Saturday, May 13, 2017

East Of Eden Review

note;spelling good aint not un non worth it
east of eden
this is my review on east of eden
its by elia Kazan and has james dean
its based on a book by john Steinbeck
it starts with several minutes of overture and water and rocks
man this is really widescreen
half the screen is black bars
after some credits text sez its in 1917 north California
james dead I mean dead(that was an honest typo) seems disgruntled and a chick deposits cash at the back
didn't new cutey honey start like this?
he follows the chick
she goes inside her home and this teen chick is cleaning the steps
she gets the teen inside and tells her husband about james following her
the husband confronts him d he sez he just wants to talk to her
is this a horror movie?
he seems like a talker
he asks husband more about the chick, ez he hates her , then jump on a train
wtf was dat about??
later a teen couple talks about cal being a prowler
then they meet james dean (cal) and invite him to some thing
james dean comes home as his dad talks about a mastodon frozen in Russia for thousands of years and the meat was stll good
I heard the guy who ate it said its the worst thing he put in his mouth
dad sez freezing things keeps em fresh and anything can be frozen fresh
irl that's not true
it also matters how u freeze it
james dean sez in America gets into war they can make a lot off beans and corn
too bad they sided with the brits
kaizer forever!!
james dean smokes near a place full of sawdust
in the ice area james dean watches his bro and bros gf(the teens from b4) being happy
he seems really disgruntled and pulls out an ice hook and stabs ice
that's f'd up
this guys gonna be a serial killer
he the dumps a lot of good ice down the chute and busts it
later the dad reads the bible with his sons and tries to help malcontent dean
so james dean is the bad son
and the brother is the god son
he asks dean to read a few verses to help him understand but he f's it up on purpose
his dad gets p-ssed and sez hes bad, then sez sorry for speaking in anger
dad sez; we can be what we choose to be as we aint animals
james dean sez his mom is still alive
dad sez he told the sons that to spare them pain
and she was hateful and awful
and he tells james dean not to tell his bro
dad has a scar from the indian campaigns
dad sez she went east and he ever heard from her
never, eat, santas...
oh that's east
they talk about moms beauty
dean walks out as his dad bes him not to go
he goes to a bar and meets the daughter of the bank chick working there
she tells him to book it and they go to a back room to talk about the bank chick(kate)
he asks about her hands(which his dad sed his mom has ivory pretty hands) and she sez kate wore gloves
se tells james dean she needs this job and he keeps lingering and goes to a back room
when he opens a door his shadow shows beside him in good german expressionism like nosferatu
he talks to this chick but she has him thrown out
some purvurt sneaks into my room, i'd f him dead!
they have him arrested
he sez he was seeing his own mother
the sheriff talks to james dean and sez hes a riend of his dads
he shows james dean a photo of deans rents o their wedding day
james dean sez he knows his mom ad him are bad
and he hates his rents
oh, edgy
hes just a malcontent teen
its like degrassi
sheriff sez she shot him and her leaving him killed him inside
james thinks he hurt her but sheriff sez hes the kindest man around
jams deans dad (adam)(we get it, its all bible refs) freezes veggies saying if he can keep em cold enuff long enuff it'll work
later the fam and workers are doing veggies and james dean does something right
his dad compliments his good work
james dean goes to a field and chats with the bros gf about her family cr-p
she was p-ssed off and mental over her dad remarrying
she threw his ring for his new wife in the river
she forgave him for "not understanding"
she put her own malcontentary over her dads happiness in finding love after loss
what a b--ch
dad gets mad at a bad move dean did
later adam is explained how cars work to buy 1
the dad pcks up fast
man, cars were complex in the 1900s
later the ice packed lettuce has melted and water flows out the car
wouldn't it have melted bit by bit an already dripped out?
did someone nuke it with a blast of ki like in dbz?
later james dean talks to a guy about beans as "war is good for business"
its also awful, kills people, and ruins countries
but james dean only cares about cash
they talk about buying beans and growing em and cr-p I don't fully get
I'm not a farmer, my grampa was
later in the fog james dean meets the bank chick
tells her their names are caleb and arron from the bible
didn't wanna go with cain and abel?
thought that would be too obvious?
is james dean gonna kill someone??
he asks the bank chick for 5000$
they go in her place and talk about his and his bros life
they both hate ranches
he sez beans are gonna go up in price when they go to war and adam lost it all in lettuce
she sez that she heard he thinks she otta be run outta town
she sez she isn't gonna disturb his family
he asks her why she shot him
he sez cuz adam tried to keep her "tied down" on a farm
marriage is "for better or worse" not "until I get bored"
she goes on a tirade and seez it as ironic that her cash is gonna help the man who she ditched
se sez; hes the purest man I evr met, and I'm paying you to save his purity
is that implying he's gotta turn to being a h00ker to pay back cash??
then they go to war with zee kaizer!
too bad they didn't side with em
would've prevented ww2
they have a military parade and everyones cocky
when ww1 started, they thought they'd be home in a few weeks
it went on several years
besides, the serbs started it
that malcontent killing Franz Ferdinand and his woman
ow they have a statue in his honor in Serbia
yet americans having confederate statues is seen as bad
the war goes on ad the germans do well
so malcontent americans turn on their german descended neighbors who's dna wasn't in Germany for decades
u wanted this james dean
u wanted the money
u didn't think of the victims
later theres a carnival and james dean hangs out with his bros gf
1 guy spreads anti german propaganda
dean and bros gf ride a ferris wheel and she talks about being unbalanced about her feelings with the bro
he thinks shes special and perfect cuz he never new his mother and projects his views on her
he just has hope
thinking positive
why is that bad?!
then james dean makes out with his bros gf
but she breaks down saying she loves the bro
he sees some people harassing a german American and dean climbs doen the ferris wheel
the bro defends the german guy but the town is full of anger aND HAtE
they read a letter saying one townies son bit it in the war, ad they blame him
that's racist
they start tearing up his place but the sheriff comes in and stops em
this makes me glad slovenija never goes to war
or really even makes the news
unless one of us wins a skiing thing
the bro sees the gf carrying deans coat and tells dean off
ean beats him up
what a d-ck
oh and in the chaos of the german attack dean slugged people
bro goes off and dean sez he tried to kill him
the gf sez that she wishes the kiss didn't mean anything
later dean is drunk and goes to the guy hes doing the beans with to get money
but the guy sez it'll be there tomorrow
then dean goes to the gf and sez he earned back all the cash adam lost
he sez he sez he wants to throw a party and give dad the cash
what are you playing at??
wont he wonder where you got it?
drugs? b0ning for cash? wacking people??
later everythings set up and the gf sez the bro got the dad something
james dan thinks it womt stack up to his gift
also hes drunk
later the dad is on the draft board and talks to a guy about letting his son stay home ad help with the crops
dad comes in and they say happy b day
he gives him the cash
b4 he pens it, the good bro comes out to his dad and sez hes engaged to the gf
dad sez he cant think of anything nicer
dean gives him the cash he made buying "futures' on beans at 5 cents and made a lot of cash off it
adam se he wants him to give the cash back as it was made off of the pain and suffering of the innocent
dean snaps and breaks own and hugs dad in a weird way
he sez he hates adam an runs out b--ching
he thinks adam don't want anything from him

man, james dean's a real D(-ck)
he only thinks of his own cr-p and not his hurting family
what a d-ck
I now he tried but he doesn't get how his dad feels
like giving a fur coat to a PETA a55 hole
the bro tells james dean offt putting up wthhi crual vicious cr-p for years but this is enough
he ants deanto stay away from his gf
dean snaps and tells him their mom is still alive
he reveals once he shot a rabbit and the bro cried
hes killing animals for fun?! that's the sign of a serial killer!
he brings his bro to see their mom all rotted like a jack o latern
the music is really good
shows the tension and horror
he pushes his bro on her and locks em in a room together
does he want them to b0ne?!
james dean is f'd up!!
he goes home and swings on a swing the camera is off kilter
he accuses adam of not loving any of em
he sez hes jealous and is done with him and all love
what a b--ch
the dad has enough of his cr-p and kills him
that would be a good ending though
like Richard mcbeef
he really sez "let him go" and the gf goes after him
then the sheriff sez the good bro got drunk, got in fights, and is signing up for the war to bite it
adam tries to save his son but the son busts his head on a window and laughs as it takes him away
then adam has a stroke
holy f james dean! you destroyed your family!
dean might skip town
man, the fam was happy hours ago
james dean r-ped it dead
dean confronts his possible vegetable dad and sez hes sorry
the gf sez she knows he understands her
she sez its awful not being loved
he needs a sign hes loved or hes f'd
if he asks for something from james dean it will fix him
james dean talks to his dad about having choices and adam asks dean to get him another nurse as he hates this one
james dea sez he ant stand the nurse either and somehow this fixes everything
he asks james dean to help take care of him
the end
holy cr-p,the sheriff was burl ives
he narrator in Rudolf the red nosed reindeer.
and the dad was john brown in santa fe trail
and was scarlet pimpernel
and the old dark house
that was a good film
but james dean is just a d-ck in there
I can tel the dad tries but dean just destroyed him
it reminds me a bit of miles and his dad in degrassi
only they are more fair to the dad
for east of eden 2 i'd like it if the brother who snapped is in ww1 and is ot only killing the enemy, but eating them. all the protein from the people he eats, plus overexerting himself cause him to be big and buff like Hollywood Hulk Hogan and when the war ends, he cant stop killing people and eating them. soon he's a menace going from town to town tearing people up and eating them, as he makes his way back to james dean, who has sold his soul to daemons for black powers to heal his dad(ho rejected the powers and asploded from his goodness not working with them. eventually he makes it to dean (who owns California and has turned it into new Sodom with b0ning and killing not stop) and tears his way through his men to face dean to avenge his family. its also a platform/beat em up hybrid on sea genesis and super Nintendo and you play as the brother fighting his way through the places with dark lord james dean as the final boss.

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