site to see his dad
I should mention the film has a ash pallet
grays, blacks, and charred colors
but its not too dark
theres good lighting and isn't as cr-ppy as modern films
I think this was recorded on real film instead of cr-ppy digital
so the kid sees his mom and he needs 3000 brit money to pay for scholarship
they don't got it but maybe dad can pay
then the dig team opens a hollow area and this guy sends the kid (Quinn) (isn't that a girls name??)(maybe hes a hermaphrodite)(this isn't an anime) into it
he finds a big a55 dragon wo blasts him with clear fluid
so he gets the h-ll outta there
spoiler; I think the fluid is j-zz
the dragon nukes the place as the mom and boy go up the elevator
the dragon goes by and it wastes her
then Christian bale b4 his batman days  narrates the next dozen years or so about them wiping out mankind and destroy civilization
they wiped out the dinosaurs and the ash caused ice ages
in real life it was noahs flood
its the distant future year 2020
which isn as distant or future nowadays
people live in a sunny yet ashen wasteland and worry about dragon attacks
so its mad max with dragons
although violence jack had the slum king's elite dragon force
so this guy wants to harvest yet christain(quin) wants to wait til they can make seeds for next year
they are trying to outlast the dragons
later Gerald butler reenacts star wars ep 5 with luke and vader for kids
Quinn sez he made it up
weird how Disney did this and now they poop out star wars movies
they then pray about how they keep watching the skys
that's not a prayer
that's a sci fi movie
then some guys go on a night run
btw they live in a castle
this whole movie is a modern day knights and dragons story
we just need a princess
use Olivia de haviland
she was 88 when this came out
but she had experience
this kid tells qwin that theres dragon breath
then its day and the harvest guys from b4 are picking their garden
someone sees something and telegraphs the castle to get the people under ground
why are there so many kids?!
I think one of em did a lot of b0ning after the dragons attacked
maybe thought; the worlds gonna end, might as well b0ne!
so this dragon torches the crop and eats a guy
they do a roll call t see if theyre all here
I don't care about these dinks names
they're all toast anyway
so the dragin traps em in fire and they're saved by a guy in a heat proof suit and water blaster
oh its quin
they put out da flame but the crop is ash
oh and the dragon toasts abother guy
theres some chaos as they get away and quin sez da draghon only wants the ash from the field
back home butler drinks booze and Quinn gets bummed over things going down
he then has viet nam flashbacks to being 8 when it started
later some tanks come by and this Viking looking guy comes out
he looks bad a55
hes probably irish
brits aint known for mANLyness
except the chix and Churchill
ohh, hes a confederate fron Kentucky!
aw gay
its matthew mcconahy
his nams van zant (like the annoying black chick from degrassi) so I assume hes Austrian
he lost most of his men and fuel and needs a place to crash
he has a dragon fang from wasting one
he tells how he found in day and night they have great vision
but at the border between them they s-ck
qwin lets him in
hes VZ for van zant
butler don't trust vz but quin does
oh and they got a chopper
oh and theres a chick with em
she has guys who jump out of a chopper and snare dragons w/o parachutes
like using dire diamond wolfs effect to blow up 1 card on each side of the field
quin has guards watching em round da clock
later he tells lex about how he saved kids over the years
the a dragon is sighted and they go after it
it headbutts the chopper and eats a guy
the guy falls and it chases him
and its a few guys
the net its wings bt it gets out
1 guy hits dirt
another parachutes out
vz has quin lure the dragon to him on horseback
vz takes it out with his harpoon cannon
theres a shot of him jumping from a flame that was made for the trailers
and him landing and looking by the camera
they celebrate that ight but vz tells em they lost 3 guys and hes offended
later lexi tells quin that all dragons are girls and only 1 male j-zzes on all the eggs
that's super inbreeding
also it sprays chemicals out each side of the mouth that mix to form nitro napalm
if they ice the male, it goes extinct
the good guys are killing a male rare animal to wipe out a species
and nature destroyed the world
and thousands of women are meaningless w/o their main man
nowadays this would be attacked by commies who hate men/humans/sanity
but this was b4 tumblr so people were less demented
oh and the male is living where qquins mom got iced
vz gets volunteers to fight but qwin fight him
ur going against a real soldier
its like liberals assaulting people who disagree with em
and the people actually fought b4
so qwin gets his a55 kicked
the kid qwin saved years ago joins vz as an angel)the divers)(oh and they do have parachutes, they just have 17 secs to use em b4 ground impact) and qwin sez if he stays with him a few more years, the kid(a teen really) can lead em
years under the dragons foot?
or a shot to end em and be free?
laterqwin is going through the garden ash and reunites with the teen
they say the stink of dead dragon keeps em away
so later the dragon fights vz and his droogs and fries em
the scene of the dragon blasting em was for the trailor
vz survives
just him left and lexi returnz
then the dragon attax da castle
qwn returns to see it burning and the drag leaving
this has a bit of a nightmare b4 Christmas feel to it
qwin and the teen save the kids inside
butler locks him and the kids in a safe room
like toki in Hokuto no ken with kenshiro and yuria
later they're let out by vz
he tells qwin dat qwin was right
I think buter bit it offscreen
qwin vz and alexis go to the city and qwin somehow remembers how the city is above and below ground after all these years
all the girl dragons leave and the 3 emperors or Iliaster go in to assassinate the guy
vz has volatile crossbow heads
the only way to beat the boss is to stand in 50 feet of its mouth and nai it in the chest or neck or w/e
sounds like a good boss battle
in crystalis you fight that dragon boss
they sneak through the wreckage and split up
also they time their movements in the drags flying over the area
they split up but qwin dropped da arrows
vz attacks the dragon but it blasts the arrow and blows it
he jumps at it with a big axe but gets eaten
oh and alexis is crippled somehow
and they still don't have the arrows
and the dragons chasing em on the ground
I gotta say it looks pretty good
better than the cgi cr-p we get now
qwin gets an arrow and it takes time to load his bow
so lexi runs by with gunfire
I thought she hurt her leg
they standoff and he fires it in its throat and asplodes the dragon
yuu ween!
they return to the castle or something and make a monument to signal people theres people here
people come but they speak French
qwinn sez da teen is in charge
oh and they aint seen dragons in 3 weeks or months or something
qwinn and lexy walk off together to start a new future
the end
the credits have kind of a late 90s early 00s song that's pretty good
honestly, I liked this
its not the most heartfelt or epic
but it gets the job done
a good turn of the century wasteland warrior movie
it has English, scots and americans teaming up to save the world
its not too violent or swearing and theres no nude scenes or b0ning
although Christian bale got j-zzed on as a kid
surprised they had that
gay interspecies cr-p with a kid
that's f'd up
Disney? more like j-zzney!
but I liked it
give this movie a try
oh and theres not an overload of cgi
I liked the late 90s early 00s
wait, howd the dragons get out of the earth to stop the dinosaurs and do the ice age if they were buried 150 feet underground in England!?
this only seems to make sense if it is creationist
as they would only be out once instead of living millions of years and coming up a few times
yeah, that main dragon is either a few thousand or hundreds of millions of years old
as theres only 1 male
for reign of fire 2 id like it if things are rebuilding but a group of self hating humans arises who say its natures design for the dragons to purge everything. they want to wipe out humans in hopes that it will make up for them wiping out the dragon race. also they no longer see themselves as humans, but as the next line of dragons who must carry their legacy. and its a tribe war between the good humans and the self hating humans. also they have exo suits that are gear and spring based that are basically armor that gives em longer reach and spring loaded crossbow attacks and hidden blades. also its a 16 bit beat em up on sega genesis and snes where you play as either the good humans fighting for survival, or the self hating humans who try to wipe em out. ad each side has super armor and dragon scale coated weapons that are bosses.

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